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Introducing a sub to new kinds of play - 6/22/2007 9:18:47 PM   
NovelApproach


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My sub and I have been together for the past three or four months now.  Kitty's new to the lifestyle, and I'm thinking about easing him into his first anal experience soon.  He's open to the idea, but a little nervous, and has requested that I restrain him in case he panics and ends up kicking me or something.  I don't think he needs it, but I'd rather he not have anything to worry about during scene.

I'm going to start off nice and slow, just a finger and lots of lube.  The restraints I have available are a three military-style belts, a pair of handcuffs, two three-foot chains, and a few yards of rope.  I'll probably be attaching these to the bedframe.

Anyway, I am admittedly not the most experienced Domina, and I was hoping some of the other Dommes here could give me a little advice as to the best position to restrain him in.  Also, any suggestions on how to keep him relaxed and comfortable would be greatly appreciated.  I adore my Kitty and I want him to enjoy this.

Thanks and regards,
Lady N.
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RE: Introducing a sub to new kinds of play - 6/22/2007 9:26:30 PM   
DiurnalVampire


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I just went through this.
Best, and most comfortable positon, put hi on his stomach, and just restrain his legs.  leave his upper half free to mve about if he wants to change positions.
You are not restraining him as part of the play, but to keep him from kicking.  Talk to him, the whole tie.  Tell him how well he is doing, and go very very slow. EVen if he doesnt object, if he is reacting badly, then stop.  If you want him to enjoy it, then you hve to make sure it isnt pushed past his tolerance level too fast.  Kitten didnt want me to know he wasnt comfortable, he wanted to make me happy.  So, he balled up his fists and screwed his eyes shut and was going to just deal. Thats when I stopped, and we havent tried again just yet.  I am waiting until he is more able to tell me when something isnt right rather than biting the bullet to make me happy.
IF you have long nails, you will want to eithe rconsider a very slim and smooth toy, or at the very least rubber gloves.  No use letting a nail scratch ruin a good time.

My 2 cents
DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

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VampiresLair

(in reply to NovelApproach)
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RE: Introducing a sub to new kinds of play - 6/22/2007 9:39:03 PM   
NovelApproach


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Hm... tying down just his legs could work.  I can always slap on the handcuffs if he wants more restraint, and he'll still be able to move around with those on.  Thank you for the advice.  ^_^ 

Oh, another thing I forgot to mention.  Kitty has suggested that we "clean up" beforehand, (more for my comfort than his), and I'm concerned that an enema might make him even more nervous about the whole thing.  Your thoughts, ladies?

Thanks again,
Lady N

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RE: Introducing a sub to new kinds of play - 6/22/2007 9:43:14 PM   
LadyHeart


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There are some excellent tutorials on anal play here:

http://fetishexchange.org/

:))
LH

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RE: Introducing a sub to new kinds of play - 6/23/2007 2:53:57 AM   
JustCatherine


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Hi there Lady N

i have found that the foetal position works well, not entirely sure why but something to do with the shape of the colon. and again having the upper body free allows the sub to make them selves comfortable. lots of encouragement goes well, nerves make it damn near impossible to get anything anywhere, telling them to bear down like they are going to the bathroom works well, as it opens the muscle. (obviously). hence making it easier to get something in.  making sure that he is comfortable and relaxed are the main things. somewhere where he feels safe, i know thats what works with mine

Lady Catherine

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RE: Introducing a sub to new kinds of play - 6/23/2007 3:31:35 AM   
LadyHeart


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BTW, I meant to mention that on my Profile in my Journal I have a short article entitled "A Submissive's Guide to Anal Play" which I ask my subs to read by way of preparation for this activity.

:))
LH

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RE: Introducing a sub to new kinds of play - 6/23/2007 6:49:38 AM   
thetammyjo


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Just my opinion but it is based on a fair amount of experience.

When you introduce something new, do it slow and do solo. Don't combine it with other things especially nothing else new.

Personally with anal I wouldn't combine it with bondage. Receiving anal can make one feel out of control and that can be scary even for people who like to feel that. The activity has a lot of social aspects attached to it, mostly negative. I'd not combine it with anything else and just have him lay down and try to get fully relaxed.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to NovelApproach)
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RE: Introducing a sub to new kinds of play - 6/23/2007 9:40:12 AM   
petdave


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quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
Personally with anal I wouldn't combine it with bondage. Receiving anal can make one feel out of control and that can be scary even for people who like to feel that. The activity has a lot of social aspects attached to it, mostly negative. I'd not combine it with anything else and just have him lay down and try to get fully relaxed.


True, but if he requested it, he may be more comfortable bound (i know i am!)... particularly when, as you say, it has a significant taboo... hey, he's tied up, it's not HIS fault that he's losing his anal virginity...

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RE: Introducing a sub to new kinds of play - 6/23/2007 6:48:25 PM   
LadyHeart


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Re reading your post, I see you asked about enemas. Tammy Jo really answered that when she said that you shouldn't try too much at once. It's a separate activity, so try it later. The tutorial thread I referred you to also suggests that it isn't a good idea to restrain a sub for this kind of play initially, but you would need to establish for yourself if he needs restraint in order to relax, or if it would make it worse. Have fun!
:))
LH

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"BDSM is not an excuse for bad manners."

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RE: Introducing a sub to new kinds of play - 6/23/2007 7:14:27 PM   
malloves69


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hi ..i love strapon play i must say ..when my mistress is in town usually we do it 2 times a week and after shes done with her strapons she fists me   boy can it be addicting and yes shes great at it and looks very sexy wearing her big 10 in one which is my favorite other then her fist of course   go slow ...lots of lube ...communication is key ...once its goes past a certain point the pain should go away quickly ...any sign of blood stop ..we use crisco as a lube and i swear by that stuff   and yes i always give myself 2-3 enemas before she cums over or i go to see her because thats the least i can do for her when she wants to play with my ass   no she doesnt bind me any way she likes to do me with her strapons with me being doggy style ass up and she fists me with me laying flat on my back with 2 pillows under me to raise my ass up for her to get that right angle down  gladly bendover for her anytime she wants to take me ..she has trained me well   have fun ..mal ...thats one thing after strapon play she sure knows how to put me in my place

(in reply to LadyHeart)
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RE: Introducing a sub to new kinds of play - 6/24/2007 7:23:01 AM   
thetammyjo


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quote:

ORIGINAL: petdave

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
Personally with anal I wouldn't combine it with bondage. Receiving anal can make one feel out of control and that can be scary even for people who like to feel that. The activity has a lot of social aspects attached to it, mostly negative. I'd not combine it with anything else and just have him lay down and try to get fully relaxed.


True, but if he requested it, he may be more comfortable bound (i know i am!)... particularly when, as you say, it has a significant taboo... hey, he's tied up, it's not HIS fault that he's losing his anal virginity...



One of the hardest things about being a dominant is saying "no" to our sub's desires when we know through experience that it may not be the best thing at that time. Ultimately it is to each couple to decide what to do but personal I go by what I believe to be best based on my knowledge of the individual and my past experiences.

To add to what LadyHeart said, try enemas separately. I personally introduce those first but I have a sort of clean fetish thing going on.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to petdave)
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RE: Introducing a sub to new kinds of play - 6/24/2007 8:13:00 AM   
petdave


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quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

One of the hardest things about being a dominant is saying "no" to our sub's desires


Well, you're not supposed to do that!

i agree that it's an individual thing and not always for the best, i just wanted to add the possible psychology of it from the sub's side.

...dave


(in reply to thetammyjo)
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RE: Introducing a sub to new kinds of play - 6/24/2007 5:42:34 PM   
WyckedMystress


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I have to agree with malloves - as odd as it sounds crisco is the best lube. Much harder to get 'downunder' but oddly enough most adult shops sell it.

Good luck with the experience Lady N - it would be interesting to hear how it goes.

WyckedMystress

(in reply to petdave)
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RE: Introducing a sub to new kinds of play - 6/24/2007 10:18:36 PM   
HutchGarahl


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Joined: 1/10/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: petdave

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

One of the hardest things about being a dominant is saying "no" to our sub's desires


Well, you're not supposed to do that!
Who says or are you being sarcastic? Tammyjo is right....there does come a time when a Dom has to say no, specially if the sub is fairly new to something.

i agree that it's an individual thing and not always for the best, i just wanted to add the possible psychology of it from the sub's side.

...dave


I agree with what's been said....go slow, keep talking...you might want to inform Kitty about what your going to do before actually doing it to give a chance to get ready. I wouldn't bind him right away, wait and see his reaction to see if what your attempting will be safe for both of you.

(in reply to petdave)
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RE: Introducing a sub to new kinds of play - 6/25/2007 2:49:14 AM   
MaamJay


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I'd be going for a compromise on the binding ... I wouldn't usually do it with anal play, but if the sub is sure they will feel more comfortable bound, I'd go with loose bindings so he can still wiggle his legs a bit but can't actually kick. My last play sub said he loved being bound and was experienced with anal play and strap on, so I put ankle cuffs on and loosely chained these to the bondage bed so he could move a bit but not too much. Alternatively, bind his 2 legs loosely together but not actually TO anything. Might still give him the feeling he craves. I've tried 3 different positions - him on his stomach, him on his side sort of in a foetal position, and him on his back with his legs up. The latter would be a bit hard to be bound in unless you've got gynaecology stirrups or a suspension harness! I've also found it a bit hard to see what I was doing and it's too uncomfortable for him to hold for a long time.

Either him on stomach or him on side can work, whichever makes the hole more easily visible and accessible to You (varies with the shape of the ass and the actual location of the hole, some are higher, some are lower!) ... make sure he is at a good height so You're not breaking Your back bending over him because this can take a LONG time ... or have something You can sit comfortably on by his side (sitting on the same bed as he is on can be awkward as the extra person distorts the mattress and can cause unexpected motion that could cause problems when You have something inside him). Also make sure there's enough light! It's important that You can see what You're doing AND his reactions too, so this isn't a time for dim mood lighting. I would treat the enema thing separately also, as long as he's emptied his bowels that day and had a good wash, there's not usually anything much to worry about. I ALWAYS use gloves to protect him from scratches and Me from anything that might emerge. DO check if he's allergic to latex though (ooooh so not nice there!) ... if so, You can buy vinyl gloves and allergy to those is much less likely.

Lube, lube and more lube ... just go gently, try the little finger first, or if You find that awkward, just Your index finger, take it slow, talk gently the whole time, reassure and praise. I usually start gliding up and down the crack first with the lube (feels good to most people) then just tickle a bit around the opening ... this may well turn him on a bit which is good. Ask him to bear down or at least concentrate on breathing out as You try to slide the tip in past the sphincter. Remember, this circular muscle is there to keep things in and other things out, so it will likely clamp down when it senses You. Be patient, give it time to relax, tell him to keep breathing ... say Relax! Relax! and see if it loosens a bit. If so, ease in a little more. Report Your progress ... "in up to the first joint, well done!" ... this builds confidence and the sense of success of overcoming nerves. Ask him for feedback as to which angle to move forward in ... it might not be realised that males have a longer anal canal than females. Generally that canal tilts forward towards the front of the body as it goes upwards in a standing person as seen from side on. Then it straightens out and tilts slightly towards the back of the body as it opens up into the rectum. If You're interested in finding the prostate for future "milking" it can be felt through the forward wall of the anal canal at about where it changes direction and starts to straighten up (pretty much a whole finger length in ... closer to the entrance than that You can feel the anal folds). In females the anal canal opens up into the rectum in only a couple of inches. Remember it's not a goal-achieving exercise ... just go as far as You and he feel comfortable with that first time. This may "open the way" (couldn't resist that LOL!) for future explorations!

One extra little thing - with all that lube and activity, it is usual for the sub to have a slightly loose motion the next time, usually a bit sooner than they might normally expect it to be. Can be a good idea to warn him of that and tell him not to wear his best underwear if he doesn't want the skidmarks! Good luck!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to HutchGarahl)
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RE: Introducing a sub to new kinds of play - 6/25/2007 5:03:57 PM   
pandoravampire


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At a $2 store, they sell plastic hoses that fit on bath taps. he can use that as a douche. Hold in, and rinse. simple and cheap. if you wanna go the enema/anal douche route.
But feaces is not stored in the rectum, its in the large bowel, and only descends to the rectum when your going to the loo. So no worries there usually. But be prepared for accidents. Coz if your gonna wanna play in this zone, things can get messy occasionally. How you respond with each other, when this occurs, can either be, laughing and taking a loving shower together, or freaking out that you've just had your first scat play and it was non consentual for both of you lol.
Anal takes lots of patience and some serious amounts of lube.
Done slow enough, with enough alternate stimulation (you know what makes him hot to trot) and you'll have his anus gaping for you in time.
sorry, not a domme, but a anal lover.
pandoravampire


(in reply to NovelApproach)
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RE: Introducing a sub to new kinds of play - 6/25/2007 6:10:50 PM   
petdave


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quote:

ORIGINAL: HutchGarahl

quote:

ORIGINAL: petdave

Well, you're not supposed to do that!


Who says or are you being sarcastic?


i was joking... i intended the little laughing guy at the end of the sentence to signify humor.

Can't amuse everyone, so ya gotta amuse yourself...

...dave

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RE: Introducing a sub to new kinds of play - 6/25/2007 9:10:20 PM   
NovelApproach


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Hey everyone, thanks so much for all your great advice.  I'm holding off on doing this for awhile, mostly because I want him to want this before we go through with it, but I have a pretty good idea of how to approach it once we finally get around to it.

Thanks again!
N

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RE: Introducing a sub to new kinds of play - 6/25/2007 9:21:05 PM   
undergroundsea


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From: Austin, TX
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pandoravampire
At a $2 store


They're called $2 stores now? Damn that inflation! ;-)

Cheers,

Sea

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