RE: Multiple Questions for Slaves and Submissives (Full Version)

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silvermuse -> RE: Multiple Questions for Slaves and Submissives (6/11/2007 12:46:51 PM)

Nicely said AquaticSub.

Submissives come in all sorts of shapes, sizes, packages, emotional bundles, tastes, limits etc.

muse



juliaoceania -> RE: Multiple Questions for Slaves and Submissives (6/11/2007 1:19:51 PM)

quote:

My inbox has been relatively empty unless I initiate the contact. What is it about female submissives? Do they message anybody at all first? Or do they just sit back and expect us to go “catch” them?
 
In a word, yes, when I was looking I expected the doms to contact me, that is what men do, they initiate contact. Men know what they want, and if they wanted to get to know me I assumed they would make that happen... I do not chase men, it just isn't wise.

quote:

Is there something wrong with me? I try and be as polite as possible when writing my profile, I use pictures, and if I make contact I am very polite and do nit use form letters.


 
I saw the other thread where you stated that you wrote 166 emails and only got 61 replies back... those are impressive rates of return.. you have only been in this site a handful of days, and I believe your expectations are very unrealistic. I also find it hard to believe that everyone of those emails was original. I hope you are also aware that people can access your forum posts via your profile... so all the ladies that you contact will possibly see your posts.. it is advisable to have them reflect well on you and not sound so, um, desperate.

quote:

Why is age so important for many? Why do people say that since I’m 22 I cant be called a Master. Like a 45 year old who has never done this before can say they have been doing this for 20+ years and automatically they are called a master and never questioned about it. Again, I’m really sore on the subjects at hand. I don’t want instant gratification by finding a slave “right the instant.” I guess I just want to know what kind of game I’m playing, to know the rules if you will so it will be relatively easier for me.



 
Your posts on this forum demonstrate why many of us have a preference for older doms... impatience is not a very mature nor domly trait in many eyes.. and that is what you are demonstrating. I would suggest exercising some control over your ability to focus on what you want and stick to it longer than a handful of days... older people often have more experience to be more patient... not a universal statement against youth... just sayin.



Celeste43 -> RE: Multiple Questions for Slaves and Submissives (6/11/2007 1:23:42 PM)

Statistics first. It has been estimated that male/female ratios on online sex sites are ten to one. So why should a female bother to go searching when she gets 20 emails a day?

Personally anyone saying to me that he wanted a slave got the email deleted immediately without reply. What that says to me is that he isn't interested in me, just in generic warm body to fulfill his fantasy. I'm not just another blow up doll, I'm a person with individual likes and dislikes and I needed to find someone with whom I was compatible.

I couldn't promise I would ever be interested in being a sub or a slave because it's specific to the interaction. There are women here who top male and female yet are sub to just one man, have only ever felt submissive to one. Something like that should mean a lot more than a woman who acts submissive to all.

As far as age goes, it helps if you take classes in things you are interested in. Then you could say that you really love shibari and took her workshop at shibaricom which would mean a lot more than just saying you're good with rope. It would reassure people about your technical skill and their safety. Plus taking classes in your local scene will help you meet people, you could demonstrate your skill at parties and attract people who saw you play.



softness -> RE: Multiple Questions for Slaves and Submissives (6/11/2007 1:25:38 PM)

 Do they message anybody at all first? Or do they just sit back and expect us to go “catch” them?
I only ever message people who catch my inetrest over a substantial time period, and i am highly suspicious of people who message me without a similar motivation afetr what i haev clearly stated in my profile.
 
Is there something wrong with me? I try and be as polite as possible when writing my profile, I use pictures, and if I make contact I am very polite and do nit use form letters.
Patience is a virtue, i feel especially this is important in a Dominant

Why is age so important for many? Why do people say that since I’m 22 I cant be called a Master.
Prolly because for many the term Master is invested with an aura of experience. For many just as a slave is soemthing different (notice i do not say better etc) from a bottom or a sub so too is a Master soemthing different to a Top or a Dom. For me, a Master is someone who owns a slave. One is not a Master just beacuse you call yourself one. but thats just me.

Like a 45 year old who has never done this before can say they have been doing this for 20+ years and automatically they are called a master and never questioned about it.
They dont .. people here are usually pretty good at smelling out those who gave themselves a title without grounds to back that title up.




chellekitty -> RE: Multiple Questions for Slaves and Submissives (6/11/2007 2:20:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: tenderfootmaster

I guess it doesn’t really matter what I say… O don’t know how, not to be specific on this one. I’m sorry if I somehow offended you by asking simple questions and I really do get what you saying. Just really, it seems when younger people on this site post all the older citizens on here flame the hell out of them if they don’t like what they hear. Yes I am doing the same thing hear, but I’m tired of sitting back and taking the “Bullshit” of being young. Maybe that’s why not a lot of young people post in here… It really is sad to see.


i post all the time...maybe not as much as you in your 10 days as me in my 2+ years and i have never been flamed...maybe its because i don't blame everything on my age? maybe its because i don't post often enough...
in truth...i am a 23 year old masochist with some submissive tendencies who is poly oriented...but by your posts i would never contact you personally...maturity and patience are important to me and if you have either, you aren't showing it...
sorry if you feel i am attacking you, but i am just trying to let you know what i see and from the looks of it, other people do to
good luck
chelle



MagiksSlave -> RE: Multiple Questions for Slaves and Submissives (6/11/2007 2:24:26 PM)

Look many arent going to contact you to be part of a stable of slaves, I know you changed your profile since then but the same things still seems to ring through. It has only been what a little over a week and you already have a relationship going and hae a new couples profile and are already looking to add on. Judging by your first thread of only about a week ago this relationship has to be very new, then where is the logic in seeking another slave already?? You are young and that means by sheer vertue of age you cant have all the much experiance and poly is NOT an easy thing to do let alone when you only have your first slave for about a week. I know if I was that first slave and you where already looking for another Id be gone. You seem a little rushed, why do you have to have your herum tomarow, my advice is dont search for a nother slave right now.

Magik's slave



realisticwish -> RE: Multiple Questions for Slaves and Submissive (6/11/2007 2:40:23 PM)

I am not addressing the age issue because as a submissive I was with Dom's from 21 to 70+.  Each one taught me something different.  It takes an open mind to listen to anyone.  Having said that at times I did not have one. 
 
The poly household.   I will share something I read once and passed on to others.  "I would rather have a stable partner than a stable of partners".
 
Over the years in playing with others I realized I was growing more in the dominate role and hence I changed.   However one thing has remained the same Patience!
 
~J~



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Multiple Questions for Slaves and Submissives (6/11/2007 2:47:50 PM)

My 2 cents.
Just from what I have read here and on your other posts, you are coming across as expecting respect and results becasue you have decided that you are a Master. You complain about the same thing, but for an older age bracket. You are doing exactly what you dont like, you are expecting something just becasue you are titled Dominant.
Poly is not popular, especialy amongst newcomers. It is also not easy, and if you think that it is you have a lot more to learn. Being Master to more than one person is rough, and trying to learn when ou have that many others involved could be counterproductive. Before you consider adding to your group, you might want to take some time with your new girl and learn a bit more about the lifestyle with her alone. Once you two are confident and comfortable together, then you can look into adding on. It took Angel and I almost a year to get to the point where he could be confident with my adding on a second. And even now, I keep them separated becasue knowing the other is there and actually tolerating having them around are two very different things. It doesnt always work out quite as well in real time as you think it will in theory. Be prepared for a bit of jealousy to crop up, whether or not you both agree this is what you want.
LadyPact has the right idea, munches and real life interaction helps a lot in the learning process. Even asking questons of those of us who are a bit more established can help. 

You might also want to grow a thicker skin, you arent going to like every answer you get, but dont take them personaly.  AS you said, you are in the Army for heavens sake. I am sure there have been plenty of higher-ups that have been pretty condescending when speaking to you there, and not once did you stomp your foot in the dust and pout. Dont do it here either. Take what you can from each persons offerings and piece together the knowledge you need.  Most of us are pretty bad at sugar coating. Just keep in mind we are not trying to make it personal. We are responding to your input, on here and on other forums, and how you present yourself.  You might even take hints of how you are coming across by the feedback you get.

And to answer one of the originial questions, many subs do not contact first, form what I understand, simply becasue of the sheer volume of mail they are already getting.  If they have so much coming in that they can barely handle the replies, why would they look through and see if they can add to the fray/ If you think about it, they realy dont have to look much, there are already people beating down their doors. The flag you are probably raising is the New Master looking to start with a Harem already. Most subs with experience know that is usualy a sign of a disaster, and most new subs dont want to be one in a crowd.  Just relax, and take your time.  If you are getting this frusterated so soon in, you realy need to be more patient.

DV



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Multiple Questions for Slaves and Submissives (6/11/2007 5:19:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: tenderfootmaster


My inbox has been relatively empty unless I initiate the contact. What is it about female submissives? Do they message anybody at all first? Or do they just sit back and expect us to go “catch” them? Is there something wrong with me?

i have been known to contact Doms who i'm interested in however if i'm not interested after viewing your profile - then i'm not going to waste my time in contacting you. i have sent messages to Doms and don't any reply back. oh well their lost ...not mine.

don't know if there's anything wrong with you - maybe the submissive/slave isn't interested.  it happens so get over it.

quote:

Why is age so important for many? Why do people say that since I’m 22 I cant be called a Master.

what does any man half my age have in common with me? not very much ...plus i'm not into being "Mrs.Robinson" to anyone younger than 30. that's why age of a Dom is important to me ...someone young like yourself, i might perceive you're only into BDSM for the kinky sex part.  i prefer someone closer to my age or older than someone fresh out of high school.



justheather -> RE: Multiple Questions for Slaves and Submissives (6/11/2007 5:42:16 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: tenderfootmaster

What is it about female submissives? Do they message anybody at all first?

I can only speak for myself, but I preferred to be contacted first by an interested dominant person.

quote:

Or do they just sit back and expect us to go “catch” them?


Pretty much, yeah. Your grandmother was right. Many men enjoy the sense of pursuing that which they desire and many women are much more at ease with the idea of being pursued. That is not to say that it is some sort of game, but rather something more like a mating ritual.
I dig ritual.
You may not.
That's ok.


quote:

Is there something wrong with me?

Depends on your world view, I guess.
Some people would like to say "Of course there is something 'wrong' with you, there is something 'wrong' with each of us."
Others might approach things differently and say you are perfect just the way you are.
Then there are other people whose view would fall somewhere in between those two.

quote:

Why is age so important for many?


Same reason "looks" are important to some and "financial security" is important to others and so on and so on. People have their reasons. I can tell you what my reasons are, but I dont think they'd make a whole lot of difference in forming your opinions because Im with a partner and Im also 37 years old, myself.

quote:

Why do people say that since I’m 22 I cant be called a Master. Like a 45 year old who has never done this before can say they have been doing this for 20+ years and automatically they are called a master and never questioned about it.

I dont think that this is true. People do not just accept someone as a "master" because of their age.
This part of your post really does sound like whining, FYI.

quote:

I guess I just want to know what kind of game I’m playing, to know the rules if you will so it will be relatively easier for me.

Hmmmm....well, I think you might want to start with the words Ive bolded here and see what you might come up with as to why people are not taking you seriously as a "master".



sunlitflames -> RE: Multiple Questions for Slaves and Submissives (6/11/2007 7:34:23 PM)

just the fact that you refer to this as "a game" puts it in a certain perspective for most of us.  you have defined how you view this and how you interact with this... it's a game and you want to learn the rules.  nothing wrong with that.  some of us just have a different understanding. 



suggababy23 -> RE: Multiple Questions for Slaves and Submissives (6/11/2007 7:42:54 PM)

My observation:

quote:

We have discussed the prospect of adding slaves to the relationship at this time and we are looking for both male and female slaves.


That is from the very first paragraph of your profile.  Then at the bottom you add :

quote:

Male Slaves
I am not currently interested in male slaves at this time. If you would like to apply for male servitude as my fiancées ATM go to her profile.


Honestly there is a conflict of interest there. You should be more clear and decisive on what it is that you are seeking.

Secondly, I don't see age as an issue at all. I am 25 and open to just about any age for a potential Dominants. I am however, not very open to the idea of poly. Maybe one day but not today. I would have to say that would be the biggest obsticle in my eyes. I wish you the best of luck in your search.

sugga



peppermint -> RE: Multiple Questions for Slaves and Submissives (6/11/2007 7:49:04 PM)

quote:

What is it about female submissives? Do they message anybody at all first?


I will admit that i've seldom initiated first contact with a Dom.  I have several reasons when i might contact a Dom first.  I may be looking for someone from his geographical area.  I may have found his profile amusing, profound, or exceptional in some manner.
 
quote:

Why is age so important for many? Why do people say that since I’m 22 I cant be called a Master. Like a 45 year old who has never done this before can say they have been doing this for 20+ years and automatically they are called a master and never questioned about it.


I'm sorry.  I do find age a consideration.  I have few friends who are your age.  Frankly, i have little in common with someone your age.  Sorry....it's just the way i feel.  As to the rest of your rant.....my Dom is 66.  He's been involved in the lifestyle for 20 years.  I do not, and he does not consider himself a Master yet.  Personally i would most likely question anyone who uses the honorific "Master."  I would want to know what you or anyone who uses the term are the Master of....whether singles tails, floggers, needles, etc.   The term Master is, as far as i'm concerned, an earned title....as in you've dedicated years to becoming a Master at a certain technique.  I have never met anyone in real life who calls himself a Master and we've visited with 10 different lifestyle groups in 5 different states.  We attend so many groups because we're snowbirds and travel from the north to the south and back again each year. 

quote:

I guess I just want to know what kind of game I’m playing, to know the rules if you will so it will be relatively easier for me.


As for rules....there are no hard and fast rules.  If it works for you, then it's good for you.  If it isn't working for you then perhaps you need to change your tactics rather than to attempt to make everyone play by your rules.  Life isn't meant to be easy.  Those who keep trying and can adapt to a changing world are most likely to succeed. 





justheather -> RE: Multiple Questions for Slaves and Submissives (6/11/2007 7:58:33 PM)

PS I find the picture (on your profile) of you pulling a gun out of your pants a little intense, maybe others find it off-putting as well.



slaverosebeauty -> RE: Multiple Questions for Slaves and Submissives (6/11/2007 9:00:42 PM)

For me age is VERY important, I desire and expect experience in a partner, if he is in his 20s then LEGALLY he can't have much experience, since you have to be 18 to take classes or check out adult sites to learn, etc, so a guy in his 20s can ONLY have up to 11 years of experience; thats not very much. Also, I am attracted to men who are mature and who I don't have to 'explain' things too; my idea of fun is NOT drinking, or going to clubs or bars, etc, its not who I am and a younger guy is usually still in that 'phase' few guys I have ever known in their 20s don't fall into that catagory, so I avoid them like the plague. A guy in his late 30s to 40s in my experience, has a maturity that I am attracked too, he knows who he is, he has his s**t together, he can carry on an ADULT conversation, he knows how to treate a lady right, the list goes on and on.

Thats why I personally do NOT respond favorably to young top-types, besides when I was/am looking, my page ALWAYS say 'preferance 38 to 48' and 'mature.' So a guy in his 20s shows that he hasn't read my page; so those emails get deleted if they are lucky.



LadyHeart -> RE: Multiple Questions for Slaves and Submissives (6/12/2007 12:08:46 AM)

My Master is an experienced Dominant, well known in the local community. He has a intelligent, articulate profile, and all the photos on his profile are BDSM related. He rarely gets a message from a submissive who hasn't already met him, because his profile makes it clear that he is married, and he offers casual play sessions on that basis only. More women than men are looking for 24/7. They want exclusivity and commitment. It's a girl thing. (OK before anyone flames me, I didn't say "all" women, just "more" women - ducks for cover)
:))
LH



slaveish -> RE: Multiple Questions for Slaves and Submissives (6/12/2007 10:51:44 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: tenderfootmaster

Well then how would I be able to stand out among my peers? My girl is the one who wants the male Financial Slave, to tell you the truth I want nothing to do with men at all!


I think a good place to start in your new Masterdom is to not let your girl make decisions you don't like.



juliaoceania -> RE: Multiple Questions for Slaves and Submissives (6/12/2007 10:59:40 AM)

quote:

So a guy in his 20s shows that he hasn't read my page; so those emails get deleted if they are lucky.


Or they get slandered and defamed and lied about by trolls pretending not to be trolls



RCdc -> RE: Multiple Questions for Slaves and Submissives (6/12/2007 11:03:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

So a guy in his 20s shows that he hasn't read my page; so those emails get deleted if they are lucky.


Or they get slandered and defamed and lied about by trolls pretending not to be trolls

Or stalked.  Or accused of being a stalker.  Or outted.
Yikes - [:-]
 
Peace
the.dark.



slaverosebeauty -> RE: Multiple Questions for Slaves and Submissives (6/12/2007 11:16:26 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
Your posts on this forum demonstrate why many of us have a preference for older doms... impatience is not a very mature nor domly trait in many eyes.. and that is what you are demonstrating.


Patience is a virtue, so is maturity and with age generally comes maturity {not always} and patience. Things in life worth waiting for require pateince.



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