RE: Surprise! You aren’t the sub, you’re the Domme!

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Surprise! You aren’t the sub, you’re the Domme!

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Surprise! You aren’t the sub, you’re the Domme!

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Surprise! You aren’t the sub, you’re the Domme! - 6/7/2005 4:04:41 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: strikingamatch
I agree with you that she is actually the domme in this relationship. I have frequently wondered about professional dommes, if they are truly dommes, or are they actually submissive to the guy, giving him what he needs.

That is an interesting topic on it's own. And it has been debated often in the Ask A Mistress section. You can see this recent thread on Is Pro-Domme an Oxymoron?

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to strikingamatch)

Post #: 21

RE: Surprise! You aren’t the sub, you’re the Domme! - 6/7/2005 4:10:28 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
There are MANY more self identified subs falling into this category than actual submissives. But as long as each party gets what they want and knows "exactly how to get it" - it doesn't matter.

I agree completely, especially with self identified subs you mention; it seems they like novice Dominas a lot... I guess we have to learn somehow, lol.

This reminds me of my ex-sub. She's met a few newbie Doms before and after me. She talks about having to teach them the ropes, literally. They tell he what they want and she makes it happen.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig
I definitely agree LA that your friend is the Domme... Good for her on finging a good sub while not looking for one.. M

Yeah. She and I are lucky that way.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 22

RE: Surprise! You aren’t the sub, you’re the Domme! - 6/7/2005 4:37:40 AM

Leonidas

Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Good attempt at interpretation Leo, but you are so way off the mark ;)

Yeah, probably, but probably no more so than you are. It's really, really hard to acribe intention to people (other than yourself), and even then some people are better than others. I know what it means (more or less) when I do something. Someone else can do the same damn thing and he might be doing it for very different reasons. You're seeing them through a fem-dom/male-sub lense. I put a different lense on it (a somewhat absurd one, just to make a point) and it looks entirely different. Could be that he's lovingly submitted to her (your interpretation). Could be he sees her as the wildest fuck he's ever had and when he stops seeing her that way she'll be yesterday's news. In other words, he was never submitted to her in the least, just keeping a good thing going. Gettting what he wants (wild sex), using what he has (money). Could be something else entirely. You hang around long enough and you figure out that when it comes to others, you just don't know.

< Message edited by Leonidas -- 6/7/2005 4:45:12 AM >

_____________________________

Take care of yourself

Leonidas

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 23

RE: Surprise! You aren’t the sub, you’re the Domme! - 6/7/2005 4:52:01 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leonidas

quote:

Good attempt at interpretation Leo, but you are so way off the mark ;)

Yeah, probably, but probably no more so than you are. It's really, really hard to acribe intention to people (other than yourself), and even then some people are better than others. I know what it means (more or less) when I do something. Someone else can do the same damn thing and he might be doing it for very different reasons. You're seeing them through a fem-dom/male-sub lense. I put a different lense on it (a somewhat absurd one, just to make a point) and it looks entirely different. Could be that he's lovingly submitted to her (your interpretation). Could be he sees her as the wildest fuck he's ever had and he'd like to keep it that way (mine). Could be something else entirely. You hang around long enough and you figure out that when it comes to others, you just don't know.

First of all, I simply suggested that she look at her relationship another way, to deconstruct it so to speak, to look at it from another perspective. I didn't say that my interpretation was right. The title is misleading that way but I did that on purpose because I fiddled with the title for so long that I just decided to go with something that would lure all you here ;) I believe that nowhere in my posts have I claimed to assign her a label she doesn't identify with.

As for me only looking at the relationship through a fem-dom/male-sub lens, I say "nah!". I actually have developed the ability over the years to look at things through lenses other then my own (which for the record is not only a fem-dom/male-sub lens but also a a fem-dom/female-sub lens, fem-maso/male/sado lens, fem-sado/male-maso lens oh and that is just the beginning of the kinky list!). I have, like she, developed the ability to deconstruct my reality and look at it from other perspectives in the goal of self-actualisation. And though she does appreciate my perspective, I know that she will make the decision that is right for her.

For the record, I have taught her a lot of what she knows about wiitwd. She has also discovered a lot on her own but comes to me when she has questions. The beauty about our friendship is that we can tell each other anything. I do believe however that when it comes to her and I, we are spun from the same web, which is why we have gotten so close. I would not claim to have this kind of insight into just anyone.

And you are right Leo, "when it comes to others, you just don't know". But the closer you get to someone, to more you know.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Leonidas)

Post #: 24

RE: Surprise! You aren’t the sub, you’re the Domme! - 6/7/2005 5:00:00 AM

Leonidas

Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline

Yeah. I agree that the better you know someone, the better you can judge, and if you notice I wasn't really calling into question your ability to judge what's going on with her. It's your take on him that might be tenuous. Telling your friend that she's in the power position when that might not be the case is what I'd wonder about. She starts seeing him as her submissive when that isn't so, and as a natural result, behaving that way, and you might have some consoling (and explaining) to do.

_____________________________

Take care of yourself

Leonidas

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 25

RE: Surprise! You aren’t the sub, you’re the Domme! - 6/7/2005 5:18:01 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leonidas

Yeah. I agree that the better you know someone, the better you can judge, and if you notice I wasn't really calling into question your ability to judge what's going on with her. It's your take on him that might be tenuous. Telling your friend that she's in the power position when that might not be the case is what I'd wonder about. She starts seeing him as her submissive when that isn't so, and as a natural result, behaving that way, and you might have some consoling (and explaining) to do.

I think you underestimate my friend and her ability to think for herself. I don't think that she is spineless or gullible enough to automatically start seeing him as a submissive immediately, if ever. Notice in my original post how I never said anything about him, his orientation. Because I don't know him. He may be the Dom of Doms but submissive to her. I am commenting more about her disposition.

She respects my opinion but she also has her own. Knowing her and the excellent communicator that she is, she will also talk with her partner about this and get his opinion. Her and I have held many mirrors to one another over the years. There is no "explaining" needed. Only much appreciation for the other's opinion.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Leonidas)

Post #: 26

RE: Surprise! You aren’t the sub, you’re the Domme! - 6/7/2005 9:38:56 AM

subversiveone

Posts: 332
Joined: 4/20/2005
From: Daddy's Lap
Status: offline

Well, im in a very similar situation myself right now. I was bottoming to a man that always left me feeling hungry and deprived on many levels, it was the one ive spoken of recently. Then I met DaddyMstr in r/l and everything changed. He 'fed' me on so many levels, even financially when He found out i was in some trouble. Now, i didn't want to ask or accept but His only command was "Give", give him my needs/wants/desires. I had to take a step back and re-examine. He was the one giving and i taking but He turned it into me giving up my limits/fears of taking. He was so giving in fact, i started to feel guilty about it, like i was topping. He tells me everyday what i give Him in return, and this helps allay these feelings of guilt. For everything He gives, i give too. He's not used to inflicting large amounts of pain, had some sadistic tendencies, so i asked Him if He wanted to do a scene Sunday involving no safe words, full bondage, etc. He insisted on a safe word only if i felt i was where i needed to be, if i became 'hurt' beyond bruises, and witheld the right to stop when He was ready too. What started as an attempt for subspace (for lack of a better term because He was looking for His equivalent too) turned into almost an hour long whipping that left us both pretty disappointed. He found that i could take the pain for Him but that His pleasure in seeing me take it without any tapping out or screaming was not what He'd expected. C'est la vie. I had no major emotional release, no feelings of fear, pride or accomplishment, i didn't feel His enjoyment coming through. It was sorta like "well, whipping her for punishment is probably out the window" vs. "is He getting bored? is He just doing this for me?"... So we both agreed to stop.
In short (not so short, lol) i don't know who's on top here in your mind, but as long as He is in control (even if sometimes He gives me options) then i get to feel submissive. He knows taking is a challenge for me sometimes. Take education for example. If im teaching Him and He's learning, He's doing the asking and im doing the research. I don't care if im more experienced at this because He's 15 yrs my senior and has lived a full life that has taught Him so much. Some may say that a sub offering guidance is topping. But it's all how Y/you look at it ;) We have much to offer each other in different ways that aren't the 'norm' D/s stereotype.

< Message edited by subversiveone -- 6/7/2005 12:37:28 PM >

_____________________________

[img]http://www.sloganizer.net/en/style4,de-spc-de-spc-dee.png[/img]

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 27

RE: Surprise! You aren’t the sub, you’re the Domme! - 6/7/2005 11:22:40 AM

MemphisDsCouple

Posts: 146
Joined: 11/1/2004
From: Memphis, TN, USA
Status: offline

So why is this question limited to professionals?

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: strikingamatch
I agree with you that she is actually the domme in this relationship. I have frequently wondered about professional dommes, if they are truly dommes, or are they actually submissive to the guy, giving him what he needs.

That is an interesting topic on it's own. And it has been debated often in the Ask A Mistress section. You can see this recent thread on Is Pro-Domme an Oxymoron?

- LA

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 28

RE: Surprise! You aren’t the sub, you’re the Domme! - 6/7/2005 2:33:19 PM

SirKenin

Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline

I do not believe for a second that spoiling Your sub rotten and providing for her makes You any less of a Dominant, as the OP implies. In fact, I think ANY person worth T/their salt is going to spoil T/their partner rotten, Dom or sub. That is, of course, unless Y/you have that particular dynamic where the slave's sole focus in life is to please their Master, and the Master's sole purpose in life is to be pleased. However, I have not seen a relationship yet that has lasted any length of time under these conditions. A few years maybe. Maybe even a little longer, but ultimately the dynamic fails and T/they are off looking for new partners and starting the routine all over again.

For instance, I love My sub very much. I often send her flowers at work. I have taken her out to dinner on many occasions. I have treated her like a woman. In return, she treats Me like the apple of her eye. It is a two way street. Now, W/we still have the typical Dom/sub dynamics of course. she does as I ask, she kneels and bows to Me, she makes My food and cleans the house. she tries to constantly improve herself and take direction. she serves Me. she picks up her half of the expenses. she has had to take "time outs" when she has literally collapsed from exhaustion upon arriving home from work. The little issue with the safe word that Y/you guys will recall has been dealt with.

What I am saying, then, is that W/we are living, breathing proof that the hypothesis in the OP is outlandish unless applying it strictly to that situation and not utilizing it as a generalization (which was, for some reason, the impression I got from reading it).

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to MemphisDsCouple)

Post #: 29

RE: Surprise! You aren’t the sub, you’re the Domme! - 6/7/2005 3:59:47 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Some may say that a sub offering guidance is topping. But it's all how Y/you look at it ;) We have much to offer each other in different ways that aren't the 'norm' D/s stereotype.

I agree it's all how you look at it. Which is what I was hoping to get from this post. Different perspectives, perspectives free of judgements but rather simply through eyes of people that go through different dynamics.

Your post helped me look at things in another way. You know, the more I think about these issues, the more I don't see the / between D & s. Interesting...

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to subversiveone)

Post #: 30

RE: Surprise! You aren’t the sub, you’re the Domme! - 6/7/2005 4:01:38 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MemphisDsCouple
So why is this question limited to professionals?

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: strikingamatch
I agree with you that she is actually the domme in this relationship. I have frequently wondered about professional dommes, if they are truly dommes, or are they actually submissive to the guy, giving him what he needs.

That is an interesting topic on it's own. And it has been debated often in the Ask A Mistress section. You can see this recent thread on Is Pro-Domme an Oxymoron?

- LA

strikingamatch asked about this issue and I directed him to a thread already discussing it. If you think that there is stuff for a whole other thread, please be my guest. But respect that this thread isn't dealing with the issue of ProDommes.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to MemphisDsCouple)

Post #: 31

RE: Surprise! You aren’t the sub, you’re the Domme! - 6/7/2005 4:03:50 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKenin
What I am saying, then, is that W/we are living, breathing proof that the hypothesis in the OP is outlandish unless applying it strictly to that situation and not utilizing it as a generalization (which was, for some reason, the impression I got from reading it).

I think it's the impression you want to put on it Kenin. I know you dislike me so you aren't going to like anything I post. So let's take your comment with a grain of salt, shall we?

I came to the conclusion that my best gal pal may in fact possibly be a Domme and that she might want to reflect on this based on the fact that she calls all the shots in the relationship.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to SirKenin)

Post #: 32

RE: Surprise! You aren’t the sub, you’re the Domme! - 6/7/2005 4:33:06 PM

SirKenin

Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKenin
What I am saying, then, is that W/we are living, breathing proof that the hypothesis in the OP is outlandish unless applying it strictly to that situation and not utilizing it as a generalization (which was, for some reason, the impression I got from reading it).

I think it's the impression you want to put on it Kenin. I know you dislike me so you aren't going to like anything I post. So let's take your comment with a grain of salt, shall we?

I came to the conclusion that my best gal pal may in fact possibly be a Domme and that she might want to reflect on this based on the fact that she calls all the shots in the relationship.

- LA

It is not about liking You. There is noone here that I do not like. Further to this it would be a childish game to go chasing after them in a frivolous matter and either belittling or berating their posts or them as a result, and I do not play games. I do not have the time nor the patience for same.

I was just being honest about what I read into Your post. If you are suggesting that it is because she called all the shots, then for some reason I missed that part of Your post and in that case I would agree with that specific comment. All the other comments in the post, then, were superfluous. How they conduct their relationship besides W/who holds the reigns really is impertinent, if You follow Me. I do not understand why You added them in there.

< Message edited by SirKenin -- 6/7/2005 4:35:37 PM >

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 33

RE: Surprise! You aren’t the sub, you’re the Domme! - 6/7/2005 4:44:35 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKenin
It is not about liking You. There is noone here that I do not like. Further to this it would be a childish game to go chasing after them in a frivolous matter and either belittling or berating their posts or them as a result, and I do not play games. I do not have the time nor the patience for same.

Well your language still held the same contempt that it did in the last post where you called me a bunch of names.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKenin
I was just being honest about what I read into Your post. If you are suggesting that it is because she called all the shots, then for some reason I missed that part of Your post and in that case I would agree with that specific comment.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika - paragraph #4 of the original post
The point is not to say what is a true D/s relationship or to determine if this one is or not. I’m looking at who has the upper hand. It is obvious that she has all the authority and calls most of the shots.

it was pretty obvious.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKenin
All the other comments in the post, then, were superfluous. How they conduct their relationship besides W/who holds the reigns really is impertinent, if You follow Me. I do not understand why You added them in there.

For context.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to SirKenin)

Post #: 34

RE: Surprise! You aren’t the sub, you’re the Domme! - 6/7/2005 4:54:33 PM

SirKenin

Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

Well your language still held the same contempt that it did in the last post where you called me a bunch of names.

Is that so? Would You care to show U/us this post? I think it was You doing the belittling and berating, if it is in the same thread I think it is. Anyways, I might get carried away during the heat of the moment, but it still has nothing to do with liking You. How inane and childish. I thought You might have run out of creative ways to discredit My contributions in that last thread, but evidently I was mistaken. lol How silly.

As far as context goes, I still do not get it. How does the fact that someone buys someone flowers and otherwise treat them like a queen give context for calling all the shots and proving to be the Dominant? To be truthful, as evidenced by My experiences with My sub, it does not. So admittedly I am still confused and can not align Myself with Your thought process.

Oh and by the way, if I had no respect for You I would not be capitalizing any reference to You.. (a little trick I thought I would share with You if You are interested in getting to know Me).

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 35

RE: Surprise! You aren’t the sub, you’re the Domme! - 6/7/2005 5:01:34 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

As far as context goes, I still do not get it. How does the fact that someone buys someone flowers and otherwise treat them like a queen give context for calling all the shots and proving to be the Dominant?

The context is not the proof that she calls all the shots. The context is the context. In it, she calls all the shots.

As for the rest, I'll take your word that you will respect me and I'll show you the same. Now let's drop it.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to SirKenin)

Post #: 36

RE: Surprise! You aren’t the sub, you’re the Domme! - 6/8/2005 12:21:48 PM

subversiveone

Posts: 332
Joined: 4/20/2005
From: Daddy's Lap
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

I agree it's all how you look at it. Which is what I was hoping to get from this post. Different perspectives, perspectives free of judgements but rather simply through eyes of people that go through different dynamics.

Your post helped me look at things in another way. You know, the more I think about these issues, the more I don't see the / between D & s. Interesting...

- LA

well im honored that i was a small part of that notion...
somewhere along the way recently i dropped my need to categorize or classify the D and s in my life...i still actively question and analyze for reality checks but more often than not it all comes back to whatever works. And ive been fortunate to be accepted into a man's heart who sees the real 'me', label free ;)
smiles

_____________________________

[img]http://www.sloganizer.net/en/style4,de-spc-de-spc-dee.png[/img]

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 37

RE: Surprise! You aren’t the sub, you’re the Domme! - 6/15/2005 4:47:17 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

And ive been fortunate to be accepted into a man's heart who sees the real 'me', label free ;)

That is fantastic!

I just wanted to update some of you. I spoke with my best friend last night and she did talk with her significant other about these issues and he did express the desire to be totally devoted to her and worship her and have her be his Goddess. So this discussion brought out a wonderful change in their relationship which has enabled them to go one step closer. They are now discussing moving in together and having a baby. I'm so excited for them! And they are coming to visit in August!

I love when stories have happy endings :)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to subversiveone)

Post #: 38

RE: Surprise! You aren’t the sub, you’re the Domme! - 6/15/2005 5:33:56 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Wow personally going from this to "moving in and having a baby" seems a bit of a leap beyond good sense to me, but I don't know the situation.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 39

RE: Surprise! You aren’t the sub, you’re the Domme! - 6/15/2005 7:25:40 AM

kc692

Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline

Well, LA, if you are optimistic about it, then (with your good sense and intelligence, <w>) it is a wonderful thing!!!! I know there is much more to their story than can or should be shared on this forum. I wish them great happiness.

Added: BTW, was replying to LA, was not trying to flame anyone elses opinion, my mouse was near another reply button when I clicked!!!!!

< Message edited by kc692 -- 6/15/2005 7:28:08 AM >

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Surprise! You aren’t the sub, you’re the Domme!

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.078