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RE: Words or Actions? - 6/22/2007 8:40:11 AM

lighthearted

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I think at first all we have to rely upon are words, r/t or online. then it's up to the other person to fulfill what is said or written, implied or directly expressed, and time is the only way to determine if they live up to them.

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RE: Words or Actions? - 6/22/2007 8:49:06 AM

SirDominic

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For me, words and actions are so intrinsically linked that they cannot be separated. It is how the two match up or do not match up that tell you a person's real character. Words by themselves are useless. Actions by themselves can be misleading.

But someone who does what they say and follows through on what they do, that tells you who they really are. If they say they are going to do something, do they follow through? If they make a promise, do they keep it? If they arrange to meet you, and are late, do they call and explain or leave you hanging until they finally get there.

When words and actions match up, you can have a pretty good feeling about who that person is.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

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RE: Words or Actions? - 6/22/2007 11:03:24 AM

Aileen68

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Actions are much more important. I kept getting reassured in a past realtionship that certain issues I was dealing with mentally would be taken care of. I kept waiting for that to happen since it was a major problem between us. They never did. It was the beginning and the end of that relationship. The words between us were few and far between as it was and to have those few reassurances never become reality really fucked with my head. I never saw any supportive action. So yeah... communication is important, but only the first step. When words aren't supported by actions they become useless.

< Message edited by Aileen68 -- 6/22/2007 11:16:15 AM >

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RE: Words or Actions? - 6/22/2007 4:23:00 PM

robertolapiedra

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Hello KnightofMists. I will give one "american" example of "character". President Abraham Lincoln.

The deeds, decisions in very tough times speak for themselves. But if you want to get a better sense of the "man", just read his letters. These blew me away... (I'm Canadian)

If you have a person of character, it will reflect in his communication, be it verbal or written. Unfortunately, you may read "in" some "character" in some writings, but you will need a lot of "readings" to see if it is consistent, without being repetitive and cyber persona governed.

Lincoln wrote from the heart. It was not personality driven; It was not anonymous either. RL.

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RE: Words or Actions? - 6/22/2007 8:52:13 PM

ownedgirlie

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Years ago in an executive training course I read a short book by Pritchet & Associates call "Walk the Talk." I believe it turned into something of a movement in the management training world, as there is now a website: www.walkthetalk.com.

A person can say all the right things and even say them consistently, but when it comes to reality, does he/she live according to such words? A lot of people lay claim to particular values and principles, and offer opinions on how they think things out to be, but are unable to live what they say. As stated in Pritchet's book (paraphrasing), anyone can talk the talk, but can you WALK the talk?

Some do not verbalize all they think and feel, but observe those people awhile and you will get to know them by their conduct. For example, some people do not express love vocally very well, but damn if they do not show it by the way they treat the person they are with, etc.

There's a phrase my brother told me, which came from an AA program he was in: "You're talking so loud I can't hear you." I have heard him say it to someone who talked a great talk about all the things he was going to do, yet did nothing, consitently. In other words, quit talking and start doing, because your actions are overriding your words.

As for online communications, I consider myself incapable of truly knowing a person's character (above basic generalizations) from reading them on a message board. I've had in depth discussions with people via email and learned a lot about them, and in depth discussions via telephone and learned even more - I believe it's easier to clarify misunderstandings and intentions vocally than in writing, and even more so face to face than simply vocally. The more limits placed on methods of communication, the more room for misinterpretation and inaccurate conclusions.

But I do believe the way one lives his/her life communicates more than the other three mediums. Be still, observe, and listen, and you'll have a fairly good understanding of one's character.

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RE: Words or Actions? - 6/22/2007 10:34:31 PM

juliaoceania

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I have had several circumstances in my life with people that promised all sorts of things that they never followed through on. First I would excuse it away, then I would get angry, and finally it would get to such a hurtful place I no longer believed anything they said to me.. it is a relationship killer, making empty promises.

I have had it the other way too, been with people that could not verbally express love for me, although their actions were often loving...But those relationships lacked something too.

I find that both situations are no good for me, I need words and then the actions to back them up. One needs to use words to make a commitment, they need the actions to back that commitment up.

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RE: Words or Actions? - 6/23/2007 2:40:58 AM

jaunty1

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Words vs actions

I have always taken a person at their word until their actions proved differently. This goes for relationships, friends, family, acquaintances...everyone.

Live well

Alex

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RE: Words or Actions? - 6/23/2007 5:29:35 AM

Vendaval

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My point of view is that words show an insight into a person's thought process
and actions show how strong their will and determination are to bring about the changes they desire.

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RE: Words or Actions? - 6/23/2007 12:39:21 PM

alandraofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

Some do not verbalize all they think and feel, but observe those people awhile and you will get to know them by their conduct. For example, some people do not express love vocally very well, but damn if they do not show it by the way they treat the person they are with, etc.

this part of your post really resounded with me... i am not one for expressing myself well with the written or spoken word... i express myself best in my actions and how i interact with those close to me.

Knight's alandra

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RE: Words or Actions? - 6/23/2007 1:01:00 PM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: alandraofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

Some do not verbalize all they think and feel, but observe those people awhile and you will get to know them by their conduct. For example, some people do not express love vocally very well, but damn if they do not show it by the way they treat the person they are with, etc.

this part of your post really resounded with me... i am not one for expressing myself well with the written or spoken word... i express myself best in my actions and how i interact with those close to me.

Knight's alandra

Thank you for sharing this. I used to have a LOT of trouble expressing myself, as my childhood and marriage taught me NOT to express myself. I think it can be so easy to get tripped up with words and the way we relay ourselves, that it is very easy to miscommunicate something and even damage relationships as a result. This is why I believe the more ways we have in which to communicate, the better, and why I understand all too well that actions and conduct is as effective a communicator as anything else.

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RE: Words or Actions? - 6/23/2007 3:30:08 PM

windchymes

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BECAUSE of past actions of some key people in my life, I have a very hard time believing and trusting words alone. Words mean almost nothing to me. I don't like feeling this way, but I very much live with a "believe it when you see it" philosophy in life. I need to see actions, even if they're subtle ones, before I believe in someone's character.

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RE: Words or Actions? - 6/26/2007 5:38:08 AM

juliaoceania

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quote:

A person can say all the right things and even say them consistently, but when it comes to reality, does he/she live according to such words? A lot of people lay claim to particular values and principles, and offer opinions on how they think things out to be, but are unable to live what they say. As stated in Pritchet's book (paraphrasing), anyone can talk the talk, but can you WALK the talk?

Some people, and I am thinking about my ex husband specifically, are real silver tongued devils and they have a way of convincing a person that they really are something they are not. It took me years to trust my judgment when it came to trusting people after our marriage failed... his actions never matched his words and yet I was so naive.

I was involved later with a man for three years that never told me he loved me, not even once. Yet he was often kinder and more compassionate to me than any other man I have been involved with because he was my friend, and yet it did not work because although his actions were loving... he obviously lacked the wherewithall to express it verbally and I came to assume he didn't feel that way about me.

Balance is the key to life in my mind.

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