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Aswad -> RE: At what point? (6/12/2007 7:31:53 PM)
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ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
While I am not familiar with the other post, the fact is that some things ARE testosterone or estrogen driven, as I am sure you are aware.
Of course. Or, strongly influenced by it, at least. The hormones are the tide, the behaviours are the waves.
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Pointing out rude behavior is not a hormonal driven trait.
How did you infer this from what I said?
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Argumentively trying to assert your position does tend to be testosterone driven.
I hope, then, that by "argumentatively" you mean something else than what I read into that word.
Because my testosterone levels are probably lower than yours.
Seriously.
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Curious Lord's general approach to most posts tend to be "I'm smarter than all of you, watch me use big words and amaze and confound."
Well, maybe a little bit, occasionally. Mostly, though, I get the impression that he's just being playful and not conveying it properly.
That, and not yet having come to see the value of diversity. I was the same, pretty much, until life showed me that while intelligence may be a figure of merit, it is not intrinsically a value or virtue. Since then, I've come to appreciate other traits a lot better. I'd like to imagine hindsight gives insight. And I have a bit of grounds for "getting inside his head" in that regard. I really don't get those vibes as strongly from him as they used to a little while ago.
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He also gets more and more argumentative when his words fail to confound and when his analogies are proven to fall flat. That is not because of testosterone, but rather because of who he is.
If he's anything like me at that age, I imagine it is more a case of trying to balance his desire to be polite and "play nice" with his frustration at not succeeding at making people understand what he's saying, and the humor enters into the equation as a means of balancing it out. Hence, the attempts at explaining better come across differently.
Personally, I prefer to use headbanging instead. [sm=banghead.gif] That kind of headbanging.
However, I usually get what he's saying the first time around, I think, and the most notable instance where I wasn't on the same page, was a case of me not paying attention to his OP.
You're right that it's personality, rather than hormones, though. And I'd credit him with the effort.
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It is tough to walk through life with an "I'm better and more intelligent than everyone around me". Especially when many of the people he is dealing with are highly intelligent people as well.
Well, I haven't tried ascertaining his general intelligence level. From private messages, however, I'd assume a fair bit higher than the average, even with the somewhat unusual distribution on CM, which is, from what I've seen, shifted about 0.5-1σ to the right from the general population, and more fat-tailed than usual.
That doesn't imply equal proficiency in all areas, however. And being very good at a broad range of things (e.g. due to high intelligence), and not being able to express oneself to people can be a very frustrating combination.
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As we grow up, we learn that we are not the smartest person in the room all the time and learn to understand that we may not always be right in our thinking as no one is perfect. Your quote from Hanlon's Razor seems very appropriate there.
Nobody is perfect, though how smart one is does not vary against time. It's a matter of who has the most proficiency appropriate to the task at hand.
I don't see how Hanlon's Razor applies, though. Care to clue me in?
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As I mentioned on an earlier post, some conversations require and deserve your undivided attention.
~nod~
Agree perfectly there.
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When you say to someone "just a moment, I'm on the phone", the appropriate thing to do is to hold all questions until you are off the phone and in a position to talk.
Well, yes, in a synchronous medium. But instant messaging is asynchronous. The messages will still be there when you get back. Hence, without knowing more about what was said, it seems perfectly reasonable to assume that this was the issue, not that he doesn't get that some phonecalls are important.
Personally, if something requires my undivided attention, I don't divide it. Which equates to the other person getting no reply at all, regardless of nagging, until I'm done.
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It is like telling someone to hold on and they keep talking.
People do that all the time. [:D]
It's my favourite thing about working from home or wherever:
I don't end up with people coming through the door, ignoring my "hold on", spewing a whole lot of stuff that could be dealt with in a memo next week, nagging me until I give a one-line reply, and then leaving me to spend 2 hours re-wrapping my head around the thing I had 1 minute work left on.
It's a character flaw, but a common one.
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After the last phone conversation where I again attempted to discuss these issues and got no where, I have told him to "sod off".
Well, it's resolved, then.
I wish you better luck next time.
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In other words, while I was completely sure that his behavior was inappropriate in the world that I have been living, I was not completely sure that his behavior was inappropriate in the newer type of relationship that I am looking to have.
What is appropriate in a relationship is up to the people involved to decide.
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Saying "I am what I am, and I screw up sometimes" would have been admitting that he had done something wrong, so yes it might have made a difference.
Whee, my own approach has merit. [sm=banana.gif]
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Don't get me wrong, I am not expecting a dom to be perfect. But I am expecting him to be able to admit when he is wrong and offer and apology, and not believe that because he is a dom that it is ok not to.
I don't think anyone expects perfection. Or, if they do, this probably isn't the lifestyle for them. I demand perfection of myself, which drives me onward, but expecting it of myself, or for others to expect it of me, is just unrealistic.
We all have flaws, and I certainly agree it would be appropriate to admit his mistake if he understood what the problem was, though whether apologizing is appropriate is a relationship issue as much as anything else.
I can see other reasons for using that excuse, but none that aren't flawed on some level.
Hope you'll find the one for you.
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