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A BIG Question about considerations.. - 6/18/2007 9:14:20 AM

serenity51

Posts: 9
Joined: 5/18/2007
Status: offline

I wanted to ask anyone who may know the answer .. Should a Dom state in their profile that they have someone in consideration? The sub will but what if he doesn't and still has His saying searching for a sub/slave still? Could you consider that being devoted and dedicated to the one under consideration..? In my heart I know its not proper and not right and I know this could be a dangerous situation if not dealt with it right.. There is something else that bothers me about this Dominant.. He states he has his own business ,haircutting,but it is in his condo...This is very dangerous especially if there's no proof to the subs/slaves of this business except to go to his place and find out for sure...\

Now in my opinion he is advertising to every sub/slave to have their hair done and thats why he won't say in his profile he has someone under consideration,he lures them there and who knows what happens.. so much for the trust being there,..He may be deceiiving his sub under consideration and every woman online who reads his profile..But how do we prove it... Thanks all comments welcome.. And no he says nothing about being a saist or poly in any way.. thanks for the comments I use to be lilserenity here commenting but lost my nic so Im this one now yuk anyway helppppp me get this matter handled with your opinions..

_____________________________

If a man is as wise as a serpent, he can afford to be as harmless as a dove....

Post #: 1

RE: A BIG Question about considerations.. - 6/18/2007 9:18:27 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

Depends.

(in reply to serenity51)

Post #: 2

RE: A BIG Question about considerations.. - 6/18/2007 9:19:26 AM

imthatacheyouhav

Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline

If it bothers you or "feels" wrong...then walk away...and i suppose anyone weather they be Dom or sub type SHOULD put it in their profile that they are underconsideration or have someone under consideration...but SHOULD doesnt mean they will or have to....

_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to serenity51)

Post #: 3

RE: A BIG Question about considerations.. - 6/18/2007 9:27:04 AM

shyinini

Posts: 550
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline

I dont believe the real question/issue here is "under consideration" on anyone's profile.
Read the OP's words, isnt there a greater issue here of safety?
In my State, you must have a special license to be a hair dresser in your home. My sister even needs top portect her license if she goes to a nursing home or hospital to do someone's hair.
I see too many red flags here with this guy, just from waht you have written. The under consideration issue is mute compared to the other things I see written.

Sir's property

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you
is the only Man truly worthy of being called Sir.

(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)

Post #: 4

RE: A BIG Question about considerations.. - 6/18/2007 9:30:54 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Has she met him in real time? He may not even be a hair dresser. What's the danger? Being lured for some nonconsensual hair-cutting? As far as consideration goes, some people are into that protocol, other's aren't.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to shyinini)

Post #: 5

RE: A BIG Question about considerations.. - 6/18/2007 9:37:39 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Perhaps you're expecting them to be mono when they're poly? I think a statement about that would be more appropriate than a statement about if they have someone under consideration. People come and go, sometimes quickly.

Hmm...now I'm wondering if it's clear in my profile that I'm poly....must go look...

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to serenity51)

Post #: 6

RE: A BIG Question about considerations.. - 6/18/2007 9:40:50 AM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear serenity51, Ladies and Gentlemen;

In my mind's eyes I see, when I get to know individuals a bit better as to know if I might be more interested in them; only then do I advise them I have another slave in consideration status. I do not feel that to dump that information prematurely does any good.

Most know with any relationship with me, will have others included. I may have one personal slave but, as much as I love people--I enjoy mentoring, teaching and sharing my knowledge and skills with. I do not want to be a slave's exclusive possession--unfortunately, many slaves do want an exclusive and restrictive relationship with their Dominant. I am rather old fashioned, where if I am Master/Mistress/Dominant--I will not be bound up by a slave's envy or possessiveness.

I am also of the belief that 'consideration' can become all to quickly, a competition. In my mind's eyes I see, this is a huge error. The emotional, mental, spiritual side is put into a place of 'sport' instead of a place of 'being at peace.' People hate to loose, hate to be placed in a threatened status and or potential rejection. I know rejection hurts--the evidence comes through when I have a person compete for my attention and or ownership; when rejected for sound reasons they get very opposite of their glowing adoration of me and really become ugly and certainly conduct that is not 'slave like;' to what I use as a personal standard.

It really boils down to a judgement call.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to serenity51)

Post #: 7

RE: A BIG Question about considerations.. - 6/18/2007 9:48:57 AM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: serenity51

I wanted to ask anyone who may know the answer .. Should a Dom state in their profile that they have someone in consideration? The sub will but what if he doesn't and still has His saying searching for a sub/slave still? Could you consider that being devoted and dedicated to the one under consideration..? In my heart I know its not proper and not right and I know this could be a dangerous situation if not dealt with it right.. There is something else that bothers me about this Dominant.. He states he has his own business ,haircutting,but it is in his condo...This is very dangerous especially if there's no proof to the subs/slaves of this business except to go to his place and find out for sure...\

Now in my opinion he is advertising to every sub/slave to have their hair done and thats why he won't say in his profile he has someone under consideration,he lures them there and who knows what happens.. so much for the trust being there,..He may be deceiiving his sub under consideration and every woman online who reads his profile..But how do we prove it... Thanks all comments welcome.. And no he says nothing about being a saist or poly in any way.. thanks for the comments I use to be lilserenity here commenting but lost my nic so Im this one now yuk anyway helppppp me get this matter handled with your opinions..

I dont state who I have under consideration,I expect the submissives to make that note.
I do however post on Positive Meetings and if I collar someone.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to serenity51)

Post #: 8

RE: A BIG Question about considerations.. - 6/18/2007 9:50:39 AM

serenity51

Posts: 9
Joined: 5/18/2007
Status: offline

Thank you all for the comments I really do appreciate them.. Perhaps it was placed in two question form..
1)Should he tell others or place in his profile he has one in consideration so others who email him will know..
2)What to do when you believe he is advertising to get others to come to his place without meeting him first and all they do is chat on phone or type online beforehand..?

A meeting is been asked for and soon it may occur in safety only I will have others with me to make sure, but hiding.. So a meeting has not occurred yet but will be soon..and not at his place.. In my gut I don't feel right but by past experiences meeting offline,he'll be sober..Thank you all again and hopefully my doubts will vanish in time.. I hope. so hard to express things online always best to do it offline .. thank you all.and be SSC always serenity

< Message edited by serenity51 -- 6/18/2007 9:52:51 AM >

_____________________________

If a man is as wise as a serpent, he can afford to be as harmless as a dove....

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 9

RE: A BIG Question about considerations.. - 6/18/2007 9:51:05 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

If you have stated a commitment, I think it's good to put it on your profile.

If a dom has decided to make the commitment to consider someone, it is advisable to share it.

However, don't expect it to happen anytime soon- a primary reason doms use "consideration" at all is so they can have a few fishies on the hook at once.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MistressSassy66)

Post #: 10

RE: A BIG Question about considerations.. - 6/18/2007 9:56:34 AM

slaveish

Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline

If you are the sub under consideration, go with your gut instinct.

If you are not the sub under consideration, stay out of it unless asked directly for your opinion. If you are asked directly for your opinion, give it, but do ~not~ be a part of "getting even". It's not your battle.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 11

RE: A BIG Question about considerations.. - 6/18/2007 11:19:41 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

Under consideration doesn't mean much more than you're seeing each other but you haven't decided to become exclusive yet. Do you feel required to tell a man who asks you out for coffee that you are going on your third date to the movies with another man that same week?

To me there's no difference.

As far as the hair cutting, I'd assume he was pretty poor at business that he didn't have his own shop. Unless he actually works for someone else and cuts hair on his own for cash, not uncommon. If I didn't know anyone else who had let him cut their hair and found him competent, I wouldn't try it.

Obviously to you a person shouldn't ever date more than one person at a time. But you don't have the right to demand that the rest of the world fulfills your expectations especially when you don't even mention those expectations to others.

(in reply to slaveish)

Post #: 12

RE: A BIG Question about considerations.. - 6/18/2007 11:28:37 AM

sleazybutterfly

Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

I think what's good for the goose is good for the gander. It's up to you whether you want to stay or be considered by someone because they don't/won't aknowledge you. I had a few doms that wanted me to put "taken", "under consideration", "not available"..etc..yet nothing in their profile changed.

When I met Master, I told him from the beginning that I would not change anything in my profile until he agreed to do the same. I have had too many doms write me, and then I found they had others that had changed their profile for them..thinking they were the doms only one. If it says they are still looking...chances are, they are. I would keep that in mind.

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to serenity51)

Post #: 13

RE: A BIG Question about considerations.. - 6/18/2007 11:33:36 AM

sleazybutterfly

Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressSassy66

quote:

ORIGINAL: serenity51

I wanted to ask anyone who may know the answer .. Should a Dom state in their profile that they have someone in consideration? The sub will but what if he doesn't and still has His saying searching for a sub/slave still? Could you consider that being devoted and dedicated to the one under consideration..? In my heart I know its not proper and not right and I know this could be a dangerous situation if not dealt with it right.. There is something else that bothers me about this Dominant.. He states he has his own business ,haircutting,but it is in his condo...This is very dangerous especially if there's no proof to the subs/slaves of this business except to go to his place and find out for sure...\

Now in my opinion he is advertising to every sub/slave to have their hair done and thats why he won't say in his profile he has someone under consideration,he lures them there and who knows what happens.. so much for the trust being there,..He may be deceiiving his sub under consideration and every woman online who reads his profile..But how do we prove it... Thanks all comments welcome.. And no he says nothing about being a saist or poly in any way.. thanks for the comments I use to be lilserenity here commenting but lost my nic so Im this one now yuk anyway helppppp me get this matter handled with your opinions..

I dont state who I have under consideration,I expect the submissives to make that note.
I do however post on Positive Meetings and if I collar someone.

I can see if the sub can put the person they are under consideration to..that might make a bit of a difference. That way any sub that comes across it can know what's going on.

Just a side note: You sound very suspicious of this dom already. There is a reason you feel that way, and it's something you should probably trust. He might be ok, but you seem to have red flags going on everyplace that you are hoping will vanish with time, or after you meet. Chances are it won't get better, and you will be in it more fully than you are now.

If you really think he is the only one for you, nothing will stop you. I can assure you though that there are plenty of other doms out there, no matter what he tells you. By putting you under consideration, he is making sure you are off the market...by keeping his the same, he is very much keeping his options open. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to be the one that he takes if no one else better came along.

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to MistressSassy66)

Post #: 14

RE: A BIG Question about considerations.. - 6/18/2007 11:47:29 AM

slavegirljoy

Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline

Being "under consideration" does not a commitment make.

i wouldn't make a commitment to anyone who wasn't going to make a commitment to me. It's okay to bring others in, if that's what you both have agreed to but, otherwise, if he's still looking at/for others and you didn't agree to that, then let him know that's not what you're interested in.

Listen to your heart. If it is saying that this could be a "dangerous situation", listen to it and step away from the danger. You seem to be having a lot of question marks in your mind about this man. That should tell you something right there. Don't ignore the little (and big) voice in your head.

------------
slave joy
Owned property of Master David

"..and those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music."
-- F. Nietzsche

quote:

ORIGINAL: serenity51

I wanted to ask anyone who may know the answer .. Should a Dom state in their profile that they have someone in consideration? The sub will but what if he doesn't and still has His saying searching for a sub/slave still? Could you consider that being devoted and dedicated to the one under consideration..? In my heart I know its not proper and not right and I know this could be a dangerous situation if not dealt with it right.. There is something else that bothers me about this Dominant.. He states he has his own business ,haircutting,but it is in his condo...This is very dangerous especially if there's no proof to the subs/slaves of this business except to go to his place and find out for sure...\

Now in my opinion he is advertising to every sub/slave to have their hair done and thats why he won't say in his profile he has someone under consideration,he lures them there and who knows what happens.. so much for the trust being there,..He may be deceiiving his sub under consideration and every woman online who reads his profile..But how do we prove it... Thanks all comments welcome.. And no he says nothing about being a saist or poly in any way.. thanks for the comments I use to be lilserenity here commenting but lost my nic so Im this one now yuk anyway helppppp me get this matter handled with your opinions..

(in reply to serenity51)

Post #: 15

RE: A BIG Question about considerations.. - 6/18/2007 11:47:39 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: serenity51

I wanted to ask anyone who may know the answer .. Should a Dom state in their profile that they have someone in consideration? The sub will but what if he doesn't and still has His saying searching for a sub/slave still? Could you consider that being devoted and dedicated to the one under consideration..? In my heart I know its not proper and not right and I know this could be a dangerous situation if not dealt with it right.. There is something else that bothers me about this Dominant.. He states he has his own business ,haircutting,but it is in his condo...This is very dangerous especially if there's no proof to the subs/slaves of this business except to go to his place and find out for sure...\

Now in my opinion he is advertising to every sub/slave to have their hair done and thats why he won't say in his profile he has someone under consideration,he lures them there and who knows what happens.. so much for the trust being there,..He may be deceiiving his sub under consideration and every woman online who reads his profile..But how do we prove it... Thanks all comments welcome.. And no he says nothing about being a saist or poly in any way.. thanks for the comments I use to be lilserenity here commenting but lost my nic so Im this one now yuk anyway helppppp me get this matter handled with your opinions..

As somone else noted, for you there are all kinds of red flags going up surrounding this person. You can talk to them directly and ask some probing questions or you can just choose to back away from the situation.

Personally, I have not heard of a state where you can do haircutting/styling without a license but I admit to not being an expert...

(in reply to serenity51)

Post #: 16

RE: A BIG Question about considerations.. - 6/18/2007 2:10:17 PM

LadyPaige

Posts: 187
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I may get slammed here, but I found the opening post to be very melodramatic. First meetings are only as safe as you make them. Take a friend with you to see his hair salon and both get your hair cut. I don't see "Under Consideration" as a commitment of any kind and it would be silly to close the door on someone I've never met just because I've not rejected someone else yet (or been rejected). Maybe he is a predator, but I didn't see anything in the post that indicated he's more of a threat than anyone else.

(in reply to serenity51)

Post #: 17

RE: A BIG Question about considerations.. - 6/18/2007 2:16:10 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: serenity51

I wanted to ask anyone who may know the answer .. Should a Dom state in their profile that they have someone in consideration? The sub will but what if he doesn't and still has His saying searching for a sub/slave still? Could you consider that being devoted and dedicated to the one under consideration..? In my heart I know its not proper and not right and I know this could be a dangerous situation if not dealt with it right.. There is something else that bothers me about this Dominant.. He states he has his own business ,haircutting,but it is in his condo...This is very dangerous especially if there's no proof to the subs/slaves of this business except to go to his place and find out for sure...\

Now in my opinion he is advertising to every sub/slave to have their hair done and thats why he won't say in his profile he has someone under consideration,he lures them there and who knows what happens.. so much for the trust being there,..He may be deceiiving his sub under consideration and every woman online who reads his profile..But how do we prove it... Thanks all comments welcome.. And no he says nothing about being a saist or poly in any way.. thanks for the comments I use to be lilserenity here commenting but lost my nic so Im this one now yuk anyway helppppp me get this matter handled with your opinions..

For me, I don't define myself by what my profile says. To be honest, I rarely change my profile other than to change demographic information. When someone has me under consideration, I don't feel I'm being deceptive by not putting it in my profile. However, if someone contacted me to make a connection and I was under consideration, I'd let the person know. I think sometimes people put way too much emphasis on what's on a web site or the size of one's online collar. But that's just me.

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me

http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to serenity51)

Post #: 18

RE: A BIG Question about considerations.. - 6/18/2007 2:32:20 PM

sleazybutterfly

Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

Hmm...not to butt in again, but when you mentioned getting your hair done, it rang a big bell with me. I might have talked to the same dom...if you want you can mail me on the other side and we can figure it out. I don't want anyone to get screwed over by anyone if I have a way to help, or info that could save them some hurt.

Best Wishes.

edited to say: Sorry I didn't see that part in the OP...or I wouldn't had to have posted so many times.

< Message edited by sleazybutterfly -- 6/18/2007 2:33:37 PM >

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 19

RE: A BIG Question about considerations.. - 6/18/2007 2:52:37 PM

whisperedsighs

Posts: 349
Joined: 11/12/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: serenity51

Thank you all for the comments I really do appreciate them.. Perhaps it was placed in two question form..
1)Should he tell others or place in his profile he has one in consideration so others who email him will know..
2)What to do when you believe he is advertising to get others to come to his place without meeting him first and all they do is chat on phone or type online beforehand..?

A meeting is been asked for and soon it may occur in safety only I will have others with me to make sure, but hiding.. So a meeting has not occurred yet but will be soon..and not at his place.. In my gut I don't feel right but by past experiences meeting offline,he'll be sober..Thank you all again and hopefully my doubts will vanish in time.. I hope. so hard to express things online always best to do it offline .. thank you all.and be SSC always serenity

Not going to address the under consideration thing. I have no opinion there.
However on your second point....It is not your job to make sure someone doesn't go to his place to meet him with only talking on the phone or typing online. Each person is responsible for the decisions they make, you are not the BDSM meeting police. Although I don't suggest meeting someone at their place on the first meeting, I would not presume to try and stop anyone who chose to do so. Also just because a first public meeting went well, doesn't mean you really know that person. It takes time to get to know people and what they are really like.

_____________________________

oh my god that was so wrong! .... again please!

(in reply to serenity51)

Post #: 20

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