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Male Sub Mentality - 6/10/2007 10:41:39 AM   
MistressNoName


Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline 		I've been contacted by quite a few male submissives who have indicated in their emails to me or in their profiles that they desire to be totally degraded and humiliated...they desire to be utterly used and abused. Some go on to state they know themselves to be worthless, useless, etc so on and so forth. Personally, I am turned off by submissives who present themselves in this way. My first thought is always why would I want a useless, worthless slave? Or why would I want a slave that thinks of himself in this way?

How much of this type of presentation is just some fantasy that some men hold of what femdom is all about and how much of this is really how some submissive men feel about themselves? Moreover, is this really the type of mentality that female Doms are looking for in their subs? Is this what most male subs believe that female Doms want? Or is there just some great disconnect going on in the world of Femdom?

Also, please forgive the title of this thread. I don't mean to suggest that all male submissives think in this way. I simply couldn't think of anything else that more aptly captures the gist of my inquiry.

MNN
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RE: Male Sub Mentality - 6/10/2007 10:55:15 AM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		I have also had my fair share of these emails and I ask them just what you are asking here: why would I want someone useless and pathetic?  They ususally then stammer out things like "well I can still do..."  and think that's ok.

I wish I had an idea of what makes anyone think the way they do, but alas I can't read minds.  I tend to think they want this because they are just so desperate and not understanding of the dynamics of BDSM that they think we dominant women want a man who deems himself useless and pathetic.  I have stated in my journal what I want and it doesn't stop them from contacting me anyway. 

**Complete pondering here **  I also wonder if they believe that since the "traditional" roles that have been in place since the dawn of time (man big strong, woman weak and mild) that the only way they can show their submissiveness is to come off as pathetic.  *If she knows I am a strong capable man at work, she won't think I'm submissive enough I better be useless*  or *She worries that she can't control a man because she is normally seen as the weaker sex, so for her to control me I must be worthless*

It is also interesting that  female subs never contacts me telling me these things.  Typically they are telling me how fabulous they are in bed and what good sluts they will be for me and anyone I want to share them with....go figure.

I want a strong, reliable man who knows his worth and loves that I know it too.  (although...shy never hurts...that is sexy to me)

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to MistressNoName)
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RE: Male Sub Mentality - 6/10/2007 10:55:41 AM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Hi Maam, i would think many men first get attracted to this lifestyle through magazines and films ect. The idea of being treated in such a manner by a Woman in leather is very powerful. i wonder though how many have sat and thought about being treated this way constantly ? As i see it firstly the sexual kick would wear off due to repetiveness and the Domme would tire due to the sheer physical and mental effort involved.
In the short time i think most men would love the play scenario, unless something in their past prevented this. To live it in reality though 24/7 is something quite different. Although i dont doubt there are many men willing to live this way as a lifestyle. In much the same way there are Dominas looking for this as well.
Generally though i think its more of a fantasy based kink, in my humble opinion.

(in reply to MistressNoName)
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RE: Male Sub Mentality - 6/10/2007 11:01:08 AM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: earthycouple


It is also interesting that  female subs never contacts me telling me these things.  Typically they are telling me how fabulous they are in bed and what good sluts they will be for me and anyone I want to share them with....go figure.



Hi Maam, maybe males dont say the above for fear of stating the obvious < Insert impish smile > 

(in reply to earthycouple)
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RE: Male Sub Mentality - 6/10/2007 11:21:16 AM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

quote:

ORIGINAL: earthycouple


It is also interesting that  female subs never contacts me telling me these things.  Typically they are telling me how fabulous they are in bed and what good sluts they will be for me and anyone I want to share them with....go figure.



Hi Maam, maybe males dont say the above for fear of stating the obvious < Insert impish smile > 



Oh my!! 

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to Politesub53)
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RE: Male Sub Mentality - 6/10/2007 11:22:22 AM   
jimbo747


Posts: 109
Joined: 10/6/2006
Status: offline

Why do some like humiliation and degragation is a thought I don't ponder often. I just know it is something I am attracted to. However, it is at certain times only. I would not be interested in 24/7 humiliation but I am sure other men for whatever reasons would be. As I stated before:

I want to be treated with respect except during play where I like to have the shit kicked out of me thru verbel and physical abuse. Hardcore, rough degragation and humiliation. Play time is one thing and everyday life is another. Respectful behavior is conducive to a healthy relationship between anyone, lifestyle or not. Nevertheless, behind closed doors, I want the tiger to come out of her so she can beat my mind and body to a pulp."

If she loves me, I WILL serve her however she wants. I am, afterall, a submissive .... of Hers.

(in reply to MistressNoName)
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RE: Male Sub Mentality - 6/10/2007 12:54:56 PM   
maledave7


Posts: 142
Joined: 8/4/2006
Status: offline 		I think it is more of a fantasy than reality. When I first became interested in a D/s relationship some time ago, I have had thoughts along the same line. As I read and learn more over the years, I realize that a D/s relationship is similar to a vanilla relationship. One needs to have a sense of value and worth to another person. I feel that I can be a sub and still have a sense of value to a Domme.

(in reply to MistressNoName)
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RE: Male Sub Mentality - 6/10/2007 12:58:32 PM   
quietboynyc


Posts: 14
Joined: 6/4/2007
Status: offline 		I'm submissive, shy and have low self-esteem. Maybe there's a connection between those.

(in reply to maledave7)
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RE: Male Sub Mentality - 6/10/2007 3:22:51 PM   
VerySincere


Posts: 44
Joined: 4/1/2007
Status: offline 		There may be a connection between low self esteem and describing oneself as worthless, useless, and worthy of only degradation and humiliation. However, i suspect this is rare.

i would suggest that most men who write such words do not know a whole lot about D/s, and are simply writing words they think will get them a kinky sexual experience..

If they truly read what Dominant Women write in their profiles ... and thought about what is attractive .... they would never describe themselves as worthless and useless. Because what Woman wants a worthless, useless man? LOL

i have read the profiles of many Dominant Women. And it is noticable how many say they want a man with backbone, strength and positive attractive qualities. This leads me to believe Women often get many emails from men who are looking at pictures and wanting kinky sex.

just my two cents worth ....

(in reply to quietboynyc)
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RE: Male Sub Mentality - 6/10/2007 3:38:34 PM   
corysub


Posts: 1492
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		As in any relationships among humans, the range of interests is as wide as the mouth of the Mississippi.  While there are
many male subs who are total pain slaves and live to be humiliated and beaten, most of the subbies i know are more
into total service to a domme than being only abused.  For me it is the total turn over of power that i relish so much...
it gives me a feeling of greater freedom in my life, free of responsibility, than when i am in charge as most of my work
day places me.  Any way...D/s is different for all of us as the colors of the rainbow we love..

(in reply to MistressNoName)
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RE: Male Sub Mentality - 6/10/2007 3:54:59 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Greetings Mistress, I'd like to add my thoughts to this from a male submissive switch point of view. From what I have seen, many male subs who strongly desire to be humiliated and degraded do suffer from low self esteem, yrt this does not apply to all male subs. It is my belief that the male subs seeking to be degraded are somehow find a sense of self worth in being under the complete control of a Domme for humiliation and degradation.
  From my own point of view as a male submissive switch, without wanting to be degraded and/or humilated, I too find that type of attitude more of a turn off than anything else. When I was with my former Master, we were in contact with a petential second slave who had the same mentality you have encountered and I could not fathom nor understand clearly why one would seek a dynamic where thet were consistantly degraded and humilated. I just to accept the fact that for some, this is how their kink is and it is not for me to place any condemnation or judgement upon them.

_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

(in reply to MistressNoName)
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RE: Male Sub Mentality - 6/10/2007 5:09:04 PM   
pixelslave


Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressNoName
I've been contacted by quite a few male submissives who have indicated in their emails to me or in their profiles that they desire to be totally degraded and humiliated...they desire to be utterly used and abused. Some go on to state they know themselves to be worthless, useless, etc so on and so forth. Personally, I am turned off by submissives who present themselves in this way. My first thought is always why would I want a useless, worthless slave? Or why would I want a slave that thinks of himself in this way?


I think there are some men who seek out abusive relationships who will be included in part of the group you've just described.  The same patterns have been observed in women, so it only makes sense that it would be seen in men as well.  There are probably others for whom this is a fantasy-roleplay for them (as others have noted) who do not understand the dynamic.  Most Dominant women I've had contact with desire to meet a man of intelligence that brings something to the relationship; in their minds, empowering them and making him worthy of their domination. 
 
 - pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to MistressNoName)
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RE: Male Sub Mentality - 6/10/2007 5:14:42 PM   
SwPuno


Posts: 72
Joined: 10/28/2004
Status: offline
I think there are at least a couple of factors involved here:

1. Subs new to the scene get some of their initial imagery from Femdom porn and think this is the prevailing or only way things work.

2. When approaching a potential domme, I think many think it is better to show that you "know your place" or relative status by
emphasizing that you are lower or inferior to the female - and keep in mind that at least a few dominant females do believe in
female supremacy - than to make an approach where you possibly seem all cocky and full of yourself or at least equal to the
domme.

3. If they are new to the scene they may actually feel they ARE truly close to worthless as they have little training and experience
in serving in a D/s environment or in serving or pleasing a dominant woman.  Plus newbies are often warned that the word gets
around about you fast, especially among the women, so these subs are extra frightened and want to appear humble - maybe
overly so - in the beginning so they can get that first chance to establish a relationship, one where they can get training and
experience and demonstrate or develop their worth. 

I know much of this applied to me when I first started out.  Is this an incurable mindset?   Not in my case at least.  Given
some time and a chance, along with some positive reinforcement and recognition of tasks or skills done right one can develop
some competence and confidence in themselves and will probably approach future relationships from a more experienced
and positive perspective.

I hope this has been of some help.



(in reply to beargonewild)
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RE: Male Sub Mentality - 6/10/2007 8:21:51 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I've had a few of these emails and frankly weak men that cower do not interest me in the slightest. I prefer strong, confident men who happen to be submissive (to me) by nature. My sub is a dominant male with everyone except me.  To many people already have the misconception that submissive=weak, it does not. These men may not know it, but they are giving people the impression that a submissive male is weak by sending out these types of messages.

I can't think of a single Domme that I know who'd want a weak sub.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to MistressNoName)
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RE: Male Sub Mentality - 6/10/2007 9:41:25 PM   
LadyHeart


Posts: 561
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Can any kink really be explained? Everyone is different. It's just a matter of matching the games to the players.

We were once approached by a Dom who had a sub visiting from Asia. The sub's fantasy was to be humiliated by Causcasians in a domestic setting. We invited them to dinner, had the sub serve at the table (after being stripped naked and ceremonially flea powered and de loused, and generally humbled). He was laughed at and sneered at and tortured, by about 5 of us. He had to eat his dinner on the floor out of the dog bowl. The evening culminated in the ultimate humiliation of having Vegemite licked off his balls by our cat - he hates and loathes cats. More fool him for telling us! LOL

We were a bit uncomfortable with the racist aspects of his fantasy, but trusted that his Dom knew what he was doing on the basis of our knowledge of him. We were worried than we might have gone too far. Guess what? He asked to come back! We tortured him further by saying No. Snicker.

It was a good learning curve. Is there anything more weird about asking to be humiliated than asking to have your arse whipped? Not really, if you think about it. A kink is a kink.

:))
LH

_____________________________

"BDSM is not an excuse for bad manners."

(in reply to Lashra)
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RE: Male Sub Mentality - 6/10/2007 10:02:20 PM   
LadyClaudiaVan


Posts: 106
Joined: 11/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHeart

Can any kink really be explained? Everyone is different. It's just a matter of matching the games to the players.



Greetings LadyHeart, I couldn't have said it better myself. My subby enjoys humiliation because he sees how much fun I have humiliating him, now if he were to find humiliation play offensive, we both would not engage in that particular type of play. Thrilled I am that he enjoys it because it is such a hoot to degrade and humiliate him when he towers over me at 6 foot 7 inches tall.. Sometimes I wonder if he enjoys it more than myself however.

*Edited because I bought these nails.

< Message edited by LadyClaudiaVan -- 6/10/2007 10:03:09 PM >

(in reply to LadyHeart)
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RE: Male Sub Mentality - 6/11/2007 2:13:57 AM   
Einzelganger


Posts: 221
Joined: 4/8/2007
From: Orlando, FL
Status: offline 		I realize this is the Ask a Mistress forum, but you also asked a brief question of male submissives as well.

Is this what most male subs believe that female Doms want?
 
While I cannot vouch for others, I personally do not subscribe to that mindset.  In my mind's eye, I exist to not only serve my Mistress (whomever that may be eventually) through my deliberate actions, but to also be manipulated by her in whatever way is pleasing in her sight; this may be in ways of building character, expanding my limits at play, or something else I've yet to conceive.  Either way, I trust her to make decisions on the matter that will help me to grow not only as an individual, but to become even better suited to her wants, needs, and desires.  By that reasoning, in submitting to her, I am essentially giving her whatever 'material' I am, mental and physical, to work with; I wouldn't want to give her something worthless.

In essence, what I'm trying to say is...you can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit.  As always, just my $0.02...

-Einzelgänger

(in reply to MistressNoName)
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RE: Male Sub Mentality - 6/11/2007 5:51:27 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I have no clue why this appeals to anyone to be honest, MistressNoName -- male or female.

I do know that I do not ever entertain conversation with someone who desires this more than very rarely in a dynamic.

When I invest my time and energy into training someone they damned well better be worth it. If then go on to own someone they better be very valuable and useful to me.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to MistressNoName)
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RE: Male Sub Mentality - 6/11/2007 6:27:45 AM   
MistressLorelei


Posts: 997
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		I enjoy some forms of humiliation a lot... however, I do not bother with the males who are humiliation sluts either.  I see the types who have a clear picture of how their Mistresses should humiliate and degrade them in the same light as a submissive who has his own agenda, and who will only be happy if his kinky fantasies are fulfilled, regardless of what I want in the relationship.

One good thing about receiving such e-mails is that the males who send them can be added to the 'wouldn't touch 'em with a 10 foot dildo' list.  I want to lead my way... not according to the fantasies of a humiliation slut.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Male Sub Mentality - 6/11/2007 6:56:06 AM   
MadCasey


Posts: 1
Joined: 7/14/2006
Status: offline 		Hello Mistresses and others,

I am a male switch with strong submissive desires, and if I may add my thoughts, I experience the exact opposite type of mentality as the one discussed here.

I'm a strong and assertive man in my every day life, and in my "vanilla" sexual encounters as well.  The thing that turns me on about being submissive is *precisely* the fact that I would lose control, and I would be the ultimate object of someone else's desire.  It's a role-reversal type of thing.  I get turned on at the thought of being at someone else's command... mostly because its not something I usually experience.

I can certainly understand how many--a majority, even--submissive men might be the meek type, who have never seen themselves as assertive or even vaulable, but for many of us, it is the opposite:  just for once, we want to be treated like an object ;-)  to be the fulfillment of someone ELSE'S fantasy.


(in reply to MistressNoName)
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