RE: To Be Ashamed Or Not....

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: To Be Ashamed Or Not....

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: To Be Ashamed Or Not....

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: To Be Ashamed Or Not.... - 6/8/2007 5:51:38 PM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

My dear long lost friend---hell NO! I put his happy happy ass on the happy happy train back to CA---went out had a martini, went home, cried My eyes out ( I mean how could I have been soooo stupid)---stopped taking the anti depressants ane re-entered the world the Woman I once was, am and will always be----and this time I am NOT taking My eye of My desires, My goals, My dreams for anyone!

YOU are one of the strongest women I know--go wash your hair and him the hell out if it---pffffttt he should count himself grateful to have been in your presence.

How I have missed you----huge hugs!

A martini for you Ma'am... i've missed you too... it's great to be home. Sorry I came back with a little egg on my face.. but it's going to wash off.

I for the most part do not blame him for any of this. I think I knew..but didn't want to see. There was so many of the right... that I believe I over looked the bad... didn't want to see it. He was who he was when I first argued these points with him and I refused to flinch. Why I flinched after so long of standing my ground.. I don't know. But I know this.... I won't flinch again. LOL

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 21

RE: To Be Ashamed Or Not.... - 6/8/2007 6:04:05 PM

PlayfulOne

Posts: 1047
Status: offline

Mistake? What mistake?

You tried something and it didn't work. The mistake would have been to stay afterr you realiazed things were never going to be what you wanted or how you expected. So,etimes tings work, sometimes they don't.

Just pay attention and figure out why you attract some of the people you do nad how you get involved.

Love from us both

K

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 22

RE: To Be Ashamed Or Not.... - 6/8/2007 6:13:27 PM

nearnyccouple

Posts: 70
Joined: 3/22/2007
Status: offline

i agree with Playful....if you learned more about yourself and what you seek in the future is it really a mistake? dont beat yourself up about it. there arent very many of us who get it right the first time. i try to look at each experience as a method of self awareness. and although many of us choose unwisely more than once, each time we gather more information and become more sure of what it is that will fulfill us in the future.

cassie

(in reply to PlayfulOne)

Post #: 23

RE: To Be Ashamed Or Not.... - 6/8/2007 6:24:05 PM

soultoshare

Posts: 519
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

haven't read everything yet, but GOOD FOR YOU!!!!! I found myself in the same boat.....trusted in and believed what i was told, then everything changed, almost exactly as you describe your relationship changing...especially the whole"tell me what you think, what you're feeling, this is important to me" and then WHAM....literally, "shut the f*%k up, i don't care about it!"

Yes, I felt a bit like an idiot, but folks here on the boards helped alot woth their advice and empathy.....made me be able to step back and really SEE what was going on.....didn't even have to cry......but ashamed? No way....we're human, and basically trust even a bit pretty much most people we meet....especailly when they are piling the BS on thick. I just chalked it up to a life lesson learned, and moved on.....I did learn that i need to start listening to my head and guts vs my emotions and hormones...yes, even at my age, it happens!

Good luck to you, chin up...it gets better!

m

_____________________________

This is where I should say something witty.....well, "SOMETHING WITTY!"

**********************************************

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...

It's about learning to dance in the rain.

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 24

RE: To Be Ashamed Or Not.... - 6/8/2007 7:34:27 PM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

Please note, I stated that I DO NOT feel ashamed. Not at all. I mainly posted this because with in seconds of posting my journal and new profile. I got a CM E-mail from someone telling me I should be ashamed of myself for not only what I did, but how I went about it.

Well I may of went about it all wrong... but when you feel like you're being ignored when you try to voice your thoughts about something...sometimes you have to take a different route to get the point across.

But as for feeling ashamed... naaaaaaaa.... my life will go on no matter what. Live and learn.

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to soultoshare)

Post #: 25

RE: To Be Ashamed Or Not.... - 6/8/2007 8:09:34 PM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

pffffftt, people in glass houses eh--true--? hey. its a reason for a party!!

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 26

RE: To Be Ashamed Or Not.... - 6/8/2007 8:22:12 PM

WhiplashSmile

Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

Please note, I stated that I DO NOT feel ashamed. Not at all. I mainly posted this because with in seconds of posting my journal and new profile. I got a CM E-mail from someone telling me I should be ashamed of myself for not only what I did, but how I went about it.

Well I may of went about it all wrong... but when you feel like you're being ignored when you try to voice your thoughts about something...sometimes you have to take a different route to get the point across.

But as for feeling ashamed... naaaaaaaa.... my life will go on no matter what. Live and learn.

I'm a firm believe in drastic times call for drastic measure! or is that desperate times call for desperate measures!

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 27

RE: To Be Ashamed Or Not.... - 6/8/2007 8:26:38 PM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

my life will go on no matter what. Live and learn.

Exactly, Jessica

.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 28

RE: To Be Ashamed Or Not.... - 6/8/2007 8:29:04 PM

WhiplashSmile

Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

pffffftt, people in glass houses eh--true--? hey. its a reason for a party!!

When you find yourself being a "Slave to the Grind" you have to say to yourself "This party's over so get the fuck out", even if it means living on Skid Row.

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 29

RE: To Be Ashamed Or Not.... - 6/8/2007 8:59:15 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

I'm sorry that you had to go through this. Like many others, I don't know the details of what happened, but I am glad to know you aren't ashamed. You have nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, it sounds as thought you have every reason to be proud of yourself. You may not have quickly realized that this relationship was not what was going to make you happy, but when you FULLY realized it, you high tailed it out of there. Good for you. Whether you are a slave or a submissive, you aren't giving up your right to a happy fufilling life. What makes each of us happy and fufilled may be different, but we are all still entitled to our version of it. You have no egg on your face truesub4u. You stood tall and proud and firm in your beliefs of what it will take to make you happy. While I realize you may be hurting a little now, I applaud you for your courage to do what was right for you.

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)

Post #: 30

RE: To Be Ashamed Or Not.... - 6/8/2007 9:06:47 PM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

First let me offer a *big hug* and say i am sorry you are going through this pain. Give yourself credit that you were able to see what you needed to see to be able to get yourself out of a relationship that wasn't going to be what you needed or wanted. No shame at all in admitting we make mistakes..... can anyone on CM claim they never made one? i dount it.

From your post it would seem this guy lured you in by feigning interest in you and what you were interested in or needed in a D/s relationship. After he thought he had you hooked he showed his true colors - he used deceipt to attain you, then reverted to who he really was after he felt he had you connected to him. Sounds like he wanted a "slave" and had very definite ideas about what a slave's place is under him. You didn't want that level of control, you identified more as submissive, is what i would guess.

Maybe at one point you felt you could be what he wanted but after trying it, realized how it just was not who you were. Sounds like you wanted more of a relationship, someone to treat you like a person with feelings and desires of your own and sounds like he led you to believe this was how it was going to be - i say SHAME on HIM to have misled you!

Think of this as a learning experience and how much stronger and better you will be for your next relationship....good luck and hope each day you grow stronger and happier :-)

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 31

RE: To Be Ashamed Or Not.... - 6/8/2007 9:29:08 PM

Noah

Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

My dear long lost friend---hell NO! I put his happy happy ass on the happy happy train back to CA---went out had a martini, went home, cried My eyes out ( I mean how could I have been soooo stupid)---stopped taking the anti depressants ane re-entered the world the Woman I once was, am and will always be----and this time I am NOT taking My eye of My desires, My goals, My dreams for anyone!

YOU are one of the strongest women I know--go wash your hair and him the hell out if it---pffffttt he should count himself grateful to have been in your presence.

I dunno.

I was kind of impressed with the way the OP pretty much stuck to presenting her own thoughts and emotions in regard to a learning experience--without stooping to things like blaming someone else for her depression.

For her to be that open--not to mention polite--in a time of turmoil indicates some very good things, I think.

quote:

pffffttt ... pffffttt ... pffffttt

Do I want to ask which end of the mhoo all these air leaks are coming from?

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 32

RE: To Be Ashamed Or Not.... - 6/9/2007 5:34:49 AM

slaveish

Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

I wonder... what you you do...if you found out... you actually made a mistake. Would you stick it out and try to change it, live with it.... Or go hide in shame? Or be bold enough to stand up and say.. Damn... I did it again!!

I'm getting old and my BS tolerance is lessening - therapy helps me see why I keep seeing the same scenery over and over. ("Awww, shit! I've been down this road before!!")

Good luck to you, true. Enjoy the ride regardless of your screw-ups. (We aren't going to live forever.)

< Message edited by slaveish -- 6/9/2007 5:35:20 AM >

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 33

RE: To Be Ashamed Or Not.... - 6/9/2007 6:44:07 AM

Ghostfalcon

Posts: 7
Joined: 10/31/2005
Status: offline

I don't know if this helps but I thought I'd share my point of view. I understand that when your in pain, the world is at its darkest *hugs*

I have often failed or made mistakes in my life - both professionally and personally. I firmly believe that it is from those mistake and failures that I have learned what I can and cannot accept in my life. It is also the time that I have learned the things which are darkest about myself - and the things which are part of the person I wish I was more of. It is often an annoyingly true fact that adversity builds character.

If the relationship did not fufill you it was not right for you, if you could not negotiate between the two of you so it became right, it was not right for you. Failure in a relationship is not a failure of one person but two.

Do I have regrets about some of the things in my life - yes, personal regrets sometimes with shame - almost everything was a life experience which I look at and try to remember that I try to live a philosophy that it is better in my life to regret having done something (within my moral code) - than regret having not done it, or been afraid to try.

I would suggest that you look over this last experience and see what you've learned, what you can accept about yourself and a relationship and what you cannot accept in a relationship. If you have learned from this and will not repeat the same mistake - there is no shame, no ridicule, no fear.

I hope that you can find a relationship where you are treasured.

(in reply to slaveish)

Post #: 34

RE: To Be Ashamed Or Not.... - 6/9/2007 6:51:39 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

I wonder... what you you do...if you found out... you actually made a mistake. Would you stick it out and try to change it, live with it.... Or go hide in shame? Or be bold enough to stand up and say.. Damn... I did it again!!

I would attempt to learn from it, hold my head up high and go on... Jessica, you cannot live life in your rearview mirror.

It depends on the mistake as to how I handle it, each situation is different.

I am sorry to hear you were disappointed again, BUT I would congratulate yourself that you found out that it was not going to work for you quickly. The only thing worse than finding yourself in a miserable relationship of any length is to spend one more day in it... learned that when I was married.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 35

RE: To Be Ashamed Or Not.... - 6/9/2007 7:11:46 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

i find myself once again in awe of the wisdom of Mercnbeth.

i will never forget an exercise one of my HS teachers had us perform. He told us to drop our pencil on the floor...then try to pick it up. Not PICK it up but TRY to. See, the point is that "try" isn't a verb... it's impossible to "try" to do anything. We can either act and fail or act and succeed but in order to accomplish anything we must first ACT.

Act and Fail is vital to our learning process. If as babies we gave up the first time (second through hundredth time) we took at step and then fell...we would never walk upright. Once we got to the Act and Succeed part, walking becomes automatic. We have the ability to make success automatic in other parts of our lives as well.

Ashamed? It would be shameful to have never taken that first step. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 36

RE: To Be Ashamed Or Not.... - 6/9/2007 8:42:13 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

You know "true" I've been doing alot of thinking this morning---(mornings, the garden and the heat are always good for smacking Me back to reality)--about your situation, you've been like My little sister for years and I've watched you grow as a woman----and I thought about the elstupido things I have done in these last two years---and I realized I ALLOWED people to make Me second guess Myself---question My beliefs, My values, My dreams and My future---I've given them permission for whatever reason to feel they can just walk right in and redecorate My life---and you know why? It goes back to what I have said in the past, at the end of the day we are damn human beings with needs, wants, desires, emotions, hopes, fears. weaknesses---THAT is what is the beauty of us all---that is what makes our unique " quilts"--- I laid right down and played to the crowd----FTS!!!!

Nope, no more, nada. true, you are a woman of great strength--sooo you kissed the wrong toad, pfffttt
so what, you learned something, and you said there was some good there----well good--we do tend to overlook the bad thinking aha with Me it will be different--I have a dear Domina friend of Mine-the same way---we think We can make it different--AND I know more than a few Doms that felt that way so I don't want anyone to start with the women are so.....

--you --little missy have come through hell in these last few years, you don't need someone to keep you there-----

and neither do I---its My way or the highway and just because you choose submission doesn't mean you have to give up YOU in the process. You should grow and blossom not wither and die.

ohh and btw, Im heading to the beach the end of the month--in your direction----hugs and lunch?

So you go girl!

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 37

RE: To Be Ashamed Or Not.... - 6/9/2007 9:22:41 AM

octavia

Posts: 377
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PlayfulOne

Mistake? What mistake?

You tried something and it didn't work. The mistake would have been to stay afterr you realiazed things were never going to be what you wanted or how you expected. So,etimes tings work, sometimes they don't.

Just pay attention and figure out why you attract some of the people you do nad how you get involved.

Love from us both

K

I agree 100% with this person. I don't know you or your situation, but you are making good choices. You recongnized that you were not getting what you need, you took steps to get your needs met. BRAVO!
I will watch and learn from you.

(in reply to PlayfulOne)

Post #: 38

RE: To Be Ashamed Or Not.... - 6/9/2007 1:46:50 PM

Areflectionofyou

Posts: 258
Joined: 4/4/2006
Status: offline

we have all been where you are ...wish we also hadn't been either. best of luck and keep your chin up.

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 39

RE: To Be Ashamed Or Not.... - 6/9/2007 4:07:10 PM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

ohh and btw, Im heading to the beach the end of the month--in your direction----hugs and lunch?

But of course... just e-mail me.. let me know..and i'll cook or buy... will be great.

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: To Be Ashamed Or Not....

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.078