RE: Criminal BackGround Part 2

RE: Criminal BackGround Part 2 (Full Version)

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queencaliph -> RE: Criminal BackGround Part 2 (6/18/2007 3:51:11 PM)
You make some valid points, but on the flip side of that, I have asked guys if they minded me running a background check and they said "yeah, sure, I'm fine with that" and it turned out they had a rap sheet a mile long. Like I said earlier, due to my career I run background checks on potential partners whether they are vanilla and D/s. (but I concede that it is a lot easier for me to run checks than most people.) As far as doormen and mailmen go, most employers do background checks prior to hiring and if they commit criminal offenses while on duty the employer is liable. The cable guy and the security guy have to be bonded which also requires criminal background checks. Although I can't verify that the employer is doing his job, I also have no intention of doing a scene or becoming romantically involved with any of those people so my interest in their background only becomes issue if their behavior becomes suspect. I believe everyone has their own comfort zones as far as trusting and background checks. There is no right or wrong way as far as I am concerned. Each person had their own safety zone. But I wouldn't necessarily consider it strange or being a "drama queen" to check someone out before I invite them into my bedroom (or dungeon).

truesub4u -> RE: Criminal BackGround Part 2 (6/18/2007 8:59:54 PM)
Nice to see some responses to this. And can't find one I would disagree with. I'm not one to run backgrounds either. I just know I can and will if needed. But like someone else said.. actually a few said...if I get that gut feeling.. chances are... no need to take relationship further. And I also agree that there are those who have been caught...and those that haven't. Thanks for the responses.... was interesting to see where others stood on this.

Stephann -> RE: Criminal BackGround Part 2 (6/18/2007 9:21:37 PM)
As you point out, your situation is unique. If I had the capacity to do a check for free, quickly, and easily, I might be more tempted to do so; especially if I was a woman. However, if I found out that a woman had run a check without my permission or knowledge, it would still sound intrusive, and suggest that maybe I don't want to date this person. I have plenty of skeletons, and I share them rather early. If she was concerned there might be more that I'm hiding, after I've shared my history, than it would definately trigger my warning bells. But that's just me. As you said, we all have our comfort zones. Stephan quote: ORIGINAL: queencaliph You make some valid points, but on the flip side of that, I have asked guys if they minded me running a background check and they said "yeah, sure, I'm fine with that" and it turned out they had a rap sheet a mile long. Like I said earlier, due to my career I run background checks on potential partners whether they are vanilla and D/s. (but I concede that it is a lot easier for me to run checks than most people.) As far as doormen and mailmen go, most employers do background checks prior to hiring and if they commit criminal offenses while on duty the employer is liable. The cable guy and the security guy have to be bonded which also requires criminal background checks. Although I can't verify that the employer is doing his job, I also have no intention of doing a scene or becoming romantically involved with any of those people so my interest in their background only becomes issue if their behavior becomes suspect. I believe everyone has their own comfort zones as far as trusting and background checks. There is no right or wrong way as far as I am concerned. Each person had their own safety zone. But I wouldn't necessarily consider it strange or being a "drama queen" to check someone out before I invite them into my bedroom (or dungeon).

slaverosebeauty -> RE: Criminal BackGround Part 2 (6/18/2007 9:29:29 PM)
Some of us are NOT allowed to associate with anyone with a felony or the like, so its in our best interest to know. I'm not paranoid, I like my job and what I do, so if someone got offended that I ran a check on them, it would sent flags up in my head, 'what do they have to hide?' I run the check, and the ONLY things that I get sent are if they have any felonies, strikes, or anything that has to do with children as well as violence; otherwise, I don't get anything. I talk to potential partners before I decide to meet them, so the check is just normal for me. If it counts out a potential partner because he is bothered that I have to know that, then we cannot be together. Its for my saftey as much as it is for my munchkin's. I tell those that have a fit to run a check on ME if they are upset, a few have and they find nothing, why, because I am a 'good girl.' I am also VERY open, I have nothing to hide.

truesub4u -> RE: Criminal BackGround Part 2 (6/18/2007 9:33:25 PM)
I agree with you on this Stephann.... I too have no problems telling someone about my past when asked. But to know they did a background check on me after the fact.. to me shows trust issues. Just as if I was to do it behind their back. That's what I was refering to in OP about trust breaking. When someone asks... they're trusting you to be fully open and honest.....and you're trusting them to take you at your word. But if a check is done afterwards reguardless...so much for trust. And that too me... means serious lacking in the trust department...and time to move on.

truesub4u -> RE: Criminal BackGround Part 2 (6/18/2007 9:38:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slaverosebeauty Some of us are NOT allowed to associate with anyone with a felony or the like, so its in our best interest to know. I'm not paranoid, I like my job and what I do, so if someone got offended that I ran a check on them, it would sent flags up in my head, 'what do they have to hide?' I run the check, and the ONLY things that I get sent are if they have any felonies, strikes, or anything that has to do with children as well as violence; otherwise, I don't get anything. I talk to potential partners before I decide to meet them, so the check is just normal for me. If it counts out a potential partner because he is bothered that I have to know that, then we cannot be together. Its for my saftey as much as it is for my munchkin's. I tell those that have a fit to run a check on ME if they are upset, a few have and they find nothing, why, because I am a 'good girl.' I am also VERY open, I have nothing to hide. It was stated before... sometimes even running a check..you'll come up empty handed. Some just haven't been caught yet. Others are running and under alias names, birthdates, SS#s... you just can't always be certain. But you can always trust your gut. And being a single mother myself... I'm gonna protect my girls. So should I find I need to run a background... I'm going to tell them straight up front. I'm going to watch for their reaction to it... and see what happens. But even if I come up empty... I'm still going to listen to my gut instincts. So far they've not let me down.

chellekitty -> RE: Criminal BackGround Part 2 (6/18/2007 9:47:33 PM)
i don't think its so much a bdsm vs vanilla thing as it is a internet vs real life thing...the question was posed in a manner that makes me think they didn't meet this person face to face where you can catch little things like tone of voice and body language...i can be anyone on the internet...the background check will only go as far as how honest i am willing to be...there are ups and downs...if i was actually going to do a background check i would tell the person and ask them if there was anything they wanted me to know before i did it...gives them a chance to come clean and let them know i am going to do it...my 2 cents on the subject... oh yea, how does googling someone fit into this whole situation?

needDomme -> RE: Criminal BackGround Part 2 (6/18/2007 9:48:58 PM)
i don't see anything wrong with running background checks or being run. It's a matter of mutual trust. Whether it's a potential vanilla or lifestyle partner. But i would be interested in knowing how one can do that. i thought only law enforcement had access to that type of info. Can anyone give any advice on this? Thanks. need

Stephann -> RE: Criminal BackGround Part 2 (6/18/2007 10:00:21 PM)
chelle, I have found that the moment I feel tempted to google someone, it's because I think something is not quite right. Googling and finding nothing will never quell that suspicion. I'd probably still be inclined to be distrustrustful; and that's the real issue. Ironically, I had a relationship online for well over a year with a woman. Eventually she ended it. Six months later, I was showing how you could google someone, and used her name off the top of my head. I was shocked to learn she was 10 years older than she had told me.. meaning a whole host of other things she had told me were lies. Her 'nephew' was really her son, she wasn't really a lawyer anymore, and instead of being 7 years older than I (acceptable to me) she was 17 years older (unacceptable to both of us.) When I confronted her, she said that she had been interested in me, and knew that if she told me the truth, I wouldn't have been involved with her. The lesson I took from this was never to get so involved online with someone that I feel the need to verify anything. If I can't meet in a reasonable amount of time (six weeks) I won't meet. Period. Having said that, I would say it's more than just an internet thing; it's a male/female thing. Men are more likely to have criminal backgrounds that would be 'dealbreakers' than women. Women incur a greater risk of being hurt physically. rose, For these reasons I don't fault your policy. I completly understand your rationale. In no way am I suggesting you are 'wrong'. I would suggest, that it would render you wrong for me. Considering your current status, I doubt that's going to break your heart (wink.) I do wish you the very best of luck in your endeavors and with your partner. Stephan

truesub4u -> RE: Criminal BackGround Part 2 (6/18/2007 10:04:12 PM)
I don't know about googling. But all I did earlier today was go to NC Criminal Records... typed in my name... birthdate... it gave me my criminal background. If they live in the same state... go down to court house.. ask for criminal records.. pay the cost.. her's it's $10.. might be higher or less where you are. They'll ask for name.. birthdate... it's all public record.

angelic -> RE: Criminal BackGround Part 2 (6/18/2007 10:43:40 PM)
I did a background check... 4 years into the relationship... should have done it day one. Would have saved myself a whole lot of problems.

becca333 -> RE: Criminal BackGround Part 2 (6/19/2007 6:29:59 AM)
I think the time to tell all is after the first meeting but before the play begins. Which might be a very narrow window sometimes. Criminal history, relevant medical background, family situation, football team ... all the important things. After all, some items are dealbreakers. If he supports the wrong football team, it'll kill the relationship.

truesub4u -> RE: Criminal BackGround Part 2 (6/19/2007 7:03:32 AM)
lmao becca......... ya got that right. Wrong football teams... wrong driver at nascar.... and should i dare go there.... religion and politics... [:D]

pissdoll -> RE: Criminal BackGround Part 2 (6/19/2007 8:11:30 AM)
i am with Stephann and Michael....a background check prior to meeting at a starbucks for an hour of mediocre coffee/tea? seriously???????? i can't imagine asking a man for his ID# and license plate number for all of that. because there is no way i would ever hand that information out to a stranger. background checks do not replace common sense! there are mentally sound men who make very little money, and jerks who make a ton. there are perverts with no criminal history and nice guys with too many speeding tickets. if you don't know a guy well enough to know if he is a danger, maybe you shouldn't let him stick a loaded pistol up your womanly parts. maybe you should take things a tad slower.

ExSteelAgain -> RE: Criminal BackGround Part 2 (6/19/2007 9:41:45 AM)
It is possible to be A-OK with background checks and for that person to still be a sociopath that you don't want to come near.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Criminal BackGround Part 2 (6/19/2007 9:53:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slaverosebeauty ...so if someone got offended that I ran a check on them, it would sent flags up in my head, 'what do they have to hide?' For many, what they get upset about is the invasion of privacy, if you've run the check without their knowledge or consent. Yes, all the stuff is public knowledge, so you don't really NEED their knowledge or consent, but for many, it's still a privacy issue. I'm fairly sure that my girl would have stopped the relationship if I'd done this as she's a remnant of the "true" hippy days. Master Fire

slaverosebeauty -> RE: Criminal BackGround Part 2 (6/19/2007 10:41:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam quote: ORIGINAL: slaverosebeauty ...so if someone got offended that I ran a check on them, it would sent flags up in my head, 'what do they have to hide?' For many, what they get upset about is the invasion of privacy, if you've run the check without their knowledge or consent. Yes, all the stuff is public knowledge, so you don't really NEED their knowledge or consent, but for many, it's still a privacy issue. I'm fairly sure that my girl would have stopped the relationship if I'd done this as she's a remnant of the "true" hippy days. Like I said before, in what I do in my vanilla life I HAVE to be carefull of whom I associate with in the 'real world' [not online]. Before I did what I am doing now, a friend ran a check on me and my mother BEFORE we could date, I understood WHY he did it. Its for a lot of reasons, safety and to keep him job were the biggest reasons. I only get certain info when I run background checks, I can request more, but, I don't. I just need a few basics, I read it, then I delete the information.

MistressNoName -> RE: Criminal BackGround Part 2 (6/19/2007 10:54:29 AM)
truesub4u wrote: quote: I just ran a background check on myself here in NC. Using just my name and birthdate. Well, that explains why this one sub got all huffy with me when I asked for his DOB...he probably thought I wanted to background check him. I was only interested in his star chart...sigh MNN P.S. Just had another thought. If you can run a check just with name and DOB, what's to stop anyone from giving you a false DOB? Wouldn't it just show no record and leave you thinking that person simply had no conviction record...as I suppose is true of most people? Or am I missing something? Please educate me.

GeekyGirl -> RE: Criminal BackGround Part 2 (6/19/2007 1:29:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Stephann Background checks... I don't think we're more (or less) entitled to run a check in the lifestyle, than we are in the vanilla world. Legally, we have the right to run a check on whomever we wish. We might check against various databases, hire a private dectective, etc etc. The problem with checks, is it suggests an inherent distrust. A woman who says to me "nothing personal, but I do this with everyone" might not be singling me out, but it still demonstrates that she refuses to trust me at face value. I doubt seriously I would pursue a woman who was so paranoid, not because I mind her checking on me, but because it suggests a whole host of other issues she may have. Certainly, she may have a very good reason to do so; that doesn't make me feel any less at arms length. I'm honest about my mistakes in the past, and own up to them. If a woman felt my word requires verification from a state or federal authority, than I just don't think I'd be right for her. Naturally, there will be ten men willing to step forward to take my place in her life. As Fire suggests, though, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. I wouldn't get involved with a woman who I felt I needed to run a check on. If I thought there were lies or inconsistancies, I would probably confront her on them. If she doesn't satisfy my concerns completely, that's a deal breaker. I would expect her to do the same. Stephan You know, I work in law enforcement. Lots of folks are VERY good con artists (I deal with them every day). They can seem extremely likeable and trustable...and seeing as how socializing with a felon can end my career (which is a top priority in my life), I choose to be better safe than sorry. You can't ask a person to jeapordize their career just to keep from hurting your feelings. I get caught hanging out with felon and my job is over. Period. "I didn't know" is not a defense to the prosecution [;)] Has nothing to do with being a drama queen and everything about protecting my livelihood. I don't know about you guys, but I can't afford to lose my job! I don't work in a position with access to national criminal records (I only have access to county), but both my parents have access as well as several friends...only takes about 2min to call my mother and say "Hey pull this dude up and tell me what you find." Why not? Like I said, I always ask permission first. I know it's no guarantee that you'll find everything, but at least if I can say I tried to look it up, should I end up getting in trouble at work for hanging out with this person. My mother is a Lt. and she does all the background investigations for her dept...she's an expert in it. She's not just going to find the public record of convictions...she's going to find all the charges, plea bargains, deferred adjudications, dropped charges, etc. She's pretty darn good at it.

GeekyGirl -> RE: Criminal BackGround Part 2 (6/19/2007 1:40:49 PM)
quote: P.S. Just had another thought. If you can run a check just with name and DOB, what's to stop anyone from giving you a false DOB? Wouldn't it just show no record and leave you thinking that person simply had no conviction record...as I suppose is true of most people? Or am I missing something? Please educate me. I ask for DL and License plate, and then at the first meeting, I verify those things.

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