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BDSM vs SWINGING - 6/2/2007 7:43:13 AM   
princessisabella


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Joined: 5/20/2007
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Will someone please tell me if you consider swinging to be part of the BDSM lifestyle. I always thought they were two toally different lifestyles. The reason i ask is because i keep getting e-mails from older males telling me how they want to claim me, collar me as their own, and then share me with their friends and strangers. I don't get it. Why bother claiming me and going to the trouble of collaring me if they just want to share me with any male that comes along. Are we nothing more than whores and sluts to these males? When i questioned them about this they all say the same thing, that it's considered swinging and very much a part of BDSM. I'd just like to have it clarified by more than just these males.
 
For the record, anyone reading this, if that is what you want, please pass me by. Any e-mails telling me that is what you have in store me me, will only get you blocked.
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RE: BDSM vs SWINGING - 6/2/2007 7:47:22 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
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From: West Palm Beach, FL
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two different things

but some people incorporate both

so if you are ok with being passed around as a sex toy & feel that by doing so you have submitted to someone then this may be just your thing. If you seek to have a monogamous relationship then don't engage in conversations with people who wish to pass you around

_____________________________

MstrssPassion


(in reply to princessisabella)
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RE: BDSM vs SWINGING - 6/2/2007 7:51:11 AM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
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Life is what you make of it, this isnt much different. 
Choose what YOU want and stick with it. 

My best to you ..... 


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The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

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RE: BDSM vs SWINGING - 6/2/2007 7:55:02 AM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
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i just think it all falls under the umbrella of "alternative"  

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to Quivver)
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RE: BDSM vs SWINGING - 6/2/2007 7:58:59 AM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
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There a number of ways a submissive/slave can be shared in the BDSM lifestyle
  • S&M, Bondage, Scene play without Sex
  • Service slave, to clean house or other tasks
  • Obvious sexual reasons 
  • Breeding purposes
  • Submissive to a Dom couple
  • Poly household setting.
Sharing can be somewhat different when compared to swinging.

< Message edited by WhiplashSmile -- 6/2/2007 8:06:58 AM >

(in reply to princessisabella)
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RE: BDSM vs SWINGING - 6/2/2007 8:03:45 AM   
szobras


Posts: 435
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  Some choose to mix the two, some do not. Swinging to me is about the sharing of sexual activity being the primary focus and shared with other partners, whereas BDSM may be incorporated.
Visa versa, various sexual activities may be incorporated into the primary focus of BDSM.

(in reply to Quivver)
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RE: BDSM vs SWINGING - 6/2/2007 8:18:24 AM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline

Swinging, which used to be called wife-swapping back when most couples were married, is not a part of BDSM. Although, you can certainly be a BDSM swinging couple and enjoy both.  Swinging is an alternative lifestyle but, it is strictly about having sex and doesn't have to include any Bondage&Discipline or SadoMasochism (BDSM). Swinging is simply when two (or more) couples get together and basically have group sex together. That's all that swinging is.  There are lots and lots of "vanilla swingers" in the world.
 
As far as being owned and then being lent out to others, some owners feel that, as their property, they can decide what to do with you and that includes letting others use you. That's why it is so very important to discuss all aspects of what the owner will expect from the property BEFORE you say "Yes, I will accept your collar and become your property." Ask and ask some more, until you feel comfortable about what exactly you will be getting into.
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David


quote:

ORIGINAL: princessisabella
Will someone please tell me if you consider swinging to be part of the BDSM lifestyle. I always thought they were two toally different lifestyles. The reason i ask is because i keep getting e-mails from older males telling me how they want to claim me, collar me as their own, and then share me with their friends and strangers. I don't get it. Why bother claiming me and going to the trouble of collaring me if they just want to share me with any male that comes along. Are we nothing more than whores and sluts to these males? When i questioned them about this they all say the same thing, that it's considered swinging and very much a part of BDSM. I'd just like to have it clarified by more than just these males.

(in reply to princessisabella)
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RE: BDSM vs SWINGING - 6/2/2007 8:28:43 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: princessisabella


Will someone please tell me if you consider swinging to be part of the BDSM lifestyle. I always thought they were two toally different lifestyles. The reason i ask is because i keep getting e-mails from older males telling me how they want to claim me, collar me as their own, and then share me with their friends and strangers. I don't get it. Why bother claiming me and going to the trouble of collaring me if they just want to share me with any male that comes along. Are we nothing more than whores and sluts to these males? When i questioned them about this they all say the same thing, that it's considered swinging and very much a part of BDSM. I'd just like to have it clarified by more than just these males.
 
For the record, anyone reading this, if that is what you want, please pass me by. Any e-mails telling me that is what you have in store me me, will only get you blocked.


Like MstrssPassion stated... they are seperate lifestyles but there is crossovers on occassions.

I also like what WhiplashSmile writes in opening the concept of what is exactly shared.

I been in the Swinging lifestyle and the BDSM lifestyle.  I personally can appreciate the significant differences of each and see how when they start to combine that the lines can get alittle blurry for some.

Lastly... it appears that you have been exchanging emails or chats with online fools.  Attempting to take anything they have to say on the subject will be more than alittle foolish.  Most often these individuals are just trying to play with their fantasies while their partner(wife) is doing the laundry or sleeping. 

If you are actaully open-minded to understanding why some engage in these activities.. then take the time to find some creditible individuals that engage in the activities and ask them about it.  But, it appears to me that you really not interested in understanding the issue.  You just want to vent about these fools that send you these unsolicated offers.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to princessisabella)
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RE: BDSM vs SWINGING - 6/2/2007 9:02:22 AM   
SingleRarity


Posts: 320
Joined: 9/13/2006
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While I know many couples in the lifestlye who do, swinging is not necessarily part of BDSM. There are also plenty of monogamous kinky couples out there living perfectly happy lives, and if that is the kind of relationship you want, then just make that clear to people and don't listen to them when they try to convince you to settle for something other than what will make you happy.

(in reply to princessisabella)
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RE: BDSM vs SWINGING - 6/2/2007 9:23:00 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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Ds is not the same as bdsm- but they can be easily combined.

Polyamory is not the same as Ds- but they can be easily combined.

Gorean is not the same as Ds- but they can be easily combined.

Swinging is not the same as Ds- but they can be easily combined.

I could go on...but you get the idea.

Just remember, what most people are looking for is NOT what you will find attractive in some way or other.  No need to block people because you're incompatible, just say no thanks and move on.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1016800/mpage_1/key_swinging/tm.htm#1016828
Mixing Lifestyles

http://www.collarchat.com/m_566255/mpage_1/key_swinging/tm.htm#566423
Mixed functions...Ds and swinging?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_236085/mpage_1/key_swinging/tm.htm#236570
1 femdom to another:  swing clubs?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_32045/mpage_1/key_swinging/tm.htm#32045
Swinging and the scene

http://www.collarchat.com/m_294186/mpage_1/key_swinging/tm.htm#294186
Swinging parties and you


_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to princessisabella)
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RE: BDSM vs SWINGING - 6/2/2007 9:30:13 AM   
fairerthanshe


Posts: 3035
Joined: 1/18/2007
Status: offline
What LA said!

Oh, and, Gor is not a part of BDSM and there is no connection whatsoever between the two...sorry, its part of the kajira contract to state this as many times as possible in the General Boards in order to rank up...j/k folks - take a deep breath...

winks ~ fairer


_____________________________

The Nuclear Bomb of Awesome, rockin' the MoFo Hawk, still a bad-ass with a bouncy attitude, and spreading joy as a predator in Hello Kitty panties

Recently honored with membership in the West Coast Assholes

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: BDSM vs SWINGING - 6/2/2007 9:50:43 AM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline
Looks like Bull isn't the only one "full of oats" today! ROFL!!!!!

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to fairerthanshe)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: BDSM vs SWINGING - 6/2/2007 9:53:21 AM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: princessisabella
Will someone please tell me if you consider swinging to be part of the BDSM lifestyle. I always thought they were two toally different lifestyles.

I don't consider swinging to be part of the BDSM lifestyle, though the two lifestyles can be combined. 

quote:


The reason i ask is because i keep getting e-mails from older males telling me how they want to claim me, collar me as their own, and then share me with their friends and strangers. I don't get it. Why bother claiming me and going to the trouble of collaring me if they just want to share me with any male that comes along. Are we nothing more than whores and sluts to these males? When i questioned them about this they all say the same thing, that it's considered swinging and very much a part of BDSM. I'd just like to have it clarified by more than just these males.


It's obvious you are getting emails from Guys that miss you are "here to learn more and find out if you have what it takes to be a real submissive".  You are probally getting a ton of email in your inbox from a lot of guys right now, including idiots. There are many people that have monagamous relationships in BDSM as well as those that don't.  It's OK if you don't want to be shared. Basically BDSM encompasses and is about the following;
  • Bondage
  • Discipline
  • Dominance and Submission (D/s)
  • S&M

You don't even have to have sex to be involved in a BDSM relationship, if you want get down to the core of what BDSM is about.  BDSM is technically not about sex.  It's just that most people combine Sex with BDSM.  You can do anything on the list above without sex involved, let alone trying to drag swinging into the mix.   

In regards to sharing/swinging some Doms want this, and others Do not want this.  This is where this issue becomes an aspect of a D/s relationship.   This is where it's best Dom/mes and submissives to share common views on many aspects of BDSM and life in general.   Any Dom that simply wants to collar a submissive without first finding out if they share common views is not living in reality.  BDSM relationships are like any other relationships, you need to have things in common for it to work out.

There are some men that have turned to BDSM thinking it's a quick easy alternative after a number of failed relationships. They come online expecting to pick up some easy slave girl that will put up with their mindless bullshit.  These same guys tend to believe that submissives/slaves are whores or sluts, hence why they expect to pick up some easy slave girl.

In terms of the sexual sharing of a sub/slave with others there are a number of reasons related to BDSM.
  • Humiliation/Degradation (S&M reasons) - where it makes the sub/slave feel like a slutty whore.
    However some slave/subs don't feel humilated or degraded by it, so the reason for doing this kind of backfires on the Dom/Master.
  • Test level Submissions (D/s reasons) - see if the sub/slave is willing to do anything their Dom/Master requests.
  • Removal of Pussy Power (D/s and S&M reasoning) - they want to reinforce their control over your body, including control over your pussy.  Simply put it's a form of humiliation designed to keep the submissive in check and from attempting to control the Dom/Master using "Pussy Power".   
  • Sexual Turn on factors (D/s reasoning) -  Where the Dom/Master is sexually turned on by sharing a women with others. Gives the Dom pleasure in seeing or knowing about it.
  • Rewarding sub/slave (D/s reasoning) - Some women simply enjoy being shared or experiencing swinging or being shared, so the Dom/Master will reward the submissive by catering to her own sexual desires.  Called this a form of controlled cheating, where the Dom/Master is in control of it instead of the sub/slave.

There are probally a number of other reasons why Dom/Masters share a sub/slave these were just a few I could think of off the top of my head, and where they fit under the BDSM categories in terms of reasoning.  I'm just trying to provide you with a little insight to why a Dom/Master shares a sub/slave sexually with others.  Again, this is not for everybody in the lifestyle while for some it is.

quote:


For the record, anyone reading this, if that is what you want, please pass me by. Any e-mails telling me that is what you have in store me me, will only get you blocked.

You should consider updating your profile with this.

< Message edited by WhiplashSmile -- 6/2/2007 9:56:28 AM >

(in reply to princessisabella)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: BDSM vs SWINGING - 6/2/2007 10:15:36 AM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Ds is not the same as bdsm- but they can be easily combined...
.....
Gorean is not the same as Ds- but they can be easily combined.
.....


I've always understood BDSM to represent the following?
  • BDSM - Bondage & Discipline
  • BDSM - Dominance & Submission
  • BDSM - S&M

Damn it, my BDSM for Dummies Book is crap, I want my money back! 


(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: BDSM vs SWINGING - 6/2/2007 10:18:03 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
LOL the camp is pretty divided on that.  I do not include Ds with bdsm.  Many people do.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: BDSM vs SWINGING - 6/2/2007 10:20:23 AM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fairerthanshe

What LA said!

Oh, and, Gor is not a part of BDSM and there is no connection whatsoever between the two...sorry, its part of the kajira contract to state this as many times as possible in the General Boards in order to rank up...j/k folks - take a deep breath...

winks ~ fairer


Good thing you were just kidding  else we'd have to give you good proper Gorean slave punishment!  Death by Impalement...

(in reply to fairerthanshe)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: BDSM vs SWINGING - 6/2/2007 10:46:13 AM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
LOL the camp is pretty divided on that.  I do not include Ds with bdsm.  Many people do.

Actually, I think it would be less confusing and easier for many people if D/s was not included.  I believe it is over emphasized and spills into the other areas of BDSM.  You don't have to have a D/s relationship to be involved in the BDSM lifestyle.  There are a number of BDSM misconceptions resulting from D/s being in the mix where it should not be. 

< Message edited by WhiplashSmile -- 6/2/2007 10:52:18 AM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: BDSM vs SWINGING - 6/2/2007 11:31:34 AM   
ELUSIVE1


Posts: 536
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavegirljoy


Swinging, which used to be called wife-swapping back when most couples were married, is not a part of BDSM. Although, you can certainly be a BDSM swinging couple and enjoy both.  Swinging is an alternative lifestyle but, it is strictly about having sex and doesn't have to include any Bondage&Discipline or SadoMasochism (BDSM). Swinging is simply when two (or more) couples get together and basically have group sex together. That's all that swinging is.  There are lots and lots of "vanilla swingers" in the world.
 
As far as being owned and then being lent out to others, some owners feel that, as their property, they can decide what to do with you and that includes letting others use you. That's why it is so very important to discuss all aspects of what the owner will expect from the property BEFORE you say "Yes, I will accept your collar and become your property." Ask and ask some more, until you feel comfortable about what exactly you will be getting into.
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David


quote:

ORIGINAL: princessisabella
Will someone please tell me if you consider swinging to be part of the BDSM lifestyle. I always thought they were two toally different lifestyles. The reason i ask is because i keep getting e-mails from older males telling me how they want to claim me, collar me as their own, and then share me with their friends and strangers. I don't get it. Why bother claiming me and going to the trouble of collaring me if they just want to share me with any male that comes along. Are we nothing more than whores and sluts to these males? When i questioned them about this they all say the same thing, that it's considered swinging and very much a part of BDSM. I'd just like to have it clarified by more than just these males.

Good of you to clarify what is and isn't bdsm for all of us here.........PPPPFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTT

_____________________________

"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality"

*Poe

http://alt.com/blog/ELUSIVE1NC
http://users.adultspace.com/ELUSIVE1NC/


(in reply to slavegirljoy)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: BDSM vs SWINGING - 6/2/2007 11:34:24 AM   
fairerthanshe


Posts: 3035
Joined: 1/18/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

quote:

ORIGINAL: fairerthanshe

What LA said!

Oh, and, Gor is not a part of BDSM and there is no connection whatsoever between the two...sorry, its part of the kajira contract to state this as many times as possible in the General Boards in order to rank up...j/k folks - take a deep breath...

winks ~ fairer


Good thing you were just kidding  else we'd have to give you good proper Gorean slave punishment!  Death by Impalement...


Yes, but impaled on what?  That is the question!

winks ~ fairer


_____________________________

The Nuclear Bomb of Awesome, rockin' the MoFo Hawk, still a bad-ass with a bouncy attitude, and spreading joy as a predator in Hello Kitty panties

Recently honored with membership in the West Coast Assholes

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: BDSM vs SWINGING - 6/2/2007 3:38:14 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
LOL the camp is pretty divided on that.  I do not include Ds with bdsm.  Many people do.

Actually, I think it would be less confusing and easier for many people if D/s was not included.  I believe it is over emphasized and spills into the other areas of BDSM.  You don't have to have a D/s relationship to be involved in the BDSM lifestyle.  There are a number of BDSM misconceptions resulting from D/s being in the mix where it should not be. 


i agree that when people insert the D/s into BDSM, it does cloud the waters.  i have been involved in BDSM since the mid 70's and i have known plenty of people who were into B&D and/or S&M who were not D/s, at all, and i have known plenty of D/s couples who were very vanilla & had nothing at all to do with B&D or S&M.  i have even seen where some try to insert M/s into BDSM. 
 
i have always known D/s & M/s to be relationship-types that could include BDSM or not and have known BDSM to be a form of kinky sexual behavior that anyone could participate in, whether or not they were D/s, M/s, or any other relationship-type, and with or without sex being a part of it. 
 
And, swinging is another thing all together, without any connection to D/s, M/s, or BDSM, although you can (and many have) certainly combine any of these for all sorts of fun and adventure.
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David
 
 

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)
Profile   Post #: 20
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