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perverseangelic -> RE: The Seven Classes of Submissives (6/6/2005 9:22:20 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: strikingamatch
My basic premise when writing this essay was, that there is a reason for submissives being the way they are. I cannot accept, that nature would encode a person with a need for pain or humiliation. That being the case, I think it is correct and even required for a dom to understand his submissive. If we desire to live our life in a manner that is best for us and for those we love, it is imperative we understand what it is we are doing.
I think that this might be an aspect of thinking that needs modification. Nature encodes people to do some pretty weird things. Predispositions for addiction are really odd, but they are often biologically coded (no, not always, just the predisposition). I think that there comes a point when you have to just accept that's how people are and not try to figure out -why- that's how they are.
Understand your partners? Of course, but not necessarially why they are. Rather, understand -how- they are. In what ways they submit, the nature of their submission or dominance, and what drives them -within- that submission or dominance.
I think if you fish for the -reason- behind all of it, you're -always- going to come up short. I don't think you can find a reason for most people. I'm like Stormsfate. No abuse, no neglect, no huge trama other than high school :) My parents divorced, but not till -well- after I'd been invovled in WIITWD. Perhaps it's my mental illness that makes me who I am. Brain chemistry and all that. Well, then nature made me this way. I just am. There isn't a -reason- I like pain, or to belong to someone. I just do.
My partner hasn't spent much time worrying that past abuse is -why-. He's interested in learning how we can both work within it.
quote:
I am aware that by classifying people, you reduce human complexities to a simplistic and thus objectionable level. That being the case perhaps it would be more constructive to view this list not as a series of definitions, but rather providing a list of motivators, why people seek what they do.
I don't see the difference, at least, with these categories. They do more than define the people's behaviors, they define the reasons for those behaviors. In this way, I'm more prone to like the "9 classes of submission" though I'm not partial to that either.
I think it's a way to oversimplify something that really -can't- be. Why try to class people as a whole? Why not focus on the particular individual you're with. Even if he/she -does- fit in a category, there's probably scads of things about him/her that you miss if you treat him/her as a memeber of that category alone.
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Several submissives have claimed that they do not fit a single profile on the list, my question to them is, do they see their orientation as being inborn, much the same way as other people require love and approval, or do they have a different motivator that does not appear on the list?
Well, it's part of who I am, but more...it makes me happy!
This is they type of relationship that brings me pleasure. Does that make me a non-submissive? I dont' think so. I get pleasure from serving. I even go so far as to call myself a service-oriented person. I get pleasure from bringing my partner pleasure. Does that make me "a giver" I dont' think so either. Yup, I get pleasure from pleasing my parter, but I am never putting his needs "before" my own. My needs are to make him happy. Too, that isn't my nature in all places. I want to my my -partner- happy, but I also need to be fufilled, loved, and cared for. If those needs aren't fufiilled, I'd probably not be in the realtionship very long.
I think that this is the -same- as vanilla relationships. Why does someone get invovled in a vanilla realtionship with "a gentleman" or "a jock" or " a girly girl" or "a butch" or in any reltaionship at all, without a spesific type? Because it brings them pleasure and makes them happy.
I think the attempt to understand has gone beyond usefull into inhibitive. Why not just say that people are invovled in relationsihps because it fufills them and brings them pleasure?
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Why do I enjoy hurting those I love? Perhaps when I answer that question I will better be able to understand why a dom is a dom.
Why do you like the color blue? Or pizza? Or girls with red hair? (assuming you do of course)
Why do I like skinny boys and curvy girls? Or greek food?
You do. That's all.
I use to worry that there was a deep, crazy, horrible -reason- I did what I did. I've finally come to the conclution that I -do- for better or worse. Even if there -is- a horrible, deep reason, it doesn't change the fact that I enjoy what I enjoy.
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