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RE: I don’t mean to bitch, just blowing off some steam! - 6/6/2007 4:56:42 AM   
tenderfootmaster


Posts: 484
Joined: 6/1/2007
From: Ft. Leavenworth, KS
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

quote:

ORIGINAL: tenderfootmaster


Fake or Real - Profiles and Initial Contact
Well, I have been on this site for 4 days now. I really haven’t gotten any responses from anyone I messaged except for a few. Out of 166 messages I sent out, only 61 have actually replied with at least something. I mean, I’m not saying submissives and slaves are pieces of shit and are required to send out a reply to Dominants, but come on! You submissives and slaves want to be treated with respect and dignity and then you don’t show Us respect by saying yes or no to Our messages. A simple little note is suffice. You don’t have to write a book of why you feel the way you do, just acknowledge Us the why we did you.
And look at Our profiles! Your always quick to yell at Us for not looking at yours. You can do Us a favor and look at Ours. Hell, maybe you might find something on there that you like.
.


i guess if you have sent out 166 messages in one day you cant be that bothered in anyone, quantity rather than quality. But i think you should think about the feasability of the thing, for example i get about 30-40 messages a day, when i get ones from someone im not interested in or their mail is either too flimsy or seems like a bulk, it is tempting to not reply, its not about lacking respect, its just about the fact that its tiresome getting so many generic mails sometimes.



I guess I can understand where you are coming from.

_____________________________

"Never do anything today that you can put off till tomorrow... Most things that you do not have to do today are not worth doing at all." -E. W. Scripps

www.myspace.com/bdsmguy85

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: I don’t mean to bitch, just blowing off some steam! - 6/6/2007 4:59:18 AM   
tenderfootmaster


Posts: 484
Joined: 6/1/2007
From: Ft. Leavenworth, KS
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsLadySue

Good luck with the application. I'd be surprised if anyone completes it, especially in the beginning without any initial contact. People on this site do not give out detailed personal information from the get go. There are way too many "players/wankers" on this site and until a sub/slave is confident the person they're corresponding with is actually a twue lifestyler, personal information is kept to a minimum.


I really wasn't planning on having anyone actually completeing it on their own free will. It was more of a "eh, I'm bored..." kind of thing.

_____________________________

"Never do anything today that you can put off till tomorrow... Most things that you do not have to do today are not worth doing at all." -E. W. Scripps

www.myspace.com/bdsmguy85

(in reply to MsLadySue)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: I don’t mean to bitch, just blowing off some steam! - 6/6/2007 5:03:18 AM   
tenderfootmaster


Posts: 484
Joined: 6/1/2007
From: Ft. Leavenworth, KS
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tulipgoose

Awwww how CUTE!! Well, seeing as you claim to have only been here four days...... you've only been here four days! Some people read and reply later, some read and do not deem yours words worthy of reply, and some reply politely, or not so, fairly quickly. This sounds so silly to me, and I don't know why I am replying truly... but eh, why not? If you put your heart and soul into 166 messages to random people, well, your heart and soul have a very low combined value, in my eyes. I have been here nearly 3 years, and have probably emailed that many people, truly putting time into reading their profiles and being choosey, for friendships and otherwise! Many people try to reach out and put a lil care here and there into messages, but part of sending them is knowing that they may go unread or deleted as you said. That's the internet, that's the way people are! Not everyone here is actively seeking, even if their profile claims so, and everyone's idea of "actively seeking" is different. Some people desire to email back and forth for a couple months before going to a messenger, some go straight to it, some won't talk on the phone for months to years, some expect it the first night. Some move in after only a few months and some require intense getting to know time over years! Everyone is different. Your approach is childish, if even real! 

Edited to add: Believing in "love at first site" (be it love, or connection between Dom/sub, Master/slave, etc) is not the childish part, but EXPECTING 100% reply rate. That would be like...... applying to 100 places of employment and expecting calls back from each and every one of them even if they each had hundreds of applicants just to say "no thanks" ~ While some places of employment are respectful and kind enough to do so, most do not. While it's nice to believe in miracles like "love at first site" and miracles do exist, they are rare, and should be treated as such, not as an expectation. Remember, the real world doesn't always work the way "The Secret" does.... You can't live like you have girls you don't have without looking like an idiot and scaring away the ones worth anything.


Thank you for your reply, it really did give me something to think about. I did revamp my profile and plan on taking it easy from now on.

_____________________________

"Never do anything today that you can put off till tomorrow... Most things that you do not have to do today are not worth doing at all." -E. W. Scripps

www.myspace.com/bdsmguy85

(in reply to tulipgoose)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: I don’t mean to bitch, just blowing off some steam! - 6/6/2007 5:05:35 AM   
tenderfootmaster


Posts: 484
Joined: 6/1/2007
From: Ft. Leavenworth, KS
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Areflectionofyou

well , sometimes people get overly excited and frenzied when they are new to the bdsm world....he seems to know what not to do now...welcome to the boards tender. my suggestion would be to find a local group or munch to attend..lots of good people in the scene to learn and grow from.
take care,
jennifer


Thank you for your support and warm welcome. I would love to join a local group but having a hard time getting information.

_____________________________

"Never do anything today that you can put off till tomorrow... Most things that you do not have to do today are not worth doing at all." -E. W. Scripps

www.myspace.com/bdsmguy85

(in reply to Areflectionofyou)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: I don’t mean to bitch, just blowing off some steam! - 6/6/2007 5:36:45 AM   
spankmepink11


Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline
You've been given great advice, and i agree with those who've admired the maturity and openmindedness in which you handled the replies on this thread.

Best of Luck

(in reply to tenderfootmaster)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: I don’t mean to bitch, just blowing off some steam! - 6/6/2007 5:50:40 AM   
tenderfootmaster


Posts: 484
Joined: 6/1/2007
From: Ft. Leavenworth, KS
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: spankmepink11

You've been given great advice, and i agree with those who've admired the maturity and openmindedness in which you handled the replies on this thread.

Best of Luck


Thank you for your support, I really apprciate it!

_____________________________

"Never do anything today that you can put off till tomorrow... Most things that you do not have to do today are not worth doing at all." -E. W. Scripps

www.myspace.com/bdsmguy85

(in reply to spankmepink11)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: I don’t mean to bitch, just blowing off some steam! - 6/6/2007 6:06:32 AM   
octavia


Posts: 377
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline
Tender, 
You've caught hell here on this thread.  I'm impressed with the maturity you have shown.  Honestly more than I would have expected concidering your age. 
Cheers!



OH NO!!!!

Not his fingers!
DomlyDom's need their apendages.




quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

quote:

ORIGINAL: octavia

Doh!
Just realized that one of the 7 that i emailed didnt respond (ratbastard)  So.. even if you take care in who you email and have a very good reason to do it, not everyone responds.
*sigh*
 

Giving Octavia a Big Cheesy Rat Bastard Grin.... Shame on that ratbastard for not responding!  I'll break his fingers off if he does not email you back soon. 

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: I don’t mean to bitch, just blowing off some steam! - 6/6/2007 6:13:21 AM   
YourShyPet


Posts: 185
Joined: 6/30/2006
Status: offline
<walks up... stands on tiptoes and gives tenderfootmaster a big kittin HUG>... I've seen so many bitchy threads about people trying to find what their looking for.... but this is the first time I've seen someone actually come back and take a reality smack... ya took it like a grown up.


kittin

(in reply to octavia)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: I don’t mean to bitch, just blowing off some steam! - 6/6/2007 6:43:28 AM   
imthatacheyouhav


Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline
*munches more popcorn*...I just LOVE happy endings....whens the next one start?.......

_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to YourShyPet)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: I don’t mean to bitch, just blowing off some steam! - 6/6/2007 6:44:11 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
In the most sincere way that I can, I offer you my respect for the fact that you have stood up in the line of fire and admitted that you were wrong. It takes heart to admit when we have been wrong and you have shown that you have heart.

I read this thread and I must admit that I was using a whet-stone to sharpen my tongue in order to skewer you and let the flames braise you into a nice, crispy Newbie. I am glad that you rolled with the punches you took.

One word of advice: When contacting someone on this site I take my time. I read through their profile and I find things of common interest. Then I sit down and construct a personal and original email. I do not include very much about me because the surface information about me is on my profile and if they care to read it, they will. If you take the time to write about things in their profile that got your interest up then you will have proved that you took the time to read about them. The women on this site are shrewd but in a good way; they can smell a form letter a mile away. Even if you take time to write a good opening letter and you get no response you still took the time to prove that you are not merely a guy that is on a fishing expedition.

A little secret that I have found from browsing this and other "matchmaking" sites: A very common theme that I discovered is the fact that most women want a guy with a sense of humor. Adding humor in some fashion to your first email never hurts. I am not saying that you should tell a "Knock-Knock" joke, get creative and think of something original to say. If you show that you have the ability to be creative it might go a long way in letting them know that your mind works and has the ability to come up with interesting things. In the BDSM world, creativity is a HUGE thing.

Good luck to you and welcome to the boards.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to tenderfootmaster)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: I don’t mean to bitch, just blowing off some steam! - 6/6/2007 6:52:20 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
Yes..... Did take it like a grown up, but clarification isn't a bad thing either.  Let's get into the realistic circle for a moment.
 
Personally, I think you were lucky to get the number of responses that you did out of your mass mailing.  There are a lot of people here who haven't received nearly as many, so be appreciate of the ones who did have courtesy and did write you back.
 
I am not a female submissive, but from what I have gathered here, I can tell you what My response would have been.
 
For starters, you're 22, which means to Me that you haven't had the time to 'master' anything.  Still young and impulsive (as you clearly demonstrated and actually admitted) which means you lack control.  If you can't control yourself, you're not in the position to control someone else.  Impatience (a whole 4 days on CM!!!) isn't usually the trademark of a good dominant.
 
On the 'someone else' line, you're not even looking for 'one', you're looking for a few.  In other words, it sounds like you're like most other 22 year old males.  The words "looking to get laid" keep ringing in My mind.  Not even just looking to get laid, but wanting a variety.
 
You have neither experience, nor 'tools of the trade'.  If saran wrap and duct tape are your ideas of play items, I'd be scared to death.  Exactly how many times have you mummified someone?  I'd be afraid of being the lab rat you were testing your new ideas on.
 
Considering female submissives get the avalanche of email that they do, what candle do you hold against the experienced, established, seasoned, lifestyle Doms, who are skilled at their craft, stable, mature, etc., etc., etc.?
 
Here's what you do..... Follow some of the good advice the folks here gave you.  Start working on the goal of becoming a Master, rather than just thinking up a good screen name.  You can google BDSM and the name of your city and get results.  Along with that, and talking with people here while you're learning, read some books on the subject.  After all, you're asking someone (future submissive/s) to put themselves in your hands.  If you turned the idea around, wouldn't you prefer the type who did their research?
 
Just My humble opinion.  I realize this is the 'random stupidity' board, so you can take it or leave it.  
 
Welcome to the boards.  I'll be interested to see your future posts.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 6/6/2007 6:54:29 AM >

(in reply to YourShyPet)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: I don’t mean to bitch, just blowing off some steam! - 6/6/2007 6:57:13 AM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline
I ditto Lady Pact (always so smart).

And I give kudos too, that you didn't slink away like a troll and you stoop up and acted as a man.



_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: I don’t mean to bitch, just blowing off some steam! - 6/6/2007 7:21:39 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline
*groans*  such a neverending broken record which apparently many of you Doms are not getting. we submissives/slaves are not obligated and/or regulated to respond back to you ...however i must applaud you for handling this better than most i've seen around here.


< Message edited by sambamanslilgirl -- 6/6/2007 7:26:03 AM >


_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to tenderfootmaster)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: I don’t mean to bitch, just blowing off some steam! - 6/6/2007 8:30:38 AM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline
You've shown a lot of character in coming back and taking the criticism that's been tossed your way with good grace and admitting you made some errors.  It takes maturity and a real desire to learn and grow to be able to do that, it also shows you're not stubborn and are willing to learn. Good luck to you.

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to tenderfootmaster)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: I don’t mean to bitch, just blowing off some steam! - 6/6/2007 10:23:33 AM   
octavia


Posts: 377
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline
I'm planning to start a thread later today.....


quote:

ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav

*munches more popcorn*...I just LOVE happy endings....whens the next one start?.......

(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: I don’t mean to bitch, just blowing off some steam! - 6/6/2007 5:41:02 PM   
tenderfootmaster


Posts: 484
Joined: 6/1/2007
From: Ft. Leavenworth, KS
Status: offline

I must say a thank you goes out to you all! This is really what I wanted, feedback.! I knew I needed to learn the proper why, I just didn’t know how. I was really frustrated when I wrote my first words on this board and I’m really glad I did. I got some really good advice from all walks of life. (And to LadyPact, I have actually done a lot of mummification on a number of girlfriends and it always ended fine.) Its jut really hard to get “tools of the trade” on a privates salary. Unless you all wanted to chip in ;)!


_____________________________

"Never do anything today that you can put off till tomorrow... Most things that you do not have to do today are not worth doing at all." -E. W. Scripps

www.myspace.com/bdsmguy85

(in reply to octavia)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: I don’t mean to bitch, just blowing off some steam! - 6/6/2007 8:09:19 PM   
nyrisa


Posts: 1830
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tenderfootmaster

Its jut really hard to get “tools of the trade” on a privates salary. Unless you all wanted to chip in ;)



You may want to put a search in the forum using the word "pervertibles"; that has been a fun and active topic of conversation, where forum posters have discussed taking ordinary, everyday items and using them for fun and kinky uses. It does not take a lot of money to have a good time. I would absolutely advise against sinking significant money into outfitting a toy bag until you know for sure where your interests lie.

You can learn tons by going to meetings at your local BDSM group and watching the demos they might give. That way, you will also learn the safety requirements of the different types of play, also. I can't speak for all groups, but ours is very welcoming to newbies, and the folks are happy to explain (and show off!) their techniques after the scene is done.

I have not read your profile (the original, or the modified one), but the most attractive attribute I have seen you demonstrate so far is the willingness to stop, listen, reevaluate, and not take it personally. If that is really who you are, then on down the road, you should end up being a terrific Dom. Hope you find the journey of learning to be long and joyful.

_____________________________

A true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires. Robert Heinlein

The last thing I want to do is hurt you...but it is still on my list.

(in reply to tenderfootmaster)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: I don’t mean to bitch, just blowing off some steam! - 6/6/2007 11:27:06 PM   
soultoshare


Posts: 519
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
As for playthings...two words......Dom Depot!!!  (Oh yes, subs shop there too!  It's how i got my spreader bars!)

m

_____________________________

This is where I should say something witty.....well, "SOMETHING WITTY!"

**********************************************

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...

It's about learning to dance in the rain.



(in reply to nyrisa)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: I don’t mean to bitch, just blowing off some steam! - 6/7/2007 4:57:46 AM   
tenderfootmaster


Posts: 484
Joined: 6/1/2007
From: Ft. Leavenworth, KS
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nyrisa


quote:

ORIGINAL: tenderfootmaster

Its jut really hard to get “tools of the trade” on a privates salary. Unless you all wanted to chip in ;)
[/quote


You may want to put a search in the forum using the word "pervertibles"; that has been a fun and active topic of conversation, where forum posters have discussed taking ordinary, everyday items and using them for fun and kinky uses. It does not take a lot of money to have a good time. I would absolutely advise against sinking significant money into outfitting a toy bag until you know for sure where your interests lie.

You can learn tons by going to meetings at your local BDSM group and watching the demos they might give. That way, you will also learn the safety requirements of the different types of play, also. I can't speak for all groups, but ours is very welcoming to newbies, and the folks are happy to explain (and show off!) their techniques after the scene is done.

I have not read your profile (the original, or the modified one), but the most attractive attribute I have seen you demonstrate so far is the willingness to stop, listen, reevaluate, and not take it personally. If that is really who you are, then on down the road, you should end up being a terrific Dom. Hope you find the journey of learning to be long and joyful.


Thank you for the tips, I can always use more! What I’ve learned in the Army is to get over yourself and take constructive criticism(not take it to heart, but take to heed)

_____________________________

"Never do anything today that you can put off till tomorrow... Most things that you do not have to do today are not worth doing at all." -E. W. Scripps

www.myspace.com/bdsmguy85

(in reply to nyrisa)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: I don’t mean to bitch, just blowing off some steam! - 6/7/2007 4:59:24 AM   
tenderfootmaster


Posts: 484
Joined: 6/1/2007
From: Ft. Leavenworth, KS
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: soultoshare

As for playthings...two words......Dom Depot!!!  (Oh yes, subs shop there too!  It's how i got my spreader bars!)

m


Is that an interent store or an actual, walk-in store.

_____________________________

"Never do anything today that you can put off till tomorrow... Most things that you do not have to do today are not worth doing at all." -E. W. Scripps

www.myspace.com/bdsmguy85

(in reply to soultoshare)
Profile   Post #: 80
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