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collars - 6/9/2007 3:10:12 PM   
friedfish80


Posts: 2
Joined: 6/10/2006
Status: offline 		ok fairly new to all of this. my sub and i have a great relationship both inside and outside of the lifestyle. she has decided that she wants to be collared. we both have done our reserch on the seginifance of this. and were up for it. im just curious about any kind of rituals there is with placeing the collar on her neck.
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RE: collars - 6/9/2007 3:19:57 PM   
Domspaintoy


Posts: 158
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline 		Greetings

correct me if im wrong but when did the sub/slave decide she/he wanted to be collared? i always thought it was the Master/Dom/Domme who decided they wanted to collar their sub/slave.

What the sub/slave wants is irrespective, its what He/She wants isnt it? or am i being old fashioned?

i wear an eternity collar that Master placed around my neck a long time ago and i wear it with pride and love, but id never have said to Him,  'oh i think id like one of those collars now Master' id have earnt a whipping plus more besides for that, but maybe thats just U/us?!

< Message edited by Domspaintoy -- 6/9/2007 3:23:20 PM >

(in reply to friedfish80)
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RE: collars - 6/9/2007 3:40:51 PM   
HutchGarahl


Posts: 562
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: friedfish80

ok fairly new to all of this. my sub and i have a great relationship both inside and outside of the lifestyle. she has decided that she wants to be collared. we both have done our reserch on the seginifance of this. and were up for it. im just curious about any kind of rituals there is with placeing the collar on her neck.

While a ritual ain't required to dawn a collar...they are nice to do. :) There have been times where I would simply slap a collar on a girl and that was it....but for the most part...I prefer to have some sort of ritual and it seems to make the girl more at ease in accepting her collar, kind of gives her an understanding of what her new life will be like because with the rituals I go through, they tend to have that vow type of thing, where we comment on what we will be doing and what we expect, there is the signing of the contract and then the collar comes into place. Good luck to you and yours in your new venture.


Domspaintboy...that would actually depend on the people. For the most part....me being the dom, I would be the one to instill a collar. But there have been a few times where i've had someone come to me and ask for my collar. Of course they would have to go under training, they would recieve a trainer collar and if they prove worthy, would recieve a more formal collar. Of course there is the chance things don't work out, then I would remove the trainer and let them go. There is a young girl now who has asked for my collar, so we are in the process of working things out to meet and see where we can go from there.

(in reply to friedfish80)
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RE: collars - 6/9/2007 3:54:55 PM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		If you both agree you want her to wear your collar...then Congrats! 

As for rituals...you make them as you want them.  I watched a collaring in a public play space one night where she had no idea that he was going to ask her....we all knew.  In the same place space I quietly collared a sub several weeks later, no one knew.  And when I collared Robert, we did it in the privacy of my bedroom while he kneeled at my feet. 

You can make this as grand or quiet an affair as you like (not unlike a wedding).  You can choose to say something or do it quietly.  It is entirely up to you.  I wish you both well!!!

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to HutchGarahl)
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RE: collars - 6/9/2007 3:56:49 PM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Domspaintoy

Greetings

correct me if im wrong but when did the sub/slave decide she/he wanted to be collared? i always thought it was the Master/Dom/Domme who decided they wanted to collar their sub/slave.

What the sub/slave wants is irrespective, its what He/She wants isnt it? or am i being old fashioned?

i wear an eternity collar that Master placed around my neck a long time ago and i wear it with pride and love, but id never have said to Him,  'oh i think id like one of those collars now Master' id have earnt a whipping plus more besides for that, but maybe thats just U/us?!


You read the op in your way...I read it this way:   She felt she was ready to wear his collar, she brought the topic up to him.  They researched the pros and cons and the significances of a collar and they decided they wanted that very special commitment. 

I know for a fact there is at least two dominants on these boards alone, that require a sub ask for a collar.



_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to Domspaintoy)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: collars - 6/9/2007 4:00:41 PM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline 		You are the one who needs to decide if the time is right to collar.  Sub's can want lot of things, does not mean that they get it.  When you are ready depending on how things are with you a training collar would be where to start.  Then if the sub has earned it and you are ready a "normal" collar.  Some Dom's make it a big occasion, some like for it to be simple but it is up to you.

Mike


(in reply to HutchGarahl)
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RE: collars - 6/9/2007 4:03:56 PM   
Domspaintoy


Posts: 158
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HutchGarahl




Domspaintboy...that would actually depend on the people. For the most part....me being the dom, I would be the one to instill a collar. But there have been a few times where i've had someone come to me and ask for my collar. Of course they would have to go under training, they would recieve a trainer collar and if they prove worthy, would recieve a more formal collar. Of course there is the chance things don't work out, then I would remove the trainer and let them go. There is a young girl now who has asked for my collar, so we are in the process of working things out to meet and see where we can go from there.


for info its Domspaintoy! and as far as im concerned its the Master/Dom who decides NOT the sub/slave BUT thats Masters and my thoughts.

(in reply to HutchGarahl)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: collars - 6/9/2007 4:09:16 PM   
litleone8620


Posts: 3669
Joined: 6/12/2006
Status: offline 		I read the question the same way.

When i was collared, i knew he was going to do it, and we went shopping for a collar i liked, and looked aesthetically pleasing on me. I asked to be collared, or begged really, if you want to look at it like that. I did that because that's what he liked.

To the OP: just like everyone else said, the collaring ceremony is what you want it to be. You can do it publicly, privately, with an air banner, and marching band.

I do think it should reflect your personality, and your partner's personality.


_____________________________

He who laughs last didn't get the joke


We have enough youth. How about a fountain of smart?

(in reply to earthycouple)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: collars - 6/9/2007 4:32:46 PM   
Kinkypupper


Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline 		agreedd to what was earlier "She decided".. is NOT the correct comment here.
YOU decide and she accepts is much better form..
If you have not decided and you both have accepted what it means to wear a collar by "your" mutual termanolagy then great.
In my termonology a collar is like a wedding band on steroids, the responsibility, the commitment , is also just as much on steroids then a "normal" marrage. she must accept that the collar is being locked on her neck for as long as YOU decide it is not removable like a wedding ring is. You also need to accept that depth of responsibility toward her care, training and wellbeing.
The word "no" as a reply to something she is told by you is just not done, the word "yes sir" is.
If you wish to go fuck someone and have her stand there and watch, is she ready do accept that from you, just as are you ready to accept any "damage" to her that might create.

Is she and are YOU ready for that depth of commitment and trust.

_____________________________

Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to friedfish80)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: collars - 6/9/2007 5:16:16 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline 		 
I imagine the protocols or whatever about collaring vary from relationship to relationship.

I dont mind if I am asked by my submissive for a collar.  I can say yes or no.  I dont find begging
to be a very attractive thing for somebody to do, but that is just me.

The last two times I collared somebody I did not really look into the future to see where the relationship would
end up going, and I do not plan to make that mistake a third time.  I want to have a conversation with her for
the rest of my time here.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to Kinkypupper)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: collars - 6/9/2007 5:48:14 PM   
friedfish80


Posts: 2
Joined: 6/10/2006
Status: offline 		i find it amaising that i come her looking for help and i yelled at by others in regards to the depth of my relationship. THANKYOU to all of thoes with a kind word and to all that judge. knock it off

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: collars - 6/9/2007 5:53:44 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: friedfish80

i find it amaising that i come her looking for help and i yelled at by others in regards to the depth of my relationship. THANKYOU to all of thoes with a kind word and to all that judge. knock it off


This was a reply to me.

What the heck did I do?

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to friedfish80)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: collars - 6/9/2007 6:30:29 PM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy

quote:

ORIGINAL: friedfish80

i find it amaising that i come her looking for help and i yelled at by others in regards to the depth of my relationship. THANKYOU to all of thoes with a kind word and to all that judge. knock it off


This was a reply to me.

What the heck did I do?

Sinergy


I don't think this was directed at you....he just posted next in line..and it auto'd to you.

And OP...I hope you find much contentment in whatever form of collaring you choose. 

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: collars - 6/9/2007 6:36:09 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I will also echo that I don't think the comment was directed to Sinergy.
To the op, you and your girl are new to the lifestyle, if it works for you having her suggest that she's ready for a collar then good for you and my best wishes to you.
Some people do protocol and collaring ceremonies, not all do.
Find a path that works for you.  I'm sure you can do a search for collaring ceremonies and find something on the forums.
As far as begging for a collar, I never understood that.
I think a collaring is something that should be discussed and clearly understood as there are many different types of collars and a wide range of what they symbolize.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to earthycouple)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: collars - 6/9/2007 7:30:27 PM   
robertolapiedra


Posts: 520
Joined: 5/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: friedfish80

i find it amaising that i come her looking for help and i yelled at by others in regards to the depth of my relationship. THANKYOU to all of thoes with a kind word and to all that judge. knock it off


Hello friedfish80. YOU decide the way you see fit. You want it public? Private? Traditional? New style of your own? Everything "is" ok!

Look for symbols that mean something to the both of you. Collar: leather, silver, steel, locked, unlocked. Slave kneeling, standing, kinky clothes, naked, inside, outside in nature even with the classic red rose with thorns! Think about vows, or declarations.

In my book, you decide first if you want it private, or with others. After, you decide where. As for the "how"? It should come naturally depending on your style, and the inspiration of the moment as it nears. RL.

(in reply to friedfish80)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: collars - 6/9/2007 9:10:34 PM   
farieanne


Posts: 65
Joined: 2/24/2007
From: Las Vegas
Status: offline 		ok first to the OP. There are collaring ceremonies. I am on a loaner laptop so i don't have my links but you can google it. Some people make it simple and just do it.  some people do it as big as a wedding. It's up to each couple.
 
As to who is supposed to ask or beg for the collar. It is up to the couple as all things are. Many Dom/mes believe it is up to the sub/slave to beg the collar so they know the sub/slave really wants it and is ready for it. Many believe that as the leader it is up to the Dom/me. Some put little to no meaning or importance on the collar. So really it is a personal choice. To each His own.

_____________________________

Master Peter's

"A woman will always sacrifice herself if you give her the opportunity. It is her favourite form of self-indulgence.” - William Somerset Maugham

(in reply to robertolapiedra)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: collars - 6/9/2007 9:30:39 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		http://www.collarchat.com/m_628719/mpage_1/key_ceremonies/tm.htm#631684
ceremonies

http://www.collarchat.com/m_574595/mpage_1/key_collaring/tm.htm#574600
collaring and wedding ceremony

http://www.collarchat.com/m_291301/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#291301
Collar vs Wedding Ring

http://www.collarchat.com/m_247668/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#247668
ring or collar, what's the difference?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_151638/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#151638
Collar Ceremony

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to friedfish80)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: collars - 6/10/2007 12:02:41 AM   
HutchGarahl


Posts: 562
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Domspaintoy

quote:

ORIGINAL: HutchGarahl




Domspaintboy...that would actually depend on the people. For the most part....me being the dom, I would be the one to instill a collar. But there have been a few times where i've had someone come to me and ask for my collar. Of course they would have to go under training, they would recieve a trainer collar and if they prove worthy, would recieve a more formal collar. Of course there is the chance things don't work out, then I would remove the trainer and let them go. There is a young girl now who has asked for my collar, so we are in the process of working things out to meet and see where we can go from there.


for info its Domspaintoy! and as far as im concerned its the Master/Dom who decides NOT the sub/slave BUT thats Masters and my thoughts.


Sorry hun...sometimes my fingers get to going to fast to keep up with my typing. As for who makes the first move on a  collar...to each their own love. Some people prefer the sub/slave ask, while others it's the master?mistress that gives. I can go either way.

(in reply to Domspaintoy)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: collars - 6/10/2007 6:04:03 PM   
goodpet


Posts: 458
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline 		You and your sub decide what is important to you. it means something different to everyone.  Some do very formal,. Some very casual. 

For us.....  We talked about the direction the relationship was going and where we hoped it would go. We had known each other for a long time so we were comfortable with a life commitment and it was heading for a serious Master/slave relationship and when i felt ready i asked for a formal audience. i petitioned for a service contract and slave collar. He accepted the petition and started to train, test, and put me though my paces for a few months. A good friend, a gay leatherman Dominant reviewed the contract, and agreed to lead the ceremony. i picked an attendant as did Sir. We had a formal collaring at midnight at a large BDSM 4 day event, candles, fire, water, and cake, champagne.

In July we are hosting a collaring at our house, we expect over a hundred people. More like a wedding set up and ceremony in the back yard, chairs and tables with catered food, play party later that night.

and i went to one not too long ago that was all of 10 minutes long, a few friends, a few words and he put it on, fastened it and that was that. Casual and quick. 

my girl friend showed up at the club one night and showed off the new collar, he put it on before they left, nothing special said, nothing special done. They had only been together a few months and they just did it..  Sadly, that like so many "quick" collaring turned out to be Velcro and only lasted about 3 months.

So.. as you can see….. what ever you want.




(in reply to HutchGarahl)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: collars - 6/10/2007 8:25:15 PM   
Slavetrainer2007


Posts: 231
Joined: 12/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: friedfish80

i find it amaising that i come her looking for help and i yelled at by others in regards to the depth of my relationship. THANKYOU to all of thoes with a kind word and to all that judge. knock it off


One thing you must learn on the boards is that your post  or threads may end up causing conflicts, many times with you.  Your in a lifestyle that really has no set rules. So everyone makes their own or follows a subculture's rules. Dont take the debates  and  disagreements as bad.  At least  the ones responding show enough interest to type a reply out even if its not one you like. Many on here will disagree with you and each other. Its fairly common. Most do it in a respectful way , some are a bit harsh , and some it depends on their mood.

As for your question.  It was best said that its like marriage and the proposal.  their are social  standards that are usually followed. For instance you are the one that decides when where and how. But it works either way. Ive seen it done both ways. ive even done it both ways. Its all a matter of preference as is any ritual  you associate with it. Their is no wrong way to do it really, unless of course you put the collar on her thigh instead of her neck:)

For future reference: In most cases BDSM doesnt really have set and bound rules or rituals you have to abide by .  Many of the sub cultures do  and at certain public events their  may be rules and rituals but  in general you can do pretty much what you want how you want as long as its consenentual.

The best advice is "do what works for you and your dynamic"


_____________________________

Life is given, Everything else is earned.

(in reply to friedfish80)
Profile   Post #: 20
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