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Too many insulting profiles found on Collarme - 6/20/2007 7:52:28 PM

ron2421

Posts: 37
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline

I often wonder why so many people on Collarme cannot be more friendly and sociable in their profiles. Reading them sometimes leaves you feeling a bit angry.
As one example, there's nothing wrong with telling everyone you are already taken, or are only out to chat or make new friends.
But isn't there a way of doing it without coming across as belligerent and condescending towards any one who isn't your lifestyle partner(s).
Furthermore, some profiles read like the authors have a serious bug up their butt.
I fear outsiders who come across Collarme will read these profiles to leave with the conclusion people in the lifestyle are either unfriendly, narcissistic or emotionally unstable.
To me, anyway, it does not seem like a good excuse to be intentionally rude and insulting as a way to try to limit an overwhelming number of responses.
Some here need to lighten up. Be kind to other members of the group. We're all here together.
How does that old saying go: You attract a lot more flies with honey than vinegar.

< Message edited by ron2421 -- 6/20/2007 7:53:59 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: Too many insulting profiles found on Collarme - 6/20/2007 7:57:49 PM

Mikal

Posts: 3673
Status: offline

What makes you think the people here should be any different from those in other walks of life? Unfriendly, narcissistic and emotionally unstable people exist in all social groups. Also, if this site is going to be the be-all or end-all of a persons foray into BDSM... they have bigger problems than just coming across some unsociable profiles...

If you don't like the tone of someone's profile, don't continue reading.

_____________________________

You know that I am a sexy penguin.

(in reply to ron2421)

Post #: 2

RE: Too many insulting profiles found on Collarme - 6/20/2007 7:58:07 PM

MistressRubyJoy

Posts: 5
Joined: 1/28/2007
Status: offline

Depends...........most prefer that which smarts.........stings..........to being sweet as honey.......... but honey rubbed in the wound ........sweet torture

(in reply to ron2421)

Post #: 3

RE: Too many insulting profiles found on Collarme - 6/20/2007 8:01:51 PM

pandoravampire

Posts: 374
Joined: 12/6/2004
Status: offline

Hi Ron.
People do attract more with honey. Which is why, if you put vinegar on your profile, you get less jerks emailing you. Simple. Its done deliberately, to put people off. Ive done the same on mine, when im in a relationship. Because although it is nice to discuss lifestyle issues with others from similar dynamics, its not nice, to be hunted, presued by people seeking jerk off material.
I challenge you Ron, to make a profile, as a single female, you'd soon be scribbing the honey out of your profile. 100's of messages a day, from unsuitables, hides the messages you do want to see. You start off, replying politely, thanks but no thanks. You end up just pushing 'block' because it saves you the bother of having to delete people who
a) send you messages that are round robins
b)reading badly written english
c) fuelling someone's tommy tank
cynical? perhaps, realistic, yep
pandoravampire

(in reply to ron2421)

Post #: 4

RE: Too many insulting profiles found on Collarme - 6/20/2007 8:02:23 PM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

my profile tends to chap more than a few asses; now, ask me if i care whether or not some people are bothered by it

(in reply to ron2421)

Post #: 5

RE: Too many insulting profiles found on Collarme - 6/20/2007 8:07:00 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Hi ron,

I just wanted to ask you a couple of questions... have you ever read profiles on a vanilla dating site? Talk about neurotic lovelorn desperados with baggage! I happen to think that CM has much more open and hopeful people on it than vanilla site... you should read yahoo personals, or some other site and see what I mean!

The next question... I would ask you to look at my profile and see if it is one that makes you angry... because I am one of those who does not want people to contact me unless they post on the boards, and I am very succinct about it. This is not just a personals site, it is a community site, meaning it is not just for singles.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to ron2421)

Post #: 6

RE: Too many insulting profiles found on Collarme - 6/20/2007 8:12:41 PM

Real0ne

Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pandoravampire

Hi Ron.
People do attract more with honey. Which is why, if you put vinegar on your profile, you get less jerks emailing you. Simple. Its done deliberately, to put people off. Ive done the same on mine, when im in a relationship. Because although it is nice to discuss lifestyle issues with others from similar dynamics, its not nice, to be hunted, presued by people seeking jerk off material.
I challenge you Ron, to make a profile, as a single female, you'd soon be scribbing the honey out of your profile. 100's of messages a day, from unsuitables, hides the messages you do want to see. You start off, replying politely, thanks but no thanks. You end up just pushing 'block' because it saves you the bother of having to delete people who
a) send you messages that are round robins
b)reading badly written english
c) fuelling someone's tommy tank
cynical? perhaps, realistic, yep
pandoravampire

true but unfortuinately bdsm attracts precisely those kinds of people and on a per capita basis you will fiund many more of them here and they in fact do match their ill mannered profiles and many time several orders worse.

Ron i too look for the more personable profiles because i have found through experience that those who get nasty and condescending do not have the creativity to dominate someone like "muah" anyway.

they have a hide thingie, i think most people on here are in my hide section LOL

_____________________________

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(in reply to pandoravampire)

Post #: 7

RE: Too many insulting profiles found on Collarme - 6/20/2007 8:25:58 PM

ron2421

Posts: 37
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline

To Juliaoceania:
You're right about other "vanilla" dating sites with people coming across as "neurotic lovelorn desperados with baggage." Nevertheless, they still come across as kindly saints compared to some here on Collarme.

To Pandoravampire: It's a sad day on Collarme when one has to, like you say, resort to being unfriendly and insulting to others as the only way to ward off perceived undesirables.
Try other methods.
For one, don't write a profile that you yourself wouldn't care to read or respond to.

(in reply to Real0ne)

Post #: 8

RE: Too many insulting profiles found on Collarme - 6/20/2007 9:02:33 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ron2421
I often wonder why so many people on Collarme cannot be more friendly and sociable in their profiles. Reading them sometimes leaves you feeling a bit angry

If you are finding yourself actually getting angry over the profiles of strangers, maybe you need to step back and get a new perspective.

quote:

As one example, there's nothing wrong with telling everyone you are already taken, or are only out to chat or make new friends. But isn't there a way of doing it without coming across as belligerent and condescending towards any one who isn't your lifestyle partner(s)

What you are considering belligerent and condescending may not be intended that way at all. It may just be people trying to express just how serious they are about not wanting to be contacted by someone who sees them as a potential partner when they are already "taken." It's always funny to me that if someone isn't complaining about people being "rude" in their profiles, they're complaining about them being "dishonest" and "fakes." Which is it? If they aren't coming straight out and saying "I'm not interested in xyz," then someone is going to whine that they weren't upfront about what they really seek. Geesh, it's hard to please everyone.

quote:

I fear outsiders who come across Collarme will read these profiles to leave with the conclusion people in the lifestyle are either unfriendly, narcissistic or emotionally unstable

If "outsiders" are coming here and all it takes to leave them with that impression is the perusing of a few random profiles, then I say "Happy Trails" to them. That wouldn't strike me as being the most open-minded people and there's already enough judgment and misperceptions abounding about WIITWD. To conclude that everyone in any "lifestyle" are all the same way is really misinformed.

quote:

To me, anyway, it does not seem like a good excuse to be intentionally rude and insulting as a way to try to limit an overwhelming number of responses

Again, you are assuming they are "intentionally" rude and insulting when that may not be the case at all. You said above that you get "angry" reading some of the profiles. Maybe you are just too sensitive to anything that you don't like and are assuming they mean to be rude when that's not true at all. And....think about it this way. If you are put off by a person's profile (which is really their way of presenting themselves), chances are you wouldn't exactly hit it off with them anyway. So, look at the profile as a way of screening out people. If you don't like it, you skip over it and find some you do like. Not everyone is trying to "attract flies."

quote:

Some here need to lighten up

Yep....starting with you, it seems

quote:

Be kind to other members of the group. We're all here together.

Well, kind of. We're all on the same site but we don't owe each other anything really. I think you'll find that most people here are kind (until they get really pissed off.....lol) and what in many cases brings that exact reaction is when they perceive someone is "whining." I would suggest you get some perspective, stop being upset with the profiles of strangers, focus on the profiles that do appeal to you, get a thick skin for use in these forums, and have fun. Whew....with that said......welcome and good luck

............slave luci

< Message edited by slaveluci -- 6/20/2007 9:04:37 PM >

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to ron2421)

Post #: 9

RE: Too many insulting profiles found on Collarme - 6/20/2007 9:03:19 PM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline

ron2421, stick around collarme for a while, you may get bitter, cynical, and jaded like a decent portion of us do, where bs goes out the back door and being 'blunt' comes in the front door. My profile on here is TAME compared to what it has been {rutheless and blunt are probably the BEST ways to describe my past profile updates}.

Don't point fingers until you have been around here for a while, a few months is a drop in the bucket compared to most of us {I have been on here for over 3 years.. 2 different profiles}. If you don't like what you read on the baords or on a profile, then stop reading.

Personally, I am ONLY here to meet new friends and for the boards, I am NOT here to look for a parnter, I am VERY happy, I met MJ on cm, yet we were not exactly 'friends' for a long time, we did speak; and now, well, things are different. He has seen me through being cynical, bitchy [His term], frusturated, jaded, on the verge of saying 'screw them all' and to being happy.

Lets be honest, in some ways vanilla dating is a LOT easier, I know, I have done it a lot the last few years, profiles are not jaded or cynical, thats because not a lot of 'drama' or 'bs' is there; it happens around here {as simple as lifestyle is, it is also complex at the same time}; you take it as it comes and handle it, if not, you go nuts or you leave. Simple enough.

I hate to be the 'blunt one' but, if you can't handle the reality or what others put on their profiles, then stop reading and pull up your big boy underwear. People on here have been around for a while and their attitudes reflect that.

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to ron2421)

Post #: 10

RE: Too many insulting profiles found on Collarme - 6/20/2007 9:14:13 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Why should I sugar coat my profile for the benefit of others? From y experience, very few people read it anyway, I still get tons of mail from people obviously not looking at what I write.
This is who I am and how I present myself. If you are unhappy with the way I do that, then we are obviously not fit to be together. I do not tone down my opinions, or myself for anyone. I a this way in real life, as well. My theory is, if you want me to be all honey and clover than thats on you. I can be sweet, or I can be bitchy, take the good with the bad.

I am not concerned with how peopel reading my profile view the lifestyle as a whole. It is a representation of me, not of the lifestyle. If you want to make sure your profile is sweet and you want to be a poster boy, thats on you. For me, Im more concerned with it being acurate, not friendly.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)

Post #: 11

RE: Too many insulting profiles found on Collarme - 6/20/2007 9:14:28 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ron2421

To Pandoravampire: It's a sad day on Collarme when one has to, like you say, resort to being unfriendly and insulting to others as the only way to ward off perceived undesirables.
Try other methods.
For one, don't write a profile that you yourself wouldn't care to read or respond to.

In that case, it's been a sad day for a really long time.

As for me, my profile is written so that if I were a single person just looking for a hump, I would not respond to it. Why? Because I don't want single people just looking for a hump to respond to it. Sides... maybe, just maybe, if most people did bother to read profiles and actually believe what is said in them, than maybe people wouldn't feel the need to write "I'M TAKEN! BACK THE FUCK OFF YOU WANKERS!" at the top of their profile, followed by "By the way, my name is Aqua, I enjoy geekly pursuits and painting..."

Personally, I don't view it as rude or jaded. I view as practical since plenty of people don't read past the first few lines anyway.

If you want to catch flies, use honey. If you want to get rid of them, use sticky tape strips.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 6/20/2007 9:15:12 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to ron2421)

Post #: 12

RE: Too many insulting profiles found on Collarme - 6/20/2007 9:20:35 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaverosebeauty
ron2421, stick around collarme for a while, you may get bitter, cynical, and jaded like a decent portion of us do, where bs goes out the back door and being 'blunt' comes in the front door.

Actually, ron, quite a bit of bs does not go out the back door. It just stays put.

quote:

Don't point fingers until you have been around here for a while, a few months is a drop in the bucket compared to most of us

I wouldn't suggest too much finger-pointing even then, ron. Regardless of how long you've been here (and simply "being here" on this site is no indication of the time one has spent in the "lifestyle" or their knowledge or expertise in all matters BDSM), random finger-pointing is usually considered pretty unacceptable. One can "be here" for years and still be pretty clueless and unqualified to point fingers and give quality advice.

quote:

Lets be honest, in some ways vanilla dating is a LOT easier, I know, I have done it a lot the last few years

It may be for some but you'll find many, many people here who do not fluctuate back and forth between "roles." Many folks here are always Doms/subs and always Masters/slaves and not just doing it in between forays back into the "vanilla" world. If you stick around long enough, the distinction between these types will soon become obvious.

quote:

you take it as it comes and handle it, if not, you go nuts or you leave. Simple enough.

Well, ron, I would personally suggest there are a few alternatives somewhere in between going nuts and leaving. It really doesn't need to be all that dramatic and stressful.

quote:

People on here have been around for a while and their attitudes reflect that.

Again, ron, I would remind you that the length of time "being around" this site is really no indicator at all of anyone's knowledge, expertise, or wisdom. You will find many great attitudes around here and they aren't necessarily based on how many years someone has had a profile here (whether active or not). You'll run into those who claim much training and skill but, as with anyone's claims - especially online - they may not necessarily be so. Be cautious but have fun too....my best......luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)

Post #: 13

RE: Too many insulting profiles found on Collarme - 6/20/2007 9:21:15 PM

slaveboyforyou

Posts: 3607
Joined: 1/6/2005
From: Arkansas, U.S.A.
Status: offline

Honestly, I hate the profiles where people write their bad, flowery poetry. It never makes any sense, and I usually stop reading it about half way through. I'll take bitchy and sarcastic over flaky and sappy any day.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 14

RE: Too many insulting profiles found on Collarme - 6/20/2007 9:30:00 PM

BOUNTYHUNTER

Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline

WE have a couple profile here as well and the amount of wankers and people contacting us knowing full well that aren't what we seek fills our mail every day.Let a female put up a nice pic and stating she seeks only friends and see what she must put up with .I say be as nasty as you must after all this isn't a popularity contest..

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US going to hell in a hand basket/

(in reply to ron2421)

Post #: 15

RE: Too many insulting profiles found on Collarme - 6/20/2007 9:30:25 PM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveboyforyou
Honestly, I hate the profiles where people write their bad, flowery poetry. It never makes any sense, and I usually stop reading it about half way through. I'll take bitchy and sarcastic over flaky and sappy any day.

AMEN. If its not easily understood then why have it up?!

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to slaveboyforyou)

Post #: 16

RE: Too many insulting profiles found on Collarme - 6/20/2007 9:51:27 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

Why complain about the profiles here?
Who gives a damn?
2 weeks until the 4th of July!
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)

Post #: 17

RE: Too many insulting profiles found on Collarme - 6/20/2007 9:52:38 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

I agree, it's just showing you a glimpse of people's unpleasant nature.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mikal

What makes you think the people here should be any different from those in other walks of life? Unfriendly, narcissistic and emotionally unstable people exist in all social groups. Also, if this site is going to be the be-all or end-all of a persons foray into BDSM... they have bigger problems than just coming across some unsociable profiles...

If you don't like the tone of someone's profile, don't continue reading.

(in reply to Mikal)

Post #: 18

RE: Too many insulting profiles found on Collarme - 6/20/2007 10:15:24 PM

Termyn8or

Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline

I dunno, I had to do a jumpthrough, ron, the first thing to do is look at what might have made them this way.

I have seen many profiles with "don't contact me if you are this" and "don't contact me if you are that". Admittedley though, it could be "contact me if you are not this" and "contact me if you are not that".

Profiles are moderated, and subject to approval. What some might consider borderline offensive, others might consider slightly ascerbic. Perhaps we need more people to not jump to the conclusion that a challenge of their facts is a personal attack. People with the proverbial thicker skin. There are too far few people who can argue without comment.

I am convinced the the CM staff are commited to having a certain kind of content. They are quite careful in that regard. IMO, they deem it a good thing to attract a certain kind of people. People secure in their maturity for one. People who are hard to offend, that is secure in their own life.

You can call me the lowdownest, muthafukinest, worstest, everythiong you can think of. I will respond. I will not react. And that is the precise difference.

There is one more thing, how can one be insulted by a profile when they are the one who decided to view it ?

Beam me up.

T

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)

Post #: 19

RE: Too many insulting profiles found on Collarme - 6/20/2007 10:17:15 PM

FatDomDaddy

Posts: 3183
Joined: 1/31/2004
Status: offline

Why should they care?

It's their profile and no one is forcing anyone to read them.

(in reply to ron2421)

Post #: 20

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