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SlaveSubtoserve -> RE: Why are Bitch Goddesses so erotic? (6/9/2007 9:10:49 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne
What great replies. They have thrown up so many issues. My own opinions:
I asked why do some people find "nasty" behaviour by women sexy? The real question I am asking is "why are you a sado masochist"?
Now of course, not everyone is a sado-masochist. Plenty of people said they don't like "nasty" or cruel behaviour (even consensual) and it has no sex appeal for them. Good for you: you are either "normal" or your kink does not encompass sado-masochism.
I am however a sexual sado-masochist
IMO there's 2 kinds of "nastiness" (or sadism): (1) inflicting physical pain and (2) inflicting psychological/emotional pain.
Girls are especially good at the latter. For example, look at research on female bullying in highschools compared to male. This is not a gender stereotype, it is a fact. Girls and women are far better at psychological torment.
But why do some men find it so sexy? Mainstream society teaches us that inflicting pain of any kind on others is morally wrong (and in some instances a crime). It is perceived as particularly wrong by women who are stereotyped as nurturers
Some masochists want one or the other kind of pain; others want both. Some sadists do one or the other; some do both.,
As a sado-masochistic dominant, I inflict incredible physical pain on men, but I do so with a sweet smile and a soft voice. Am I a sadist? Yes. Am I a bitch? That's a matter of personal opinion.
My own opinion is that:
1 any pain inflicted without consent makes the woman a "bitch" and not in a good way
2 psychological pain inflicted with consent (eg verbal abuse) makes the woman a "bitch" but in a good way
3 physical pain inflicted with consent (eg good hard spanking) is probably not being a "bitch", although it might look so to others
4 pain of either kind inflicted by a woman who has lost emotional control of herself makes her a "bitch" and in a bad way, even if the male consents (even enjoys) the pain.
IMO, a "Bitch Goddess" is being a bitch in a good way
I play with subs who want physical pain. I am intrigued by subs that want humilation, verbal abuse and other psychological pain, but I am not good at inflicting that sort of pain on them. At the end of the day, I am inherently too "nice".
I really admire women who can be that kind of Bitch because I believe it is exhausting. As many have pointed out in this thread, it is impossible to be a Bitch Goddess all the time. Absolutely impossible. The emotional energy pro-dommes put into Bitch Goddess scenes in their dungeons is immense and hence IMO a good pro-domme earns every penny She charges the masochist for the experience.
Which brings me to the heart of the question: why do submales find it erotic?
There are as many different answers as there are sub males.
Interesting perspectives were provided.
Now ask yourself: if a woman said she was really turned on by men who sexually abused her, snarled, swore, and spat at her and beat her up, what would we ask? We would ask why had she sexualised such horrible mistreatment. Self loathing? Previous abuse? Fear of real intimacy/sexual love? Confusing cruelty with strength or confidence?
If the woman had no apparent emotional problems stemming from prior abuse, then what would we ask?
Does she actually hate men and therefore avoids any sexual or emtional bond with "Nice Guys". Is she trying to change a man (a goal always doomed to fail, ladies). Does she want all responsibility taken away from her ("that evil man made me do it" mental pretence). Is giving up control a way of giving away responsibility?
Is she projecting all her negative traits onto the male in order to own the role of being "the good one" and make him the baddie" in the relationship? Look hard at how she describes her parter. Is she enjoying or staunchly enduring his control?
Are Nice Guys boring because there's no constant fear (of abandonment and worse)? Not everyone likes a predictable, stable life and serenity. Constant drama thankfully leaves no time for self-reflection.
I suggest we think about female masochism because it is much, much more common than male and the various reasons are a useful tool to understand possible causes of male masochism.
There's many reasons why some of us enjoy emotional and/or physical sado-masochism. And most of us do not want to open the Pandora's Box and ask why. We just know it makes us feel good. Alive. Sexy. We would like to think we were just born this way.
The truth is, most of our underlying psychological reasons are not "good" and "healthy". When I see people trying to defend their sado-masochism and convince others their way is perfectly fine, I feel sorry for them. We need to admit that we are not "normal" and our reasons are not "nice" (otherwise we would be just like everyone else - YUCK NO WAY!!!!)
My sadism is not cruelty-free and frankly, I dont WANT it to be. Lots of normal (non-sado masochistic) people are drawn to BDSM, buy some nice fetsishwear, go to a few munches then presume to lecture the rest of us how to be "Loving" and "Responsible" (ie nice, kind, gentle, considerate).
Look, I agree all those qualities are important in relationships but they miss the point: we are sado-masochists. We cannot thrive in relationships that do not inflict pain. We do not claim to be "right" or "healthy" and we realise most people do not approve of us, but we know what we need and what we fnd erotic.
.....wonderful post MsC at tearing the 'oh we're basically just like everyone else but just do a few things differently' veneer that seems to be forming around the lifestyle as BDSM becomes less taboo in the mainstream---
......much of this serious lifestyle pursuit i do believe is rooted in some traumatic childhood event(s) (not necessarily abuse-- think early age hospital stays, sibling interactions, etc.) combined with a generally 'emotionally' repressive family environment so......
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