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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Where I part ways with training is dominants training submissives. 

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ORIGINAL: charlotte12

PS

Domiguy,

I am sending in an application for DGU. Is there an application video required?

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ORIGINAL: domiguy

tit pics are accepted in lieu of resume.

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ORIGINAL: Aileen68

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ORIGINAL: domiguy

tit pics are accepted in lieu of resume.

Woohoo!  I'm in like Flint.

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ORIGINAL: slaveish

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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Where I part ways with training is dominants training submissives.  I part ways with it not because it is an impossible accomplishment, we see quite a few posts from people who look back fondly on such a training experience.  I part ways with it because the skills a submissive lacks and needs training for are often the very ones needed to pick a good partner and because the pool of people who offer to train is pretty dismal, those two things combined together make the chances of a successful experience very low, the benefits often minimal if any, and that there are other paths with far better chances of success with much less risk.

Agreed, although I must add the subs who lack skills to pick a proper partner will typically find partners who lack relationship skills. I never had a trainer outside my previous Sir and Master but I do see some benefit from having a trainer.

I don't mean this trainer can train a girl to be perfect for every man, but, like a drill sergeant in boot camp, he can make her realize the importance of listening to and acting upon commands. Will this trainer teach her how to have good solid relationships? Probably not, but neither would an improper choice of a Sir or Master.

At least training would give the girl something to focus on, and (hopefully, perhaps) keep her from unhealthy promiscuous behavior. If a trainer can get a girl in a proper mindset, to realize that she is worth more than just her pussy, then I see a vast benefit in training. If said trainer only uses his position to get a lotta leg from naive submissives, I think we are in agreement that "training" would be a detriment.

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ORIGINAL: velvetears

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ORIGINAL: domiguy


There is a tremendous difference as to what someone calls themselves as to what you might expect from that person....If a sub is getting involved with a Dom....as the relationship continues you would expect it to manifest itself in a sexual nature.....The relationship may or may not work out...At least there is honesty and not an immediate deception as to what that individual is looking for....when one portrays themselves as someone who is  a "teacher or trainer" They tend to allude to the belief that they are part of some alruistic society and that have only the subs best interest at heart.....The poor lil' subby is so confused and devastated when their sacred, bdsm, spirit guide rams his cock in her ass.

Stay away from trainers....Only pea-heads use them.

That is why i said both parties should be upfront about expectations, especially in a training partnership they should be specifically spelled out.  There will be some unethical trainers as there will be unethical doms who use either title to their own advantage with no regard to the submissive, this is why i advocate more for self protection and being careful of everyone you meet.  You either trust a person or you don't - no matter their label.  Trust me i don't care what a guy calls himself, trainer, dom, master, gorean. grand master phobah if i don't want his cock crammed up my ass, it won't be (assuming it was something i negotiated not to happen).  You can misplace trust in anyone, learn what you need to learn to be better at protecting yourself and picking trustworthy people.  

As to the part bolded, i don't necessarily agree, not all D/s relationships automatically become sexual. And what law says that a trainer and trainee cannot engage in sex, or things of a sexual nature if that is what both want?  Why assume there has to be dishonesty and deception going on?  In regular D/s relationships Doms and Masters pressure subs all the time to do things they don't like, simply because it pleases them to have those things done, but because it's in the framework of a "relationship" that makes it alright?  i think the benefit of a trainer could be just experiencing whatever it is you are looking to (and that might include sexual things) without having to think about building a relationship.  Not everyone is interested in forver after, they just want to learn fun, ouchie, scary, exciting, bdsm stuff.  i would never assume that what i was experiencing and learning was universal and i don't think many trainers say this is THE WAY. 

Newbies are vulnerable period. They don't know a lot, are sometimes over eager to experience things and they find themselves in trouble - we read it here all the time on the threads - and it's not always about "the trainers did it."  They need to be able to exercise good judgment, predators are in all walks of life.

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ORIGINAL: octavia

I've already heard it eluded too, but the thoughts that come to my mind right away are the emotions.  I don't seek out a trainer (although I do need lots of help learning to be submissive) because I would fall in love and I know it. 

I have approched people here whom I respect and admire and asked them questions and advice.  I even told a prospective Dom for me not to expect me to give that right up.  In life I always seek out those whom I can learn from and try to gleen what I can. What better way to become the person that I want to be than to learn from people who are doing/are where I strive to end up.

octavia

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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Training as a general concept is a wonderful thing, I have learned much in life through training and I teach as well and get a great deal out of that as well.  Training as it relates to the WIIWD has its place as well.  Attending seminars/classes are a great way to learn a technical skill or to get a glimpse of how others do things.  Desiring to learn a specific skill and searching out someone gifted and experienced to teach you is a wise thing to do.

Where I part ways with training is dominants training submissives.  I part ways with it not because it is an impossible accomplishment, we see quite a few posts from people who look back fondly on such a training experience.  I part ways with it because the skills a submissive lacks and needs training for are often the very ones needed to pick a good partner and because the pool of people who offer to train is pretty dismal, those two things combined together make the chances of a successful experience very low, the benefits often minimal if any, and that there are other paths with far better chances of success with much less risk.

So, when people ask me, should I seek out a trainer, I tell them "no, trainers are a bad idea, better to watch and learn on your own, ask questions, and when you find a real partner, learn and grow with them"  Are there other paths, of course!  Bill Gates didn't go to college but it isn't a path I would recommend to high school kids.  I feel the same way about training and especially about trainers in the BDSM world, it isn't that it never works, it just almost never works.

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CreativeDominant
"Things Learned Here will Please All Dominants". 

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CreativeDominant
Why not call it what it is...a casual D/s relationship based mainly on sex but with the benefit of having a friend that you might learn something from?  I think the biggest problem...and why many prefer the terms "trainer/trainee"...is the stigma that comes attached to the idea of "yes, I am fucking someone and letting them beat/whip/clamp me and make me cum that way...and I am leaning some new things from this friend also...but it is just casual sex/kinky roleplay".

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ORIGINAL: velvetears

The training, as i said in an earlier post, can be just giving the sub an idea of what she will experience - a chance to try out different things.  If they choose to engage in sex that could just be one aspect of their partnership, not really something she will be trained to do, necessarily, in other words not what the focus of the training will be.

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i am not even saying training has to include dominating or not include it - all i am saying is it's up to the individuals involved to make it what it will be.  As long as there's no hidden agendas, no expectations not discussed, no surprises and things are kept in persepctive and above board they can involve themselves in whatever they want - maybe it will be reading books together i have no idea - maybe they will fuck their brains out afterwards becasue they both agreed to concentual sex if it struck their fancy... maybe sex will be considered strictly off limits - there are in infinite variety of possibilities.

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I know you asked to hear from trainers and trainees so I will only say this.  I am not the only one who can attest to the approach I noted above being taken by "trainers". 

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CreativeDominant
Why not call it what it is...a casual D/s relationship based mainly on sex but with the benefit of having a friend that you might learn something from?  I think the biggest problem...and why many prefer the terms "trainer/trainee"...is the stigma that comes attached to the idea of "yes, I am fucking someone and letting them beat/whip/clamp me and make me cum that way...and I am leaning some new things from this friend also...but it is just casual sex/kinky roleplay".

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Maybe some will call it that, if that is what it is for them. If i were to enter into such an arrangement it would be more than that for me. And for others that may be soo out of hte ball park for what it is for them. 

One other point i wanted to make - if i am a newbie, never experienced even kneeling before a dom, maybe seeking the "whole package" up front would be too overwhelming for me.  i am not sur ei would want to invest my emotions into something, commit, go dowh that path with another on the idea that these were definately things i wanted to live my life by and experience on a daily basis. How crushing it would be to invest the time, fall in love with a man, 6 months down the road find out, i can't do this. i have personally heard of this situation happening and it's heartbreaking to both partners. 

An analogy i can think of is a dom who doesn't want his future sub "tainted" by a trainer is like a vanilla guy not wanting his future wife to have any sexual experiences before him because he fears she will what? Have more experience then him, make expectations of him based on something she learned to enjoy elsewhere, compare him to another?  Maybe it's a bad comparison just one that sort of struck me as i was thinking and typing my thoughts here. 

Subs need to take "training" for what it's worth if thats what they initially seek.  Even if a sub comes from a previous D/s relationship - she will have been "trained" by her ex - she'll have to adjust to her new dom....or do all doms seek brand new shiny subs? Instead of a new one i got to mold i would try to pick one who had intellligence and thinking power, was a good learner, flexible and willing to try new things or old things, new ways.

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CreativeDominant
one would hope that they can eventually set that aside and realize that this relationship is "new" and an approach suited to the individual in front of them is what is called for.  That's not to say to throw out the common sense taught before or all of the ritual or all that you have discovered about dominance/submission but to realize that one aspect of either can be used in many ways. 

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 CreativeDominant

Even worse are those submissives....many times new...who have been trained in the way I noted earlier who have developed an almost hero-worship for the "trainer" who not only taught them, trained them, but in so doing did it from a D/s standpoint with all the benefits and none of the responsibilities.

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ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I agree.  I had a teacher to learn belly dancing.  I had a teacher to learn massage. If I want to learn a traditional tea service I probably will attend a seminar, or take a class.  But to me, having someone train me to take a cock up my ass, is no different than finding someone random to have sex with.  Even other forms of play, needles, whips, floggers, ect, tend to feel different depending on my mood, circumstance, or partner.  So that sort of training isn't going to mean a lot in my scheme of things.  I don't know why people just don't think of it as play, rather than training.  Unless if by doing so, they make random play more palatable to their headspace.
If I wanted to play I would prefer to do it without labels. 
Kyst 

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  a good trainer offers a variety of ways if he truly wants to teach the submissive correctly.