Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Humiliation Examined


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: Humiliation Examined Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Humiliation Examined - 7/18/2007 7:33:35 AM   
IvyMorgan


Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
Status: offline 		I've a couple of thoughts.  They might not make sense.

To look at the darker/abusive side, and inidentally, to link to the concept of spirituality, sense of self, and ego...when trying to break someone you can only go so far with pain.  Because you reach a certain point and the person gives up to pain, but they don't give up to you.  They put their sense of self in a box, and let you do whatever you want with their body, give themselves permission to do whatever it takes to get through the experience alive, and emerge the other side, eventually, with their sense of self in tact.  If you want to truly break a person, you need to use humiliation, it doesn't work otherwise.  And once you've done that, once you've truly broken them into a million little pieces, you can reshape the pieces into whatever you want.

I'm sure this could be transfered to something positive, like the previous poster was explaining about allowing subs to access and explore and feel comfortble about parts of themselves that are squeamish.  The humilitaion bypasses the "can't do that" feeling, and takes you straight there.

I think after care is particularly important in this respect.

What is humiliating is also very unique to the individual.  Something that I think quite a few don't get.  I don't find being called a whore humiliating, for example (same stands for cunt, slut, bitch, fuck toy, *insert derogatory name of choice here*), but it's part of the experience for the top that they call me this, and that I repeat it back to them.  They're not humiliting me, they're living thier fantasy.  If they want to humiliate me, they have to work a little harder.

I list humiliation as something I'm interested in/like precisely because it lets me let go of everything and deconstruct.  It's not really a sexual thing, for me.

Ivy

(in reply to EmpassionedRogue)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Humiliation Examined - 7/18/2007 12:00:43 PM   
irishjoe


Posts: 19
Joined: 1/29/2005
Status: offline 		Humiliation...very interesting topic. i always wondered where the desire to humiliate and be humiliated stemmed from. Is it the feeling of submission, that loss of control and willingness to do anything for your mistress (to a point), which no matter how humiliating it would make you feel, if you thought about it logically, you would do unquestionably if it was what your mistress commanded. Personally for me it is, it would be to see the sense of satisfaction on my mistresses face, a symbol of devotion and unquestionable servitude. Something that would remind me of my place in the relationship. The question of why Mistresses like to humiliate their subs/slaves is one naturally i cannot answer. Is it just about control or is there a deeper motivating factor that drives the desire?

(in reply to IvyMorgan)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Humiliation Examined - 7/18/2007 5:19:35 PM   
devotedslave78


Posts: 19
Joined: 10/10/2006
Status: offline 		For me, humiliation and submission go hand in hand.  I have been on this road to self discovery for a while now - and it has been a while since I started experimenting with BDSM.   If I had to ask myself what does humiliation means to me, I would have to say it is the ultimate way I can show love for my Owner.  I am willing to go THAT far to prove to Her just how much I want to belong to Her. 

...and for my own selfish reasons, it is yet another emotion that leads up to total bliss.  BDSM is a whirlwind of emotion for me - love, fear, pain, pleasure, humiliation...etc....


(in reply to irishjoe)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Humiliation Examined - 7/19/2007 10:35:12 AM   
colleenslittleto


Posts: 12
Joined: 7/17/2007
Status: offline 		I agree with your statements concerning humiliation, as well as the lighter side of pain.  For me, the most engraved memories are the ones where I was "put-down" effectively as opposed to whipped or spanked.  There seem to be a lot of mistresses well-trained in corporal punishment but less so who are skilled at the mental aspects of humiliation.  In fact, I'm having problems finding a mistress who understands the need and can control the mental part of the slave.

Many of the experiences that remain in my mind have to do with simple statements.  One time, while buying a rather risque outfit that the goddess was going to wear for her lover instead of me, the sales clerk wished us well and let us go with a simple "Enjoy."  Of course, the goddess responded, so the girl could hear, "he won't."  I've used that image to get me through many a lonely night.

Other times the goddess would call me up and have her meet me somewhere.  After I bought her another outfit, one that I would never see on her, she would show me her panties and ask how I thought her lover was going to appreciate them.  The utter mortification of knowing someone else was going to get to her treasures while I sat and cried, wondered, fantasized and finally succumb to a nasty form of self-gratification was incredible. 

You are correct in that there is a space in the mind that humiliation takes you and because of the debasement you are transported into a different realm that allows a total releasal of all control.  Somehow the goddess understood this and became particularly adept at turning my perversions against me.  You can readily see that I developed a rather strong case of the humiliated cuckold even though I had no rights on the woman. 

(in reply to DiannaVesta)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Humiliation Examined - 7/23/2007 3:15:47 AM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos


This thread is fast turning into one about compliments on new avatars ;-)

Artful photo! And congratulations to you.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to amayos)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Humiliation Examined - 8/1/2007 10:35:47 PM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IvyMorgan
I list humiliation as something I'm interested in/like precisely because it lets me let go of everything and deconstruct.  It's not really a sexual thing, for me.


Thanks for your post. Here is a paste from a prior thread that might interest you.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_667530/mpage_5/key_no%2Dstrings/tm.htm

quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

quote:

ORIGINAL: onlythewindknows
humility can be a way to enter into a mild level of subspace if ya happen to have a kink that way. it can be very centering and almost meditative.


Hmmm. I can enjoy humility as a kink. And I have indeed felt meditative at times during attentive service. I have not thought about it before but I don't think it comes from humility. Perhaps it does and I don't even know it. Perhaps it comes from something else.

In any case, I do not know much about the concept you describe (service, humility, deconstructing the ego) through personal experience but have seen some discussions go by that have given me basic awareness of the idea. I recall one such discussion that presented the process you describe as a spiritual experience. Persons knowledgeable about the subject spoke of Buddhism and Eastern philosophies, and of bliss found in shedding the ego. The thread is on another site and I am unable to post it here. One of the responders recommended "reading Ramana Maharshi, the biography of Ramakrishna, and the trilogy by Ram Das."

Cheers,

Sea


Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to IvyMorgan)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Humiliation Examined - 8/2/2007 6:33:27 AM   
LadyLynx


Posts: 1098
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline 		Not to hijack but.......for some reason I am not able to verbally humiliate. visually, physically. (writing names like footslut, and bitchboy on their bodies,objectification,alittle femininization.)  Has anyone else have had this problem? Have you found a way around it?

_____________________________

Our community maybe openminded as a whole, but it is still made up of individuals who bring in their own opinions,baggage and agendas!

Known as SwitchWitch in my local community,and on IRC Bondage.

I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

(in reply to undergroundsea)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Humiliation Examined - 8/2/2007 6:52:12 AM   
canupleaseme


Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		Sea  thankyou very much for the compliment it is my most favourite photo :)




_____________________________

Proud mistress

(in reply to LadyLynx)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Humiliation Examined - 8/2/2007 7:14:46 AM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyLynx
Not to hijack but.......for some reason I am not able to verbally humiliate. visually, physically. (writing names like footslut, and bitchboy on their bodies,objectification,alittle femininization.)  Has anyone else have had this problem? Have you found a way around it?


Your post is entirely relevant to this thread :)

If I understood you correctly, you are comfortable with visual or physical humiliation but not with verbal humiliation.

To better understand or comment, I am curious what you mean by verbal humiliation. For instance, if you are comfortable to write footslut and bitchboy on a sub's body, are you comfortable to call the same sub a footslut or bitchboy?

Are you able to put your finger on what about it makes you uncomfortable--is it because you feel it is tacky, or because you feel it is unfair to the sub?

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to LadyLynx)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Humiliation Examined - 8/2/2007 7:19:43 AM   
MistressCass


Posts: 80
Joined: 5/30/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyLynx

Not to hijack but.......for some reason I am not able to verbally humiliate. visually, physically. (writing names like footslut, and bitchboy on their bodies,objectification,alittle femininization.)  Has anyone else have had this problem? Have you found a way around it?


Having been the victim of verbal humilation as a child I have a hard time speaking words that I know damage self-esteem if not welcomed by the person they are aimed at.  

Feminization?  Now THAT I enjoy.   And some consider it humilating, some actively seek it.  So it's a "eye of the beholder" thing when it comes to humilation.

A way around it?   I have used some words I consider humilating ....I kinda build up to saying them aloud by whispering them first.   Then I judge their response to those words.   If it is a positive response then I can speak them a little louder, until I am able to speak them aloud.  I"m up to being able to call my sub a "slut" totally out loud and in public.  Not sure what word I will try next, I just know he loves to hear me call him what he feels he is, in his own mind.

Even Dommes have things they have to learn.   (I think my list is growing as I age, not shrinking)  And how to "dish out" the humilation some subs seek is high on my list.

(in reply to LadyLynx)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Humiliation Examined - 8/2/2007 7:41:20 AM   
Grlwithboy


Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline 		I find there are different types and levels as I explore this with my slave. It's both our primary kink, and one my other partners aren't nearly as interested in. I think I may have played with him once in my life without any kind of humiliation and there was still a great deal of objectification via bondage in that scene, another of our mutual primary kinks. I don't think I would want to play with him without some of those aspects.

There's what I call erotic humliation - which most people do. A little exposure, a little nastiness, the blushing "naughty" feeling - it's about 15 degrees of a turn from the physical state of sexual arousal if you compare the physical sensations this provides.

Then there's a humiliation play - as someone noted. OK, you can call me every name in the book, please spit on me and write "will suck it for food" on my chest, or anything you like. Mutually fun, exciting, arousing for the afficianados, just as hitting someone who likes to be caned with a cane functions. A lot of the same mechanics apply - you can "warm someone up" you can "train them to take more over time, with patience and care" - it's very much analagous to most of the negotiated, mutually desired painplay you see.

Then there's "for realz" humiliation. Emotional masochist and emotional sadist playing with the deeply held sense of self, the things we want to protect.  I don't use it often. This is taking the most sensitive core vulnerable spot and giving it a good kick. Catharsis or damage to trust will ensue - it's edgeplay. The risks are the rationale, the dangers significant, the payoff huge to those who seek it, the risks are minimized by knowing the partner, by knowing what you plan to do if things go south, but never fully eliminated.






(in reply to MistressCass)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Humiliation Examined - 8/10/2007 2:01:41 PM   
SubJordanTyler


Posts: 268
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline 		Humiliation is a way to express my submission.............to show Her that I will do what it takes to please Her.

(in reply to undergroundsea)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Humiliation Examined - 8/10/2007 10:26:53 PM   
ocilla


Posts: 1764
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline 		Wow - great thread and very helpful for me.  I have been hesistant to respond to subs who id as their kink a desire for humiliation.  But upon hearing all the various ways that people engage in humiliation and that like most things it is quite specific to an individual I am realizing that in fact I do engage in some of this.  I do not particularly enjoy the feminization humiliation - of dressing someone up etc.  I mean it can be silly and playful but if they found it humilating then I would be embarrased for them - if they found it fun then I would too.  Now acts such as tasting their own cum - that one I kind of like. 

But what I do in everyday life is use my smarts to put a man in his place.  Most cannot keep up anyway.  In my professional life nothing kicks my evil petty side into high gear quicker than a man who acts like he is the shit or like his work, time, opinion, solution or problem is more important than anyone elses.  I don't see this in women and I suspect the reason is that you can be an idiot man and get much further carreerwise than you can if you are an idiot woman.   Now I love men - but that specific type that I mostly encounter in professional settings that is just clueless and ham fisted well I bring them intellectually to their knees rather quickly if I need them to back off.  I will take the high road for a while or seek some distance but if that does not work I will go ahead and break em.  And I am really good at it - I think it was all those years in my previous carreer as a chef in 5star restaurants where I was the only woman with a staff of men - some just really had to be mentally wrestled into working under a woman. 

Sometimes, just for fun I will do this to a fella that is getting rough in verbal play or borderline disrespectful - but I am careful because it can just make them frightened of me altogether.  When it works well, what comes about is that they rarely ever underestimate me and they pay close attention, they do what I say and they long for my approval - which I do give when appropriate.  Shrugging - not sure how I feel about my ability to do this - but have found it a useful skill.

< Message edited by ocilla -- 8/10/2007 10:32:10 PM >

_____________________________

Ocilla

Nature is not a place to visit. It is home.
~ Gary Snyder

It takes a kinky village...

(in reply to SubJordanTyler)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Humiliation Examined - 8/11/2007 4:47:00 PM   
leatherpet32


Posts: 27
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline
Being a somewhat shy, timid person naturally, it wouldn't take much for it to be "humiliation. But i think for me, it's more of a "out of my comfort zone" then true humiliation. De-humanising (gimp mode) puppy play, pony play, spit swallowing, kissing boots in public, wearing a raincoat on a hot sunny day...i suppose for me those are humiliating but there ARE sexually aroused. It's somewhat out of my comfort zone, and as long as i am with someone that i trust not to harm me either emotionally or physically, then i trust them to bring me places i might not otherwise go on my own. Which, in my opnion is what submission is, not just kinky sex, pushing yourself, your submission, beyond fantasy, but TRULY submitting in the sense that you do something you wouldn't do otherwise (always safe, sane and concentual of course!) That's my opnion on it anyways, hope i expressed it ok,

Ya'll have a good one

(in reply to undergroundsea)
Profile   Post #: 54
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 [3]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: Humiliation Examined Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078