Wannabe

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Wannabe

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Wannabe

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Wannabe - 6/15/2007 10:03:12 AM

CitizenCane

Posts: 349
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

This term came up in another thread, and it's always one that baffles me. It's obviously a broad-spectrum insult used by those that 'are' against those that 'aren't', but it seems particularly inappropriate here. Does using it reflect a belief that people are all 'hardwired' doms or subs or nillas, and that they simply are what they are, no experience necessary? I always think of 'wanting to be' as a good precursor for 'becoming'. I have nothing against wannabe subs, and while I can understand subs being cautious of inexperienced doms, I don't have anything against them either. More dangerous and/or repugnant to me is the person who is self-satisfied with some sense of arrival, in-ness, or in-born virtue.
Just my two dollars and sixtythree cents worth. (Inflation is a bitch).

Post #: 1

RE: Wannabe - 6/15/2007 10:10:27 AM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

Is there a difference between these two types of "wannabes"?

1. Someone who has urges, desires, craving to do certain acts and illicit specific reactions from their partner and has learned that there are labels for these things.

2. Someone who wants to become a dominant or submissive so they are trying to learn what are the urges, desires and instincts they need to have to be successful in this label.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to CitizenCane)

Post #: 2

RE: Wannabe - 6/15/2007 10:17:32 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1019201/mpage_2/key_wannabe/tm.htm#1019504
The wannabe?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_682670/mpage_1/key_wannabe/tm.htm#682898
"Wannabe-doms"

http://www.collarchat.com/m_316486/mpage_1/key_wannabe/tm.htm#316489
Definition of "wannabe." please?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to CitizenCane)

Post #: 3

RE: Wannabe - 6/15/2007 10:35:38 AM

WhiplashSmile

Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline

Pondering thoughts
I wonder if any wannabes ever sneak into the message board and start up threads complaining about all the wannabe's just so they appear to be more real? Anybody care to comment on this thought process? Do you think this happens more times then not?

Are Wannabes just a BDSM lifestyle issue or is this simply something we should have learned to figure out before graduating high school?

(in reply to CitizenCane)

Post #: 4

RE: Wannabe - 6/15/2007 11:56:59 AM

meticulousgirl

Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline

Your topic amazes me because this subject does come up persistantly in the threads.

A Dom is a fake Dom because He does (this this this and oh yeah this)

A sub is a fake sub because she likes to have sex, because she just likes the physical side, oh yeah and because she doesn't want a Dom to take over her financials (I cant forget that one).

What the heck folks.....everyone comes on here with different interests, which means everyone is going to have a different opinion, people are raised with different backgrounds and just because one person does or doesn't do a few things the same way someone else does that does not by any means mean that they are fake.

I'm not even getting into the differences so to speak my whole thing is why cant everyone just get along, and see the person who is posting for who they really are. If they dont apply to your personal preference and tastes it's not that big of a deal infact that's very typical but I cant stand it when I see people putting others Down and it bothers me even more when someone posts something negative and all of a sudden everyone on the boards is saying "That Dom is a FAKE DOM leave Him before He abuses you"

I'm not saying everyone does that, but it seems to be a big trend. Sometimes that OP is just looking for attention, and other times the OP is looking for suggestions but if they aren't asking should I leave my Dom I'm not going to give a yes or no because that's not my choice and I dont know the full story (in everycase on these threads each story that we read is one sided) same applies to Doms coming on here about subs and slaves.

The terms Fake and Wannabe are used in the same context on these sites so when I see either I just automaticly stay away, or try to anyways. In most cases it's just a difference in opinion, and a difference that one person lives our lifestyle different than another (In most cases) nough said.

(in reply to CitizenCane)

Post #: 5

RE: Wannabe - 6/15/2007 12:00:06 PM

meticulousgirl

Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

Pondering thoughts
I wonder if any wannabes ever sneak into the message board and start up threads complaining about all the wannabe's just so they appear to be more real? Anybody care to comment on this thought process? Do you think this happens more times then not?

Are Wannabes just a BDSM lifestyle issue or is this simply something we should have learned to figure out before graduating high school?

LOL Yes I'm sure a few of them really do.

(I just think we need to be careful of what we consider fake to be) is it anyone who doesn't live 24/7, is it those who are just in it for the kinky sex, I guess we should just get a consensous of what everyone considers a wannabe sub or slave to be?

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)

Post #: 6

RE: Wannabe - 6/15/2007 12:06:38 PM

BOUNTYHUNTER

Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline

There are wannabes in all walks of life and some actually turn into canbes with lots of work smiles..bounty

_____________________________

US going to hell in a hand basket/

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)

Post #: 7

RE: Wannabe - 6/15/2007 12:07:50 PM

imthatacheyouhav

Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline

Ok...you know i GET all this about wannabes.....i am soo glad to be "off the market".....dealing with the guys that just wanted to get laid and have kinky sex...or the ones that just wanted blowjobs in the parking lot ...or dealing with the guys that wanted nude pics and phone sex...to me...those are the wannabes....who approach you under the guise of being a loving caring experienced Dom only to be a horny guy with the hopes of getting your orgasm. i was never looking to bed hop...or have casual sex...i would not have needed this web site for that...so i found it ironic that in looking for my counter part i found many men who wanted to do just that...bed hop and have casual sex... i have it set in my mind what a wannabe is...and it is NOT someone willing and wanting to learn...that would be a "i want to be this (proper name here)".....a wannabe is someone that uses this lifestyle as a means to just get laid or the like...just my take on it

< Message edited by imthatacheyouhav -- 6/15/2007 12:09:51 PM >

_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to meticulousgirl)

Post #: 8

RE: Wannabe - 6/15/2007 12:10:44 PM

DragonNphoenix

Posts: 617
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: meticulousgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

Pondering thoughts
I wonder if any wannabes ever sneak into the message board and start up threads complaining about all the wannabe's just so they appear to be more real? Anybody care to comment on this thought process? Do you think this happens more times then not?

Are Wannabes just a BDSM lifestyle issue or is this simply something we should have learned to figure out before graduating high school?

LOL Yes I'm sure a few of them really do.

(I just think we need to be careful of what we consider fake to be) is it anyone who doesn't live 24/7, is it those who are just in it for the kinky sex, I guess we should just get a consensous of what everyone considers a wannabe sub or slave to be?

O/our experience with wannabes is that when 'crunch' time comes they either freak or run for the hills. Please note, that i talking about wannabe sub/slaves. It has been O/our experience that those that are wannabes are all talk. They sound great online, in email and on the phone, but when you get them home you find out that they are all talk. Or worse... that they are what we call 'rescue slaves'. (ones that use Masters/Doms as a way out of either a bad situation or for 'something new') Dont get me wrong... i have NO problem with a sub/slave needing to get out of a bad situation, O/our problem is the ones that get relocated and then "poof" they either change their minds or they want released. It can be such a mess.

1st girl Phoenix

_____________________________

**Pain is just pleasure with a twist**

(in reply to meticulousgirl)

Post #: 9

RE: Wannabe - 6/15/2007 12:13:16 PM

DragonNphoenix

Posts: 617
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav

a wannabe is someone that uses this lifestyle as a means to just get laid or the like...just my take on it

i totally agree with this statement. But remember, that definition works for sub/slaves as well as Doms.

1st girl Phoenix

_____________________________

**Pain is just pleasure with a twist**

(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)

Post #: 10

RE: Wannabe - 6/15/2007 12:17:26 PM

imthatacheyouhav

Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DragonNphoenix

quote:

ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav

a wannabe is someone that uses this lifestyle as a means to just get laid or the like...just my take on it

i totally agree with this statement. But remember, that definition works for sub/slaves as well as Doms.

1st girl Phoenix

of course it does...i was speaking from my perspective...sorry i wasn't clear about that.

_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to DragonNphoenix)

Post #: 11

RE: Wannabe - 6/16/2007 10:12:28 AM

slavegirljoy

Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BOUNTYHUNTER

There are wannabes in all walks of life and some actually turn into canbes with lots of work smiles..bounty

This is so true, Bounty.

i've known plenty of wannabes throughout my life. Most of them were as phony as a 3 dollar bill and most people could see right through them. i have never personally met a wannabe Dom/Master or sub/slave but, no doubt there probably are some. There is a big difference between a "want to be" and a "wannabe". On the Internet, it's a little harder to know who is a "want to be" something or other and who is a "wannabe". i found this out the hard way, when i was preparing myself for getting my right lower leg amputated in Sep. 2002, at my request, after struggling with a nonfunctional and excruciatingly painful foot, ankle and leg for 12 years, and i was trying to find information on the Web about what i could expect my life to be like after my amputation. Lo and behold, i stumbled onto a Yahoo group for "Wannabe Amputees" and i thought, "Oh, my gosh, here's a group of people who are wanting to have an amputation, just like me, so that they can get rid of their pain and be able to walk again do other things again, and i can talk with them about all the fears and concerns and how to deal with it all". So, i joined the group and posted my introduction about me and my situation. But, instead of being welcomed into the group, i received a very severe chewing out by some of the members because i "had no right" to be in their group, because unlike them, i had a legitimate medical reason to get an amputation and i was going to actually have it done. These "wannabe amputees", i found out, were just fantasizing about being an amputee. Oh, a lot of them really did want to be an amputee but, not because they had a physical need for it, like i did but, because they had a mental fixation on the idea of being an amputee, for whatever reason. For many, the fixation and desire had been inside them for so long and was so strong that, the internal pain they felt from not being able to physically realize what they mentally craved caused them extreme duress. And, i believe that the mental/emotional pain they endured was no less valid than the physical pain i had to endure. Theirs was just a different type of pain. Some of the wannabes found ways to get their amputations done, by having an "accident" and some would get information about having their amputations done overseas. Some would pretend to be amputees and would figure out ways to go out in public pretending to be an amputee. A lot of them would have, what they called, an "ES" (Electronic Surgery), which is just digital modifications to their pictures to make them appear to be an amputee. Oh, i got quite a wake-up call from my search for information on the web about becoming an amputee. i found out that there are also a lot of people, known as "Devotees", who have a fetish for amputees. And, a lot of them weren't satisfied with the fact that i already had a missing lower right leg. A lot of them wanted to know if i would have more amputations done. After all, i already had one done, so why not some more? Like how about an arm or my other leg, or even both arms and both legs? Men would write to me and be all sympathetic about me being an amputee and how that didn't bother them at all and then they would start in with the "it wouldn't even bother me if you had to get more amputations done." And say things, such as, if an infection were to develop in your already amputated right leg and you would have to get more of it amputated, to make it an above-knee amputation, that would be okay with them. There was one man who said he wanted to do the amputations on me himself but, he admitted that, besides being a Devotee, he was also a sadist. Not really sure how much of what he told me was real and how much was fantasy. i didn't want to find out. Wannabes are definitely not unique to any one area of interest or fetish or lifestyle. And, some don't mind being known as wannabes. But, i think that calling someone a "wannabe" on this site would be considered an insult. slave joyOwned property of Master David

(in reply to BOUNTYHUNTER)

Post #: 12

RE: Wannabe - 6/16/2007 10:27:07 AM

hereyesruponyou

Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline

Wannabe to me is anyone who portays themselves as something other than what they are just to get what they really want. This can be a Dom/me or sub/salve who professes a deep abiding interest and need for the the D/s lifestyle but only wants sex, or someone who is really looking for a lifetime experience but says they will just play, hoping for any attention (and after we meet i know they will fall for me). Let's not forget the ones who only want online roleplay and search under the guise of desiring realtime ltr's. Yes, wannabe's are out there and i do think there is a big difference between being open enough to explore all possibilities, and just flat our lying to suck someone in then spit them out again and move on like it is nothing.

_____________________________

Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be

(in reply to slavegirljoy)

Post #: 13

RE: Wannabe - 6/16/2007 10:31:59 AM

imthatacheyouhav

Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavegirljoy

quote:

ORIGINAL: BOUNTYHUNTER

There are wannabes in all walks of life and some actually turn into canbes with lots of work smiles..bounty

This is so true, Bounty.

i've known plenty of wannabes throughout my life. Most of them were as phony as a 3 dollar bill and most people could see right through them. i have never personally met a wannabe Dom/Master or sub/slave but, no doubt there probably are some. There is a big difference between a "want to be" and a "wannabe". On the Internet, it's a little harder to know who is a "want to be" something or other and who is a "wannabe". i found this out the hard way, when i was preparing myself for getting my right lower leg amputated in Sep. 2002, at my request, after struggling with a nonfunctional and excruciatingly painful foot, ankle and leg for 12 years, and i was trying to find information on the Web about what i could expect my life to be like after my amputation. Lo and behold, i stumbled onto a Yahoo group for "Wannabe Amputees" and i thought, "Oh, my gosh, here's a group of people who are wanting to have an amputation, just like me, so that they can get rid of their pain and be able to walk again do other things again, and i can talk with them about all the fears and concerns and how to deal with it all". So, i joined the group and posted my introduction about me and my situation. But, instead of being welcomed into the group, i received a very severe chewing out by some of the members because i "had no right" to be in their group, because unlike them, i had a legitimate medical reason to get an amputation and i was going to actually have it done. These "wannabe amputees", i found out, were just fantasizing about being an amputee. Oh, a lot of them really did want to be an amputee but, not because they had a physical need for it, like i did but, because they had a mental fixation on the idea of being an amputee, for whatever reason. For many, the fixation and desire had been inside them for so long and was so strong that, the internal pain they felt from not being able to physically realize what they mentally craved caused them extreme duress. And, i believe that the mental/emotional pain they endured was no less valid than the physical pain i had to endure. Theirs was just a different type of pain. Some of the wannabes found ways to get their amputations done, by having an "accident" and some would get information about having their amputations done overseas. Some would pretend to be amputees and would figure out ways to go out in public pretending to be an amputee. A lot of them would have, what they called, an "ES" (Electronic Surgery), which is just digital modifications to their pictures to make them appear to be an amputee. Oh, i got quite a wake-up call from my search for information on the web about becoming an amputee. i found out that there are also a lot of people, known as "Devotees", who have a fetish for amputees. And, a lot of them weren't satisfied with the fact that i already had a missing lower right leg. A lot of them wanted to know if i would have more amputations done. After all, i already had one done, so why not some more? Like how about an arm or my other leg, or even both arms and both legs? Men would write to me and be all sympathetic about me being an amputee and how that didn't bother them at all and then they would start in with the "it wouldn't even bother me if you had to get more amputations done." And say things, such as, if an infection were to develop in your already amputated right leg and you would have to get more of it amputated, to make it an above-knee amputation, that would be okay with them. There was one man who said he wanted to do the amputations on me himself but, he admitted that, besides being a Devotee, he was also a sadist. Not really sure how much of what he told me was real and how much was fantasy. i didn't want to find out. Wannabes are definitely not unique to any one area of interest or fetish or lifestyle. And, some don't mind being known as wannabes. But, i think that calling someone a "wannabe" on this site would be considered an insult. slave joyOwned property of Master David

Geezus joy....you are much more gracious then i would have been i think. you seem to be a very strong person...my hats off to you sis.....all i can say is wow.....

< Message edited by imthatacheyouhav -- 6/16/2007 10:32:29 AM >

_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to slavegirljoy)

Post #: 14

RE: Wannabe - 6/16/2007 12:03:01 PM

Shantra

Posts: 41
Joined: 3/29/2007
Status: offline

joy... are you freaking kidding me????!!!!!!!!! I honestly thought I had heard and seen it all.. wow... stunned.

sorry I really cannot add anything to the wannabe thread except to say I have always wannidtobe the perfect slave for Master and likely to stay a wannabe on that score!

(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)

Post #: 15

RE: Wannabe - 6/16/2007 12:11:16 PM

EvilGeoff

Posts: 523
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline

Yeah.... lots of wannabe's out there. Some good, some bad, some indifferent.

We have the posers, people I think of as "pretendabe's"... They like the fetish fashion, play dressup, know the lingo, want to have the aura of the lifestyle... and have no clue what to do beyond the outer trappings. For this bunch, SM means "Stand and Model"...

You have the wankers, people most of us call "wannabe's", "HNG's", "trolls"... They believe that pretending to be Dominant or submissive will get them sex of some kind, often. They learn the lingo, but their goal is wanking material, they want to spank the monkey or choke the chicken; or they want the quick and easy blowjob or fuck. Again, the object isn't a relationship, probably not even a scene, all they want is an orgasm.

There are predators out there. Users and abusers who found out that they can be a slime-mold disguised in wolf's or sheep's clothing. They are an emotional, physical and/or financial parasite, they pretend to be something they are not in order to manipulate, degrade, use up, and finally discard their victim with no more thought to the target's well being than most of us care about roaches. To this kind of person other people aren't really human. They are just resources or objects to be used.

Then there is a group that really "wants-to-be". They feel the call, the draw, to power exchange relationships. They yearn to be in control or to be controlled. They ache to inflict pain on someone, or to have pain inflicted upon them. But they don't know the lingo. They don't have the vocabulary. They don't know how to ask for what they need, desire, hunger for.... They don't know how to get this, they just know how bad it hurts to not have it, how alone they feel, how cut off from others because they know their desires aren't "normal". They feel like "freaks", "perverts", "sickos"...

This last group is why I bother to hang out in these boards. There are people out there who are in the same emotional space I was 9 - 10 years ago. Hurting. Lonely. Confused. Desperate. Someone needs to throw down the Welcome mat.

Glad to have you, welcome aboard!

And I've probably left out some other classes of wananbe's. It's not an intentional slight on my part but this nice drug Herr Doktor gave me for my insomnia, Klonopin, tends to make me fuzzy around the edges and focussing is difficult for a few hours after I wake up. Please feel free to toss your own favorites into the mix too....

YIK
- Geoff

< Message edited by EvilGeoff -- 6/16/2007 12:12:53 PM >

(in reply to CitizenCane)

Post #: 16

RE: Wannabe - 6/16/2007 12:23:54 PM

missivy2u

Posts: 11
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline

Amen to that, I so badly want to be flogging someone at this moment , in my dungeon, on this lovely summer afternoon........ :(

Bleesed be my friend Mistress Ivy

(in reply to EvilGeoff)

Post #: 17

RE: Wannabe - 6/16/2007 12:51:14 PM

loverly

Posts: 236
Joined: 1/23/2004
Status: offline

and well.. there are also the " THINKS they are" Sir.. *hands You a fresh cup of coffee to help You wake up! * they would be the ones who are sadists and believe that it truely IS All About Them and that a girl ( or boy) doesnt have nor is intitled to be human and have thoughts and feelings or a voice! USE ppl...for their own means to an end.......sad to say....the ones who say they are one thing and only ever have words to offer.. sad .....since ACTIONS speak so much louder than words! of course the ONLY consellation in this situation is.. They are all alone! and will continue to be ..... sorry for THEM!
just my thoughts.....

(in reply to EvilGeoff)

Post #: 18

RE: Wannabe - 6/16/2007 1:06:55 PM

slavegirljoy

Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav
Geezus joy....you are much more gracious then i would have been i think. you seem to be a very strong person...my hats off to you sis.....all i can say is wow.....

Well, it was an eye opener for this one, that's for sure! i had no idea that there were people in this world, and i mean a lot of people, who have a very deep desire to have one or more of their limbs chopped-off and they spend most of their lives dreaming about it, hoping for it to happen, and trying to find ways to make it happen. i can't begin to tell you how sad it made me feel when i was told by some of these amputee wannabes that they were jealous of me because i could get my amputation done and they were struggling to find a way to have an amputation. i struggled with the pain of, not only my permanently injured leg but, also with the thought that one day i wouldn't be able to take it any more and i would have to say to a doctor, "i want you to cut my leg off".

To this day, even 5 years after, and with having the desired result of being able to stand up without feeling like i will collapse from the pain, it still is so hard to say that i had to ask for my leg to be cut off. i never would have thought that there were people, who are physically sound, who actually would want their healthy limb to be cut off. i can't even imagine how difficult it must be for them to go through life having these thoughts and desires and having to keep it a secret from most people. It was hard enough for me to deal with my thoughts of wanting/needing to get an amputation and no one would have blamed me for thinking that way because of my physical condition. i feel sorry for these amputee wannabes.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shantra

joy... are you freaking kidding me????!!!!!!!!! I honestly thought I had heard and seen it all.. wow... stunned.

i know what you mean. i felt like i had walked into some alternate universe or something when i found out about amputee wannabes and devotees. It shocked me beyond anything i could have ever imagined. Some of the people out there make BDSMers look pretty tame.

slave joy
Owned property of Master David

(in reply to Shantra)

Post #: 19

RE: Wannabe - 6/16/2007 1:28:47 PM

ocilla

Posts: 1764
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline

d

_____________________________

Ocilla

Nature is not a place to visit. It is home.
~ Gary Snyder

It takes a kinky village...

(in reply to slavegirljoy)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Wannabe

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094