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Long Distance - 6/17/2007 10:36:59 PM

Spitfiregrrl

Posts: 38
Joined: 11/2/2006
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I'm pretty sure there has been forums about this already, but thought I would see what kind of response I would get anyways. Is it possible to truely have a good, strong BDSM element in a long distance relationship? If so how can it be maintained properly?

Post #: 1

RE: Long Distance - 6/17/2007 10:45:10 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
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For me, no long distance wouldn't work, I guess Im to needy but I need my Master to be within a short driveing distance, lucky for me I found Master right in my back yard. For others it is not a problem, it is an indavidual thing just like poly, some can are ok with it others arent it totaly depends on the person what kind of relationship works best for them.

Magik's slave

< Message edited by MagiksSlave -- 6/17/2007 10:47:37 PM >

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to Spitfiregrrl)

Post #: 2

RE: Long Distance - 6/17/2007 10:49:57 PM

CuriousLord

Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

No worries. It's hard to find something that hasn't either itself or something similar to it asked before. Lucky may well post links on here; if she doesn't, you can basically get the same thing for the Search option, just pick out some keywords. Still, it's the interactive aspect that makes asking such things on here find advantages over simply reading old, dead, subjective material.

And, yes, I think it's possible for BDSM relationships to last in the long distance. At least, so long as there's a strong possiblity of such becoming more real in the foreseeable future. (A relationship planned to remain as long distance.. well, honestly, I can't begin to sense the appeal.)

You may be able to find a lot of tips and theories from people on what works. In the end, you have to figure out what works for you in your comtemporary situation. I strongly advise you not to take up the singular-solution, or narrow solution set, view from others you may receive.

Good luck finding your way.

(in reply to Spitfiregrrl)

Post #: 3

RE: Long Distance - 6/17/2007 11:06:28 PM

greeneyes1962

Posts: 117
Joined: 9/7/2005
Status: offline

I have been in a LDR for going on 2 years. The only reason it continues to work, is because we have been planning and working for the day I would move closer to where he lives.

In the mean time, he gives me assignments, we talk 2-3x daily, he helps me manage my finances, advises me on my weight loss regimen, advises me on my relationship with my children, etc. He is very involved in my day to day life, even from 2,400 mi. away.

(in reply to CuriousLord)

Post #: 4

RE: Long Distance - 6/17/2007 11:22:12 PM

becca333

Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline

You can make it work if you have to, but it's hard. But... if it was easy, everyone would be doing it.

(in reply to greeneyes1962)

Post #: 5

RE: Long Distance - 6/18/2007 4:31:46 AM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

For me, what I have found is that the maintenance of my relationship has been strengthened by regular visits. We also chat and cam daily. It's only been a few months, but because of our consistency we have no difficulty in keeping 'place'.

The only problem with real-life contact is the actual letting-go for that time. We just finished up a 9-day time together, and it's been difficult already to be apart. It's not a threat to the relationship directly; it just points out that the LD part of the relationship needs to be worked out as soon as possible.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to Spitfiregrrl)

Post #: 6

RE: Long Distance - 6/18/2007 5:23:28 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
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I am not the best one to respond about success with LDR's--I do however believe that the chances of finding someone that is a distance are far greater than ever----the time together wasn't always the issue--its the demands that happen during the time apart---life intervenes on both sides----and I think this is where the trust factor has to be the strongest.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to Spitfiregrrl)

Post #: 7

RE: Long Distance - 6/18/2007 5:41:40 AM

trainedobedients

Posts: 56
Joined: 1/30/2006
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Hi Spitfiregrrl,

LDR are extremely difficult the closer you get. In the beginning it is OK, you grow together, have daily contact by phone, skype, email, mails.

You meet a couple of times and really hit it off, leaving is than indeed very hard and makes you both misrable.

It does work when the trust and love is strong.

After 18 months I am ready to move in with him which at the moment is held up by his divorce. (no he was already separated I am not a home wrecker).

I live in Europe he in the States we also have the time difference as obstacle. We work around it and both look forward to being together forever.

Would i recommend it, NO. Especially as submissive/slave it is hard since you have to make decissions or act in ways that are not inline with your nature. And the need to give up control gets much, much stronger when you finally meet that Dom/Master that fulfill those needs.

But than again when I look back at my relation and ask myself was it worth it I say YES.

_____________________________

Play safe and sound,
trainedobedients
slave of Master JohnnyV

(in reply to Spitfiregrrl)

Post #: 8

RE: Long Distance - 6/18/2007 6:16:11 AM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

I am not the best one to respond about success with LDR's--I do however believe that the chances of finding someone that is a distance are far greater than ever----the time together wasn't always the issue--its the demands that happen during the time apart---life intervenes on both sides----and I think this is where the trust factor has to be the strongest.

Well said. And I totally agree. I seriously think that the 3000 + miles of distance was too much for me. And knowing it was going to be about 3-4 more years before anything could be done about it... I'm patient..but not that patient apparently...LOL

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 9

RE: Long Distance - 6/18/2007 6:36:48 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spitfiregrrl

Is it possible to truely have a good, strong BDSM element in a long distance relationship?

yes it's possible - Daddy and i have a good, strong and successful committed ldr in the BDSM element for nearly a year. we didn't jump right into our Daddy-daughter D/s dynamic on day 1 ...it slowly began after forming a trusting friendship based on having similar interests and tastes.

quote:

If so how can it be maintained properly?

poor choice of words - mho

though apart, we stay in daily communication morning and evening - even while He's busy with patients, Daddy will take time out for a quick phone call ...plus we have weekends to spend time together if not busy with our private schedules and/or obligations. however my ldr is unique because Daddy encouraged me to meet other men closer to my area ...so now i have a secondary Dom in my life as well but that doesn't take away or change my relationship with Daddy

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to Spitfiregrrl)

Post #: 10

RE: Long Distance - 6/18/2007 7:07:59 AM

BrutalMasterOne

Posts: 53
Joined: 4/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spitfiregrrl

I'm pretty sure there has been forums about this already, but thought I would see what kind of response I would get anyways. Is it possible to truely have a good, strong BDSM element in a long distance relationship? If so how can it be maintained properly?

Actually in some ways it works very well. However it depends what one wants out of the relationship. For example, if you want to be held every night, well it won't work well. OTOH if you seek to be controled well that can work well either way. BDSM is many things to many people and so for some you will be able to have a very good and strong relationship. In real life I have had many of them and while they don't always work out for the best, by and large if it works at the start it will continue to work out. Perhaps, however, it is because I am very different. I don't seek that elusive thing called love. Rather, I seek a slave, one who lives to serve and a masochist who needs and wants torture. A person like that can be in a very strong BDSM relationship. However, eventually we both want it to become real life. One must have the means and ability to offer that at the end of the tunnel.

(in reply to Spitfiregrrl)

Post #: 11

RE: Long Distance - 6/18/2007 7:15:36 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

LDRs suck! That said, if you meet the woman of your dreams what choice do you have?

There is nothing that compares to waking up next to the one you love or being able to get a kiss or a hug whenever you want one. However, for some of us that emotional and physical connection with one person can only be found with someone far away.

Now there are serious dangers to LDRs, emotional dangers. I never appear unshowered on the phone, my room is never a pigstye, my procrastination is never exposed, etc. Same goes for my partner, I don't see many of her issues either. All the things you don't have direct knowledge of your mind projects perfection onto your partner. Which means that people tend to reject local partners because they are not as "perfect" as their LDR partner. If you can work through the above you might have a chance at keeping it real.

As for staying connected, it is hard. I am sure LA will come along with a list of links but staying connected is important. So is working hard to keep each others mind from imagining the wrong things! However, it can be done.

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 12

RE: Long Distance - 6/18/2007 7:23:27 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Yes- for some.

And it almost never lasts unless there is a clear exist strategy to become a close distance relationship.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Spitfiregrrl)

Post #: 13

RE: Long Distance - 6/18/2007 7:26:31 AM

Phin

Posts: 1802
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline

I think that an LDR is like any other relationship. If it works for the folks in the relationship, then it will work. you need too look inside yourself and make that desicion. whatever you deside to do I wish you luck.

Phin

_____________________________

"Isn't wonderful when our bruises show what we hide in the back of our heads?"Fayetteville band, Nephilym

"He is my angel, my devil, my naughty boy, but above anything else my Master"My girl sin

(in reply to BrutalMasterOne)

Post #: 14

RE: Long Distance - 6/18/2007 7:41:01 AM

Shantra

Posts: 41
Joined: 3/29/2007
Status: offline

Simply Michaels reply nails it for me. Master and I were 6,000 miles apart when we first met, I was in England and he in America. It was 9 months before we met. Master was a great Master online and I was a great submissive online, we laid terrific foundations early on and that was a good thing, it serves us well now.

Unless you can meet pretty soon and do so frequently I would NOT recommend it. For us it was very different, there were issues that came up, I was brand new, he had a lot of experience, pressures and disbelief from family and friends over the way we got together.. a lot of things combined to give us a very rocky road to travel, a lot of which we both acknowledge could have been avoided had we been close enough to go through a normal courtship process.

Would I go through everything again to be in the slavery I am now with him? Hell yes. He is my heart, my life, my soul. We have been married for almost 6 years now and I still have no doubt this is the man I want to grow old and lie in the grave with.

(in reply to Phin)

Post #: 15

RE: Long Distance - 6/18/2007 7:53:27 AM

NControlofU

Posts: 204
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

Yes, it's possible. It depends on the people involved and how serious they really are about having a relationship with each other. Personally, I wouldn't do it for long because I'm selfish and greedy and I want my slave with me all the time so that she can serve me. I met my slave on CM. She was living near Augusta, Georgia at the time and I was in NC. We emailed each other, had long conversations on the phone and IMs every day for 5 weeks until I had her drive the more than 200 miles to come up to see me. She made that nearly 5 hour drive each way 3 times over the course of a month. The last time she drove it was to move up here permanently. That was just about 18 months ago. Like I said, I wouldn't have a long distance relationship for long. I want my slave with me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spitfiregrrl

I'm pretty sure there has been forums about this already, but thought I would see what kind of response I would get anyways. Is it possible to truely have a good, strong BDSM element in a long distance relationship? If so how can it be maintained properly?

(in reply to Spitfiregrrl)

Post #: 16

RE: Long Distance - 6/18/2007 8:35:34 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

It's gonna depend upon what the relationship is based on. If it's a physical one, and LDR will be difficult and challenging. If it's a mental/emotional/spiritual one, it can be easier. It's never EASY, just easier on some levels.

That all being said, my girl and I have been together two and a half years, and she's been collared for one and a half. On average, we get to see each other every other month and we have contact of some sort every day. she serves me best by serving herself in a manner that creates growth and a positive spirit as well as serving her community. There are things that I have her do beside these things.

In LDRs, the key, as it is in any relationship, is going to be if you feel fulfilled. anne and I do. Granted, I am going to be moving closer to her in just a month and a half, but we still won't live together (I doubt we ever will ) and she'll be two hours away. If and when life gets in the way, that can often be as far as an LDR.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Spitfiregrrl)

Post #: 17

RE: Long Distance - 6/18/2007 8:36:05 AM

cjenny

Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline

He is in Texas, I am in Michigan. Going on year 7

.
We meet every 3-4 months and talk/cam several times a day. Even if I move to Texas (which depends on my being able to sell my house in this awful market lol) there will still be physical distance between us.
The difference IMO for me was knowing going into the relationship what the parameters were.

_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.

~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to Spitfiregrrl)

Post #: 18

RE: Long Distance - 6/18/2007 8:49:45 AM

DrkJourney

Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline

Having my own difficulties on this one. He's in the UK, and the closer we get the more it totally sucks.

Most of our problems now is he is researching how to move here permanantly and is getting very discouraged reading about all the red tape, and horror stories. Otherwise we seem to fit just fine. He can move here by the end of the year, but the issue of him being able to stay is frustrating him so....the more we research the worse it gets.

So loneliness isn't the only problem with distance...I just hope we can make it through and work all this out....he's a wonderful man, and I believe the right one for me.

edited to add: oh by the way...I left two of you messages on the other side, I hope that's ok...I need all the help I can get.....lol

< Message edited by DrkJourney -- 6/18/2007 8:57:18 AM >

_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....

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Post #: 19

RE: Long Distance - 6/18/2007 9:02:24 AM

shyinini

Posts: 550
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spitfiregrrl

Is it possible to truely have a good, strong BDSM element in a long distance relationship? If so how can it be maintained properly?

After reading the responses here, I am gonna say NO !
Why? Because for me and Him, BDSM is the play part of our relationship. D/s is the relationship part.
How can any D or s type have a strong play (BDSM) element in a ldr?
Cyber? Allow each to play with others?

Many, like me and Us, seperate out the play from the relationship and differentiate (relationship) D/s, M/s, (play) BDSM.
Others dont.

Just another perspective and POV.

Sir's property

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you
is the only Man truly worthy of being called Sir.

(in reply to Spitfiregrrl)

Post #: 20

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