Learning to live alone....hopefully not for long

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BBBTBW -> Learning to live alone....hopefully not for long (6/2/2007 5:31:18 PM)
My daughter recently moved out. As a mother that dedicated a great deal of waking hours to her child, I find myself a little lost without someone in the house with me. I once moved in a slave but that was short lived when he left after I was in a fatal car accident that left me injured. I didn't entertain that idea again until she became grown. Now that she is out I find myself wondering what to do with myself. I have overly emersed myself with work (amazing amounts of OT) and trying to figure out how to cook for one. What do you do with yourself until you find that real someone to become a part of your life? I probably shouldn't be posting this, some might take it for weakness. I look at it as being human, suffering the "empty nest" thing (don't want to refer to it as a syndrome). I don't want to be one of those people that sits at the computer for hours on end looking for something to do. Yes, I get out and do things when I have time/energy but living in a small town there are a limited amount of things to do that don't involve filling up my gas tank more than once every couple of weeks. I am not desperate, but I am bored. Anyone have any suggestions? How do you live alone and stay sane?

pahunkboy -> RE: Learning to live alone....hopefully not for long (6/2/2007 5:50:09 PM)
OMG I LOVE living alone! rediscover the new you- all those things u been putting off- hobbies- travel- activities. i never thought i would WANT to live alone. but i like the serenity.

KatyLied -> RE: Learning to live alone....hopefully not for long (6/2/2007 5:58:18 PM)
I've had an empty nest for almost one year. I did something I've been thinking about doing for years, but kept putting off because I felt I should be home after work for my um's. I finally got a second job. That is the best cure I've found for an empty nest. I have no problem with living alone because I've always required a lot of solitude and alone time, even as a child. I love doing or not doing whatever I choose to do. Prior to this my kids ruled my schedule, and I never minded it because they are the priority. You will probably find that you enjoy your alone time.

BBBTBW -> RE: Learning to live alone....hopefully not for long (6/2/2007 5:59:46 PM)
I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. It has been almost exactly a month and I don't like it. When I was younger (18), I lived alone for approximately 6 months. I hated it then and I feel the same loathing I had at that time. I will tolerate it for a few months...but I am sure I will break down and get a cat or something. I hate cats.

BBBTBW -> RE: Learning to live alone....hopefully not for long (6/2/2007 6:05:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied I've had an empty nest for almost one year. I did something I've been thinking about doing for years, but kept putting off because I felt I should be home after work for my um's. I finally got a second job. That is the best cure I've found for an empty nest. I have no problem with living alone because I've always required a lot of solitude and alone time, even as a child. I love doing or not doing whatever I choose to do. Prior to this my kids ruled my schedule, and I never minded it because they are the priority. You will probably find that you enjoy your alone time. The OT takes care of the second jobby job. I grew up with 2 brothers and a sister. I couldn't wait to get out of the house into my own apt and I did. (read previous post) Slaves I need slaves...LOL...see I am already going insane [:D][sm=hair.gif][sm=river.gif][sm=whoa.gif][sm=whiteflag.gif][sm=whip.gif][sm=wave.gif]

ElectraGlide -> RE: Learning to live alone....hopefully not for long (6/2/2007 6:14:39 PM)
I like living alone, you will get used to it. First thing I did was figure out what was neglected and take care of it, such as home improvements, organizing the clutter out of your home, etc. I devote more time to family and long time friends with my spare time. I do my hobbies that I enjoy like I never have before.

pahunkboy -> RE: Learning to live alone....hopefully not for long (6/2/2007 6:17:22 PM)
if it is broke or lost- i done it. :-)

Sinergy -> RE: Learning to live alone....hopefully not for long (6/2/2007 6:56:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BBBTBW My daughter recently moved out. As a mother that dedicated a great deal of waking hours to her child, I find myself a little lost without someone in the house with me. I read a great quote, dont remember the attribution: "It takes months for a child to learn that their body is not the same as their mothers body. It takes mothers a lot longer to learn this lesson." quote: Now that she is out I find myself wondering what to do with myself. I have overly emersed myself with work (amazing amounts of OT) and trying to figure out how to cook for one. What do you do with yourself until you find that real someone to become a part of your life? I probably shouldn't be posting this, some might take it for weakness. I look at it as being human, suffering the "empty nest" thing (don't want to refer to it as a syndrome). I don't want to be one of those people that sits at the computer for hours on end looking for something to do. Yes, I get out and do things when I have time/energy but living in a small town there are a limited amount of things to do that don't involve filling up my gas tank more than once every couple of weeks. I would disagree that it is weakness. It is being human. What worked for me when I moved out from my ex was to sit down and think about how I wanted my life to be. I wanted to enjoy having a meal. So I resurrected my cooking skills. I wanted to wake up in the morning without being faced with dirty dishes. So I do the dishes after I use them. I wanted a clean place. Working two jobs, I hired somebody to come in and clean the place. I wanted an aesthetic life. So I rented a place with a stunning harbor view and put in nice furniture. Etc. Your life is what you make of it. Good luck! Sinergy edited to remove an extraneous quoted line

ennaozzie -> RE: Learning to live alone....hopefully not for long (6/2/2007 7:07:46 PM)
What you are going through is so totally normal, where you raised children and gave up part of your daily life to varying degrees as they grew up, from when they where totally dependant on you but less and less so as they grew older. Now is the time where you claim your whole life back, knowing they are adults now and you can still see them when ever you want. But it does take a lot of getting used to, it did me, but you do slowly get used to it and appreciate it, and instead of only following some of your interests you can do more of the things you want to do. I know at first it drove me crazy, but you can have not only more interests to follow because you are spending less time picking up after them, but you can also have a private life back. Been in a small town does limit the options and when gas is so expensive now. Anyone can have a lot of interests if money is no object but maybe call into the local council offices or library and ask them what events; clubs, sports places, gym’s etc are around. I don’t look on it as a weakness, its something every parent goes through to varying degrees. All the best to you and hope you find a few interests worth following up that wont cost you to much. beanie

OrangeJulius -> RE: Learning to live alone....hopefully not for long (6/2/2007 7:11:09 PM)
When I moved out, I got my mom a cat, so she would at least have something to do. I visit her about every other week though, so I don't know how it would work long term.

imthatacheyouhav -> RE: Learning to live alone....hopefully not for long (6/2/2007 7:23:32 PM)
I hate the empty nest...i am 43 and have never lived alone. My kids are grown,and its just me, my husband and our youngest (son 21yo) and its already getting lonely. I was just telling my Master this the other day....i didnt realize how lonely i was, till i met Him.

BBBTBW -> RE: Learning to live alone....hopefully not for long (6/2/2007 7:29:09 PM)
Well I am taking a driving trip to the East Coast in August by myself, so that is a step I suppose. So many things need to be taken care of. First and foremost I need a new Mattress/Box Spring set for my bed and and one for her former bed. DAMN, I have a new TV room complete with a bed. Ok, I am starting to see the positives here. Thanks all for your input. Keep going though...All ideas are welcome

MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: Learning to live alone....hopefully not for long (6/2/2007 9:07:15 PM)
I loved living alone - I also require a fair amount of quiet alone time, solitude, privacy, "sacred space" that is my own and no one elses. Having a cat (or other pet) is good for some company though. I also like finding time for hobbies, day trips, organizing stuff, things that I don't have much time for during the school year. I like to have something tangible accomplished for my free time, not just spend that time shopping/running errands/online/watching TV.

domiguy -> RE: Learning to live alone....hopefully not for long (6/2/2007 9:59:12 PM)
Remember things could always be worse....Say for instance in a couple of weeks when you receive a letter from your daughter proclaiming she has met the most wonderful man and his name is, Domiguy.

LadyEllen -> RE: Learning to live alone....hopefully not for long (6/2/2007 11:19:17 PM)
Number 1; dont take up smoking 'cause youre bored (numbers 2 through 10 are the same) Cooking; dont get into pre-packaged meals for one. Cook for two, and cook the kind of food that's better on the second day (chillis, bolognese, curries etc). This means you can eat quickly on day two and get out and do something. Find something to distract yourself from loneliness; it could be a long haul - I'm into year six and counting. Get an electric guitar with distortion pedal and large amp. This is as much fun as one can have alone and fully clothed. Though it can also be fun alone and fully naked. One only needs to learn power chords to make a lot of noise, and theyre really easy. Very cathartic. E

Rayne58 -> RE: Learning to live alone....hopefully not for long (6/2/2007 11:34:23 PM)
I lived alone for nearly two years prior to moving in with Master. Before that I'd never lived alone. I found it was a good thing [:)] If I didn't want to cook, I didn't have to. I could go out whenever I wanted, and stay out as late as I wanted, without having to answer to anyone. I could watch what I wanted on the TV, and play my music as loud as I liked. I learned to cope on my own, and I know that if I ever have to do that again, that it's not a scary place to be.

Indemnis -> RE: Learning to live alone....hopefully not for long (6/2/2007 11:44:20 PM)
Mrrp, I have never lived alone.. <looks mildly alarmed and slightly confused for a moment> I don't want to! O_O I have always had roomies, or a Master with me. Or, of course, my family. That's... probably not as comforting as it was meant to be. Sorry... ._.

Quivver -> RE: Learning to live alone....hopefully not for long (6/3/2007 3:18:33 AM)
That abrupt change even when you know it's coming is hard to function with. Lonely can eat at you. I saw it coming and tried to prepair... I was looking forward to moving my career along. Eating better, having more time for my horse, going to the gym and maybe even doing a little entertaining. No such luck. I just lost one and found 2 returns at the door step fighting over bed space. [&o] I think the only thing you can do is work on you. Pick something and dive in!

BBBTBW -> RE: Learning to live alone....hopefully not for long (6/3/2007 5:25:53 AM)
MsSonnetMarwood, The thing is I never had a problem with having my own space, since it was just she and I, we both had our privacy and our own space. I think its just the warm body missing in my home. She is 22 years old so she has been grown and independent for a while with most things. I have all my hobbies etc. Sure there are some things that can be done to make my whole home my space. It just doesn't put that warm body back. (you know, the kind that will call 911 when they come in at 2 in the morning and find that you have fallen and can't get up)<~~joke Domiguy, I almost lost sleep worrying about what you would say however, anything would be an improvement over the mass of flesh she calls her fiancé.[&o] Lady Ellen, Smoking has NEVER been an option for me. How many languages does ICKY POO [:'(] translate to? I have done horribly on the cooking. Even though I was on an eating plan previous to her leaving, Burger King and Arby's have become very close friends [:o] Distractions, distractions. A slave would be a welcome distraction [:D] I thought about a drum set and a saxophone. I could go out and entertain the neighbors as a one woman band[sm=boohoo.gif] Rayne58 Thats what I did as a teenager, being over 40 staying out late etc.. isn't quite as appealing. Who knows though. Maybe I will have a loud outrageous party, I do have a big backyard. Quivver, The change was very abrupt even though I have known for 6 months that it was coming. The thing I have found is she thinks this is a storage facility for the things she eventually wants but doesn't have room for. I think I will have a garage sale. If/When she comes back, things will be very different. When kids come home, they think it is a free ride, She won't expect to be charged rent <giggling> Extra money in my pocket. (something to look forward to) Work on me, where to start? Well for the past 4 weeks I have been going to the hur salon to get my hur did, thats always a work in progress. (hur - ghetto for hair) Thanks again for all the thoughts, advice and well wishes keep em coming

MissyRane -> RE: Learning to live alone....hopefully not for long (6/3/2007 6:44:03 AM)
manicure pedicure massage hooking up with ya ladyfriends during evenings goin shopping (i mean it's not like you grow too old for that [:)]) driving around the neighbourhood or to the nearest cities exploring (it sounds strange but it's a good time waster[:)]) cleaning the house until it's way too shiny rearranging your yard or planting flowers or whatever? hook up with some old friends do something you were always going to do but never did and uh..make a voodoo doll that looks like your daughter's fiancé[8D] (sorry that was mean) you'll figure out something[:)]

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