WhiplashSmile
Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
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Hey Gang,
Lately there's been this tension going on over what is a true/real master or slave, and many spins off down to protocals. Be these general social protocal, personal relationship protocals. Down to opening doors, car doors and body positions being physically lower or higher.
Eyes of our beholders
It's interesting to encounter so many perspectives or POVs (point of views). Face it, we all wear are own labels, and we each have our own personal definitions for labels and words we use. Master, Dom, Domme, Daddy Dom, submissive, slave, little girl, even the label Switch is area of debate when it comes to definitions.
I think, it's not just how we see ourselves, it's how the person in our life see's us as well. The eyes of our beholders. I believe it's important in a relationship that both people see each other in the same light. Regardless of how every Tom, Dick, Jane, and Harry views us.
Sure we view ourselves as being such and such, however every Tom, Dick, Jane and Harry on this site might view us somewhat differently. If you are looking for that special somebody for a relationship, it's how they see you that's important.
Now, you will encounter people saying you are not a real/true (insert you label here) in your search, move onto the next until you find the person that does view you as being a True/Real (insert you label here). Some people simply don't do this, instead they start up another "Why are people fakes" thread on the message board.
My advice, keep looking for what you are looking for, everybody will not met your expectations of what a (label you are looking for) is, nor will everybody view you as a true/real (insert your label here).
If I was to go by what every Tom, Dick, Jane and Harry thought about me, I'd probally flip out, go fucking insane, and become completely lost not knowing who or what I am.
How we do things
With every relationship, the number and levels of protocals used are different and varied. For some relationships there are very few while others there are many. It's obvious for some people protocal play a major role in relationship.
It appears some people heavily identify with using protocals as a means to help reinforce their respective labels, and the D/s relationship dynamics. Some people don't place so much emphasises in this things.
In any relationship I have ever been in, including vanilla ones, protocals existed in some form or another. Be it morning cups of coffee, holding doors open, answering phone, using pet names (honey, babe, dear) even. Most of these protocals are based on social interaction that is established between two people. It's a very natural process actually.
When it comes to talking about protocals in BDSM relationships, OMG people at times get so bent out of shape it's not funny. Even more so because we can create a working list of protocals on paper if we like and teach/share these with another person. Actually, going through this process can reduce the number of disagreements or conflicts in a relationship. For instance the area of "Opening Doors" and protocals involved.
Personally from my experiences, the "Opening Door" conversation, damn near always happens. Regardless if it's BDSM or vanilla. It's a point in time where this protocal is hammered out between two poeople. In terms of what each person thinks or expects in terms of "Opening Doors" every Tom, Dick, Jane and Harry is not involved in this process.
Some people Love High Level protocals, some Love lower level protocals. Protocals are a fact of life in any relationship you have, even when dealing with strangers. Things such as "Thank you", "Excuse me", handshakes, hugs, eye contact, down to tipping a waitress or bartender. Basically, Manners and Etiquette. Things that show respect for another person. These protocals are generally a two-way street. Where both parties (including Masters) follow it. It's not something that a sub/slave does. So it's just as much work for a Master as it is for a slave.
There are some people that lack proper Manners and Etiquette when dealing with others. They simply don't say "thank you" or ask for things in a polite manner. All crap that should have been taught to them by their parents while growing up. It can be a challenge at retraining these bad behaviors. For some people they could care less about social Manners and Etiquette. Hence the Expression "a slave is a reflection of the Master".
I just thought I'd put this thought out to for everybody, see what others have to say as well.
< Message edited by WhiplashSmile -- 6/8/2007 1:55:32 PM >
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Eyes of our beholders, and how we do things. - 
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