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need advice - 6/13/2007 8:48:24 AM

slvcari

Posts: 16
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline

Greetings to all who read this post-

this one is currently talking with a local domme who has had her put "under consideration: in her profile. while that is not a problem ,. i do however have a problem with an order i was given and therefor seek advice.

i am currently enrolled in college via online and currently have classes ongoing .. i've informed her of this as well as the fact i have homework for said classes. Her order was that i can not attend or do homework while she is online and we are talking on instant messenger.

This Mistress and I have not met in person...does she have the right to tell me that i cannot attend classes or do my homework ? She has also asked for my password to this site so she can read/ delete and change my profile and is upset that i won't give her the password .

any advice would be greatly appreciated

slvcari

Post #: 1

RE: need advice - 6/13/2007 9:01:24 AM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

LOL Do you really need anyone else to tell you what you already know? You haven't met yet. She is wanting you to jeopardize your education and invade your privacy and security. Hmmm...really? What do you think?

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to slvcari)

Post #: 2

RE: need advice - 6/13/2007 9:07:12 AM

Emperor1956

Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

Does she have the right to ask that you behave a certain way? Of course she has that right. Do you have the right to disagree? Of course you do.

What I think you really need to identify is if your rejection of her demands is because:

1. She has not committed to you in any way, placing you "under consideration" (and what the heck does that mean?), but not agreeing to meet or further the relationship, OR

2. She pushed you too early to give up certain "rights" you claim, such as the right to maintain your online profile privately, OR

3. Her unworldly demands conflict greatly with your real world obligations, and you did not sign on for that conflict?

Or any of the above. There are in fact no rules, no Canon, no golden mean of D/s behavior. Each couple or group works out rules that work for them. You clearly are not happy with this person's demands -- I would think the next step if there is any real desire on either side to create a relationship would be a discussion of the problem and (ideally) a mutually acceptable solution.

E.

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to slvcari)

Post #: 3

RE: need advice - 6/13/2007 9:09:49 AM

MissMorrigan

Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

Cari, I can understand your desire to serve a domme, but common sense must surely prevail regardless of the dynamics of the relationship. If a person wants to have a detrimental effect on your life, and by attempting to prevent you from bettering yourself educationally I would classify that as to your detriment, why are you even questioning this?

What you have mentioned is an unhealthy form of control. Just as you are under consideration, so is this dominant and if you want to continue self-growth, working to secure a good future for yourself, I suggest you concentrate on your studies and start making healthy choices by removing the person in question from your consideration. As you are studying online, use your browser to glean as much information as you can on D/s. If you would like me to recommend a site to you, send me a memo.

The behaviour you have mentioned is not exclusive to BDSM relationships and it's your decision as to whether you allow it to affect you or not.

(in reply to slvcari)

Post #: 4

RE: need advice - 6/13/2007 9:11:02 AM

imthatacheyouhav

Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline

"WARNING!! danger Will Robinson!!" ( doing my best impression of robot from Lost in Space)

_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to Emperor1956)

Post #: 5

RE: need advice - 6/13/2007 9:12:26 AM

MistressNoName

Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline

You're joking, right?? Do you really need for a bunch of us to get on here and tell you what you already know?

What right has anyone got to tell you that you cannot complete the requirements of your degree? How silly is that?

If you want to carry on with this individual, do so at your own risk. I suggest that you carefully schedule online times with her that do not interfere with the times you have to be online in class or doing assignments. If you can't do this b/c she is always online during your class times (the schedule of which is not in your hands, but that of the school) and she doesn't want to be adult about it and work out a feasible chat schedule with you...then I don't know what to tell you...except I personally would not put up with that.

As for giving her access to your school site account...don't do it. That I can't stress enough. What does she want it for? This makes me very uncomfortable and suspicious that she might be trying to access your financial information...if it can be access via this route...(but then again, I can be being overly paranoid on this one. But that's what happens when you've fallen victim to identity theft.)

My bottom line is, if it doesn't smell right, best not to eat it. Be safe not sorry.

MNN

(in reply to slvcari)

Post #: 6

RE: need advice - 6/13/2007 9:15:35 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I would be leary of a situation where any Domme would want to restrict opportunities for learning and growth. Enough said.

(in reply to MistressNoName)

Post #: 7

RE: need advice - 6/13/2007 9:17:29 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

What they said.........ditch the domme.

along with a few other d words just cuz.......
deny
dethrone
debunk
depreciate
duhhhhhh...

(it wouldn't let me add the smiley face)

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 6/13/2007 9:29:33 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to MistressNoName)

Post #: 8

RE: need advice - 6/13/2007 9:19:20 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slvcari

Greetings to all who read this post-

this one is currently talking with a local domme who has had her put "under consideration: in her profile. while that is not a problem ,. i do however have a problem with an order i was given and therefor seek advice.

i am currently enrolled in college via online and currently have classes ongoing .. i've informed her of this as well as the fact i have homework for said classes. Her order was that i can not attend or do homework while she is online and we are talking on instant messenger.

This Mistress and I have not met in person...does she have the right to tell me that i cannot attend classes or do my homework ? She has also asked for my password to this site so she can read/ delete and change my profile and is upset that i won't give her the password .

any advice would be greatly appreciated

slvcari

Wow this is either someone who isn't what she appears to be or someone who is really very insecure to want your emails and passwords.

I think it's a scam artist trying to steal information about you.

I think you should "delete" all contact with her.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to slvcari)

Post #: 9

RE: need advice - 6/13/2007 9:22:15 AM

Emperor1956

Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

defile?
defenestrate? (one of my favorite words)!?
delouse? (yeccch!)

E

delightedly discussing domination dilemmas with Dominas...

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 10

RE: need advice - 6/13/2007 9:24:01 AM

MistressNoName

Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline

Oh and by the way...not that I don't think it can or does happen...but a straight female slave under consideration by a straight female "dominate"? Interesting and that's all I'll say about that.

MNN

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 11

RE: need advice - 6/13/2007 9:26:45 AM

MrsDiablo

Posts: 10
Joined: 5/22/2007
Status: offline

Exactly..lol.

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 12

RE: need advice - 6/13/2007 9:28:43 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressNoName

Oh and by the way...not that I don't think it can or does happen...but a straight female slave under consideration by a straight female "dominate"? Interesting and that's all I'll say about that.

MNN

Yes, I caught that one also. Veddddy interesting.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to MistressNoName)

Post #: 13

RE: need advice - 6/13/2007 9:30:14 AM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

disengage
DUD (her, not you!)

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 14

RE: need advice - 6/13/2007 9:33:31 AM

imthatacheyouhav

Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline

Hmmm...i must have missed something...i dont see how we know the Dome is a straight female

_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 15

RE: need advice - 6/13/2007 9:34:28 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Her profile says so.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)

Post #: 16

RE: need advice - 6/13/2007 9:39:39 AM

Emperor1956

Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

At first I put it down to a hormonally influenced combination of really advanced Gaydar and "womens' intuition". But in fact, that is how the domme at issue describes itself.

quote:

Imthatache: Hmmm...i must have missed something...i dont see how we know the Dome is a straight female

LaTigresse: Her profile says so.

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 17

RE: need advice - 6/13/2007 9:42:46 AM

MistressNoName

Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Emperor1956

At first I put it down to a hormonally influenced combination of really advanced Gaydar and "womens' intuition". But in fact, that is how the domme at issue describes itself.

quote:

Imthatache: Hmmm...i must have missed something...i dont see how we know the Dome is a straight female

LaTigresse: Her profile says so.

Ha!!!! Funny!! Yeah, well my "gay-dar" is pretty good...but not that good! LOL

MNN

(in reply to Emperor1956)

Post #: 18

RE: need advice - 6/13/2007 10:24:19 AM

imthatacheyouhav

Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline

Well ok...but i still think i'm must be missing something...*goes off muttering something about running out f popcorn*

_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to MistressNoName)

Post #: 19

RE: need advice - 6/13/2007 10:51:55 AM

slaveboyforyou

Posts: 3607
Joined: 1/6/2005
From: Arkansas, U.S.A.
Status: offline

I keep my IM invisible if I am doing work that needs my full attention. I just don't like the distraction of having to tell people I am busy when I am concentrating on other things. You have to make up your own mind about giving your passwords out. I wouldn't do it, but that's just me.

(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)

Post #: 20

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