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Female Domination: Threat or Friend? - 6/18/2007 10:42:05 AM   
LadyAlzara


Posts: 38
Joined: 3/31/2005
Status: offline 		I'd like to know if its common to think of Dominas as Friends or Threats?
I've been fairly active in My leather community...I've run across two kinds of Males Dominates in My experience...Those that actually see Me as Dominate....and Those who seem to think I'm confused...that I haven't met the right Dominate yet.  The attitude comes out most, I've found when I am learning a new skill...then all of a sudden, because I'm not My usual confident self...I'm confused.
I'm having a difficult time dealing with this attitude...and since it is unkind to start punching Men One generally respects....I'm at a loss..thought I'd ask for a Male oponion on the subject.
Z

_____________________________

~We lead our lives like water flowing down a hill, going more or less in one direction until we splash into something that forces us to find a new course~ Memoirs of a Geisha
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RE: Female Domination: Threat or Friend? - 6/18/2007 10:47:52 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		dominant = noun/adjective "I am a dominant" "You are a dominant person"

dominate = verb "I like to dominate you"

Basically, ignore what doesn't work for you.  Everyone gets told by someone that they aren't real or that they don't know who they are at some point. 

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 6/18/2007 10:48:42 AM >

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to LadyAlzara)
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RE: Female Domination: Threat or Friend? - 6/18/2007 10:52:08 AM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline 		This is from people you know and respect.  Talk to them about it, really that is the best thing to do.  They could be kidding in there own way, but you won't know unless you talk to them.

Mike


(in reply to LadyAlzara)
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RE: Female Domination: Threat or Friend? - 6/18/2007 11:07:36 AM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		There is freindly challanges to your orientation and then there are serious challanges to it.
You'll have to decide for yourself which is happening in the situations you discribe.

I get passes made at me by members of the local gay leather community, but I've only once or twice felt they were seriously challanging, the vast majority of the times it is fun flirtatious wishfull thinking on their part.

I suspect at least some number of those you are encountering it is just that as well fun wishfull thinking, have some fun with it and wish back. "Well if you would bottom to me for a few weeks then maybe you could help me learn this just right *wink wink* Just so I would know that what I was giving out was really exactly right*wink wink*.

Ten there will be those boneheads that actually have themselves convinced that you really just haven't admitted to yourself blah blah blah once identified you can figure out what to do with them and their challanges.

(in reply to SirMIkeSD)
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RE: Female Domination: Threat or Friend? - 6/18/2007 11:21:41 AM   
Leonidas


Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline 		Female Domination = None of My Business

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Take care of yourself

Leonidas

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RE: Female Domination: Threat or Friend? - 6/18/2007 11:23:23 AM   
JerryInTampa


Posts: 138
Joined: 2/19/2004
Status: offline 		I personally have found more switches in the female dominant community than in the male cominant community. I've had the pleaasure of domming a professional domme or two in my time and I can understand if some male doms sometimes view female doms as potentially subbie.

The emphasis is on "potentially" (much like many straight girls are potentially bi). Just because many are doesn't mean all are; and just because a domme may sub to someone doesn't mean I shouldn't interact with her as a fellow dominant.

I don't see other doms as competition unless they are, and I don't assume someone is any differentt then they claim to be without reason. If you feel that people are interacting with you in an undesired manner, then prove that you are a dom and change it; whether by discussing it with them, or acting in a manner to change their perception.

Making sure that others see you as you choose to be seen and react as you choose them to react is just as important a part of dominance, of control, as is the ability to control yourself or to exert power on a submissive. MAKE them deal with you on YOUR terms.

(in reply to Archer)
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RE: Female Domination: Threat or Friend? - 6/18/2007 11:30:17 AM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		ALL female domme/mistress are treated as an equal until given a reason not to,but as always you will find men that are threaten by a females that are dominants,  they see it as an encroachment on their turf..As always just the views of this ol' master

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US going to hell in a hand basket/

(in reply to JerryInTampa)
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RE: Female Domination: Threat or Friend? - 6/18/2007 11:38:07 AM   
slaverosebeauty


Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline 		Some men {said tongue in cheek}, have the view that women cannot be 'in control' or be dominate, its suppose to be outside of nature or along those lines; those same men {said tongue in cheek} look down on male bottoms as consider them outside of nature. I think it boils down to ego; some people cannot accept that a woman CAN be dominant.

I have run into this a few times, I have to be dominant at times in my work life adn a few men cannot handle it, if you saw how I hanlded it, you would NEVER thing that I was a slave, lol. Always makes for a good laugh at the enf of the day.

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"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to BOUNTYHUNTER)
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RE: Female Domination: Threat or Friend? - 6/18/2007 11:49:45 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		To me it is a natural part of life. Some people are born with a Dominant personality some are born with a submissive personality. Now conditioning also plays a factor in there as well. But I do believe that their are some people who are just Dominant and you are not going to make them submissive no matter how hard society tries to steer them that way. I do not think female domination is a threat, its a natural occurence just like male domination.

I have heard some male Doms say that all women are submissive they just need the "right" Dom to bring it out. To those guys I tell them and all you need is the right Mistress to bring out YOUR sub side. In which case most shake their heads or go straight into denial. What makes them think for a second that my Dominance is any less real than their own?

I have heard some sub women say that female Dominants are a "threat" to them. Because we do not want to stay home, cook and clean and "take care of our men." While that may fulfill some women it does not fulfill ALL women. I take care of my man and he takes care of me, only we do it in a different way. My way is no more wrong than their way. Its just our way of doing things. I do not judge them or bare them any ill will and they shouldn't hold my lifestyle against me either.

I think what people need to do is stop worrying about what other people are doing and focus on their own lives. Humans come in all sizes, shapes, colors and personalities. Some will be Dominant, some will be submissive and some will fall in between regardless of their sex. I do not believe either sex is supreme and perhaps the supremists out there should consider buying their own island where they can live happily ever after.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to LadyAlzara)
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RE: Female Domination: Threat or Friend? - 6/18/2007 11:57:06 AM   
Nosathro


Posts: 3319
Joined: 9/25/2005
From: Orange County, California
Status: offline 		greetings
 
I know several Dominate Females, real time, and they are aware I am Gorean..I am happy to say we have a good releations based on respect for each other.  When we accept each other and do not judge each other, we all learn from each other. 
 
I wish you well
 
Nosathro

_____________________________

"The love of a slave girl is the deepest and most profound love that any woman can give a man. Love makes a woman a man's slave, and the wholeness of that love requires that she be, in truth, his slave." Magicians of Gor, page 31

(in reply to Lashra)
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RE: Female Domination: Threat or Friend? - 6/19/2007 2:35:13 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BOUNTYHUNTER

ALL female domme/mistress are treated as an equal until given a reason not to,but as always you will find men that are threaten by a females that are dominants,  they see it as an encroachment on their turf..As always just the views of this ol' master


Well Bounty, I have found most of the male Dominants on CM, to be very accepting and some even sweet!
ahhhhhhh


< Message edited by MzMia -- 6/19/2007 2:57:15 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to BOUNTYHUNTER)
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RE: Female Domination: Threat or Friend? - 6/19/2007 5:16:13 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		We're all a little less confident when learning a new skill and can be shaky on our feet.  Some take advantage of this state of being 'off balance' to get a quick little poke in.  They probably experienced a bit of the same when they were learning, but I agree, probably not as much.
 
Being Dominant to Me has nothing to do with gender.  What society has put into gender roles (males are always forceful, females are always weak) has very little to do with the roles we assume for ourselves.  I believe Lashara is correct when saying some of Us are born into certain facets of our personalities.  It has nothing to do with which genitalia a person was born with. 

I forgot to add the quote.  Jerry says......
The emphasis is on "potentially" (much like many straight girls are potentially bi). Just because many are doesn't mean all are; and just because a domme may sub to someone doesn't mean I shouldn't interact with her as a fellow dominant.

I'm just curious about this.  Why is this directed towards a specific gender?  If there are "many potentially bi girls", what makes one think that the number of percentage is not the same among males?  Do we really focus so much on that little thing between the legs that we believe it has the direct correlation in bisexuality?

(in reply to MzMia)
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RE: Female Domination: Threat or Friend? - 6/19/2007 5:45:28 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		"I do not look down on niggers, kikes, wops or greasers! Here you are all equally worthless!"

Actually, I don't think so much in terms of female dominants verses male dominants verses female submissives verses male submissives, etc etc.  I'm far more focused on the person, for who they are.  This doesn't mean I won't point out (or enjoy the benefits of) naturally submissive tendencies within a woman who identifies as a dominant.  It's how I met the last woman I dated, in fact.  The key is to do it in a respectful fashion, and not to presume that just because someone exhibits these traits, that they will be interested in exploring them with me.

Stephan


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Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to MzMia)
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RE: Female Domination: Threat or Friend? - 6/19/2007 6:05:24 PM   
ADom442


Posts: 34
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAlzara

I'd like to know if its common to think of Dominas as Friends or Threats?
I've been fairly active in My leather community...I've run across two kinds of Males Dominates in My experience...Those that actually see Me as Dominate....and Those who seem to think I'm confused...that I haven't met the right Dominate yet.  The attitude comes out most, I've found when I am learning a new skill...then all of a sudden, because I'm not My usual confident self...I'm confused.
I'm having a difficult time dealing with this attitude...and since it is unkind to start punching Men One generally respects....I'm at a loss..thought I'd ask for a Male oponion on the subject.
Z


Is it possible that some of the time you misinterpret their actions?  I have Domme friends, and I respect them, but if they didn't know me as well as they do, I can imagine there might be a misunderstanding now and again.  I've been known to adopt a pedantic tone when discussing something I feel strongly about, and I can remember hearing, "Ooooooh, yes, Sir" when I innocently said, "I've enjoyed the conversation; now give me a hug before I head home."


(in reply to LadyAlzara)
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RE: Female Domination: Threat or Friend? - 6/19/2007 6:44:02 PM   
LadyAlzara


Posts: 38
Joined: 3/31/2005
Status: offline 		In all honesty...I was in a "mood" this past weekend...and I hate learning a new skill in a crowd, so it's possible I was overly senstive.  But then again, it's the first time I've had a Dom tell Me I could ride in the back with his slave....so, the night started out just lovely.  I am forever a flirt...I know it...and generally They know it too...so on a different night I would have blown that comment off.
Learning to make floggers, was an adventure...a nerve racking....growling event that required the input of 4 different Doms....once of which had a clue what I had in My mind to create.  So...in all fairness...We got the flogger made...and it works like a dream....I'm sure I won't be banned from the Dom/me Club just yet.  But I do get My back up at times....Thank Y/you all for the input.  It's always interesting to hear what the Doms have to say....lol...even when Their wrong.

_____________________________

~We lead our lives like water flowing down a hill, going more or less in one direction until we splash into something that forces us to find a new course~ Memoirs of a Geisha

(in reply to ADom442)
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RE: Female Domination: Threat or Friend? - 6/21/2007 10:19:14 AM   
SirDominic


Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		What is tricky about your question is that there are very Dominant Domme's, who have become submissive to another Dominant. Mostly in my experience the women bowing to the man. Just this weekend I was at a conference and a Master was giving a workshop with a submissive who was putty in his hands. Only to have him say that to everyone else she was known as Goddess so & so; only to him was she Princess so & so. In other words a very secure Domme who yet was very happy to sub for this particular man.

Because it can happen, it perpetuates the myth that all Domme's just haven't found the right Man yet. The reality, of course, being that there are some who will submit to just the right person, and other Domme's who would never do so under any circumstances.

Most Doms and Domme's I know exist on very friendly, mutually respectful relationships. But there are always a few. It is up to you to put the latter ones in their place, politely and firmly.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

_____________________________

You teach best what you have lived.

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RE: Female Domination: Threat or Friend? - 6/21/2007 10:46:25 AM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline 		If I had a dime for all the male dominants who have asked to submit to me I'd be rich.  It happens on both sides.  For me, I find it offensive if there is an assumption that because I am female I will submit to anyone.  Likewise, I would never make that asumption of a male dominant.  I think once you have established a respectful relationship, though, it is ok to feel the waters, so to speak.  But if I am doing it I will take no for an answer quite graciously.  I expect the same from anyone else who is wanting something from me I am unwilling to give. 

What I do, though, with people I know well is often joke around.  It means nothing.  We respect one another and nobody is seriously going to dominate the other.  So, is it possible you misconstrued some joking around to be more than it was?  If not, really, the best "proof" that you are not going to be dominanted by them is to not be dominated by them.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to SirDominic)
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RE: Female Domination: Threat or Friend? - 6/21/2007 11:10:51 AM   
SirDominic


Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		Wow, it must be cool to be in such demand. Congrats. I haven't misconstrued anything. It was my take on why the fantasy persists. As I said above " Most Doms and Domme's I know exist on very friendly, mutually respectful relationships."

Namaste, Sir Dominic

_____________________________

You teach best what you have lived.

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RE: Female Domination: Threat or Friend? - 6/21/2007 11:36:01 AM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leonidas

Female Domination = None of My Business


Exactly! And the reverse, of course.

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"


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RE: Female Domination: Threat or Friend? - 6/21/2007 1:32:48 PM   
JerryInTampa


Posts: 138
Joined: 2/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I'm just curious about this.  Why is this directed towards a specific gender?  If there are "many potentially bi girls", what makes one think that the number of percentage is not the same among males?  Do we really focus so much on that little thing between the legs that we believe it has the direct correlation in bisexuality?
It was an example and was not focused on anything. Or are you asking about my statement on generalities between the genders?

To answer that question: I would point out how what's between your legs gets there. There is a tremendous coctail of chemicals from both within a developing fetus, and from the mother during gestation (and indeed after) which effect innumerable traits of the person. Some of them are obvious, like what's between your legs. But it also is the primary determenant in how much hair you have, how much muscle mass, what gender you are attracted to and dominance/submission as a tendancy.

(in reply to Misstoyou)
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