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RE: To be "broken" - 6/20/2007 7:46:48 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Yep, for me it's more of a "can you help me find a better way to deal with this" than a "I need fixed because I can't function" sort of thing.  

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RE: To be "broken" - 6/20/2007 7:57:20 AM   
octavia


Posts: 377
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline 		Welcome Crisy.

I tend to ask questions in a  detached sort of way myself, or I used to anyway, now i just go "blah" and say wayyyyy to much.  Whatever your motivation I welcome you, education no matter the reason is ALWAYS a good thing and I have nothing but respect from people who are willing to seek it out.  Personally I am very strong willed.  I fear the "breaking" concept.  Not mentally but physically. One of the things that I look for in a potential Dom is the ability to out think me.  If i were with a Dom who needed to rely on physical punishment to "break" me... I would be dead and I know it.  Bringing a sub into line, and teaching them can be acheived other ways.  I have heard reference to some of them on these boards and its the alternatives that I crave.

cheers!
octavia

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: To be "broken" - 6/20/2007 8:07:53 AM   
diz


Posts: 1076
Joined: 9/6/2006
Status: offline 		break my spirit and i as a person will totally change and the passion i have changes too..... in my mind to break someones spirit is to break them, maybe i am reading too much into the 'breaking spirit' part of it...... train me, mould me whatever you wish to call it i can understand..... but break me and break the original mould you originally liked in me....... it does not make sense to me!!

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: To be "broken" - 6/20/2007 8:18:09 AM   
chiaThePet


Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline 		Eh, i already come housebroken

As for that little attitude problem of mine

What good is a stun gun if You're gonna leave it in the package?

Respectfully, chia* 'zzzzt-no-zzzzt-no-zzzzt-no-ZZZZZZZZT-ok ok' (the pet)

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RE: To be "broken" - 6/20/2007 8:22:27 AM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chrisy

i have heard this term many times; specifically when discussing the training or owning of a strong- willed submissive. i don't particularly like or understand the term nor do i see how breaking ones spirit would make for a satisfying sub.

any thoughts would be great!


Greetings. IMO as a strong willed sub, I see "breaking" a strong willed submissive as a negative action on a Dom/Master. To me this is an action whereby a dom is purposely breaking the spirit and recreating the will of a sub to be totally compliant, without a sense of ambition and fire, more or less a robot.
I see a dom helping to "break" a sub's bad habit as something different. In this case, the dom is acting as a teacher to give strength to the sub in overcoming that bad habit (wheteher smoking, nail biting, short temper, etc.) From what I have seem, most Doms/Masters do not want to break a sub's will, the want to remold what is there to be better suited for the Master and for the growth of the sub and the relationship.

< Message edited by beargonewild -- 6/20/2007 8:23:16 AM >

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RE: To be "broken" - 6/20/2007 8:56:06 AM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		octavia,

Different people have different needs.  I don't consider a slave based on her slave qualities, but rather on her personality and compatibility.  For example, I enjoy knifeplay.  I don't cut or break the skin, but I enjoy the fear factor that it brings.  I also love laughing with a girl.  If I had to choose between a girl who loved knifeplay, and a girl who had a great sense of humor, I'd take the girl with the sense of humor hands down.  The 'vanilla' aspects far outweigh the D/s.

Having said that, there still needs to be a measure of D/s or BDSM compatibility.  I have to be willing to adjust my own style, to meet her needs just as she'll have to be willing to explore some of my stronger interests.  This is a growing together process.  Thus, if a woman doesn't share the same romantic notion of being 'broken' that's perfectly fine; if we've arrived at the point where we are discussing our tastes in BDSM in the first place, it would probably only be because I saw enough potential in the relationship beyond the lifestyle to merit that kind of discussion.  This isn't to say I won't talk about BDSM early on, only that I won't lay down expectations or start delving into the more intimate aspects of my expectations too early.  It's like weddings.  I can talk about how what kind of weddings I enjoy theoretically with someone I've just met, but wouldn't start making plans on marrying that person until I'd really grown to incorporate her into my life.

Stephan


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RE: To be "broken" - 6/20/2007 2:41:22 PM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		You don't break things you value and treasure.  The only reason i could see that a dom may want a sub with a broken spirit is so he had absolute total control of someone who had no ability to resist him because of her severe emotional/spiritual damage. This would mean he had no regard for her either, at least not in the way i would want to be regarded - as a vibrant, alive, spiritual being who wanted to submit to him from a place of respect, trust and love.

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RE: To be "broken" - 6/20/2007 3:41:31 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Because of the fact we're horse people, breaking to me involves breaking the spirit. My oldest's present show horse came broken from a rough barn. It's taken a year and a half for him to get over his constant fear of being beaten for the slightest mistake. As a result of this, you couldn't ask him to do something new, he would panic.

Training or gentling so someone learns a new skill with passion and enthusiasm is great. Doing things out of fear is not my idea of a good relationship. It's the essence of an abusive one.

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RE: To be "broken" - 6/20/2007 5:19:03 PM   
angelslave77


Posts: 478
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		I think this is another of those terms with a huge array of meanings. For example Master has set me a task at the moment, and he wants and expects my stibborn little self to break by the end of it. But by that he believes that I wont be able to handle it and will need to use a safe word to call it off and the reason we are doing this is becuase he is seeking out my limits and thresholds (and I I guess I am curious to see how far I can push them also) and so far he has found that I am very strong willed and have an extremely high tolerance to the the things we have tried. Thus he is determined to "break me"

So for us break refers to breaking barriers and thresholds not broken spirits or physical harm. (I am sure sometimes to he would like to break my habit of being a cheeky girl)

< Message edited by angelslave77 -- 6/20/2007 5:42:01 PM >

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RE: To be "broken" - 6/20/2007 6:12:10 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		Call me a wanker, but I find the idea romantic.   When you 'break' something, it often allows you to have more intimacy with it.  Once I break my dog by house training it, it can enjoy spending time in the house with me and sleeping in the same bed as me. The intimacy that comes from being broken and then healed under the hand of the same person was probably one of the biggest fantasies that lead me to D/s. I look forward to being broken and then -healing- under his guidance in his way.

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RE: To be "broken" - 6/20/2007 6:31:17 PM   
Mystique567


Posts: 273
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline 		I think of it this way, I can be molded, I can learn and adapt. None of these things has a prerequisite that I have to be "broken".

What fun is a broken toy?

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RE: To be "broken" - 6/20/2007 6:43:04 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		Perhaps, we are talking about the same thing using different words.

I think 'breaking' is just the word I like to use because 'being molded' 1) doesn't sound as hot and 2) better describes the 'process' in my head.


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RE: To be "broken" - 6/20/2007 6:46:56 PM   
Alighierisquest


Posts: 58
Joined: 6/16/2007
Status: offline 		I'll toss my weight behind this as well.  I remember it elegantly put as "A relationship (in this case vanilla or Alt) should not be two halves making a whole, it should be wholes making a greater whole."

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RE: To be "broken" - 6/20/2007 6:49:12 PM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		I don't like the term breaking or to break,even with a horses I teach and train them to do the things I want and need for them to do.A broken sprite to me means an empty shell ,I prefer substance in my property..To empty out old ideas and bad habits and filling them anew is the property way I believe..bounty

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RE: To be "broken" - 6/20/2007 9:25:12 PM   
aldompdx


Posts: 538
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline 		Breaking one's spirit is a typical form of oppression in tyrannical or cult regimes, in order to make one emotionally dependent upon that particular community. Just consider why G WANNABE Bush got elected.

There is another form of "breaking in" which is beneficial, like a good pair of shoes. It is where one gains awareness and expands their capabilities.

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RE: To be "broken" - 6/20/2007 9:47:21 PM   
charlotte12


Posts: 471
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline 		In my mind the term always suggested a breaking of barriers like angelslave said. I tend to imagine it as a way for someone to help me get through walls i put up to get to the true feelings that i have learned to hide and can have a hard time accessing. For me it has always brought with it a positive image of breaking through the bad (fears or negative thinking loops) to actually free the spirit but i can see how if the word suggests a broken spirit then it would not feel positive.

aldompdx used a metaphor i can relate to of shoes. When i used to dance on pointe i would always have to "break in" my new shoes. If you dance in pointe shoes when they're fresh out of the box you can seriously injure yourself since they're made to be solid. You have to bang them against walls and bend them every which way and maybe even shut a door or two on the toes before you can safely dance in them.

I dunno, i'm not sure i've acuratly said what i mean yet. *goes away to think some more*


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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: To be "broken" - 6/20/2007 9:53:29 PM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		Shoes yea slaves and subs no..ITS like comparing a fire to a cube of ice

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RE: To be "broken" - 6/20/2007 9:58:29 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Why do you keep badgering her?  It's getting bizarre.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHeart

You seem to be popping up all over with your "debates" - sorry, but you seem to be here studying for a thesis or something, as you dont seem to have any real knowledge of or interest in BDSM apart from the academic. WTF?

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: To be "broken" - 6/21/2007 1:57:44 AM   
lifesforfun


Posts: 1
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline 		Hmmm......if something gets broken can it ever be truly put back together. Is it possible it might never be perfect again? Quite possibly breaking the spirit could lead to the "Stockholm Syndrome", where free thought and choice are totally lost and the sub/slave could actually be a kinda hostage and may never leave that state without professional help.
For me it's more about enhancing the already needs and desires within a sub/slave, ie the exquisite not the dull thud! If the sub for instance wanted to lose weight but she naturally was lazy about it, then creating an excercise and diet regime as part of the D/s process shows that they can do it and increases their enjoyment of life, but take a BBW who is quite happy being one and "force wieght loss" just because it is what the Dom wants, means someone in a happy state is taken to an unhappy state, which IMO is not a good thing.
Also from my experience many people of low personal esteem are drawn to BDSM and to being a sub, they,  IMO are especially vunerable and great care must be taken to build that esteem in a posative way. Because the aim surely is to have the sub wanting that call/txt and wanting to please than a dull what does the Dom want now.



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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: To be "broken" - 6/21/2007 2:52:04 AM   
pandoravampire


Posts: 374
Joined: 12/6/2004
Status: offline 		 Broken, as in broken a subs personality. Is not a term i have EVER heard someone who lives this life, rather than role plays it on a screen, utter.

For a role play situation, say like, interrogator/drug smuggler (as suggested on another thread by a domme here) now that sort of 'broken a sub' is hot.

its common sense

(in reply to chrisy)
Profile   Post #: 40
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