Contracts... how important are they to a M/s relationship (Full Version)

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dincubus -> Contracts... how important are they to a M/s relationship (6/16/2007 7:55:42 PM)

Just curious, but how important are contracts to a consensual M/s relationship. Are they necessary or just a good idea?



Quivver -> RE: Contracts... how important are they to a M/s relationship (6/16/2007 8:01:20 PM)

This is only my opinion...
An unenforcable contract is only worth the paper it's written on.




HutchGarahl -> RE: Contracts... how important are they to a M/s relationship (6/16/2007 8:03:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dincubus

Just curious, but how important are contracts to a consensual M/s relationship. Are they necessary or just a good idea?



That depends on the people in the relationships. In my home, contracts are an essential part. They are there for references..so there are no misconceptions as to what each persons expectations and limits are. While they may not really be needed, most who have served under me have said the contracts are reassuring to them in their position of service.



slaveluci -> RE: Contracts... how important are they to a M/s relationship (6/16/2007 8:52:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dincubus
Just curious, but how important are contracts to a consensual M/s relationship. Are they necessary or just a good idea?

Neither in our M/s relationship.  I know people use them and I can certainly see why they do but they have had no place in our particular relationship.......slave luci



KnightofMists -> RE: Contracts... how important are they to a M/s relationship (6/16/2007 9:04:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dincubus

Just curious, but how important are contracts to a consensual M/s relationship. Are they necessary or just a good idea?



they are only necessary for those that require them... other wise.... they are waste of good paper.



MzMia -> RE: Contracts... how important are they to a M/s relationship (6/16/2007 9:08:42 PM)

I am not sure if I want a contract, but the next time I am in a relationship, I would
like to write down my expectations and have him sign it.
I have seen many people get "comfortable" in relationships and stop doing the things
they did in the early parts of a relationship.
It might be good to pull out if someone gets "lazy" or thoughtless as a reminder.



earthycouple -> RE: Contracts... how important are they to a M/s relationship (6/16/2007 10:17:12 PM)

Who is going to determine the outcome of said contract when one partner bails; Judge Judy?

Contract is a word I despise in BDSM.  If you want to say something, create something consider vows, committments, wants for each other...or even protocols.



Archer -> RE: Contracts... how important are they to a M/s relationship (6/16/2007 10:57:22 PM)

The contract itself is of limited use. The negotiations you go through to reach the agreement that becomes the contract is golden.
You can certainly have a fullfiling D/s or M/s relationship with or without one.





dincubus -> RE: Contracts... how important are they to a M/s relationship (6/16/2007 11:15:58 PM)

thank you all. i now have a bit more to go on. i appreciate the info you all have given thus far and will appreciate what other info comes forth



Lordandmaster -> RE: Contracts... how important are they to a M/s relationship (6/16/2007 11:16:02 PM)

A contract is very important because if your sub installs your dishwasher improperly, you have legal recourse as long as you obtained a properly phrased contract.



MySweetSubmssive -> RE: Contracts... how important are they to a M/s relationship (6/16/2007 11:19:32 PM)

Would that cover you for sub contractors, too?

MSS



HeavansKeeper -> RE: Contracts... how important are they to a M/s relationship (6/16/2007 11:35:50 PM)

I would imagine the contract is a bigger deal for people who move around from relationship to relationship, and those who are "pro-BDSM."  This, of course, meaning those who engage in BDSM with an exchange of money or services.  I would imagine contracts are quite valuable during slave-trading and what not. 

Honor and integrity are immensely important to me, so a contract seems sour and insulting.  I can see how a submissive would want the protection of a written promise by his or her new dominant.  If I was to belong to a woman, it would set my mind at ease that she wouldn't expose me to any stranger's fluids, for example.



Lordandmaster -> RE: Contracts... how important are they to a M/s relationship (6/16/2007 11:43:51 PM)

Witty witty.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MySweetSubmssive

Would that cover you for sub contractors, too?



robertolapiedra -> RE: Contracts... how important are they to a M/s relationship (6/17/2007 11:39:38 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer

The contract itself is of limited use. The negotiations you go through to reach the agreement that becomes the contract is golden.
You can certainly have a fullfiling D/s or M/s relationship with or without one.




Hello Archer. Exactly! In D/s a "contract" is highly symbolic at best. Call it a temporary agreement, a starting point with open clauses.

When things get "fuzzy", I send an E-mail or a letter about what I expect. Sometimes the reply contains highly acceptable "suggestions". It is only a tool for communication in my case, and I do not call it a "contract". Clauses in a contract do not garantee anything. It is only intent. Reality and time defines what is applicable. RL.



slaverosebeauty -> RE: Contracts... how important are they to a M/s relationship (6/17/2007 11:51:09 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dincubus
Just curious, but how important are contracts to a consensual M/s relationship. Are they necessary or just a good idea?


I've used them, I've written them and done them so they were completly legal {its ALL in the wording}.

I think a contract like what Merc and beth have is a great idea, I have a copy somewhere that Merc sent me, its beautifull; its well written and its their commitment to eachother. Personally, I woudl love to follow their example of a 'contract' in my won life once I get to that stage with someone. Print it out on nice paper, frame it and keep it as our personal commitment to eachother. SOunds nice. [:)]



charismagirrl -> RE: Contracts... how important are they to a M/s relationship (6/17/2007 2:06:16 PM)

i can only speak for the contract i have with my Master/Daddy by saying that i really love the idea of contracts for a three reasons.

One reason to me, is that it is something that basically states our intention toward eachother. It isn't legal or binding but it is a written declaration of what we desire our relationship to be. It wasn't done for negotiations or anything, because we really didn't negotiate anyway. It consists of 2 pieces of paper that we feel honor bound to uphold.

Secondly, and it really goes along with the first in a way, is the romantic notion of it. To me, very much like wedding vows, they are pretty and flowery and sweet and romantic.but could be done simply without that part. ( Do you? yeah I do. yeah me too! would suffice but it just pales IMO)  Personally i'd rather include the flowery words, the meaning is still as firm, and the only really binding part is in our hearts and minds anyway.

Lastly,and it's just an aside, is when i have felt uncentered, like when my Daddy travels for business, i kneel in front of it and read it everyday like a mantra or affirmation. It has been really helpful.



charismagirrl -> RE: Contracts... how important are they to a M/s relationship (6/17/2007 2:09:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaverosebeauty

quote:

ORIGINAL: dincubus


I think a contract like what Merc and beth have is a great idea, I have a copy somewhere that Merc sent me, its beautifull; its well written and its their commitment to eachother. Personally, I woudl love to follow their example of a 'contract' in my won life once I get to that stage with someone. Print it out on nice paper, frame it and keep it as our personal commitment to eachother. SOunds nice. [:)]


This is what i have done with ours. i made a beautiful border of his fav color and mine and blended them together and then put alot of stuff written in chinese characters around the top and bottom borders describing our responsibilites to eachother as well as our roles. and then the contract is in the middle on white. It is on photo paper and framed. Really pretty.

Would love to see other's contracts as well.



BOUNTYHUNTER -> RE: Contracts... how important are they to a M/s relationship (6/17/2007 2:19:32 PM)

I think a contract is worthless as far as a bdrm relationship,how would you enforce it.If a master/slave are in business together or buying property as a couple then perhaps it would protect her interest and maybe not, it depends on which state the contract is entered in between the two.. As always just this ol' masters views..bounty



FLMaster1958 -> RE: Contracts... how important are they to a M/s relationship (6/17/2007 2:31:11 PM)

I believe the point here is very simple. As others have stated, a contract is not legally binding. It is all a matter of trust. If you do not trust one enough to serve without a contract, maybe you should not serve them at all. Marriage is both a legal and emotional contract... a contract of trust. Yet over 56% of marriages fail. If this type of contract fails this badly, what use is a contract in a M/s relationship?

I knew some say it spells things out clearly. But, if you can not trust your Owner's word, then you can not trust your Owner. Don't serve him/her.



angelic -> RE: Contracts... how important are they to a M/s relationship (6/17/2007 2:42:48 PM)

i was under contract once.  The contract gave him complete rights over me, even gave him the right to kill  me (yep once upon a time i was 'that girl').  Unfortunately, he broke the contract by lying.  Said contract was no longer valid... regardless of the fact that he kept telling me he could 'change his mind' whenever he wanted so therefore that negated any lies.

No, i do not believe a contract is necessary.  If one is used, regardless of whether they are 'legal' or not, a person should never go into one lightly.  i view contracts as something akin to giving my word, and my word has to be good for it to be of value.



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