MzMia
Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Focus50
quote:
ORIGINAL: chrisy
What, exactly, is topping from the bottom? i suspect i am guilty of this and cannot see a way around it. Is wanting, and enjoying, the challenge of someone very strict setting myself (and them) up for failure?
Try this....
A D/s relationship is based on an unequal control dynamic (as opposed to an egalitarian vanilla relationship) where the submissive defers to the will and choices of the dominant partner by mutual agreement. IE, within your personal relationship, the submissive you does as you're told.
 Sad that many don't get this.
"Topping from the bottom" (tftb) can manifest in many forms - "attitude", brattiness, general disrespect or to outright rebellion etc. This is generally recognised as the sub taking control of the relationship (even if only for a few seconds at a time) and is definitely NOT how a D/s relationship is designed to function. Consequently, when the sub does have even a small level of control in this way, usually both Dom/me and sub are miserable for it, esp if it's systemic.
To me, a bit of occasional tftb from my girl is quite enjoyable as it allows me to be a reactive Dom as well as my usual proactive. It's an opportunity to enforce my will over hers; to pull her into line; to remind her of her place etc. Think about it; I can't very well discipline her etc if she's done nothing wrong. It's also an opportunity for her to initiate a D/s dynamic, too. I mean, anytime I'm in the mood, I can just reach over and do whatever I want with/to her whereas a bit of cheek or disrespect can be her way of "inviting attention" beyond the normal avenues of her asking repectfully. And I toy with her through it; sometimes I might miss some small act of her disrespect altogether (we're all human) but mostly I'll deliberately let it pass just to see what she does with that bit of empowerment - enough rope to "hang" herself, so to speak, before I eventually "drop the hammer" on her.
Enough waffling.... lol To answer your question, it is NOT up to the submissive to control some alleged need to control her "toppiness"! The dominant has control - or should have - it's *HIS* problem and obligation to control you! If the sub is doing it all the time (tftb), I'd suggest you're not compatible with the Dom you have, that you need someone a little stricter etc. By it's very definition, *somone* needs to have control in a D/s relationship and if the Dom/me is unable or unwilling to do so, it's *inevitable* the sub will - and both are rendered miserable.
If the Dominant does NOT have control, than he/she is clearly not the Dominant party!
In a perfect World, the only thing a sub gets away with is what the dominant allows. If you (the sub) can get away with more or too much, it's the fault of the *dominant*!
As always, thank you!! 
It is always nice to be reassured that Dominants should be the ones in control.
...chuckling....
Focus!
Focus.
< Message edited by MzMia -- 6/23/2007 9:27:18 PM >
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RE: Topping From the Bottom - 
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