RE: Is it a partner's right to know criminal history? (Full Version)

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asubmissiveheart -> RE: Is it a partner's right to know criminal history? (6/16/2007 5:21:58 PM)

I am amused that you even ask this question.



leatherette -> RE: Is it a partner's right to know criminal history? (6/16/2007 5:47:37 PM)

Hi, I am surprised by people who would hide or not disclose - at some point and delicately of course - in a relationship - if they had been convicted of a felony. Even if you were innocent, 'splain please!

Wouldn't it be worse when they found out for themselves? Don't you think they'd fear there was more?
Do you really appreciate nosy subs stalking around and snooping in your business?

I'd rather hear it from you. Build trust. Most likely it was something in the past, or a silly prank with a bunch of guys gone wrong, even murder - self defense. I don't know about everyone else, but I'd far rather know - save us both potential hurt/loss later down the road. Loss as when sub leaves because of the destruction of trust and respect.  She/he may even feel the Dominant was a coward for not owning up to his past.
It is wormy  to snivel and hide. A man ( a leader) steps up to the plate, right?
You want us to present ourselves to you in an honest way, right? Even if we were the one who had the past - wouldn't you want to know if things got serious and you were considering a commitment?

I could understand just about everything - life is life, things happen. The system is unfair.
Could those who would not disclose, please give subs some credit? We just may understand far more than you may think we do. Compassion.

PS- he she top bottom - please excuse if I tend to use my own self reference and place He at the top. 




LadyHeart -> RE: Is it a partner's right to know criminal history? (6/16/2007 6:02:35 PM)

If the relationship is only going to be a relatively superficial play partnership, then I would say that what play partners should disclose comes under the heading of Need To Know ie relevancy. We throw the term SSC around a lot. To me, the bit that's often undervalued is the "C" bit. For me, Consent is about informed consent. So if the person you are playing with has a conviction for violent assault, then yes, you need to know about it. If it's a conviction for theft, then probably not. Its the same with the medications they might be taking, their mental health, their attitudes to safer sex and hygiene - relevency is the issue, so fully informaed consent can be given.
:))
LH



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Is it a partner's right to know criminal history? (6/16/2007 6:11:56 PM)

it's my right as a submissive and mother of 2 UMs to know the criminal history of my partners ...and vice versa for Daddy and my secondary.  i wouldn't want to associate myself or my UMs around someone who's a know sex offender/molester/abuser/etc - it's about safety and being honest up front about their criminal past. if that person feels that it's necessary to hide something like that from me, there's a lack of truthfulness.  and to add, i don't think it's wrong not to snoop around to learn about a Dom's past - if we're going to have a loving and committed relationship, i feel i have the right to know everything - the good, bad, and ugly about you.



BDSMenigma -> RE: Is it a partner's right to know criminal history? (6/16/2007 6:16:07 PM)

Yes, failure to communicate here, is a violation of BDSM etiquette and conduct. Besides, what else will they hide??



thetammyjo -> RE: Is it a partner's right to know criminal history? (6/16/2007 6:41:14 PM)

I think it necessary to know but even if you have "done your time" or paid things back it can still affect you in the future. Guess what? A partner gets included in that category to for things like applying for housing, getting loans, sometimes even getting into various social clubs.

Plus if you have move through that period of your life do you want to risk it coming up later and making your partner wonder why you didn't trust them enough to tell you?

Lying or not revealing information only works when it is consistantly followed by everyone who knows differently. You can't control anyone but you so don't open that door to anyone else revealing information about you.



GeekyGirl -> RE: Is it a partner's right to know criminal history? (6/16/2007 7:24:44 PM)

I absolutely have a right to know. I can lose my job for associating with criminals.



angelic -> RE: Is it a partner's right to know criminal history? (6/16/2007 7:28:15 PM)

You bet i have a right to know.  Even the car you stole at age 17... just as you have every right to know if i have a criminal past. 



slaveluci -> RE: Is it a partner's right to know criminal history? (6/16/2007 8:20:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ACuriousSoul
I was just curious what everyone's opinion is regarding criminal history. Is it a partner's right to know? Is it a Master's or Mistress' right to know? A boyfriend's, girlfriend's? Husband's, wife's? Friend's?

I don't think it's anyone's right to know but I certainly believe I would want to disclose it to someone if I trusted them and wanted to pursue a close, intimate partnership.

quote:

Where is the line in which it isn't the buisness of another?

To me, as stated above, it wouldn't really be anyone's "business" unless I sought a relationship with them and wanted to open up about that part of myself to them.

quote:

 Isn't it a safety issue?

Totally depends on what the criminal history is.  Not all crimes are violent.  I do believe, however, that it would be more about a "trust" issue.  As someone noted, I wouldn't want my partner to find it out via someone else as that would violate His trust in me for not having opened up about it to Him.

quote:

If a Master or Mistress owns a slave, shouldn't this mean they own all of them, their history as well as future?

Absolutely, CuriousSoul.  That is why I told my Master about my "criminal history."  Without divulging too much personal information, I will say that I was previously married to a criminal.  During that marriage, I became a junkie for several years.  I was never convicted of any crime but, at one point, he became a parole violator and a fugitive and I went along for the ride, so to speak.  After more than two years, we got into a situation where he was about to be caught.  He escaped the situation and I did not.  I was arrested and taken to a detention center where I ended up sitting for four months because I would not cooperate and help them in catching/prosecuting him.  I had no criminal record and still don't.  Yet, I spent months locked up.  They were using me as a pawn to get to him and I would not assist them so I paid the price.

I finally got a hearing for a bail reduction and fortunately it was before a judge who highly valued education.  As part of sentencing, he almost always made offenders get their GED if they didn't have a diploma.  When he asked my education level and I told him I had two degrees, he was shocked.  This impressed him, fortunately, and he reduced my bail significantly and I was able to get released.  A couple months later, my husband got arrested in another state and his freedom came to an end.  When Master and I met and became close, I told Him all the gory details of everything.  I trusted Him and had nothing to hide or feel ashamed of.  If I had not felt that trust and security, I wouldn't have poured out everything like I did.  Some people can be horribly judgmental and without compassion and frankly, I don't owe anyone anything.  They have no "right" to know intimate details until I feel they're trustworthy enough to know and to handle the knowledge accordingly.   Master was and is but He was the first to be and now is the only One who matters.  Now that He owns me, sure He has every right to know everything.  But if I had not met Him and become His, I'm not sure how easily or quickly I would have divulged details of my past to someone else.  It would all depend on their ability to handle it, I suppose.............slave luci



dincubus -> RE: Is it a partner's right to know criminal history? (6/16/2007 8:21:55 PM)

I would answer anything my One wished to know. i could even log onto the various jurisdictions websites where i have been living to show them what records do or do not come up. i have no fear in being honest



silvermuse -> RE: Is it a partner's right to know criminal history? (6/16/2007 8:24:33 PM)

Having been stung by someone who turned out to have done time in the state pen then the answer for me is yes.

muse



robertolapiedra -> RE: Is it a partner's right to know criminal history? (6/16/2007 9:23:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

How does one define criminal history?


Hello SimplyMichael. Anyway you like? which is what you are going to get from an habitual criminal. They are not exactly "objective" in their world view. But what do I know? RL.



robertolapiedra -> RE: Is it a partner's right to know criminal history? (6/16/2007 9:30:35 PM)

Hello ACuriousSoul. Ok, you have the right to know about the history of your partner and vice versa. If you are dealing with a real criminal, and he thinks you are not into "bad boys", you will never find this out from him.

If you are dealing with a person who made a "mistake" and is not an habitual criminal, has been pardoned (no records) and he thinks you will dump him for this, you will never know.

Yes, you have a right to know...but rarely you will. RL.



angelic -> RE: Is it a partner's right to know criminal history? (6/16/2007 10:05:09 PM)

True, you may not ever find out from him... but finding a criminal record is fairly easy.  Also, pardons are only given by Governors and they are a rarity.  9 times out of 10....the average person can find out criminal history on another.



becca333 -> RE: Is it a partner's right to know criminal history? (6/17/2007 12:24:35 AM)

Yes, the person should tell.  If it was for something serious, you have to decide if you'll continue the relationship.  And if it was for something less important, then why wouldn't they tell?  If they keep that a secret, what else haven't you been told? 

How about medical information?  There's a few medical details that need to be shared with a partner, too.

I don't think friends have a right to be told as a general rule (unless there's specific reasons which I can't think of right now).  But if you're entering an intimate relationship with someone you should know relevant background details.  And this is relevant.  It also shows if they're prepared to be honest.



NoirUMC -> RE: Is it a partner's right to know criminal history? (6/17/2007 12:25:42 AM)

This doesn't fall under "Partners' Rights." This falls under "Partners' Duty." At some point in a relationship, you just hafta know what you're getting into. If your is an convicted felon, I'd call that pertinent information.

As far as warnings for speeding, parking tickets, etc? Who cares.



RCdc -> RE: Is it a partner's right to know criminal history? (6/17/2007 3:44:43 AM)

Not necessarily - there is no 'rights' when it comes to something like this.
If someone make a statemment like 'I have the right to know ...because we are in a relationship so your rights are null and void' - instead of 'You have the right to your privacy ...until such time our relationship has reach the level of trust associated with honesty and duty.' - I know exactly where the first person is heading.
 
Peace
the.dark.



LaTigresse -> RE: Is it a partner's right to know criminal history? (6/17/2007 5:14:20 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch

quote:

ORIGINAL: ACuriousSoul

Hello everyone. I was just curious what everyone's opinion is regarding criminal history. Is it a partner's right to know? Is it a Master's or Mistress' right to know? A boyfriend's, girlfriend's? Husband's, wife's? Friend's? Where is the line in which it isn't the buisness of another? Isn't it a safety issue? If a Master or Mistress owns a slave, shouldn't this mean they own all of them, their history as well as future?

I created this profile to ask some questions, such as this. Thanks for all opinions!

In my opinion, right or wrong, if they are my partner, whether they tell me or not, I am going to know. 
Right to privacy, blah blah blah.. I don't really give a shit.
If it's anything that could potentially have any impact on my um's or me, I want to know.
The truth is, I'm that scary kind of chick that can find out anything about anyone I need to. (Not to be confused with Psycho-Bitch from hell.)

I'm not nuts.  Just safe.

-Umm.. I hope that wasn't too intense.



This sums up my take on the subject perfectly. They may as well tell me because I am going to find out anyway. If I find out stuff they were trying to hide from me....they will suffer.



amiciaN -> RE: Is it a partner's right to know criminal history? (6/17/2007 5:49:06 AM)

I believe NChaka has the right to know any detail from my past He wants to ask about.  I also know that I gave Him that right when I accepted His collar.  He has likewise given me the freedom to ask Him any questions I may have about His past, as He does not think it is ethical to do otherwise.  I see it as a privilege I have been granted, not a right though.  However, there will be a transcontinental move involved for U/us to be together and criminal records would eliminate that possibility, so in our case, yes we both had the right to know that information going in.



slaverosebeauty -> RE: Is it a partner's right to know criminal history? (6/17/2007 9:55:59 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ACuriousSoul
Hello everyone. I was just curious what everyone's opinion is regarding criminal history. Is it a partner's right to know? Is it a Master's or Mistress' right to know? A boyfriend's, girlfriend's? Husband's, wife's? Friend's?


Definatly. Of course. Yes. Defiantly, without a doubt. Yep.

quote:

Where is the line in which it isn't the buisness of another? Isn't it a safety issue? If a Master or Mistress owns a slave, shouldn't this mean they own all of them, their history as well as future?


If you are in a relationship then the other person has the right to know about a criminal past, relationships are based on trust. NOT telling your partner about your criminal history is NOT beign trustworthy. It can be a saftey issue depending on the offense; my exhusband had a few assaults, among other things; he didn't tell me, when I found out I went bolistic, his criminal record was OVER 10 pages long. Hense why I run a criminal check and a background check. I don't want any more surprises.

In a healthy M/s relationship, secrets need to be basically abolished, in time. Secrets can cause a LOT of tention in a relationships and thats not healthy. If a Top-types owns or has a bottom-type, then they should be fully aware of that person's past. Take M/s out of  it, if you were in a vanilla relationship, you would want to know. M/s is a techinicality.



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