RE: Trainers for submissives

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Trainers for submissives

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Trainers for submissives

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 5 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Trainers for submissives - 6/22/2007 9:06:03 AM

yourMissTress

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Whenever I get an email saying "fully trained submissive", I wonder just what are they trained to do? They certainly aren't trained to make my coffee the way I like it, or to do anything else "the way I want it done". They are trained to do things the way someone else wants it done. As far as protocol goes...that is relative ground.

_____________________________

Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 21

RE: Trainers for submissives - 6/22/2007 9:38:52 AM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

domiguy, will you train me how to be a better sub.
will the training include anything other than how to give a good bj?
just asking.....

As the President of DGU...I can assure you that no one has passed throught the commencement ceremony with the knowledge of how to give a "good bj." A great, awesome, mind blowing, toe curling...Blow job.....definitely.

Our curriculum which includes such instuctional classes as...

242...Girl on Girl....Why it will cure all of your problems.

120...How to order the perfect pizza.

340...Can a massage last too long?

301...Why your silence is golden.

350...Teachers, Trainers and Mentors......and their ties to pedophelia.

360.....Piss!!!...It isn't just for breakfast.

205...Clamps, restraints and toys....And why you'll love them.

You have a dream. We can make it accessible. Our Student Finance Advisors work with you to make sure that you have as many student financial aid options as possible. Whether it's scholarships and grants, loans, work programs, or our exclusive barter program..."P.A.T." (pussy and ass for training), we can put together a student financial aid package that works for you.

You will enjoy the beginning of futures full of promise as new graduates join the historic ranks of DGU alumni and alumnae who have cum before them.

We will open doors thay you never realized were accessible or enjoyable....

Many of our graduates have gone on to do nothing but please their Dom....Your dreams and desires await you!!!

Apply today.

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

domiguy, will you train me how to be a better sub.
will the training include anything other than how to give a good bj?
just asking.....

quote:

Aileen68
Get in line.

I'm sorry we don't accept betches.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 6/22/2007 9:40:15 AM >

_____________________________

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 22

RE: Trainers for submissives - 6/22/2007 9:43:14 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

Michael - I have to agree with your post with nothing more constructive to add.

However - I am really sorry, but I was completely mislead. With the title of this post, I really thought this was going to be thread on 'Comfortable Fetish Footwear for your Submissive'.

Peace
the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 23

RE: Trainers for submissives - 6/22/2007 9:49:28 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

I'm sorry we don't accept betches.

HAHA!

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 24

RE: Trainers for submissives - 6/22/2007 9:58:03 AM

Aileen68

Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

Trust me domiguy....I'm much more trainable than Katy. She just pants like a dog in heat. I'm able to turn off my need for oxygen at just the right moments.

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 25

RE: Trainers for submissives - 6/22/2007 10:01:52 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

As if I'm not "trainable". Please. Oh, wait, I don't like trainers. Nevermind.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 26

RE: Trainers for submissives - 6/22/2007 10:04:22 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert

quote:

They felt I was safe and could give then a nice introduction to various BDSM activities and help them figure out what they liked and disliked.

I think this is better described as "learning through experience", and I think there is a big difference between this approach and something labelled "training" which implies a fixed curriculum that leaves the trainee knowing how to do something right.

I may be quibbling over semantics, but it seems to me that learning through experience as thetammyjoe describes leaves people knowing more about themselves while training would leave leave them with universal skills. And that sums up why I think the notion of training is hogwash while being wholeheartedly in favor of learning through experience. Even in my own relationships I prefer thinking in terms of learning through experience rather than training because it goes both ways and I'm usually improvising rather than training anyway.

I call it training because I do have a set way I do things and a training contract. Both are flexible to some degree but since I'm very choosy I often don't change much.

I've been trained as a teacher and as a researcher. I use the word training the same way here.

If others don't want to call what I do training, their choice, but it is the word that I use.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to happypervert)

Post #: 27

RE: Trainers for submissives - 6/22/2007 10:33:28 AM

slaveish

Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

Trust me domiguy....I'm much more trainable than Katy. She just pants like a dog in heat. I'm able to turn off my need for oxygen at just the right moments.

But I can breathe through my ears.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 28

RE: Trainers for submissives - 6/22/2007 10:41:07 AM

Tenchi

Posts: 13
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline

You summed it up very well, I feel its better to train a submissive yourself because it also helps strengthen the bond between the sub and master. Also there are various ways to do most everything so you should show your sub how you expect it done, it lowers on confusion.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 29

RE: Trainers for submissives - 6/22/2007 11:39:55 AM

submittous

Posts: 345
Joined: 6/12/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

The only "training" that would interest me would take place as part of a relationship. I would be learning what the dominant enjoys and requires. I still don't understand how one person can train a sub for another. The entire thing will never make sense to me.

We couldn't agree more, we're reasonably experienced in M/s and wouldn't presume for a second to know what another Dom/me/Master wants from their slave. Besides every submissive is different and cookie cutters don't work for molding one into the slave we want.

So yea, the whole idea has always left us a little dazed.

Bill and Iris

_____________________________

"If you are lucky enough to find a way of life you love, you have to find the courage to live it." John Irving

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 30

RE: Trainers for submissives - 6/22/2007 11:59:26 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

If a mans going to prey on newbies and look to use and or abouse them in some fashion it doesn't matter what label he gives himself - top, trainer, master, dom, etc. i am sure just as many newbies get burned from their "first Master" as much as some would from a trainer. i think when anyone "get's burned" it's not 100% the fault of the person doing the burning. People, even newbies, need to take responsibility for their well being, safety, needs, etc when seeking ANYONE out.

i don't think people look for trainers to train them specifically to serve all other doms, that would be rather silly. i think they more then likely show them a variety of ways things might be done, maybe give them experience in how things feel, etc. As long as both are up front about expectations i see nothing wrong with learning about the lifestyle any way you choose to.

But see velvetears...that is EXACTLY what some submissives do seek. I had a submissive that I thought might be long term but I could never get past "well, my MENTOR/TRAINER would not have done it this way". So...had he trained her to serve all doms? or to please him?

(in reply to velvetears)

Post #: 31

RE: Trainers for submissives - 6/22/2007 12:05:23 PM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

There is a tremendous difference as to what someone calls themselves as to what you might expect from that person....If a sub is getting involved with a Dom....as the relationship continues you would expect it to manifest itself in a sexual nature.....The relationship may or may not work out...At least there is honesty and not an immediate deception as to what that individual is looking for....when one portrays themselves as someone who is a "teacher or trainer" They tend to allude to the belief that they are part of some alruistic society and that have only the subs best interest at heart.....The poor lil' subby is so confused and devastated when their sacred, bdsm, spirit guide rams his cock in her ass.

Stay away from trainers....Only pea-heads use them.

That is why i said both parties should be upfront about expectations, especially in a training partnership they should be specifically spelled out. There will be some unethical trainers as there will be unethical doms who use either title to their own advantage with no regard to the submissive, this is why i advocate more for self protection and being careful of everyone you meet. You either trust a person or you don't - no matter their label. Trust me i don't care what a guy calls himself, trainer, dom, master, gorean. grand master phobah if i don't want his cock crammed up my ass, it won't be (assuming it was something i negotiated not to happen). You can misplace trust in anyone, learn what you need to learn to be better at protecting yourself and picking trustworthy people.

As to the part bolded, i don't necessarily agree, not all D/s relationships automatically become sexual. And what law says that a trainer and trainee cannot engage in sex, or things of a sexual nature if that is what both want? Why assume there has to be dishonesty and deception going on? In regular D/s relationships Doms and Masters pressure subs all the time to do things they don't like, simply because it pleases them to have those things done, but because it's in the framework of a "relationship" that makes it alright? i think the benefit of a trainer could be just experiencing whatever it is you are looking to (and that might include sexual things) without having to think about building a relationship. Not everyone is interested in forver after, they just want to learn fun, ouchie, scary, exciting, bdsm stuff. i would never assume that what i was experiencing and learning was universal and i don't think many trainers say this is THE WAY.

Newbies are vulnerable period. They don't know a lot, are sometimes over eager to experience things and they find themselves in trouble - we read it here all the time on the threads - and it's not always about "the trainers did it." They need to be able to exercise good judgment, predators are in all walks of life.

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 32

RE: Trainers for submissives - 6/22/2007 12:11:42 PM

imthatacheyouhav

Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

The only "training" that would interest me would take place as part of a relationship. I would be learning what the dominant enjoys and requires. I still don't understand how one person can train a sub for another. The entire thing will never make sense to me.

You took the words right out of my mouth....

_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 33

RE: Trainers for submissives - 6/22/2007 12:14:14 PM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: nearnyccouple

i have to disagree with part of your last paragraph. i think that especially for newbies, they're not educated enough about the lifestyle to know that most dominants want to train their submissives to please them, and no one else. they're fed a bunch of lines and are so darn needy they are willing to agree without knowing what theyre really getting into.

i agree this is a problem but part of that responsibility lies on the submissive. If i want to get involved in something dangerous, lets say rock climbing, i know there's going to be lot's of things i don't know about it. First i will learn by perhaps reading, then watching till i eventually look for someone to train or teach me. i would not be so overly excited to start rock climbing that i skip all those steps, jump at the first teacher/trainer i find and start scaling mountains. If i do and fall it's partly my fault and yes partly the teacher/tainers fault. i think a sub who is vulnerable in general is more apt to be taken advantae of by men who have no qualms doing so - they will call themselves anything she wants if that's their objective.

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to nearnyccouple)

Post #: 34

RE: Trainers for submissives - 6/22/2007 12:28:32 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

There is a tremendous difference as to what someone calls themselves as to what you might expect from that person....If a sub is getting involved with a Dom....as the relationship continues you would expect it to manifest itself in a sexual nature.....The relationship may or may not work out...At least there is honesty and not an immediate deception as to what that individual is looking for....when one portrays themselves as someone who is a "teacher or trainer" They tend to allude to the belief that they are part of some alruistic society and that have only the subs best interest at heart.....The poor lil' subby is so confused and devastated when their sacred, bdsm, spirit guide rams his cock in her ass.

Stay away from trainers....Only pea-heads use them.

Newbies are vulnerable period. They don't know a lot, are sometimes over eager to experience things and they find themselves in trouble - we read it here all the time on the threads - and it's not always about "the trainers did it." They need to be able to exercise good judgment, predators are in all walks of life.

I disagree....Stupid or maybe incredibly naive people are vulnerable....If you used common sense in you vanilla relationships then you should have no problem making the transition to bdsm.

Those that make horrible decisions in choosing partners "in vanilla," will continue to make those same mistakes in whatever life style they choose.....The more things change the more they stay the same.

All the training in the world will not save those from their own stupidity.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 6/22/2007 12:54:41 PM >

_____________________________

(in reply to velvetears)

Post #: 35

RE: Trainers for submissives - 6/22/2007 12:31:28 PM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

But see velvetears...that is EXACTLY what some submissives do seek. I had a submissive that I thought might be long term but I could never get past "well, my MENTOR/TRAINER would not have done it this way". So...had he trained her to serve all doms? or to please him?

i am sorry you had that experience with someone you thought would be a good long term match. It must have had you so frustrated you wanted to pull your hair out. i don't know what to say other then that subs need to apply what they learn and understand not every person is going to want things done the same way. Even if i went to a trainer and he told me "this is the way it is done" as an absolute, then i found someone i cared about and wanted a D/s based relationship, if my new dom told me "well i want it THIS way", i would throw out my preconcieved notions of that absolute and do it HIS way. This trainer shouldn't have presented it to her as THE WAY but don't you think she was also a bit stubborn with you as well?? Sorry it didn't work out for you both

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 36

RE: Trainers for submissives - 6/22/2007 12:41:45 PM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

I disagree....Stupid or maybe incredibly naive people are vulnerable....If you used common sense in you vanilla relationships then you should have no problem making the transition to bdsm.

Those that make horrible decisions in choosing partners "in vanilla," will continue to make those same mistakes in whatever life style they choose.....The more things change the more they stay the same.

All the training in the world will not save those fron their own stupidity.

You misunderstood my last part there. i am in agrement with you actually. If someone is naieve, or uses bad judgement they will do so across the board, they aren't "safe" anwhere. They need to change from within, no trainer can really change them in that regard. That's been sort of my point - if a guy's intention is to take advantage of and he sees an easy prey (vulnerable newbie) he will change like a chamelion to get what he wants, many want "Master_Forver_After" and they pretend to be that till they use the sub enough then "disappear" or dump her. Wouldn't she be more vulberable emotionally with an unethical dom then an unethical trainer - i would think it would be easier to walk away from a trainer relationship as the emotions are as invested as they are in a Dom/sub one. Shouldn't the focus be on self awareness and strength then beig a continual victim because you are over eager, vulnerable, etc???

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 37

RE: Trainers for submissives - 6/22/2007 2:02:21 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

I can't really add anything much different here than what others have said and it's hard to really sum up my feelings about "training" other than that I kind of loathe the concept of it and the assumption that every sub/slave needs it. A few weeks ago, my Master (LordJessie) posted these thoughts on another thread. I think He sums it up best as far as "training" (or lack of need for it) in our relationship:

quote:

"After embracing this lifestyle for over ten years, just over a year ago I met such a one. Mine fulfills My every desire and need, not through My training, but through her own instincts, and desire to serve and please Me. She came to Me from the beginning,open ,willing and eager to be taught and trained. New to the life. I was amazed that there was little to nothing to teach. No training needed. she did and does know instinctively how to serve Me,what I desire and what I need. Small nuances aside(which shoe comes off/goes on first,how I wish to be addressed,how much cream cheese I want on My bagel) there has been nothing to teach. In the beginning, she often said she felt it hard to believe that there wasnt more that I wanted or expected,because she was simply doing what she felt was right. I on the other hand often accused her of reading my mail LOL ... as she always seems to anticipate and fulfill my every desire and need. So yes LA, such a relationship is possible. I am living it. and I am pleased to report it is "that easy" MadRabbit. Maybe it only comes once in a lifetime, and perhaps only to a few, but it does exist, and it is all you imagine it to be and more."

Well said, Master

.........slave luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 38

RE: Trainers for submissives - 6/22/2007 2:21:18 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I agree. I had a teacher to learn belly dancing. I had a teacher to learn massage. If I want to learn a traditional tea service I probably will attend a seminar, or take a class. But to me, having someone train me to take a cock up my ass, is no different than finding someone random to have sex with. Even other forms of play, needles, whips, floggers, ect, tend to feel different depending on my mood, circumstance, or partner. So that sort of training isn't going to mean a lot in my scheme of things. I don't know why people just don't think of it as play, rather than training. Unless if by doing so, they make random play more palatable to their headspace.
If I wanted to play I would prefer to do it without labels.
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 39

RE: Trainers for submissives - 6/22/2007 2:28:26 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

Whenever I get an email saying "fully trained submissive", I wonder just what are they trained to do? They certainly aren't trained to make my coffee the way I like it, or to do anything else "the way I want it done". They are trained to do things the way someone else wants it done. As far as protocol goes...that is relative ground.

Recently, I had actually been looking for a relationship with a dominant for generic training. For me, it has been a long time since I've been in one of these relationships, and what I was hoping to find was structure that is generated from such a training environment. I've already been around the block a few times to know that specific training by one dominant is not going to completely transfer to another dominant, but at the same time there is a certain amount of protocol training that can be instilled by a dominant who has experience in this that can help one in future, subsequent relationships. Things like etiquette, tea service and alternative massage therapy techniques I see as very positive aspects that can be taught by one and quite possibly, with some modification transfer to another owner.

One of the things I was seriously lacking after being out of the D/s lifestyle for almost a decade was remembering my place. It becomes really hard at times to remember where you stand in one of these types of relationships if you've been away from it for some time. Contrary to popular belief, it doesn't all just fall back in place like riding a bicycle but sometimes takes a bit of reinstruction to bring one to the proper state of mind.

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me

http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to yourMissTress)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 5 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Trainers for submissives

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 5 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.109