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RE: Advice on a vanilla girlfriend - 6/19/2007 5:58:02 PM

AquaticSub

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I don't think you have to write checklist and get permission for every single thing to go "Hey honey, how you do feel about me trying some new kinky things during sex, and I'll stop if you want?"

We already know she likes spankings and having also been the 19 (well 18 in my case) vanilla girl, I wouldn't have responded very well to having my partner pull out a rope without saying anything. Now what actually happened was he pulled out the rope and said "This is going to be really sexy" and I said "go for it!"

Or something like that. It has been several years. Either way, I knew from the start that he was really kinky and I knew to expect the unexpected from him.

Maybe this is a case where we really need to know exactly what he wants to do before we can advice. He obviously isn't talking about spanking. She already likes it. Is he talking about wax? Bondage? Needle play? Actual training to serve? It does change the answer.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 6/19/2007 6:00:25 PM >

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RE: Advice on a vanilla girlfriend - 6/19/2007 8:46:27 PM

BearAsSpanker

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When I was in my late teens my girlfriend at the time was very sexual and submissive. We enjoyed lots of kinky sex. One day we watched the "story of O ", that day I learned of her interest in being collared.

quote:

ORIGINAL: StudentDomUK

Both being young (19) I didnt expect My girlfriend to be ready to kneel down collared for Me as soon as W/we begun dating however, now I would like some advice.

I too was inexperienced, and there weren't many resources available. Through the years, we learned about what we'd like and didn't. I will say this: at the end. It was the kinky sex she enjoyed. If you're looking for the power play, get to that hurdle. Sooner... Not later.

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RE: Advice on a vanilla girlfriend - 6/19/2007 9:02:54 PM

Stephann

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From: Portland, OR
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

I don't think you have to write checklist and get permission for every single thing to go "Hey honey, how you do feel about me trying some new kinky things during sex, and I'll stop if you want?"

We already know she likes spankings and having also been the 19 (well 18 in my case) vanilla girl, I wouldn't have responded very well to having my partner pull out a rope without saying anything. Now what actually happened was he pulled out the rope and said "This is going to be really sexy" and I said "go for it!"

Or something like that. It has been several years. Either way, I knew from the start that he was really kinky and I knew to expect the unexpected from him.

Maybe this is a case where we really need to know exactly what he wants to do before we can advice. He obviously isn't talking about spanking. She already likes it. Is he talking about wax? Bondage? Needle play? Actual training to serve? It does change the answer.

He's talking about D/s. At least, that's the impression I got.

You can't explain nuclear physics if you haven't started with chemistry. My advice is specific, for a general situation. It's a good bet he's just as new to the lifestyle as his girl. Nothing wrong there. The gist is to enjoy the interaction first, and mull the complexities later.

Stephan

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RE: Advice on a vanilla girlfriend - 6/19/2007 9:55:22 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

I don't think you have to write checklist and get permission for every single thing to go "Hey honey, how you do feel about me trying some new kinky things during sex, and I'll stop if you want?"

We already know she likes spankings and having also been the 19 (well 18 in my case) vanilla girl, I wouldn't have responded very well to having my partner pull out a rope without saying anything. Now what actually happened was he pulled out the rope and said "This is going to be really sexy" and I said "go for it!"

Or something like that. It has been several years. Either way, I knew from the start that he was really kinky and I knew to expect the unexpected from him.

Maybe this is a case where we really need to know exactly what he wants to do before we can advice. He obviously isn't talking about spanking. She already likes it. Is he talking about wax? Bondage? Needle play? Actual training to serve? It does change the answer.

He's talking about D/s. At least, that's the impression I got.

You can't explain nuclear physics if you haven't started with chemistry. My advice is specific, for a general situation. It's a good bet he's just as new to the lifestyle as his girl. Nothing wrong there. The gist is to enjoy the interaction first, and mull the complexities later.

Stephan

Well yes... but D/s isn't a simple thing and there are a lot of parts. If we are talking about D/s as a lifestyle and training her to serve, than he has no business training her without her express consent and he has no business collaring her until she knows exactly what she is agreeing to.

If we are talking about introducing some wax play, then yeah, just light a candle, start the foreplay and the go "Hey baby, can I try this?", or just put her hands over her head to see if she likes being restrained. If he just wants advice about the kinky sex part, then you can play it much more by ear and even spring a few surprises.

But if he talking about training and collaring, then the first thing he needs to learn about being a master and a dominant is the responsiblity that he has to his submissive to make sure she knows what she is getting into.

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It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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Post #: 44

RE: Advice on a vanilla girlfriend - 6/19/2007 10:00:41 PM

sambamanslilgirl

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quote:

Both being young (19) I didnt expect My girlfriend to be ready to kneel down collared for Me as soon as W/we begun dating

quoted for Stephann who seemed to skip that part of the op when upon happening to this thread.

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RE: Advice on a vanilla girlfriend - 6/19/2007 10:06:53 PM

SimplyMichael

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Stephan,

You are never going to win this argument, some people worship consent and think it is something sacred that must be obtained prior to any and every action. Works for them, doesn't work for some of us.

Rape is the opposite of sex, they are having sex so he isn't raping her, the rest should be fine too..

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Post #: 46

RE: Advice on a vanilla girlfriend - 6/19/2007 10:17:03 PM

maybemaybenot

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

quote:

Both being young (19) I didnt expect My girlfriend to be ready to kneel down collared for Me as soon as W/we begun dating

quoted for Stephann who seemed to skip that part of the op when upon happening to this thread.

I could be wrong, but I read that sentence to mean: I met a vanilla girl and wasn't expecting a submissive, but seems she has a few kinks and tendancies.

mbmbn

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RE: Advice on a vanilla girlfriend - 6/20/2007 4:37:47 AM

Stephann

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I read "I wasn't expecting her to become an insta-slave, and I'm willing to take my time to show her what I like."

Michael,

You're right. I stand by my position, and it's unlikely I have anything to add to it.

Stepahn

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RE: Advice on a vanilla girlfriend - 6/20/2007 9:24:08 AM

SirDominic

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The advice ranges from "just do it" to "talk everything through". Both, and everything inbetween can be appropriate depending on the people involved. The one thing that I consider the most important, however, has not been mentioned. You want advice on how to make her into a good little submissive. What about advice on how you can learn to become a responsible Dominant? Aside from the fantasy of her submitting to you, what do you actually know about being a Dominant? Having some kinky sex and swatting her bottom once in a while does not count.

There is nothing wrong with moving a vanilla into a BDSM relationship, but you as the leader have to know what you are doing. Some questions I would ask of you:

How long have the two of you been together?
How well do you know who she is deep down inside?

Without some basic experience of your own, and without having a strong sense of who she is, I would proceed very slowly and carefully. Especially if the answer to those two questions is "not long" and "not much", I would advise against the Just Do It approach; you might find yourself spending the night behind bars; and not the fun kind.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

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Post #: 49