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Courtship - 6/20/2007 9:09:06 PM

Laura

Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

I'm a single Domme and I know what I want. I want to be courted.

All those men who send me some version of a note are missing the mark by miles. Instead of telling me they want to serve me by licking my feet and so on and so on.... I wish they would send me a polite personal note telling me about something nice that happened to them today. Ask me if I had a nice day. Mention that they are also in my location and know where there is a really good coffee shop, should I find myself so inclined as to let them buy me a coffee.

I want to be courted, not from afar and not with the idea of it taking months to actually meet. But, I want to be treated like a lady, not a whore for hire. Is that really so hard to do?

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Bait & Switch - Adult column

Post #: 1

RE: Courtship - 6/20/2007 9:15:30 PM

ITGirl68

Posts: 116
Joined: 7/25/2005
Status: offline

I think many women - dom or sub - enjoy that. For that matter, you would think that both men and women would prefer being treated that way, if they wanted to get to know someone as a human being (whatever goal they have in mind).

(in reply to Laura)

Post #: 2

RE: Courtship - 6/20/2007 9:16:25 PM

aldompdx

Posts: 538
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline

As a dominant, it is your responsibility for making your preferences known. If another person ignores your expressed preferences, then there is no need to wish they presented themself differently.

(in reply to Laura)

Post #: 3

RE: Courtship - 6/20/2007 9:22:31 PM

Viciousbabe

Posts: 61
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

I agree with ITGirl, most women want to be treated that way. Even outside of D/s it seems like anymore the introduction is :"Hi, nice shoes...so you wanna fcuk?"

Perhaps you should try telling people how you would prefer to handle things. As the Domme, you have the room and right to do so. If the guys don't want to go through that then they were probably just looking for a whore to hire...in that case tell them to try the corner.

(in reply to Laura)

Post #: 4

RE: Courtship - 6/20/2007 9:23:00 PM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline

I want to be courted, MJ does a GREAT job at it {I didn't ask Him too, He just has, He is a gentleman, through and through}; He an I are friends first, so He still treats me that way, with certain little 'things' thrown in. He asks me about my day {I try to ask Him first about His day though}, what my plans for the week are and weekend, how I am feeling, normal stuff, small talk; I do the same for Him, I want to know about His day and His life. MJ treats me like a lady, like HIS lady.

I think some guys missed that day in class about treating a lady like a lady and bout courting her. Sad thing; a guy who courts me will earn my trust, and respect not to mention a LOT of points with me for treating me like a lady for for courting me, its so chilverious.

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to aldompdx)

Post #: 5

RE: Courtship - 6/20/2007 10:15:07 PM

Laura

Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

aldompdx: I tried ignoring the entire male species. It didn't work out well. I'm just not a lesbian.

_____________________________

Bait & Switch - Adult column

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)

Post #: 6

RE: Courtship - 6/20/2007 11:10:36 PM

onthenosetone

Posts: 118
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline

I wrote this back blog in January for my Ma'am and posted it on another site...i reckon we courted.....

Just popped up from the workshop for a bit of lunch and it seemed weally wude not to post something about a special day for me........

13 years ago (ish) i met Mel

....I owned a gymnasium at the time and she bowled through the door with her Dad, I'd never set eyes on her before but knew her Dad from years previous when we worked for the same firm.....I showed them round, made them a coffee, talked the good old days with her Dad and secretly fell in love.....the added bonus was Mel joined the gym and that gave me the opportunity to get to know her......

What followed was a year long old fashioned courtship, She was a airhostess for British Airways at the time so only in the country 7/9 days a month.....I learned to live for those days and arrange my days off accordingly....we went out for lunch, drove for miles and miles and found pretty places to sit and talk for hours and hours and get to know each other inside out......No sex

not even any snogging and touching.......very occasionally we'd hold hands or more often than not she'd link arms with me as we walked......

We walked past a kitchen shop one day and she dragged me back pointed and said "I like that sink and those taps" strange when something hits you but it was at that exact moment I knew I loved her......I remeber it in my mind as if it was this morning........

A year (ish) passed by in a moment....I thought we were just friends, my normal cocky, self assured, confident manner had fucked off and left me in relation to this lady, it never occured to me that she'd be remotely interested in me in terms of a relationship......unknown to me her thoughts were the same about me....Silly girl saw me as a succesful businessman that wouldn't be interested in a lowly hosty...pfftt....

She stopped coming to the gym....I missed her....I phoned her.....we went for lunch......I was driving her home, just approaching a mini roundabout and she spilled the beans.....told me she didn't come to the gym anymore because it hurt her to spend time with me knowing she couldn't have me........to say I was gobsmacked is the understatement of the millenium....I shot straight over the roundabout cut up a truck driver and was half out of the car to bash the fucker because he bibbed his horn and gave me the "wanka" sign.....It was his right of way I cut him up and luckily for both me and he I realised this half out and half in the car......

It was January the 15th 12 years ago today, we've been together from that day to this and share the journey of life.....I'm confident we always will.....everyday she's the first thought in my mind and every night my last thought......I'm a blessed and lucky man and whats more I know I'm blessed and lucky....

Forget the BDSM milarky, forget the ring I wear, forget the slave bracelet, forget the axmar locked on collar these are all just signs....This lady owns my heart...she has from the moment she walked through the door of my gym 13 years ago....she always will....

Today is our anniversary......We have always, due to the roundabout incident reffered to it as "Car crash day"

Happy car crash day Mel

(in reply to Laura)

Post #: 7

RE: Courtship - 6/21/2007 1:06:02 AM

themischievous1

Posts: 151
Joined: 4/3/2005
From: San Antonio, Texas
Status: offline

I can empathize with your perspective, Laura. I believe the majority of women appreciate respect and desire to be courted in a meaningful way by a potential suitor. I also think that it was wise to express your preferences in this forum. At least those submissives, switches, and dominants seeking who are involved with the message boards on CM will no longer be in the dark about how many of us prefer to be treated ;)

Personally, I absolutely will not settle for less and have no interest in an individual who has difficulty grasping the "treat me like a lady" concept.

(in reply to Laura)

Post #: 8

RE: Courtship - 6/21/2007 2:56:45 AM

pandoravampire

Posts: 374
Joined: 12/6/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: aldompdx

As a dominant, it is your responsibility for making your preferences known. If another person ignores your expressed preferences, then there is no need to wish they presented themself differently.

aldompdx, this struck a chord for me. There is nothing wrong with them, they are just not compatable with 'me'. And that is ok.
pandoravampire

(in reply to aldompdx)

Post #: 9

RE: Courtship - 6/21/2007 6:35:25 AM

becca333

Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline

Beautiful - and truly romantic.

(in reply to onthenosetone)

Post #: 10

RE: Courtship - 6/21/2007 6:41:35 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

Again I'm the weirdo.

I don't want to be "courted" when I'm first approached.

I want a mature, friendly note that says they have read my profile, understand the seriousness of what I'm seeking, and addresses the issues raised in that profile. Then if we keep talking I want honest complete answers and questins that show interest in me and my household.

Of course I'm not looking for romance, I'm not actively looking at all at this time. Romance may or may not develop in my Ds but it is certainly not a precursor to it. Common interests, a drive to have a Ds relationship, and similar life goals is far more important to me.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Laura)

Post #: 11

RE: Courtship - 6/21/2007 6:47:57 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

Woohoo, I am sooooooo there! I want surprises, flowers, dinners, coffee, I want to be courted!!! Show Me that yoiu read My profile, that you have read My journal, don't write to Me breathing heavy with your d&^% in your hand---work for Me dammit!

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 6/21/2007 6:49:32 AM >

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to Laura)

Post #: 12

RE: Courtship - 6/21/2007 7:24:25 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

submissives aren't going to know this is your preference unless you tell them. Put it in your profile...it'll be a good filter as you will quickly see who has and has not read your profile.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Laura)

Post #: 13

RE: Courtship - 6/22/2007 5:46:03 PM

Mystique567

Posts: 273
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline

Even as a submissive I would like to be courted

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 14

RE: Courtship - 6/23/2007 7:09:17 PM

winterlight

Posts: 1319
Joined: 2/18/2006
Status: offline

Who wouldn't want to be courted, revered, cherished and loved? Manners are in short supply today and it is about time they came back.
I don't need a card because some company says do for a particular holiday. If you brought me flowers for no reason i would be thrilled!
I want somebody to know me, the essence of me, my spirit and my joy of life.
For my Dom (if i had One), i would do special things for Him..the list is endless...
Court each other and cherish what U/u have...
yes, i know i am mushy...lol

(in reply to Mystique567)

Post #: 15

RE: Courtship - 6/23/2007 8:52:04 PM

PairOfDimes

Posts: 324
Joined: 7/20/2006
Status: offline

Nothing wrong with wanting to be treated in a particular way, and it's great that you've identified how you want to be treated. Have you asked, either explicitly or more subtly (i.e. by modeling that in your own communication) to be treated that way?

I don't particularly want to be "courted" in the romantic way you describe. I tend to do better with interactions that some have described as "blunt," "businesslike," or "remote." I prefer to think of them as precise and mannered. I don't particularly like emails that read like fantasy lists in which *I* am cast as an actor in the fantasy, but "I am looking for a relationship in which interactions are centered around playtime or scenes. I have a foot fetish, and I would want those scenes to involve a great deal of foot worship. Would this suit you?" is a perfectly good email, as far as I'm concerned. It's polite, sufficiently respectful and courteous, while clear and precise enough that it communicates something to help me ascertain our compatibility. Now, that doesn't mean that *you* need to like it, naturally--it simply means that it's a valid, and, in my mind, respectful (perhaps "ladylike" would be your preferred description?) mode of communication.

(in reply to Laura)

Post #: 16

RE: Courtship - 6/23/2007 8:56:41 PM

becca333

Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline

I think prospective partners need to court each other - show caring and love. We all want to feel cherished and valued. And we need to learn the other partner's currency. And it's fun!

(in reply to winterlight)

Post #: 17

RE: Courtship - 6/23/2007 8:57:33 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Laura

I'm a single Domme and I know what I want. I want to be courted.

All those men who send me some version of a note are missing the mark by miles. Instead of telling me they want to serve me by licking my feet and so on and so on.... I wish they would send me a polite personal note telling me about something nice that happened to them today. Ask me if I had a nice day. Mention that they are also in my location and know where there is a really good coffee shop, should I find myself so inclined as to let them buy me a coffee.

I want to be courted, not from afar and not with the idea of it taking months to actually meet. But, I want to be treated like a lady, not a whore for hire. Is that really so hard to do?

AWWWWW MAN..... can't we just get down to having sex and forget all that frilly stuff *W*

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 6/23/2007 8:58:19 PM >

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Laura)

Post #: 18

RE: Courtship - 6/23/2007 9:10:11 PM

curiouslyseeking

Posts: 924
Joined: 1/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

Again I'm the weirdo.

I don't want to be "courted" when I'm first approached.

Greetings to all,

I'm reading this thread, and this is the post I most identify with....

Even though this is my submissive perspective, I do not wish to be "courted" at all.....

hmmmm, this gives me an opportunity for introspection because I do not know why, but the idea is not appealing to me in the least.

always,
~curious~

_____________________________

"The ultimate freedom is the freedom to choose to have no choice"

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 19

RE: Courtship - 6/23/2007 9:29:11 PM

seekshertrue1

Posts: 22
Joined: 1/18/2007
Status: offline

I've been reading the thread. I have to agree that I like the courtship as I feel it is necessary. I feel like I need to get to know the person in a "normal" setting before we make our journey together.

_____________________________

Ms. K
Love is given, never an obligation

(in reply to curiouslyseeking)

Post #: 20

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