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RE: D/s .. what percentage is sexual in nature for you? - 6/1/2005 5:09:32 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline 		Seems like answers so far have been from the perspective of what percentage of what you're doing has sexual content. Another way I'm looking at it is that I'm only interested in the dynamic with gals then it must be 100% sexual at some level. But that approach only works for someone who is strictly hetero.

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RE: D/s .. what percentage is sexual in nature for you? - 6/1/2005 7:46:30 AM   
MsIncognito


Posts: 742
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tempestspet

What percentage of your D/s (or M/s) relationship is sexual?



I have to admit I find this to be a rather odd question (and one you didn't answer yourself, I might add ;)

To me, trying to figure out what percentage of a relationship that is integral to the core of my being is sexual is like trying to figure out how many blades of grass are in my lawn - nearly impossible and ultimately pointless. The "sexual" side of relationship waxes and wanes over time so even if one were inclined to quantify it, the percentage would vary over time and circumstnces.

(in reply to Tempestspet)
Profile   Post #: 22
Give me the GOOD stuff!! - 6/1/2005 9:00:45 AM   
onetaintedangel


Posts: 2
Joined: 5/25/2005
Status: offline 		This seems to be a topic of discussion for me lately.... I have a great friend of mine who is beginning to explore the honeycombed realms of bdsm and she has been looking to me for my guidance and opinion on certain things, one of which is this (obviously). I'll tell you what I told her...
I had a Trainer for my first explorations for several years who I would go to see on the weekends. He's been involved with the "scene" for 25+ years. From the very beginning it was explained to me and put into a contract that there would be NO sex involved. Sure, if the scene called for it there might be an occasional dildo or vibrating toy or whatever but it was made clear that he would not be engaging in sex with me. I won't get into his reasons as they aren't important but this at least sets the stage.
As a result of this my eyes were opened to the deep emotional and sensual aspects of BDSM. I was fulfilled by pleasing him, learning new things, improving others, etc... and just by being me... I discovered more about who I was and what my limits were and watched as my little checklist began to mature... It was so exciting!! For 3 years and no sex at all during my training.
With that said, I have very little respect for people who feel that "their job" or "their scene" can't be complete without (excuse the bluntness please) sticking their cock inside of you... That goes for Doms and subs alike.
You know, you can get sex anywhere. It's not like it's hard to find. So what's the big deal? OMG. Did I just say that? Yep. Read it again if you need to! If a monkey can do it it can't be all that hard to figure out.. LOL
Don't misunderstand, I do love sex and I'm a very sensual person. I don't hold back from sex for the sake of holding out! LOL... But I LOVE variety and erotic scenes. I get more out of those than out of sex at times.. There are at least 101+ ways to get off without doing "the full monty" and still ending up glowing, breathless and more than satisfied in the end.
So, here I am now with my Sir, 10 years later feeling totally grateful for all that my Trainer taught me in the beginning. I LOVE the outlook he gave me and the desire that was nurtured and brought to life! I love the fact that I still have so much more to learn (which is the beauty of this realm) which has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with fulfillment (on Both parts) and self-exploration.

(in reply to MsIncognito)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: D/s .. what percentage is sexual in nature for you? - 6/1/2005 9:17:27 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I have never been sexually aroused by a man except in a context in which he dominates me. If he wants to kiss me and be all lovey dovey, I feel disgusted- nauseous even. Therefore, I find D/s intrinsically sexual. As I get in a relationship, the other things follow, but it is always purely sexual at first.


I understand what you are saying, I think that I might not have stated that correctly... I was going on the thought that what the OP meant by sex was intercourse. And for me, that isn't a necessary part of D/s or M/s, but it is a really great perk. And yes, I also must have some sort of attraction to that person.

Jewel

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RE: D/s .. what percentage is sexual in nature for you? - 6/1/2005 9:26:44 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I understand what you are saying, I think that I might not have stated that correctly... I was going on the thought that what the OP meant by sex was intercourse. And for me, that isn't a necessary part of D/s or M/s, but it is a really great perk. And yes, I also must have some sort of attraction to that person.

Jewel


Ahhh that is a very different question, perhaps that is why I have been confused by some of the responses.

Is the question "How much of your bdsm is sexual?" as in physical actual intercourse.

Or is the question "How much of your being in bdsm sexual for you?" as in feeling related to sex/sexuality.

I answered the second question.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: D/s .. what percentage is sexual in nature for you? - 6/2/2005 9:05:44 AM   
Tempestspet


Posts: 360
Joined: 1/13/2005
Status: offline 		I've actually been thinking about this... trying to seperate some of it. Which is fairly hard...lol
Stirictly D/s speaking, 0% is sexual. This coming from an obiedience, doing what's expected of you and all that. It true, there's isn't anything sexual about doing as you are told. In doing what I'm told, what's expected of me.... there is a definate satisfaction to be had. If feels great knowing that I made Master happy. Though I am highly sexual, and thinking of it from that standpoint, then it's a good percentage of D/s that's sexual for me. This is indeed hard to answer in one way. There are many facets to it.

Considering then, that I live with Master, and have for 13 of our 15yrs together, ........well it's just about impossible to nail down a percentage, I know I posed the quesiton. But taken strictly at face value.... I see where others have said it's impossible, or nearly so. They are right....smiles....

( Yes, I'm thinking this out...right here...right now)
We look vanilla within much of our daily life. Though I carry kink into my job, and most know about it. And in turn know about Master. Most think we are just kinky, and don't know the extent to which we take everything. And even though we look vanilla there's D/s structure, all the time. There are things I do, within the ret of every day.... that are there to provide a constant D/s structure, and living environment. This is the level that makes us happy. Not every moment is sexual, though there is some level of satisfaction, on both our parts, that kind of tugs at our sexual being, knowing that he is Master of me...everything I do, and on my part in knowing that I am doing as he likes and wants me to do. When I am physically with him. There are sexual thoughts ALOT of the time. Just passing thoughts mostly, from touching him, holding his hand, laying my hand on his leg.... all of which he established early on...that he likes this, how we sit in a car, walk in public, behave in private. And mostly because when I am with him, I feel compelled to have physical contact with him. He understand this also, and likes it...when he doesn't want me on him... he just lets me know it's enough.

I have no idea, if this really answers this for anyone but me...lol... questions as always are welcome.
Ok, done rambling for know....smiles


Sincerely,
Tempest's pet
jennifer

(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: D/s .. what percentage is sexual in nature for you? - 6/2/2005 10:01:35 AM   
subversiveone


Posts: 332
Joined: 4/20/2005
From: Daddy's Lap
Status: offline 		>>It true, there's isn't anything sexual about doing as you are told.

*piffle as Master would say, one can be aroused by mere verbal control

I think of my relationships as highly if not purely sexual because im basically a horndog and get off on nearly everything. If they know im a sub, if im subbing to them, then it's sexual. I don't discuss it or act on it with anyone who is not prepared to see me get aroused because of the nature of my passion for it. Shrugs. Call me subversive. I wouldn't do it if it didn't feed that in me. And if im not ready to have sexual feelings with someone (even if it's just a good friend that im sharing with and we never speak of how it makes us feel to each other) then i don't discuss it in real life.
Are there times in day to day life w/Master that aren't sexual, well duh. But mostly, just being with my D/s partners, or thinking of, is enough for me. My source of love, affection, attention, pleasure, will ALWAYS be the most exciting and sexually stimulating to me. And if my mind has HALF the chance to wander there, away from the food cooking or the damn phones ringing, it will and does. I equate my submissiveness to the ultimate expression of love, trust and of course sexuality.

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(in reply to Tempestspet)
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RE: D/s .. what percentage is sexual in nature for you? - 6/2/2005 10:04:07 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

Not every moment is sexual, though there is some level of satisfaction, on both our parts, that kind of tugs at our sexual being


jennifer,
this slave agrees wholeheartedly, there is an undercurrent of sexuality that happens upon wakening and retreats only with sleep, like lava flowing under an active, yet smoldering volcano.

(in reply to Tempestspet)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: D/s .. what percentage is sexual in nature for you? - 6/2/2005 3:52:44 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

there is an undercurrent of sexuality that happens upon wakening and retreats only with sleep


What--no erotic dreams?

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: D/s .. what percentage is sexual in nature for you? - 6/2/2005 11:36:33 PM   
SteelBondager


Posts: 86
Joined: 5/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Seems like answers so far have been from the perspective of what percentage of what you're doing has sexual content. Another way I'm looking at it is that I'm only interested in the dynamic with gals then it must be 100% sexual at some level. But that approach only works for someone who is strictly hetero.


I'm 100% heterosexual, but I'll top a man at the drop of his leash.

(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: D/s .. what percentage is sexual in nature for you? - 6/3/2005 7:26:56 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

What--no erotic dreams?


dearest proudsub,
this slave is LIVING her erotic dream!

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: D/s .. what percentage is sexual in nature for you? - 6/3/2005 8:57:34 AM   
Gemeni


Posts: 255
Joined: 2/19/2005
Status: offline 		D/s is a mindset.

Sex is a physical thing,a bonding agent.

They often intertwine, but how could you possible set a percentage on anything that ebbs and flows so much?

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: D/s .. what percentage is sexual in nature for you? - 6/3/2005 9:19:07 AM   
MemphisDsCouple


Posts: 146
Joined: 11/1/2004
From: Memphis, TN, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

I just wanted to add that though I don't think that D/s is 100% sexual in nature, I do believe that sex always involves power dynamics.


My experience and observations teach me that this is exactly so.

Hey, if Paris Hilton can make a hamburger ad into sex - everything is sex.


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B. (the male half of MemphisDsCouple)

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: D/s .. what percentage is sexual in nature for you? - 6/3/2005 2:53:17 PM   
Tempestspet


Posts: 360
Joined: 1/13/2005
Status: offline 		Ok, the percentage was...kind of a figure of speech. Most that have commented I think understand that. It's just a guess.

For those that are very literal.... and this is not in any way meant as an insult, my daughter is this way. Some people just think in a very literal sense.....

How important...how much more does the sexual aspects of D/s figure into your relationship... or does it figure in much at all? Is it an inntegral part of your relationship?

For some, it is. Sex, sexual undertones are a foundation for them.. nothing wrong there.
For some, sex, and/or sexual undertones are not the foundation... this is also fine.

There isn't a right or wrong answer. Just a sharing of experineces, feelings and ideas....


Hope this helps....*smiles*


Tempest's pet
jennifer

(in reply to MemphisDsCouple)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: D/s .. what percentage is sexual in nature for you? - 6/4/2005 6:39:37 AM   
subversiveone


Posts: 332
Joined: 4/20/2005
From: Daddy's Lap
Status: offline

>>How important...how much more does the sexual aspects of D/s figure into your relationship... or does it figure in much at all? Is it an inntegral part of your relationship?

If one took away the raw sexual intercourse, the D/s would not suffer. If one took away the D/s, the whole relationship would suffer. If my submission to His Dominance isn't completely sexual in nature, to either of us, it's still arousing/pleasing/stimulating and therefore all goes back to sexual. Every day things can become an expression of sex and/or love via D/s. By developing our relationship based on D/s we're acheiving this. And we have a broad definition of what is 'sexual' when so much turns us on ;) thank goodness

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(in reply to Tempestspet)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: D/s .. what percentage is sexual in nature for you? - 6/4/2005 9:28:10 AM   
Kinkypupper


Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline 		"Life in general " would say right now 80 bdsm 20 sex
"life as I would like it in a long term relationship 40 bdsm /60 vanilla
Amount of bdsm that has sexual contact of some sort ( as in flogging and getting her off during that) 75%
Amount of people I chat with whom I also "play" with that has a bdsm base. 5% or less.
Amount of "sex" I have with no BDSM content less then 5% in the last year.
Percentage of times I go to a 'event' or party and "play" less then 5%


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A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to Tempestspet)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: D/s .. what percentage is sexual in nature for you? - 6/4/2005 6:28:47 PM   
synrgy33


Posts: 61
Joined: 4/4/2005
Status: offline 		What a great topic. I've truly enjoyed reading all the posts to this. I think sometimes I myself try to analize EVERYTHING.. and I try to put labels on my relationship and within the BDSM community and my relationsihp you can't really put a label on it. If it works.. it works.

But everyone has such facinating thoughts and ideas. so thanks for an interesting thought process for me for the next few hours.. LOL

syn~SD~

(in reply to Kinkypupper)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: D/s .. what percentage is sexual in nature for you? - 6/4/2005 8:53:38 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
dearest proudsub,
this slave is LIVING her erotic dream!

Did Merc make you write that Beth, to make him look more like a studmuffin?? LOL, M

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a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: D/s .. what percentage is sexual in nature for you? - 6/5/2005 7:24:11 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

Did Merc make you write that Beth


No, I didn't. But we both feel that, like D/s, sexuality is a mental state of mind. We happen to be "mental" 24/7. The choice for others to believe it or not is our concern. We can be shopping at the food store and a shared look between us will send shivers down our collective spine. I love touching ALL THE TIME, beth loves to be touched. I love naked ALL THE TIME, beth loves to be naked. I love acting upon my dominance and the dynamic of being in charge or, as others may call it, "micro-managing" ALL THE TIME, beth loves being submissive and "micromanaged". Within all these aspects is a strong, intelligent, confident woman, becoming more confident every day in her choice to become my slave.

Trust me, the difficulty of finding someone was a task worthy of Diogenes. Finding someone that is compatible is a life dream come true as well as an erotic dream come true. So yes, finding each other, and being together for these years has been and IS as beth wrote - "living within an erotic dream" for us both.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: D/s .. what percentage is sexual in nature for you? - 6/5/2005 11:52:08 AM   
Tempestspet


Posts: 360
Joined: 1/13/2005
Status: offline 		All I can say to Merc and beth is...

sooo true!!

..smiles...


Tempest's pet
jennifer

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 40
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