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I must add and point out that my experiences of being here at Collarme have been positive, and I generally find this community to be warm, intellectually diverse and welcoming. But how do the educated among us deal with the uneducated? Do we try to educate them? Do we dismiss them? Or do we leave them to find their own way? Or should we simply respect their right to remain uneducated?

But how does their presence in the community affect us? Does freedom of speech truly exist on these boards, or do others - like myself - find themselves sometimes censoring themselves when posting and sometimes not say what they truly think? Do you find yourself reading through what you've written or editing it in the hope it will be understood and taken as intended? And what happens when it isn't? How do you react? How do you feel?

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ORIGINAL: stella40
But how do the educated among us deal with the uneducated? Do we try to educate them? Do we dismiss them? Or do we leave them to find their own way? Or should we simply respect their right to remain uneducated?

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But how does their presence in the community affect us? Does freedom of speech truly exist on these boards, or do others - like myself - find themselves sometimes censoring themselves when posting and sometimes not say what they truly think? Do you find yourself reading through what you've written or editing it in the hope it will be understood and taken as intended? And what happens when it isn't? How do you react? How do you feel?

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As for Doms, how much do you take into account what a submissive posts? What do you look for? What turns you off?

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And how many Doms out there also censor themselves and edit before posting?

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ORIGINAL: mstrjx

But do I trot all that out here for your (collective) amusement and/or ridicule?  I don't know.  Whaddaya wanna know?

Jeff

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But how do the educated among us deal with the uneducated? Do we try to educate them? Do we dismiss them? Or do we leave them to find their own way? Or should we simply respect their right to remain uneducated?

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Does freedom of speech truly exist on these boards, or do others - like myself - find themselves sometimes censoring themselves when posting and sometimes not say what they truly think? Do you find yourself reading through what you've written or editing it in the hope it will be understood and taken as intended? And what happens when it isn't? How do you react? How do you feel?

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If you are a submissive, do you consider what you write and how it affects how you could be perceived by potential Doms? If you are in a relationship, do you ever stop to consider how what you write reflects on you and your Dom?

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ORIGINAL: stella40

<< snipped here & there for brevity>>

Certain things cannot be said, and certain people (employers, family, children, as examples) are simply not to know.

There is no need for everyone to know my inner thoughts. I think everyone keeps parts of themselves hidden.

But I sometimes wonder whether the most difficult word, consisting of seven letters, in the English language to comprehend for mainstream society is also the same word seen as the most important word in BDSM - CONSENT.


And perhaps people often find themselves unable to talk about this aspect of their lives with vanilla friends, they find themselves having to live a double life when they would much rather be able to discuss and talk about their BDSM interests in a relaxed manner with 'non-scene' people without the fear of being judged or misunderstood.

For me it is a matter of discretion. I don't usually consider it a double life, but instead it is my private life. Just because someone is my friend doesn't mean I want to discuss the joys of kinky sex with them. Some friends I can tell all sorts of stuff, others I choose not to.

And yet when it comes to the BDSM scene I find quite a few people already have formed strong opinions but without educating themselves with the necessary facts, information and experience. They jump to conclusions, form hasty assumptions, judge others, and overlook the fact that BDSM is all about experience, knowledge and understanding, the key to which, in my opinion, is acceptance.

IMO people tend to use a common denominator on things to make them understandable inside their heads. Just because we are kink friendly doesn't mean every kink is understood, many people when facing something they simply don't grasp react negatively. I also think that people prefer to appear non-ignorant so they may end up posting stuff they aren't sure about but they want to appear sure.

I must add and point out that my experiences of being here at Collarme have been positive, and I generally find this community to be warm, intellectually diverse and welcoming. But how do the educated among us deal with the uneducated? Do we try to educate them? Do we dismiss them? Or do we leave them to find their own way? Or should we simply respect their right to remain uneducated?

All of the above depending upon the situation and folks involved. Sometimes a concept can't be grasped for a variety of reasons. Background, inexperience or an ability to see things from anothers viewpoint are just a few possible reasons.
We can try to educate but when a person feels threatened by a concept it can be pretty darn hard to break through that. I think a lot of people feel uneasy with kinks not their own, kinks that go against their value system.
There is so much diversity among us that I think it would be near impossible for every person to be okay with every kink. That is okay by me. I'm not sure of my wording on this next bit but I will do my best.
Here we pretty much are governed by peer pressure. Many of us bend laws, from sodomy laws to societal laws. By societal I mean that most of society would be unhappy to peek into our heads, they would be shocked/appalled by most of it. So in a way we have to govern ourselves using peer pressure. IMO that is why there is sometimes such an angry outcry over some posts that even to 'us' go over the boundaries of what is considered 'right'.
Since we don't exactly live by the laws of society we kinda have to try and live with the acceptable bounds of our kink society.
Does that make any sense?
But how does their presence in the community affect us? Does freedom of speech truly exist on these boards, or do others - like myself - find themselves sometimes censoring themselves when posting and sometimes not say what they truly think? Do you find yourself reading through what you've written or editing it in the hope it will be understood and taken as intended? And what happens when it isn't? How do you react? How do you feel?

I censor myself. IMO we all do to some respect. If I'm in a controversial forum where some simply refuse to listen then I often end up censoring more to avoid more conflict. Sometimes I censor myself because I'm aware that my viewpoint won't be welcomed nor understood.
When I'm misunderstood I get frustrated. I wonder if I was totally inept with my wording or I wonder if someone just does-not-get-it-and-never-will.

If you are a submissive, do you consider what you write and how it affects how you could be perceived by potential Doms? If you are in a relationship, do you ever stop to consider how what you write reflects on you and your Dom? As for Doms, how much do you take into account what a submissive posts? What do you look for? What turns you off? And how many Doms out there also censor themselves and edit before posting?

The only dom I want to be utterly clear with on every subject is my own.

Please forgive my raising two issues here in one posting, but I am genuinely curious as to what others think and feel and how it appears to them.