RE: Asking Permission

RE: Asking Permission (Full Version)

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goodpet -> RE: Asking Permission (6/10/2007 1:40:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: EvilGeoff My slave, while being my property, is still a human being with feelings, thoughts, needs and desires. From my perspective as janey's Owner, I want her to be able to express her these things without worry, without feeling like she has to walk on eggshells lest she anger or displease me. I am a firm believer that by accepting the surrender of authority and power she has made to me, I also accepted the responsibility of meeting her needs. Physically, spiritually and emotionally. I have tools I use, a car, a lawn mower, a dog... they require regular care and maintenance to function properly, to do the jobs I need doing. People need care and maintenance too. Why would I not take proper care of my slave, most prized and valued of my possessions? If I don't take care of her, eventually she will not be able to care for me. THAT would be a rather foolish course of action for MY long term pleasure and contentment, don't you think? I don't want to be training and re-training replacement slaves every couple of years, n'est pas? Not being equipped with the Mind Reader Gene, I require my slave to tell me of her wants and needs. Communicate, communicate, communicate. Nuff said! - Geoff Hello Sir. One of the early (and one of many) things that i learned from you and from watching you and janey interact, is understanding the need for a strong communication base, like you have (and require) between you both. This is indeed a intense need in any and especially in a Master/slave relationship. Thank you for sharing. ~ann

AquaticSub -> RE: Asking Permission (6/10/2007 1:45:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kyraofMists What are your thoughts on submissives asking permission to have the things they want? Is it encourage or discouraged and what is the motivation for that choice? Knight's kyra For us it's a bit complicated. He likes to know the things that I want and like but we haven't reached the stage of relationship where we start mixing money to a significant degree yet. He does not control most of my money, but he is aware of my large purchases and has veto power over them as long as they are soley for my pleasure. For example, I'm not allowed to buy Age of Empires III yet, but I do have blanket permission to buy my textbooks and refill the printer ink cartridges. [:)]

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Asking Permission (6/10/2007 1:47:39 PM)
Actually, what you had written in the other thread opened my eyes up to a whole new perspective that I had never viewed before..and to me ,it made quite a bit of sense. I had always felt that asking for a want, or a luxury would be me being greedy or selfish..so when you said that it takes a decision out of his hands and into mine, and that I would be denying him his right to make these decisions..a major lightbulb went off...so thank you Kyra..:0)..Tempting

kyraofMists -> RE: Asking Permission (6/10/2007 4:02:40 PM)
My pleasure, Tempting. I love those little lightbulb moments and it took me a bit to get my head wrapped around that concept too.

kyraofMists -> RE: Asking Permission (6/10/2007 4:07:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Politesub53 Lol i can see begging for a harder spanking hoping you would be told no, could really backfire. lol.. yeah, he would probably pick up the BBQ brush and say ok. But that isn't necessarily a bad thing either. Knight's kyra

WhiplashSmile -> RE: Asking Permission (6/10/2007 4:31:20 PM)
I've always given somebody the freedom to express things they want to do. I've always given them freedom to ask for permission before doing things. I've always given them the freedom to ask for things as well. I've also given them freedom to make up their own mind and control certain aspects of their life, instead of trying to micromanage it to death. There are times when I've made it clear they did not have to ask me again regarding specific things. Case in point where I did not want to constantly micromanage the same things over and over again. "Yes, Yes, and Yes, and Please Don't asking me for permission to do this.. Yes, the answer will always be Yes, no matter how many times you ask me it will be Yes" kind of things. LOL Also, there are times where it's not practical for a sub/slave to wait around for permission, where this become a hampress in the way of progress.

WhiplashSmile -> RE: Asking Permission (6/10/2007 4:43:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub Actually, what you had written in the other thread opened my eyes up to a whole new perspective that I had never viewed before..and to me ,it made quite a bit of sense. I had always felt that asking for a want, or a luxury would be me being greedy or selfish..so when you said that it takes a decision out of his hands and into mine, and that I would be denying him his right to make these decisions..a major lightbulb went off...so thank you Kyra..:0)..Tempting I hope it's a beautiful sight to understand this now <big smile for you>. I know this is one aspect that matters a lot to me. Personally, I want to know every want, like and dislike there is.

szobras -> RE: Asking Permission (6/10/2007 5:36:14 PM)
I feel all and any information is relevant to my better understanding of a submissive, and my ability to make better decisions. Asking permission for wants, needs.. also gives me insight for her motivations and motivators. Sometimes they may be simple ideas she has, other times it may show that there are certain personal goal desires or ideas beginning to form.

happypervert -> RE: Asking Permission (6/10/2007 6:29:44 PM)
quote: He has authority in all aspects of my life, so his permission is needed on anything that he has not delegated back to me. I agree with your take on this topic; deciding what gets delegated is what I find interesting. I'm not big on asking permission only because I delegate most decisions back. If a girl wants a soda then I don't want to to be bothered with it; if she's overweight and wants a Twinkie then don't bother asking because the answer is "no". Somewhere there is a threshold, below which she does what she wants within established boundaries, and above that threshold then she should ask permission. I just happen to prefer high thresholds; some others may like giving permission to drink a soda.

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Asking Permission (6/10/2007 7:20:54 PM)
I think it is a matter of preference and what works in others dynamics. I ask permission for most things but then there are things I do not have to ask permission for. Master is there to protect me as well as other things by me asking for permission he knows what is going on and can decide for himself if it is right and the best thing for me. Master always explains why he said no and I am allowed to express my concerns or feelings. In the end his answer is the final one, no matter what it is.

robertolapiedra -> RE: Asking Permission (6/10/2007 10:58:52 PM)
Hello WiplashSmile. In my case, it is my sub who "likes" to ask permission for things. She uses this to initiate conversations and "graft a few things" to the initial request. For my part, I'm a "yes man" type dom. I always say yes. If on a very rare occasion I have to say no, I just don't answer. This way I can keep my "yes man dom" record going. One should realize that a "very reasonable submissive" is needed for the "yes man type dom" approach to work. I feel I lucked out in this department, as my sub is very frugal money wise. RL.

MaamJay -> RE: Asking Permission (6/10/2007 11:17:27 PM)
The only micromanagement Master likes is for me to ask permission to toilet. Other than that, it is pretty unrestricted re regular food and drink, or bedtime, though i do usually ask for treats such as chocolate. Master and i tend to bounce the decision of "what to have for dinner" back and forth between U/us LOL! However, my activities both as Jay and violet are under His control, so before Jay plans a weekend play break (as just happened), Master is consulted for permission and choice of timing, how He wants it to unfold etc. Then His instructions are followed, no argument. In everyday life, if I am working and told I have to attend a work-related event such as a meeting or seminar, I say yes if the time is free in my diary, then tell Him about it asap. Appointments go onto the calendar. If it is a more personal invite, eg to a party, I say "I'd like to come, I'll just need to double-check on my availability, I'll let you know asap." That gives me chance to ask Him and abide by His decision. Usually He says yes, but on occasion He has said no, and there's no argument on that. I agree that communication is very important and it is better for the Dominant to know what His/Her sub/slave is thinking and wanting than not knowing. A good thread kyra ... but then, yours usually are thought-provoking! Maam Jay aka violet[A]

kyraofMists -> RE: Asking Permission (6/11/2007 6:18:04 PM)
Thank you for all the replies; I am glad people enjoyed the thread and that it gave a few some food for thought. I did want to point out that I am not micromanaged by him. I get micromanaged at work by my boss and it makes my skin crawl. Despite the restrictions on behaviors he does not micromanage Alandra or me. The boundaries have been clearly set on what he expects from us and we are free to operate within those boundaries to get things done. It probably isn't an ideal situation for most, but she and I thrive in it. Knight's Kyra

aurora31 -> RE: Asking Permission (6/11/2007 6:47:55 PM)
Smiles...hello kyra. My relationship with my Sir is very similar in asking for things. I ask permission even to spend money that is mine. But I am not micro managed for the most part. I know what the rules are and how to navigate with in them or at least I am getting better at it, still growing and learning on so many levels. It is a life long process. aurora

meticulousgirl -> RE: Asking Permission (6/12/2007 12:23:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mbes In general, permission is assumed unless I've been told otherwise. I agree. To keep the "mindset" I typically ask permission for just about everything. There are certain things that I know I dont need to ask permission for and their are others that even though I know I dont have to I still do. There are other things like going to a friends, and a few other things that there is not questioning about it, I have to ask. Then there are the things that I know are forbidden, why bother asking if they wont be granted so I just dont even consider it (munches, play parties, clubs etc). For myself, and my own mindset I make it a priority to ask even if I dont have to, I guess I should have clarified that in my original post but I didn't.

kyraofMists -> RE: Asking Permission (6/12/2007 2:52:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: meticulousgirl I agree. To keep the "mindset" I typically ask permission for just about everything. There are certain things that I know I dont need to ask permission for and their are others that even though I know I dont have to I still do. There are other things like going to a friends, and a few other things that there is not questioning about it, I have to ask. Then there are the things that I know are forbidden, why bother asking if they wont be granted so I just dont even consider it (munches, play parties, clubs etc). For myself, and my own mindset I make it a priority to ask even if I dont have to, I guess I should have clarified that in my original post but I didn't. Thank you for sharing. A curious question on my part... if you were instructed not to ask and make your own decision about certain things, would that put you in the mindset or take you out of it? Knight's Kyra

salilus -> RE: Asking Permission (6/12/2007 3:28:25 PM)
In my owner's mind, by asking him for something I want, I'm giving him yet another way to control me. Which he likes, so asking for things is expected of me. By not asking for one thing or another because I might be wary of bothering him, etc, I've taken control of something and made a decision for him. He doesn't like that much.

slaverosebeauty -> RE: Asking Permission (6/12/2007 8:45:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kyraofMists What are your thoughts on submissives asking permission to have the things they want? Is it encourage or discouraged and what is the motivation for that choice? My SO an I don't live together, so I don't have to ask, certain things, I do ask, ie the massage I got yesterday from a guy friend {rolls eyes that was a blast}, I gave my SO the say as to do it or not, He agreeed with certain conditions, if He had said 'no' I would have accepted it and not questioned it. If its something in a scene or during our time together, I do ask usually before hand and leave it up to Him to decide, yea or nay. As for motivation, my motivation to ask for something, as in a fantasy or what I would like to do, its part of how our dynamic works, we both have lots of ideas and fantasies, that we are both eager to explore, so if I ask, 'can we do xyz, please;' the choice is His. It is encouraged that I do ask or bring things up, He may be thinking about the same thing, yet, want me to bring it up for whatever reason. His motivation for doing what I would like, is that He may enjoy it or knowing Him, he will put His own 'twist' on it and make it 'His.' If its a limit I want to explore or push, it lets Him know that I feel safe and comfortable enough to explore that with Him; thats a compliment to Him and to 'us' as a couple.

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