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Rules for your Submissives - 6/4/2007 6:55:03 AM   
Badkarma7


Posts: 5
Joined: 6/1/2007
Status: offline 		All, I am a new Dom and I have a question, I have posed this to submissives and I am posing it here as well. What are some of the rules you have in place for your submissives and what is / are the punishements for violations of said rules. For example, are they to be attired a certain way, sit on a certain side, assume a certain position when asking for something, removal of their collar with out explicit permssion. That last one brings up another question, do you allow your submissives to remove their own collars? If so under what circumstances and do you require that they always wear some type of jewlery, vanilla collar when they are in public. I know this is a terribly long post but I am evolving and I crave the information to help my growth. Thank you all in advance.
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RE: Rules for your Submissives - 6/4/2007 6:59:23 AM   
tangldupinblue


Posts: 230
Joined: 3/20/2006
Status: offline 		i personaly have several rules in place.....i have to send a text message first thing ecery morning saying hello, then every hour i have a certain message that i have to send him and for every minute i am late or early i get snapped on the ass with rubberbands......i also have set times that i am allowed to eat and i must ask for permission to use the bathroom......hope this helps.

blue

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RE: Rules for your Submissives - 6/4/2007 7:09:26 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		I require her to blink 28 times a minute, to slow or race her heart on demand, to reverse her normal iris movements, and in general control all of her involuntary muscles for me.  If she fails me, I brand her with an X on the back of her eyelid to remind her.

(in reply to tangldupinblue)
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RE: Rules for your Submissives - 6/4/2007 7:11:07 AM   
imthatacheyouhav


Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I require her to blink 28 times a minute, to slow or race her heart on demand, to reverse her normal iris movements, and in general control all of her involuntary muscles for me.  If she fails me, I brand her with an X on the back of her eyelid to remind her.

LMAO......i was thinking along these lines...but i was trying to be good.....LOL


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RE: Rules for your Submissives - 6/4/2007 7:22:37 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Badkarma7
All, I am a new Dom and I have a question, I have posed this to submissives and I am posing it here as well. What are some of the rules you have in place for your submissives

Ones which make sense for us, which have practical value, which allow us to have MORE fun time together and not less, ones which actuallymake us feel more connected to ourselves and eachother.

That being said in my relationship we really only have two "rules"- be honest and true to yourselves and eachother.

The rest is stuff we mutually agree we should do for now.  We don't set rules and force our lives to abide by them- we do things and then see if they fit, if they start to not fit, we change how we do things.

quote:

 and what is / are the punishements for violations of said rules.

I'd say focus far less on this and focus far more on getting to the motivations for the good and bad behavior.  Punishment should be IMO rare and serious occasions.

quote:

That last one brings up another question, do you allow your submissives to remove their own collars?

Sure.
quote:

 If so under what circumstances and do you require that they always wear some type of jewlery, vanilla collar when they are in public. I know this is a terribly long post but I am evolving and I crave the information to help my growth. Thank you all in advance.

You really need to remember that it's whatever works for your relationship.  Even one person can have vastly different relationships at the same time.  Do it because it serves you and your life, not because it's in some guidebook.

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(in reply to Badkarma7)
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RE: Rules for your Submissives - 6/4/2007 7:23:24 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I do not have "rules" per se. I know that probably sounds strange, but not all submissives have rules like the ones you are talking about in your OP.

He tells me what to do, and I give my best to do it. If I find an incapacity to do it, then we talk about it. He does not punish me. I do not think we are necessarily unusual.

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RE: Rules for your Submissives - 6/4/2007 7:49:54 AM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		I don't have a set of certain rules either.  I find these sorts of things silly and unobtainable.  Robert has certain duties around the house and must not call me Mistress in front of my UM's but beyond that, being himself is most important for me and to me.  I think the term punishment is way over rated.  If I have to punish then there is something seriously wrong and I need to look farther than just the infringement.

Robert has no reason to remove his collar and if he did it would be with bolt cutters.  I expect that would only happen in a medical emergency.  No, he would not be punished for that.

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RE: Rules for your Submissives - 6/4/2007 7:56:04 AM   
imthatacheyouhav


Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline 		Master seems to only have one rule...and thats to be respectful....and that works both ways with Him...He is an awsome guy...i am fortunate that He picked me.

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**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

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RE: Rules for your Submissives - 6/4/2007 8:22:11 AM   
emdoub


Posts: 223
Joined: 10/22/2006
From: Minnenipples, Minnesnowta
Status: offline 		There have been a few, but they're not something that would make porn any more intriguing.

1. Honesty - always.

2. If you're unsure, ask.  There is rarely a penalty in asking for clarification.

3. Make certain that coffee is set up before retiring in the evening.

The penalty for failure of any of these is that I'll be displeased.  Discipline will be chosen if I feel it's called for, but I don't follow any set rules in chosing discipline - I don't have to. 

Midnight Writer


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(in reply to Badkarma7)
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RE: Rules for your Submissives - 6/4/2007 8:23:17 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		The rules depend on the submissives, Karma.  They're not gerbils.  Each submissive has different needs, and a dom worth his salt will establish rules that are appropriate for the submissive in question.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Badkarma7

What are some of the rules you have in place for your submissives and what is / are the punishements for violations of said rules. For example, are they to be attired a certain way, sit on a certain side, assume a certain position when asking for something, removal of their collar with out explicit permssion.

(in reply to Badkarma7)
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RE: Rules for your Submissives - 6/4/2007 9:24:02 AM   
HeavansKeeper


Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		I would consider any requirement where failure to comply incurs a punishment would count as a rule.  I know you're just learning and picking up ideas, which I commend, but I strongly suggest you only use rules you can abide by.  If you cannot memorize them, she shouldn't have to.  Most of the rules I require My Pet to abide by were developed by us. (Dare I say limited if any outside influence.)  I feel strongly that having a cookie cutter relationship means a cookie cutter break-up.  Every time your submissive follows a rule, you should see it as a pledge of her submission and even a subtle and silent "I love you." 

There are, of course, dominants who are not the lover of the submissive.  Which are you?  What is her relation to you?

There are rules and principles.  The point of a principle is to be able to quickly decide if something is right or wrong. For example:

- She can always quit.  She always has the freedom to leave my service.  I have no fear she would, and no dominant figure should.
- If we're engaging in something sexual, it must be pleasurable, in some regard, for both parties.  Concerning sexual acts she doesn't prefer, the happiness in pleasing her owner counts as pleasure... In fact, it seems to be quite a lot of pleasure.

These are not exactly rules, but laws.  Along with other principles, they are the backbone of our relationship.  They allow a complete understanding of her submission, and a safety net, of sorts.  In addition to sound and agreeable principles, I explain every rule and limitation in a way she will understand.  I have no use for rules that have no purpose.  In my experience, it has worked perfectly.  She tries her hardest to follow any rule I set forth, once or twice she has suprised me by applying a rule I didn't specify.  I'm still smiling knowing she kneeled to pick up a package I mailed her, as it was a gift given by me.

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... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
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RE: Rules for your Submissives - 6/4/2007 9:45:11 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Badkarma7

What are some of the rules you have in place for your submissives and what is / are the punishements for violations of said rules.

don't have any rules, regulations or protocols in place with my relationship with Daddy

quote:

do you allow your submissives to remove their own collars? If so under what circumstances

i'm permitted to remove my collars, chain and ankle chains when showering/bathing and attending formal functions (ie conferences) and family events or sleeping

quote:

do you require that they always wear some type of jewlery, vanilla collar when they are in public.

i wear the collars and chains given to me even while out in public including my UMs' schools. yes, sure i do get funny and weird stares on the bus/train but i enjoy showing off proudly the gifts Daddy bestowed upon me.  at least when i'm reviewing a metal/punk concert, i easily fit right into the crowd.

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RE: Rules for your Submissives - 6/4/2007 10:25:25 AM   
JerryInTampa


Posts: 138
Joined: 2/19/2004
Status: offline 		A query on this question here, or a google search will yield a plethora of ideas if that's what  you are looking for.

New or old, rules need to make sense to you and your sub, and facilitate that D/s dynamic. Though I've got some that are pretty common because they are common at large, or because they serve a peeve of mine (never shout a conversation across the house), what the reuls are depends on who the people are.

(in reply to Badkarma7)
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RE: Rules for your Submissives - 6/4/2007 1:08:42 PM   
robertolapiedra


Posts: 520
Joined: 5/3/2007
Status: offline 		Hello Badkarma7. Before establishing "your" rules, it would be wise to establish what are your  "guiding" principles. Principles concern the both of you.

It's easy to set rules for others. What rules apply to you? You want rules that coerce? You want rules that reenforce positively? Will these "rules" be success oriented, or will they be "failure" oriented to suit one's own punishment kink? Fear based? Humiliation based? or pleasure based? (positive reenforcement).

I find that the more the rules, the less the principle (compensation). Rules should concern what the both of you want (SSC), not impose "only" what you want (or discourage what you don't).

If in "principle", you want to "lead", you should have "rules" that encourage " following".

If you want an "obedient" submissive, you should have rules that favor "obedience". The more "rules that encourage defiance" (for any reason) the more this will add dissonance to an already "obeying" nature (submissive).

You don't set up rules in order to "enforce" the dynamic. You have rules to "preserve" the dynamic. Rules are not the dynamic, the dynamic comes from nature (hierachy instinct).

You say you are a new dom, you have to make a distinction between "play" and relationship. That will help you more in your "growth" than asking "other's" what are their rules and punishment. You don't "grow" from trying out rules and punishment.

You should ask more about the D/s principals involved. Rules are easy, people are not.RL.



(in reply to Badkarma7)
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RE: Rules for your Submissives - 6/4/2007 2:08:42 PM   
tricia


Posts: 231
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

The rules depend on the submissives, Karma.  They're not gerbils.  Each submissive has different needs, and a dom worth his salt will establish rules that are appropriate for the submissive in question.


I agree, unless you have a cookie cutter submissive - you need to find your own set of rules that are important to you.

I don't necessarily have any rules except "obey"...which i try hard to do.

quote:

I require her to blink 28 times a minute, to slow or race her heart on demand, to reverse her normal iris movements, and in general control all of her involuntary muscles for me.  If she fails me, I brand her with an X on the back of her eyelid to remind her.


Politely refers Michael to the "why my kink is better than your kink" thread.



< Message edited by tricia -- 6/4/2007 2:09:32 PM >

(in reply to robertolapiedra)
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RE: Rules for your Submissives - 6/4/2007 2:51:56 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		I tend to make a distinction between rules and protocols.

Rules, to me, at least, are not there to enforce my dynamic much like robertolapieda mentioned. They are there to define the boundaries of the relationship.

The boundaries I lay down are mostly for ME rather than for her. There is really only one rule for her that I lay down in the beginning : Obedience as long as I adhere to the boundaries I placed for myself.
 
Then proceeding that, I sit down and carefully explain my own ethics and what I am not going to do. Basically, I am not going to rob someone of the basic things that make up a healthy and normal lifestyle (food, water, shelter, proper hygiene, medical attention, etc) or do anything that is going to harm them.

In simplest terms, the ground rules are that I be responsible and you obey as long as I am responsible.

Well...gee...thats not very domly...isnt your power absolute and ominipotent and she has to obey regardless of whatever you order like everyone else?

The only difference I see between what I do and the average responsible dominant in a healthy relationship is that one of us is bullshitting themselves.

Any other rules past this are based entirely on the person and neccessity. If the person cant seem to show up within 3 hours of the time I say we are going to meet, I might have to sit down and say "You need to be on time."

You dont set down a bunch of arbitary rules and go "Well, okay, these are rules...I dont know why, but I bet I look really dominant."

Now...as far as protocols...these are things that I specifically like enough to make an everyday thing and are things I would expect someone to conform to regardless of the person. Chores, being called "Sir", wearing collars and cuffs, whatever...its all tailored based on my individual wants and needs and are standards/behaviors I am trying to get the other person to conform and change to.

Punishments are based solely on what I think is necessary, ranging from simply negative reinforcement by expressing my disapointment in an unhappy tone to refolding a whole load of clothes to corporeal with my paddle, something I have receives some basic lessons in and consider it to be the "end of the line, you've let me no choice, completely disapointed, last chance before its over" punishment.

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 6/4/2007 2:59:14 PM >

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(in reply to Badkarma7)
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RE: Rules for your Submissives - 6/4/2007 3:06:20 PM   
ennaozzie


Posts: 201
Joined: 5/9/2007
Status: offline 		What you want included in your relationship is up to you and who you want to be with, if there is another at this time, its something that should be decided between the two of you, unless you stipulate that you want to get into a certain area and if your prospective partner wont have a bar of it, but its something you would insist on, keep looking.
 
If you have one sub then that does not work and you come across another sub it’s never going to be the same simply because people are different.  All I can suggest to you is look at what you want, and go from there.
 
Then again if you are with someone already then I think you have to take in to account hard limits of the other person no point in adopting rules that are good for someone else, but are not good for you.


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If coffee hurts your eye's take the spoon out of the mug

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RE: Rules for your Submissives - 6/4/2007 3:54:50 PM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		Stealing the words for my own discriptions.

Rules define the boundries of the relationship, they establish "Who is going to do what."
Protocols define the paths inside the relationship boundries, they are "How they are going to be done."

That's pretty good if I do say so myself.



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RE: Rules for your Submissives - 6/4/2007 3:58:15 PM   
RaynaSub


Posts: 185
Joined: 9/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer

Stealing the words for my own discriptions.

Rules define the boundries of the relationship, they establish "Who is going to do what."
Protocols define the paths inside the relationship boundries, they are "How they are going to be done."

That's pretty good if I do say so myself.
 

I  like rules in life and I like knowing what they are.
It makes life simplier for me and eliminates a lot of mis-communication and confusion.

(in reply to Archer)
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RE: Rules for your Submissives - 6/4/2007 5:00:44 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		Rule One - obey me.
 
Rule Two - please me.
 
If this can't be achieved, then either the relationship will end, or at the very least, all aspects of D/s in the relationship will end.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to RaynaSub)
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