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RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire - 6/11/2007 2:54:39 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		As Mistress Dolly has already said, you can ask but do not expect that you will get what you ask for.

Demands, on the other hand, will only get you a speedy exit from my domain.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to analneeds)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire - 6/11/2007 6:54:48 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		As far as I am concerned a sub can ask, but never demand unless it is something vital to their safety or well being. When a sub starts demanding that indicates to me that he believes that he is the dominant one and in my relationship there just is no room for two people in charge. We may tangle but I will always win.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to analneeds)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire - 6/11/2007 7:04:00 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: analneeds

In this lifestyle we have roles, and we recieve satifaction from playing within thoses roles. My question is what if you desire something is is wrong to demand it or is that too selfish?


I wouldn't suggest demanding anything. If you want something so badly that you would demand it of your dominant, that's something that you should have cleared before accepting them as your owner (assuming you knew about this beforehand).

However, you can ask for it and I suggest asking that it be used as a reward for good behavior. I find that works very well for Valyraen and me.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 6/11/2007 7:06:06 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to analneeds)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire - 6/11/2007 7:08:45 PM   
SlaveBlutarsky


Posts: 491
Joined: 10/10/2005
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold

Demand?  Yes...
Make desires known?  No.
But then I am of the camp that we are not role playing, we are living our natural roles.


Could not have said it better myself.


_____________________________

Strong for all, weak for one

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire - 6/11/2007 8:02:19 PM   
RealDom69


Posts: 64
Joined: 4/7/2005
Status: offline 		.[/quote]
The short answer is yes.

[/quote]

I agree .. YES .. we are playing in the same yard, we just have different roles within it, the Dom is NOT superior and sometimes needs to be told so. when I was a newby my sub demanded more play as I was being a little lax in that department, my subby expected a 24/7 Ds relationship and I wasn't fulfilling her desires and so she told me to front up or ship out.... we're still together.

:))

Johnny Reble

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"Winners make things happen; losers let things happen."

(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire - 6/11/2007 8:05:04 PM   
RealDom69


Posts: 64
Joined: 4/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHeart

Any sub who starts being demanding get short shift from me.
But a sub recently sent me a lovely story, a fantasy he had written about a scene that really turned him on. Is he likely to get his heart's desire? Oh yes!
It's not what's asked, it's HOW it's asked. Use your imagination, and remove the word "demand" from your vocabulary, lol
:))
LH


Hmmm.... different whe the boot is on the other foot....LOL..
xoxox
:))
Johnny Reble

_____________________________

"Winners make things happen; losers let things happen."

(in reply to LadyHeart)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire - 6/12/2007 4:12:30 AM   
maledave7


Posts: 142
Joined: 8/4/2006
Status: offline 		As a sub, I feel you do not have a right to demand. I do think that good communications is important in a relationship. You need to talk with your Domme before hand to what you would like to receive from the relationship. You do have a right to the basic needs of life like food, shelter and medical needs. A sub should fulfill his Domme’s wishes and desires. I do feel that she would enjoy doing things for him also.

(in reply to analneeds)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire - 6/12/2007 6:40:28 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		(Using fast reply.)
 
Specifically because of the title of your post, I would have to say yes.  The word that makes Me respond with this answer is desire.  A desire is a want, not a need.
 
Now, had you titled your post, "Does a submissive have a right to demand a need," My answer would have been much different.  All human beings, submissives included, have needs.  They need food, they need protection from the elements, etc., etc.  All human beings also have wants.  They may want a new car, bigger house, certain kind of play, etc., but there won't be any harm if they don't receive those things.
 
Had you entitled your post, "Does a submissive have an opportunity to ask that a request be granted," again, you would have received a different response.  Sometimes, a specific request may be granted as a reward, but it would be after I had considered the request and made My decision on fulfilling it.

(in reply to analneeds)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire - 6/12/2007 6:59:38 PM   
addicted2it


Posts: 322
Joined: 5/31/2004
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

(Using fast reply.)
 
Specifically because of the title of your post, I would have to say yes.  The word that makes Me respond with this answer is desire.  A desire is a want, not a need.
 
Now, had you titled your post, "Does a submissive have a right to demand a need," My answer would have been much different.  All human beings, submissives included, have needs.  They need food, they need protection from the elements, etc., etc.  All human beings also have wants.  They may want a new car, bigger house, certain kind of play, etc., but there won't be any harm if they don't receive those things.
 
Had you entitled your post, "Does a submissive have an opportunity to ask that a request be granted," again, you would have received a different response.  Sometimes, a specific request may be granted as a reward, but it would be after I had considered the request and made My decision on fulfilling it.


No one has the power to demand anything from you unless they are holding a gun to your head.


_____________________________

"What I lack in wisdom and intelligence, I more than make up or with age."

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire - 6/12/2007 7:26:46 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I disagree.  A sub does have the right to demand certain things:
 
 
I believe a submissive has the right to demand that their limits be respected.
 
I believe a submissive has the right to demand trust exist between the parties.
 
I believe a submissive has the right to demand a worthy Dominant.
 
There are other things, depending on the submissive in question.
 
 
Remember, we're talking about submissives here, not slaves.

(in reply to addicted2it)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire - 6/12/2007 10:10:30 PM   
RealDom69


Posts: 64
Joined: 4/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I disagree.  A sub does have the right to demand certain things:
 
 
I believe a submissive has the right to demand that their limits be respected.
 
I believe a submissive has the right to demand trust exist between the parties.
 
I believe a submissive has the right to demand a worthy Dominant.
 
There are other things, depending on the submissive in question.
 
 
Remember, we're talking about submissives here, not slaves.


I also think that a sub or slave has the right to demand that their Dom uses a condom  .. on toys too... anyone who  is too pretentious to allow this is not a Dom .. just my opinion.

:))

Johnny Reble

_____________________________

"Winners make things happen; losers let things happen."

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire - 6/13/2007 5:49:11 AM   
addicted2it


Posts: 322
Joined: 5/31/2004
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I disagree.  A sub does have the right to demand certain things:
 
 
I believe a submissive has the right to demand that their limits be respected.
 
I believe a submissive has the right to demand trust exist between the parties.
 
I believe a submissive has the right to demand a worthy Dominant.
 
There are other things, depending on the submissive in question.
 
 
Remember, we're talking about submissives here, not slaves.


I detest the word "demand." and yes, I do know the difference between a submissive and a slave!


_____________________________

"What I lack in wisdom and intelligence, I more than make up or with age."

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire - 6/13/2007 6:39:35 AM   
MissHarlet


Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline 		I never honor demands...but am always open to a submissive or a slave to respectfully express a desire or what they may consider a need.

I will listen and decide when and IF that request is granted....but the submissive knows they have been heard. 

I am in agreement that if you Know you need something before starting a relationship that should be discussed. However, I also no some desires arise after a relationship has begun .. so communicate them respectfully NEVER DEMAND.

I also am  in agreement that a submissive has the right to respectfully remind the Dominant that their agreement was for more play or fulltimeDS ... but in a respectful way .. maybe" I miss the amount of play we agreed to in the beginning and feel a hole in my being when it is not there."   Just what would make me take stock of myself.



_____________________________

Protectress of hearts/souls of all submissives calling Bounty's Place home, by order of Bounty~Proprietor

To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

(in reply to addicted2it)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire - 6/13/2007 7:11:29 AM   
loverly


Posts: 236
Joined: 1/23/2004
Status: offline 		just my  opinion on this but...one would think that prior to getting involved with someone a person would make sure that in getting to know One they have the same goals and desires and thougths  so things are compatiable.. demanding is not something a submissive/salve does however in the begining we should all be able to share what our needs and desires and goals are and if alike THEN move forward.. perhaps this is why there are so many  relationships that do not work out.. and why so many collars go on and come off.. too anxious and rushing into things!  and then finding out that the person is not compatiable.. one needs to relax and get to know ppl first i believe.... if Your Dominant doesnt wish to listen to You and you NEED Him/Her to ,then there is something wrong there.. orrrr.. you were qrong about what the dynamics are in the relationship in the first place.  Everyone has needs and the right to happiness.. i mean.. IF we are not happy with our lives in this wonderful lifestyle.. then we are doing something terriably wrong ..sometimes i wonder if ppl do not understand what COMPLETE and TOTAL honesty and communication mean! i have heard so often a submissive say .. well i cant tell HIM /HER THAT!  or where a person thinks if it is not said that it is ok ..( as in .. "what the person doesnt know wont hurt them) ...well that is just wrong in a lifestyle where this is key to success and safety !  Total honesty and communication isnt always easy or pretty it just is and we ALL need to be open to it no matter what it is about!  just my thoughts!
loverly

(in reply to MissHarlet)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire - 6/13/2007 3:30:36 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RealDom69

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I disagree.  A sub does have the right to demand certain things:
 
 
I believe a submissive has the right to demand that their limits be respected.
 
I believe a submissive has the right to demand trust exist between the parties.
 
I believe a submissive has the right to demand a worthy Dominant.
 
There are other things, depending on the submissive in question.
 
 
Remember, we're talking about submissives here, not slaves.


I also think that a sub or slave has the right to demand that their Dom uses a condom  .. on toys too... anyone who  is too pretentious to allow this is not a Dom .. just my opinion.

:))

Johnny Reble


That is another excellent example.  It was the type of lines I was thinking of.  I'm glad you could articulate the idea of common themes I was going on.

(in reply to RealDom69)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire - 6/13/2007 4:22:49 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Surely even a slave can make demands, as listed above, and expect them to be kept while the relationship lasts. True slavery is illegal so even bdsm slavery is ssc.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire - 6/13/2007 5:15:43 PM   
HutchGarahl


Posts: 562
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline 		A slave in my home that would outright demand anything would more than likely get the strap. However, even a slave...if I am approached in the right manner, I will more than likely sit down and talk things over with them. Everyone has needs and desires that they would like to be honored at some point....it's how a slave goes about it that would determine if they get it from me or not.

(in reply to analneeds)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire - 6/13/2007 5:19:20 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Opps..... i meant demand before a relationship begins.

(in reply to HutchGarahl)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire - 6/13/2007 5:28:55 PM   
DominicsJoy


Posts: 53
Joined: 8/28/2004
Status: offline 		The key word is demand. Any person knows that you can attract more flies with honey than vinegar. In short, gentle persuasion and requests sit much better than getting forceful, especially since it is against your nature (or should be).
Did you actually do any talking before beginning this relationship, or did you jump straight into it? The reason I am asking is if you did discuss your needs prior to actually jumping headlong into the situation in which you find yourself, then it should be easy enough to drop a hint... a gentle reminder.

If instead, you flung yourself into bed without a thought to who or what would follow then unfortunately your problem is self made. Any thought to a long term (or even short term) relationship requires communication and commitment.

I am not trying to be harsh, but you do need to understand that most Doms do not understand instinctively what you want and need without prior indication. Many do their very best to satisfy, but ultimately, you are the one who is responsible for letting them know (in the proper way and proper time) what you desire from the relationship. By the proper time I mean within the first couple of dates or meetings, and well before any play or sexual relations have taken place.

Good luck in your search, and in your relationship.

Master's girl- joy

(in reply to analneeds)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire - 6/13/2007 6:02:11 PM   
addicted2it


Posts: 322
Joined: 5/31/2004
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

Surely even a slave can make demands, as listed above, and expect them to be kept while the relationship lasts. True slavery is illegal so even bdsm slavery is ssc.



Oh, you are so very wrong!  I have NEVER lectured anyone about their beliefs, but what your posting suggests is so far from the reality of this lifestyle.  And even if slavery is illegal, here we are talking about consensual slavery, which in essence is a contract between two or more individuals.  It may not be the rule of law according the Constitution, but we as a counterculture have adopted it as our own rule, so deal with it or get out!

You have posted here often, but how do you identify yourself?  Sub or slave?  I can only assume you identify as a slave, only because of of the aforementioned statments having been made.  And if so, and even if you are sub and not slave, you do NOT have the right to make ANY demands upon a Mistress!  And from my understanding of protocol, and if you classify yourself as a submissive, you only have a right to refuse, but NOT to utter demands!  So, what do I care?  Go ahead and shoot yourself in the foot! 

I understand that every Femmedomme does not have the same requirements, but I cannot believe that any dominant would tolerate or give into a demand.  Femmedommes, correct me if I am wrong.  If you, a slave or submissive who believes that you have a right to DEMAND, you might as well just go home and watch TV instead of participating in the lifestyle.  I cannot emphasize this point strongly enough!

What I have written is the core of my belief system from over 30 years of involvement in the BDSM scene. If anyone in this forum has a different perspective or opinion, I would be more than happy to discuss it with you.

Phil


_____________________________

"What I lack in wisdom and intelligence, I more than make up or with age."

(in reply to Politesub53)
Profile   Post #: 40
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