Am I just kidding myself?

Am I just kidding myself? (Full Version)

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Neeka -> Am I just kidding myself? (6/19/2007 7:23:25 PM)
Hi, I am in an online relationship with my Master. He is my first Master and is possibly the most wonderful man I have ever met(?). He seems to know what I need before I know it. He takes my emotions good and bad...and turns them into something beautiful. We have always been honest with each other. Well, as much as realistically online can be, and I finally admitted to myself a few short weeks ago that I have fallen head over heels in love with him. He is married in the real, and I realise that our relationship most likely will never cross into the real and Im learning to accept that as difficult as it is. My problem is I am very very jealous of his other on line pet. I know her very well, and as a person I about love her to death and when we all play together, while I tend to hang back a little bit, my Maser makes it a very enjoyable expeiriance for me. But this jealousy I have is just getting worse. If I think they are together...or know they will be...I feel literally sick to my stomach. Have any of you been through this? Is it possible to overcome jealousy in a D/s relationship? Am I just kidding myself and my beloved Master?

annare -> RE: Am I just kidding myself? (6/19/2007 7:43:01 PM)
Neeka, Before addressing your other concerns my first question is... do you eventually want a real life 24/7 relationship?

RedheadGirlNY -> RE: Am I just kidding myself? (6/19/2007 7:43:49 PM)
You've fallen "in love" with a married man who you'll likely never meet. He "plays" with others and you're "jealous." I won't go down the married-and-cheating road. You know what you're doing, you're an adult. Whether his wife is aware or not, he's married. So, "playing" together online, it's the best you're going to get? Have you considered that you maybe are cheating yourself? Unless, of course, you're also married or this is a crock of horse-hooey. It seems to me that most of the time, OPs ~~know~~ the answer before they ask the question. Certainly, given the information that has been presented, I have to assume that is true here, since the OP seems to know the difference between "the real" and "pixels." So, are you looking for pity or validation? Inquiring mind, unbendable ethics, wicked wit, no apologies. Red

Neeka -> RE: Am I just kidding myself? (6/19/2007 8:16:16 PM)
Red, Ive read your reply over about 5 times now..... Pity or validation....I dont know...both? Or maybe to just be able to say the words outloud to a group of people who would at least understand some aspects of our relationship. no...Im not married...yes i do want something 24/7 but being a single mother of a small child in a small isolated town...not alot of options. and your right...we usually know the answers before we ask the questions or we better be damn prepared to get an answer. I thank you for your candor....I was hoping that my 'awakening' as a submissive would have been more positive than this...I find I am only more confused in who I am....and I shall stop now before I convince you all that I am a babbling fool. as an aside...what is an OP? thankyou

RedheadGirlNY -> RE: Am I just kidding myself? (6/19/2007 8:24:03 PM)
Neeka, "OP" is "original poster" - the person posing the question. Believe it or not, I'm actually the Queen of Silver Linings. You've awakened, which means you're not dead. As the solo parent of a child, I understand the challenges and frustrations. Having survived "newbie frenzy" (that awakening and WOOHOO!!! thang), I can promise you that with time and patience, you can choose to learn from the experience and move on. The time and patience part sometimes sucks large. But it's worth it. Red (speaking only for myself, of course)

maybemaybenot -> RE: Am I just kidding myself? (6/19/2007 8:26:02 PM)
Why do you want to put yourself through this ? quote: Neeka: My problem is I am very very jealous of his other on line pet. You're jealous of his online pet? But you are not jealous that every night he goes to bed with another woman, his wife? You're jealous of another online persona that he will never meet in RL either ? If the only problem you see in this is another online pet, I would say you should count yourself lucky, cuz I see lots of problems. mbmbn

annare -> RE: Am I just kidding myself? (6/19/2007 9:32:22 PM)
Neeka, As i see it, the question you need to ask yourself is how badly you want a real life 24/7 relationship. Having a child can complicate matters but not make them impossible. Having a real relationship with this Man is an impossibility. If you are only looking for a continued online affair then you will either have to find a way to be okay with the current situation or move on to another Dominant looking for an online only realtionship... believe me when i say there are pleanty of Them out there. However, if you are looking to move to the real... Noone can tell you what to do. Experience has taught me that women are going to do as they please regardless of good advice from others. But, i would be remiss if i didn't say how important it is to cut your losses now before you fall more deeply for this Man. i know from personal experience the amount of pain that can be suffered from the shit end of a one-sided relationship. Remember that He has a wife He goes to bed with at night and as far as you know, countless other slave girls just like you out in the cyber world hanging on His every Dominant pixel. Just remember that online is just that, if you cannot detach your emotions, remember that in all liklihood, it's best to just move on to another relationship. Ultimately, as a unowned submissive/slave, remember that you have a responsibility to take care of yourself until you find One that will take care of you. Doing emotional damage to yourself for an emotionally unavailable Man... just isn't worth it. good luck, annare

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Am I just kidding myself? (6/19/2007 9:37:52 PM)
MBN- remember he doesn't LOVE his wife who he stays with, but he feels REAL emotion for his pet. While I can sympathize with your plight Neeka- it truly is a case of you completely putting yourself in this position and not really having any room to stand on or complain about. Deal with it or choose to get out. And next time don't get so in lust- and make sure it's what really will work for you before making a commitment.

crouchingtigress -> RE: Am I just kidding myself? (6/20/2007 12:46:24 AM)
" in the real" ...powerful words..."in the real"....honest words....."in the real"......unflinching words......."in the real".....your words. so are you kidding yourself?

Sinimint -> RE: Am I just kidding myself? (6/20/2007 3:22:23 AM)
He's married - end of story. I feel for his wife, he sounds like a man going online to get his rocks off with lil slave girls, and she probably has no idea. I have been there, and now I'm divorced. Although I'm happy now (oh yes definately), all those years ago when I found out about his "pets" online, it cut me to the core, it broke my heart and nearly killed me. And it wasn't just online, it was an affair in real life to with a young lil subbie with stars in her eyes. Being honest here - dont do this to yourself. I was that other woman, the married woman with a baby - it hurts, really hurts. Can you do that to another woman? Sorry if I've upset you, but imagine how his wife would feel.....

KatyLied -> RE: Am I just kidding myself? (6/20/2007 6:04:35 AM)
He's not a wonderful man. He is an icky liar. Does anyone else have visions of him playing on the computer....until his wife walks into the room.

LadyHeart -> RE: Am I just kidding myself? (6/20/2007 6:53:23 AM)
Yes (you are just kidding yourself) :)) LH

littleone35 -> RE: Am I just kidding myself? (6/20/2007 7:28:11 AM)
I think if you ever want a r/l relationship you have to cut your losses with this guy. It will be hard because you say you love him. You have to find a Master who wants only you because you are jealous of another girl he has online just like you. I think you should take a good look at this relationship and figure out what you really get from it. From you post it does not seem like that much. Matt's littleone

drawntothedark -> RE: Am I just kidding myself? (6/20/2007 7:35:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied He's not a wonderful man. He is an icky liar. Does anyone else have visions of him playing on the computer....until his wife walks into the room. I do I do :) How can a relationship be built on lies? He is cheating on his wife but yet you can't deal with his on line pet?

Viciousbabe -> RE: Am I just kidding myself? (6/20/2007 7:53:09 AM)
In short, yes you are. It sounds like perhaps there are things missing in your life and so you attribute emotions to someone with whom you may or may not have them. People who are good manipulators and people readers will easily be able to tell how you are feeling/what you want etc etc. Even in online relationships, one can believe they have feelings or emotions for another. With his being married, it is unlikely that you will get the chance to interact with him in real life and unortunately, until you spend lots of time with a person in real life, you don't know how you are going to feel towards them. Like many other people who responded, I am a lil concerned that you are not jealous of his wife, rather than the other online girl. And truly, how do you think you'd feel in her situation??

imthatacheyouhav -> RE: Am I just kidding myself? (6/20/2007 8:04:48 AM)
Yep...you are...(kidding yourself that is)

dragone -> RE: Am I just kidding myself? (6/20/2007 8:34:29 AM)
This IS online ? Then, it is shit, nothing; you can write anything, be anyone, do anything, with no accountability, no danger of real encounters or responsibilty whatsoever. Online is a swamp of liars, cheats, exploiters of every shape, size, fashion. Are you so hungry for a relationship that you've given yourself to this ...fantasy? You are really just as screwed in the head as this so-called master of your imagination. You've fallen in love with your own imaginative creation, of what you idealize as your perfect true love relationship. The same thing as falling in love with an on screen hollywood star. It is all in your brain? Why are you posting this? It's a bullshit, go nowhere, do nothing situation. There are plenty of real life goings-on to take up your time, and energies, but you must get wet on this fabrication of yours, and enjoy it emensely. Get a life...a real life. Speaking of which, I must get on with mine. Ask your master (ahem) to beat you with a whip, dipped in oil, studded with barbs, all over your body, your tits, nipples, pussy, stomach, ass, thighs, with all his power, letting the barbs bite into your flesh, dragging and pulling the skin apart, over and over again, let the lash crash against your flesh. You can replie, ohhh, ahhh, I beg you stop, I can't take more, ohhh, ahhhh. Yeah right.

dragone -> RE: Am I just kidding myself? (6/20/2007 8:39:41 AM)
I like your sign off quote.....don't let one cloud obliterate the entire sky.....that alone should be a thread all to it self. and, let me add....."the clouded mind sees nothing."

BeingChewsie -> RE: Am I just kidding myself? (6/20/2007 11:01:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Neeka no...Im not married...yes i do want something 24/7 but being a single mother of a small child in a small isolated town...not alot of options. This is untrue but even more so if you tie your heart and mind up in some man you will never meet nevermind belong to in the flesh.

BeingChewsie -> RE: Am I just kidding myself? (6/20/2007 11:05:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied He's not a wonderful man. He is an icky liar. Does anyone else have visions of him playing on the computer....until his wife walks into the room. Absolutely..shrinking the screen, sneaking peeks at the screen, like a little boy hiding his dad's playboys. That's not Mastery. It's Masterbation.

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