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Non sexual slaves (confuzzled) - 6/6/2007 5:13:08 PM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Ok, this may be an age old question but ive noticed a fair few Dominants mentioning that they would like 'secretary' or 'gardening' subs, now call me stupid but what exactally is gotten out of this relationship. Shoot me down if you must but surely that is just free labour? maybe i am totally missing them point, i just wanted to ask. Oh and another thing i wanted to ask is whats a fluid family? i dont like asking questions makes me look nieave but i guess i am trying to learn whats what and therefore what is right for me. 
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RE: Non sexual slaves (confuzzled) - 6/6/2007 5:34:51 PM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		I have a sub who comes to clean for me about once a week.  She does whatever I need done and spends time hanging out and chatting too.  She gets her "basic" need filled to serve.  I get my dishes washed, boxes moved or whatever else needs doing done.  Neither of us have total fulfillment in all things BDSM but it serves our purposes at this moment in time quite well. 

Now we can seperate sex from sensual.  I have had many (95% of them) subs I never had sex with, that's not to say it wasn't sensual and erotic being bound in my rope, or being made to worship various parts of my body.  It was but there was no actual intercourse.  Again very fulfilling.


_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to colouredin)
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RE: Non sexual slaves (confuzzled) - 6/6/2007 5:37:48 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		They get out whatever anyone gets out of any fulfilling relationship.

Sure it's free labor, but so what?  Some people enjoy it.  I'm doing my chores at LR at the Pamporium giving facials for 4 hours- and really it's one of the things I'm REALLY excited about.  Free labor?  You bet.  I love?  You bet.

What does a vanilla woman get out of a vanilla marriage? 

A fluid family is likely a "family" of a few people who are fluid bonded together and not open to exchanging fluids with others without them specifically joining the family.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to earthycouple)
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RE: Non sexual slaves (confuzzled) - 6/6/2007 5:39:20 PM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: earthycouple

I have a sub who comes to clean for me about once a week.  She does whatever I need done and spends time hanging out and chatting too.  She gets her "basic" need filled to serve.  I get my dishes washed, boxes moved or whatever else needs doing done.  Neither of us have total fulfillment in all things BDSM but it serves our purposes at this moment in time quite well. 

Now we can seperate sex from sensual.  I have had many (95% of them) subs I never had sex with, that's not to say it wasn't sensual and erotic being bound in my rope, or being made to worship various parts of my body.  It was but there was no actual intercourse.  Again very fulfilling.



Thankyou very much, sorry i just really didnt understand the concept.

and thankyou lucky Albatross for the definition of a fluid family.

(in reply to earthycouple)
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RE: Non sexual slaves (confuzzled) - 6/6/2007 5:42:19 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I cant speak for everyone, but I know what MY nonsexual slave gets out of our relationship. He is not a servant for me, he is my baby. He does not do my cleaning or anything else, my other sub does that. When we are not in "role" he and i have a fntastic time together.  We have a lot in common and we do everything from playing video games to watching movies and talking. When we do play, he does get aroused and occasionally has permission to do something about it. What we do isnt sexual, though his reaction to it is. He has been mine for nearly a year, so obviously it is working for him as well as it is fr me.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Non sexual slaves (confuzzled) - 6/6/2007 7:36:09 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

Ok, this may be an age old question but ive noticed a fair few Dominants mentioning that they would like 'secretary' or 'gardening' subs, now call me stupid but what exactally is gotten out of this relationship. Shoot me down if you must but surely that is just free labour? maybe i am totally missing them point, i just wanted to ask. Oh and another thing i wanted to ask is whats a fluid family? i dont like asking questions makes me look nieave but i guess i am trying to learn whats what and therefore what is right for me. 


Now sit down and take a seat here.
Go to my profile and look up the definition of submission.
Then go look up the definition of service.
There actually ARE people that want to serve, for the sake of serving!
They get their pleasure, from making their Master or Mistress happy!
It may not be your kink, but some enjoy it!
To each his/her own.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Non sexual slaves (confuzzled) - 6/6/2007 11:01:20 PM   
DominaSmartass


Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

I'm doing my chores at LR at the Pamporium giving facials for 4 hours- and really it's one of the things I'm REALLY excited about. 


Um... how do I sign up for one of these in advance? Or is it a first come thing. Nevermind, the entire event is going to be a first come, second come, third come, everyone come from what I have heard!

edited cause I got overexcited for a minute and forgot some words.


< Message edited by DominaSmartass -- 6/6/2007 11:03:53 PM >

_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Non sexual slaves (confuzzled) - 6/6/2007 11:42:04 PM   
HeavansKeeper


Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass

quote:

I'm doing my chores at LR at the Pamporium giving facials for 4 hours- and really it's one of the things I'm REALLY excited about. 


Um... how do I sign up for one of these in advance? Or is it a first come thing. Nevermind, the entire event is going to be a first come, second come, third come, everyone come from what I have heard!

edited cause I got overexcited for a minute and forgot some words.



Was this supposed to be dirty... Or am I overly attuned to sexuality?

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to DominaSmartass)
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RE: Non sexual slaves (confuzzled) - 6/7/2007 2:27:25 AM   
teachu2bgood


Posts: 16
Joined: 3/28/2005
Status: offline 		I believe there are many things a submissive can get from a non-physical relationship. I have one submissive that comes over on occasion for weekends. She is not sexually active and honestly there is no physical contact at all. She enjoys being around my slave and I for many reasons. The primary reason is to be involved in a structured household. She also is in a vanilla marriage and simply enjoys serving without the physical stuff. I am not the only Dominant she does this with either as she is from another state and still visits a couple she served in the same manor there. So she will visit them a few weeks a year. Yes her husband knows but does not want to be involved. She loves him but still needs to be able to serve people she respects. It is early in the morning and I hope this makes sense. So the ability to serve, friendship and structure I believe are what she derives from this if only on a part time basis.

(in reply to colouredin)
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RE: Non sexual slaves (confuzzled) - 6/7/2007 4:10:31 AM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		Its actually more common then you would think with people in the communities, especially with people who identity as Leather.

It was kind of a shock to me, because many people on forums like these talk a lot about D/S and sex. When I went out to try and meet people to learn from, I was a bit surprised at how many dominants focus primarily around service.

I am quite happy to have my horizons broadened, because my own focus on service has brought more fullfillment and enjoyment.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to colouredin)
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RE: Non sexual slaves (confuzzled) - 6/7/2007 5:04:50 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		A subs need to serve is fulfilled by providing service to a Dominant. Service can mean many things to different people. Sometimes it involves sex sometimes it does not. I do know people who own sex slaves who do nothing but provide pleasure. But most of the slaves that I know do service and perform sexually. It just depends upon how your relationship is defined.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Non sexual slaves (confuzzled) - 6/7/2007 6:14:37 AM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		The ability of a Dominant to guide service and promote abetter insight for the submissive into themselves is a skill that varies a great deal between different Domiants.

First off as a Leatherman who practices the old tradition of petitioning for service, I get an idea of what the person is looking for, what insight they hope to gain into themselves, and what area of their submission they are seeking to explore. I even get a good idea of what their long term goal is in this and many other areas of their lives.

Service is considered the tuition for the time and effort I put in figuring out how to stear them towards the goals they have.
So it really is not "Free Labor" because I'm trading off my time, experience, insight, and consulting.
There are other intangible benifits as well to be considered on both sides of the "/".

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Non sexual slaves (confuzzled) - 6/7/2007 6:31:23 AM   
Faramir


Posts: 1043
Joined: 2/12/2005
Status: offline 		colouredin:  From all the replies above, you can see a bunch of people have D/s frameworks that incorporate dynamics outside of eros intimacy.  I take them at their word, and believe that for some people, that's a workable way.

Just so you know, many of us don't feel that way.  You likely have a model for D/smuch more like mine.  D/s for me is the gateway to intimacy between lovers.  I hunger for eros, to see in my beloved's eyes mirrored the same depth of passionately intense love and desire.  I use words like intimacy, closeness, and union, and for me to experience that intimacy in eros, vice loves like friendship (phillia) or familiarity love (storge) I need to have a D/s relationship that includes physical intimacy.  I can't conceive of a non-intimate (in the way I am using the word) D/s relationship, but that reflects my centering, and I can de-center enough intellectually to understand what other posters are saying.

_____________________________

True masters, true subs and slaves, X many years in the lifestyle, Old Guard this and High Protocol that--it's like a convention of D&D nerds were allowed to have sex once, and they decided to make a religion out of it.

(in reply to Archer)
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RE: Non sexual slaves (confuzzled) - 6/7/2007 6:58:07 AM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		Faramir,

Excellent point, there are folks who need their D/s to include a "romantic love" component. There are folks who don't want romantic love in their D/s at all. Getting folks to understand the folks on the other side of that line from themselves is a difficult thing most of the time. I get both sides of the line because I operate on both sides of it with different people. Certainly there is an intimacy I have with all those I "work" with I love my boi Lane, but the relationship pretty much precludes anything directly sexual in nature. Lane is a lesbian and serves me as tuition of sorts. I love my slave Elegant in a completly different way.
I married her 5 years and a day after collaring her, and expect to own her for the rest of my life or hers.

Anyhow great point.





(in reply to Faramir)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Non sexual slaves (confuzzled) - 6/7/2007 7:36:57 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Faramir

colouredin:  From all the replies above, you can see a bunch of people have D/s frameworks that incorporate dynamics outside of eros intimacy.  I take them at their word, and believe that for some people, that's a workable way.

Just so you know, many of us don't feel that way.  You likely have a model for D/smuch more like mine.  D/s for me is the gateway to intimacy between lovers.  I hunger for eros, to see in my beloved's eyes mirrored the same depth of passionately intense love and desire.  I use words like intimacy, closeness, and union, and for me to experience that intimacy in eros, vice loves like friendship (phillia) or familiarity love (storge) I need to have a D/s relationship that includes physical intimacy.  I can't conceive of a non-intimate (in the way I am using the word) D/s relationship, but that reflects my centering, and I can de-center enough intellectually to understand what other posters are saying.


Yes i would agree i am very much of this mind set, but as a newbie i reall am just finding my way, if someone had asked me last year about all this i would have giggled and said well its a bit odd isnt it. So i am sorry if my initial post sounded offensive or anything i really am just trying to understand more. Its too easy to judge through ignorance something i dont want to be guilty of.

(in reply to Faramir)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Non sexual slaves (confuzzled) - 6/7/2007 7:55:46 AM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		I don't think folks were offended that much by it. You asked a question, you have allowed for the idea that you just didn't "Get it" and that there could be something you were missing from your perspective.

Nothing wrong with not "getting it" hell there are tons of things I don't "get".
The only caution I would give you is in assigning motivations to someone based on your own perspective " surely that is just free labor" could have drawn the focus of someone rather than the truth of the matter which was you just didn't/ don't understand what someone gets from a non sexuallybased service relationship.


(in reply to colouredin)
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RE: Non sexual slaves (confuzzled) - 6/7/2007 8:23:20 AM   
imthatacheyouhav


Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer

I don't think folks were offended that much by it. You asked a question, you have allowed for the idea that you just didn't "Get it" and that there could be something you were missing from your perspective.

Nothing wrong with not "getting it" hell there are tons of things I don't "get".
The only caution I would give you is in assigning motivations to someone based on your own perspective " surely that is just free labor" could have drawn the focus of someone rather than the truth of the matter which was you just didn't/ don't understand what someone gets from a non sexuallybased service relationship.



Excellent point i have been guilty of this myself...and i try to keep it in check....
Faramir i completely agree with you...i personally couldnt envision me in a "just service" role.... but i understand others may find it very rewarding....


_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to Archer)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Non sexual slaves (confuzzled) - 6/7/2007 8:36:43 AM   
Faramir


Posts: 1043
Joined: 2/12/2005
Status: offline 		I don't think anyone took your question to be offensive--it came across as inquisitive.

It's the person who all-caps some dumb-ass rant meant to shower themselves in glroy, vice a genuine question, that raises people's ire.

_____________________________

True masters, true subs and slaves, X many years in the lifestyle, Old Guard this and High Protocol that--it's like a convention of D&D nerds were allowed to have sex once, and they decided to make a religion out of it.

(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)
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RE: Non sexual slaves (confuzzled) - 6/7/2007 8:42:15 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		And it's a very normal process.  People first get "into this" and it takes awhile for them to realize just how big and varied "this" is beyond their own kink which brought them.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Faramir)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Non sexual slaves (confuzzled) - 6/7/2007 8:57:42 AM   
MissHarlet


Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline 		It is refreshing to see someone ask genuine questions about something they do not understand instead of just judging it as wrong.

I think all of us will admit that many things we thought silly or did not understand when we were new to the lifestyle have become part of us and something that once we understood, we were able to decide if it really was an interest for us or not.

So congratulations for being brave enough and smart enough to ask respectfully about something you don't understand.


_____________________________

Protectress of hearts/souls of all submissives calling Bounty's Place home, by order of Bounty~Proprietor

To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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