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RE: Non sexual slaves (confuzzled) - 6/7/2007 9:16:02 AM   
MsOpal


Posts: 244
Joined: 8/31/2006
Status: offline 		I know the OP asked about "service" like gardening, but I'd like to add my comments about "play" being non-sexual.  Much like Diurnal Vampire back at the beginning said  "What we do isnt sexual, though his reaction to it is."  I am married and I am quite happy and satisfied sexually.  While we do hope to find a poly relationship at some point, that does not mean I am seeking males subbies to have sex with, well or female for that matter.  In the past couple of years I have come to explore and embrace the sadist in me and I have sought, and found, a few male playmates.  It seems to me they have certain needs /desires (I don't care which) that they really want to satisy every so often.  Those needs/desires do not include sexual contact with me.  I do not engage in intercourse, fellatio, cunnilingus, hand jobs, ass insertion play, or body worship (well, they can wash, rub, massage my feet).  I am finding I enjoy CBT, so at times I do touch - but it is certainly not a hand job!  I know that at times the gentlemen become aroused and I just do not do anything about it,well - other than perhaps make fun or wack it a few times with a crop - although after we are done if they'd like a few moments alone in my shower, they are welcome to do so.  So, we have mutual opposite interests that by getting together a couple of days a month we can each satisfy.  Some people find it hard to believe/accept, that for me, it is totally non-sexual.  It is totally about the power exchange and the trust.  I have no sexual reaction to a play session, it just makes me happy.  It also appears to make the gentlemen happy.  So "it's all good."
MsOpal


_____________________________

He held out His hand and said "Step into the abyss with me."

and I did.

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Non sexual slaves (confuzzled) - 6/7/2007 9:19:56 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass
Um... how do I sign up for one of these in advance? Or is it a first come thing. Nevermind, the entire event is going to be a first come, second come, third come, everyone come from what I have heard!

edited cause I got overexcited for a minute and forgot some words.

Well from my one experience, Julia should have registration open on Thursday night and it's just a matter of walk up and put your name down.  They usually have at least two people providing each type of service through the day (I think it goes from 10:30-4:30).  And then it's a matter of first come, first serve, but we have no-shows and cancellations all the time (go figure).

My partner and I look to be working the early shift Sat & Sun.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Non sexual slaves (confuzzled) - 6/7/2007 5:10:40 PM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HeavansKeeper

quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass

quote:

I'm doing my chores at LR at the Pamporium giving facials for 4 hours- and really it's one of the things I'm REALLY excited about. 


Um... how do I sign up for one of these in advance? Or is it a first come thing. Nevermind, the entire event is going to be a first come, second come, third come, everyone come from what I have heard!

edited cause I got overexcited for a minute and forgot some words.



Was this supposed to be dirty... Or am I overly attuned to sexuality?


Not supposed to be dirty but we hear 4 hours of free facials and it gets alot of us Dommes squishy!! 

**edited to say "i see you there... go study!!"

< Message edited by BossyShoeBitch -- 6/7/2007 5:51:35 PM >

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Non sexual slaves (confuzzled) - 6/9/2007 11:25:18 AM   
SireKane


Posts: 105
Joined: 1/22/2004
Status: offline 		I understand that in the leather community it is not uncommon to have a  non-sexual slave. My experience in the dominant male submissive female heterosexual bdsm lifestyle is that it is quite uncommon to have a non-sexual slave. In the instances subs have shared with me where they had a non-sexual master it was due to some form of erectile dysfunction.

Kane

(in reply to MissHarlet)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Non sexual slaves (confuzzled) - 6/9/2007 1:20:58 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

Ok, this may be an age old question but ive noticed a fair few Dominants mentioning that they would like 'secretary' or 'gardening' subs, now call me stupid but what exactally is gotten out of this relationship. Shoot me down if you must but surely that is just free labour? maybe i am totally missing them point, i just wanted to ask. Oh and another thing i wanted to ask is whats a fluid family? i dont like asking questions makes me look nieave but i guess i am trying to learn whats what and therefore what is right for me. 


colouredin, I do not see anything offensive or stupid in what you have asked.  You've stated that you are fairly new and trying to learn.  One way to learn is to go to people who have been at it longer and ask.

About 8 years ago, for a short period of time before she moved, I became friends with a submissive in the town over from mine.  She also became friends with my submissive when she would visit and would occasionally join us for an evening.  She loved serving and was without a dominant.  She eventually began coming to my place...with my submissive's knowledge...when my submissive was not here and would clean and even sometimes, cook for me.  In exchange, she sometimes got spanked (which she loved), she enjoyed our companionship, she got to observe a D/s couple at work and play.

I would love to find a submissive who would love to clean my office in exchange for professional services.  That has been difficult to do. 

In MY submissive, I hope to find the whole package.  Sexual connection, D/s connection, BDSM connection, emotional connection, intellectual connection, allllllllllll the connections that go into a full relationship. 

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Non sexual slaves (confuzzled) - 6/11/2007 8:31:35 PM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		A dom contacted me once, he lived in upstate ny and said he was looking for a "slave" to be absolutely obediant and devoted. She would be require to work on his farm tending to the care of his horses, pigs, cows. Feeding them, cleaning the barns and other various farm chores as well as cooking his meals and cleaning his house. He made it clear that he was not there to pleasure his slave as that was her job, so any slave he took on would have to perform oral sex on demand with no expectation of anything in return. 

Now is this a service slave or an opportunist looking for free labor, with a few sexual perks thrown in?

i told him i wasn't a free labor farm hand and to go hire somone. 

When does service cross the line to taking advantage of someone?

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Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Non sexual slaves (confuzzled) - 6/11/2007 8:45:02 PM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		I think it depends on the service submissive. There are probably submissives who are willing to do the farm labor he wants done with no sexual component at all. Not everyone would.

My local community is learning that truly "cooking is my kink". I love to cook for groups of people and provide table service. That does not mean that whomever I am cooking for, whether the Dominant or their guests, are given permission to make free with my body in any way, shape, or form. It means that I *love* the service of cooking and serving for a group of people.

Until I find "the One" that I connect with, I don't forsee giving sexual service to too many. When I find someone that I give my complete submission to, then I would prefer that it include sexuality as well. In the meantime, I find non-sexual service to be a wonderful way to scratch my submissive "itch", meet lots of new people, and indulge my favorite kink.

(in reply to velvetears)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Non sexual slaves (confuzzled) - 6/14/2007 6:16:25 AM   
ExtremeOwnerIL


Posts: 197
Joined: 10/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Faramir
I use words like intimacy, closeness, and union, and for me to experience that intimacy in eros, vice loves like friendship (phillia) or familiarity love (storge) I need to have a D/s relationship that includes physical intimacy.  I can't conceive of a non-intimate (in the way I am using the word) D/s relationship, but that reflects my centering, and I can de-center enough intellectually to understand what other posters are saying.


I'm not saying this as an argument, but an offering that 'intimacy' takes many forms, both physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. You've acknowledged that, but I wanted to speak from a perspective of someone who has started exploring that intimacy and on
being served through service as well as through sexual/'couplehood' means.

I had previously centered my D/s on the physical, on the sexual. It was extremely intimate and it was/is still a good path. What I've found, as I've expanded the focus of our D/s to a more structured house, to include service other than sexual, that there are a great many paths to follow. The intimacy doesn't change, because we have that foundation of a physical/mental/spiritual bond, but it has moved on to other ways. She wants to serve, in many ways. I've given her those opportunities.

I can't speak from experience, as I've never had the fortune to know a family or household that had live-in servants; from what I read in history and in personal biographies, the relationship between 'Owner' and 'property' (I'm thinking Greco/Roman history) or of 'Head-of-Household' and 'Servants' (going to Victorian or Colonial - non-slavery-service) was very intimate. Perhaps not intimate on a sexual level, but history is full of stories where the servants (and even slaves) were as important and beloved in a family as a wife or child.

Why does someone volunteer? To find a fulfillment of their desire to help others? Extend that to service and a whole range of possibilities open up.

Regards,
EO



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Some of my thoughts on Ownership:

http://extremeowner.blogspot.com/

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Non sexual slaves (confuzzled) - 6/14/2007 6:19:27 AM   
ExtremeOwnerIL


Posts: 197
Joined: 10/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

A dom contacted me once, he lived in upstate ny and said he was looking for a "slave" to be absolutely obediant and devoted. She would be require to work on his farm tending to the care of his horses, pigs, cows. Feeding them, cleaning the barns and other various farm chores as well as cooking his meals and cleaning his house. He made it clear that he was not there to pleasure his slave as that was her job, so any slave he took on would have to perform oral sex on demand with no expectation of anything in return. 

Now is this a service slave or an opportunist looking for free labor, with a few sexual perks thrown in?

i told him i wasn't a free labor farm hand and to go hire somone. 

When does service cross the line to taking advantage of someone?


It would be very hard to answer that, as some would enjoy that type of situation. Since we live in a consent-based society, we look for situations where there is a good consentual match. Yes, it could be a situation where the guy is a user/abuser - or it could be exactly an 'Owner/property' situation based on the knowledge up front that this is very much a power-inequal situation.

The only time the line is crossed, to me, is when it turns into abuse or it exceeds that which has been consented to.

Regards,
EO


_____________________________

Some of my thoughts on Ownership:

http://extremeowner.blogspot.com/

(in reply to velvetears)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Non sexual slaves (confuzzled) - 6/14/2007 9:50:09 AM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline 		What wonderful responses!
i myself have learned so much from posting questions here and developing  realtime relationships with a special few i consider Mentors, on both sides of the kneel.
 
When i first began exploring all of this it truly was sexually motivated and all my first relationships were based on that. i have since learned about and experienced the beauty of the service aspect. For me personally in a LTR i need a balance of both ~

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Non sexual slaves (confuzzled) - 6/14/2007 9:53:07 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		The sheer joy of serving, of being near the Domina--of being commanded---I have a few at My beck and call for that very reason---

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Non sexual slaves (confuzzled) - 6/14/2007 10:02:16 AM   
peepeegirl5


Posts: 214
Joined: 3/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

The sheer joy of serving, of being near the Domina--of being commanded---I have a few at My beck and call for that very reason---


Absolutely.

Domina Sancti


_____________________________

"If we value so highly the dignity of life, how can we not also value the dignity of death? No death may be called futile." - Yukio Mishima

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Non sexual slaves (confuzzled) - 6/17/2007 3:21:37 PM   
FLMaster1958


Posts: 9
Joined: 7/13/2004
Status: offline 		This is a wide world and has room for many things. It is all a matter of understanding between the parties. I may take a hard line, but only to the thinking and definitions used. A service slave can be exactly that... service. That is what the owner wants, that is what the slave wants. (It's not my cup of tea, but whatever.) But it can also involve the whole dynamic. A gardener who stops to be used. A maid who cleans the house, only to be inturrupted to provide sexual service or while on the floor scrubbing, is in the perfect position for submissive sexual service. A cook who has to stop what she is doing to provide sexual service, or is just taken while bent over the cupboard, or seve a meal, and then service the Owner and maybe even the guests.

None of these things are wrong. Just getting into one situation, and expecting another is. Also not abiding the agreements ahead of time. There still must be trust.

(in reply to peepeegirl5)
Profile   Post #: 33
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