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RE: Finding someone or getting found - 6/12/2005 9:40:54 PM

testlimit

Posts: 47
Joined: 6/11/2005
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I think it's probably a complicated issue. For some it's likely as many others in this thread are implying, an escapism thing. They don't really want to meet a real person, they want to play a fantasy, perhaps a very long term fantasy, but a fantasy none the less. They might not really be aware enough of themselves to realize this is what they're doing. The lifestyle attracts alot of, well "hopeless romantics" in the worst conotations of the term (I'm a bit of one myself, but I'm consious of it most of the time and try not to get carried away with things...). Reality is hard. Alot of people would like to not have to deal with it. Some, on one level or another, view the lifestyle as a way of not having to deal with it.

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)

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RE: Finding someone or getting found - 6/12/2005 10:41:13 PM

synrgy33

Posts: 61
Joined: 4/4/2005
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I kind of agree with testlimit. Most are scared to breach this outside of the "fantasy" of being online. I know for about a year after I found BDSM I was abit nervous about it. i was married at the time, my spouse had no interests whatsoever. When I finially realized that this was a part of who and what I am, I couldn't deny it any longer. I didn't jump into the scene to find "THE ONE" I jumped into the scene to find experience and to find out if being spanked, flogging, submiting was all it was cracked up to be. Six years later... yeah.. it's all it's cracked up to be. I am very lucky that I found the Dominant I now serve within the lifestyle because I was out t here, and not online. We have known each other since near the start of my entrance into the scene. We began as friends as He had a submissive at the time. When we both were single, we just began dating and hanging out. Of course we entered into it knowing HE was Dominant, I was submissive etc, but we held no expectations of each other, other then having a good time together.

I also think, that when people first go to an event, munch or whatever it can be overwhelming. Most have met, been together at stuff, and now here's this new person entering into it. I try not to snub people especailly if I can tell they are new. Perhaps I can be overbearing with my friendliness, but I know how cliques form within a community.

Rambling syn!

syn~SD~

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RE: Finding someone or getting found - 6/13/2005 5:36:32 AM

fourpeas

Posts: 243
Joined: 5/6/2005
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I agree 100% with the OP about getting out there and living life. Well said. Enjoy yourself, seek people to have fun with, and seek people to play with and learn with. My advice would only be to let each experience be a learning one. I have certainly learned many lessons from the MANY MANY MANY mistakes I've made, some of them really hard ones... But each time you are involved with someone you can learn lessons about *yourself* that can help you figure out what you need in a life/long-term partner.... and if that person fits your romantic ideal of "the one" "the soulmate" then that's great too... Life certainly doesn't stop...

Well, it is also true that you/we know what we are looking for in the sense that everyone has at least taken the step to be honest about their desires.

So many people sit through their lives completely afraid to really go after what it is they truly hunger and desire for in life... I would commend every single member of this community for being honest and seeking out their desires and actively pursuing them instead of sitting at home, perhaps stuck in relationships that aren't fulfilling, and dreaming on.

SO that's one part of the equation....

I do agree that sometimes things like chemistry and etc., don't always work out and sometimes things can be not the same online as in real life,

BUT...

that said...

I always say this: You don't go shopping for a pair of pants or a skirt without knowing what you want, do you? Do you go to the grocery store just to "kick it" and not have any clue as to what you want? Or when you do, what happens? LOL you come back with a gazillion dollars worth of food that you don't really need!!!

I am not trying to judge. However, I just think *a* reason that people don't find what they are looking for is because they don't know. Certainly not "the" reason.

Make a list. Sit down and think, *really* think about what it is you want. What it is that you are truly looking for. You will undoubtedly meet people with those qualities. Put them through their paces. Go through a checklist in your head.

Notice I didn't put anything about a "fantasy" image on here. It is one thing to make a list of the qualities that you want in a partner/Dom/lover and quite another to say that you will only accept those qualities from someone who looks like Clark Gable.

My Dom had me make a list of the things I needed in a relationship (the things I absolutely couldn't do without), the things I desired in a relationship (the things I truly desired very much, but maybe were not vital) and my Intolerables (the list of the things that I absolutely CANNOT tolerate in a relationship.)

It really helped me. It really helped us both to have a list (that we can amend together and over time) to go by, just a guideline of sorts.

And no, things are not totally perfect or easy but it has helped me saying, okay, this person is satisfying my needs in a relationship, and I am trying to satisfy his, and therefore, I can deal with the fact that he does/doesn't ______ (Fill in the blank.)

I'm definitely too picky. And it's been a good exercise for me... Just throwing my thoughts out there.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

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RE: Finding someone or getting found - 6/15/2005 11:38:44 PM

asissyforher

Posts: 228
Joined: 5/20/2005
From: iowa now..maybe move soon.
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fourpeas
So many people sit through their lives completely afraid to really go after what it is they truly hunger and desire for in life... I would commend every single member of this community for being honest and seeking out their desires and actively pursuing them instead of sitting at home, perhaps stuck in relationships that aren't fulfilling, and dreaming on.

=========
this is WHY i have logged over 10,000 miles on the road....i go out to find what i can.....there is only one way through this life and you dont get to come back for a 2nd run at it.....
i dont just sit here typing.........i am searching.......and then go out in person to the door and say hey,,i'm here, are you still real or fake?
i am waiting til the 17th for this domme i met, to see what She has to say. and if She decided when i left turned my back out the door before i got down the hallway....so be it. i keep looking.

somewhere.....out there........is 'a' domme looking for a loyal service servant that asks for zero in return but Her smile.

a slave

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RE: Finding someone or getting found - 6/20/2005 5:16:48 PM

dragonofjapan

Posts: 91
Joined: 6/30/2004
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Oh My God! You're not suggesting I leave the HOUSE!?!?

I'd have to get dressed. and brush my teeth and wash my hair and everything.

What kind of a sick bastard are you?

Oh totalsubfuckslut27583 your the one for me, oh yeh ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

With the disgusting number of over 1000 sm relationships, I have met exactly one on line.

I have met zero on bdsm sites.

I am an eternal optimist, but.....I feel I am more likely to shit bricks of gold

I meet all of them in real life and NEVER when I am looking.

sneaky soft souled women, gotta love em ;-)

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She who serves truly rules

Life is not measured by the breaths we take,
but by the things which take our breath away

Honor is not making good choices,
it is dealing with the consequences.

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RE: Finding someone or getting found - 6/21/2005 6:32:11 PM

Blk4u2

Posts: 45
Joined: 3/8/2005
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My opinion..after having several conversations on here. Many ppl claim to be seeking friends, but are truly not. Especially us men. My sub has received numerous "Hi. How are you's" Only to have it them turn into essays on how they will control and use her. Even turning from a few friendly messages to, "are you sure you are happy with him?".

So honestly no...I will be glad when I finally do meet friends on here. Will I ever play with them, maybe, maybe not.

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RE: Finding someone or getting found - 6/22/2005 7:44:42 AM

dechala

Posts: 114
Joined: 2/20/2005
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Whenever i've discovered most of my major relationships i was never "looking" that was just how it always happened for me.One man that i dated for a year i met while buying a CD at Media Play of all places lol

So the "looking" thing never worked well for me.If it happens it happens,such is life

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"As soon we find a motel i'm gonna put my little honeybunny bride on the bed and tie her up.."
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RE: Finding someone or getting found - 6/23/2005 5:40:04 PM

maryellen

Posts: 4
Joined: 4/23/2005
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looking aww stoped that a long time ago rented the park bench to feed the birds....but i have found many wonderful friends on sites like this one and such that i wouldn't trade for the world...if and when i find someone i just hope he will enjoy the bird feeding with me

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know my mind....have my body......find my soul ....i am yours forever

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RE: Finding someone or getting found - 6/24/2005 7:00:57 AM

cumslutcockwhore

Posts: 46
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily

As some of you could probably see from my earlier parody post, I'm in a mood this week. Your milage will vary....

Why is it that so many people are looking for "The One" or a "Real" Master/slave...and on and on and on. Honestly, what's wrong with meeting people who are in the scene, who can be friends, who you can network through to gain access to other people who are looking for partners? Why do we have to strut around with such a fatalistic ideal of perfection? It would seem to me that life and opportunities sort of pass you by if you are only interested in one thing.

I recently met someone and I was so not looking it wasn't even funny. From both of our profiles, it looked like we were completely incompatible. I'd seen his profile prior to meeting him in real life at a munch (this was a random meeting, not scheduled) and there were things in it that turned me off as someone who might be potentially compatible.

The funny thing about profiles and chatting on line and even on the phone...there's nothing like real life. People's personalities just don't resonate over media like they do in real life.

We've gone from this odd little, albeit fun chit chat relationship at parties to going out and planning to play together.

So I guess what I'm saying is, if you are so busy looking for the "One True One" you might miss someone really fun.

Lily

ya must be on the "rag" alot lately PL.
i read alot here..... have an inactive profile cause i get bullshit (cause of my nic) and am not really looking..........

profiles are FRAMEWORKS and if anyone thinks anyone can tell about themselves here in cyber text better than real life...then, they better have there head examined......
tis why responding to an email with tell me more is ALWAYS perfered to no relpy at all.
Tis another pet peeve of mine.....
and other is some peeps sarcastic witty and antogonistic replies..... to ANYTHING!
real life introductions are always perfered...... but some folk dont want to get out from behind their screen...and some, like me, hate going to those messed up, obnoxious, cliqued munches unless i have to travel to Chicago......yes the WI ones suck...been there done that.

so back to my #1 pet peeve over all..... not interested is preferred to no sucking silent reply at all...but even better yet.... tell me more and ask some friggin questions.

"THE O/one" = M/my O/one = the one that fits me= the one i might like to get to know more = M/my play partner = M/mine........surely you seek suck....so wtf if someone calls that person "the O/one"?

no am not on the rag ....just seeing another of your rants makes me rant ....i hope you are really the greatest prson in REAL LIFE and no tthe way you are on here half the time, tearing peeps up

just me

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RE: Finding someone or getting found - 6/25/2005 10:55:40 AM

fillepink

Posts: 124
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i'm one of the guilty ones...waiting for Him. i have made several wonderful friends (mostly Doms) who are settled and unavailabke romantically, but whose love and support are priceless to me. it's not something my profile says i am seeking; it happened when i was active in chat here.

i am confused by the discussion; i am seeking a life partner (or Some one who also wants that and is not "taken") and i don't feel especially apologetic about it. i get email from men who are married, etc., and often offer my friendship; and sometimes they accept, but as another poster said, usually the friendship withers and dies because the Man keeps asking me for sex.

the Man i want is not perfect; nor am i living in chaos, in need of rescue. But He is Someone i feel i can trust and respect; and from that foundation, W/we attempt a relationship. So far, all attempts have failed. Does this mean i should stop searching? Change my profile to "just here to make friends"; etc.? Is this supposed to be the magic words that brings such a Man to my doorstep? i'm terribly confused by this thread.

fillepink

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RE: Finding someone or getting found - 6/25/2005 11:40:30 AM

cumslutcockwhore

Posts: 46
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quote:

ORIGINAL: fillepink

i'm one of the guilty ones...waiting for Him. i have made several wonderful friends (mostly Doms) who are settled and unavailabke romantically, but whose love and support are priceless to me. it's not something my profile says i am seeking; it happened when i was active in chat here.

i am confused by the discussion; i am seeking a life partner (or Some one who also wants that and is not "taken") and i don't feel especially apologetic about it. i get email from men who are married, etc., and often offer my friendship; and sometimes they accept, but as another poster said, usually the friendship withers and dies because the Man keeps asking me for sex.

the Man i want is not perfect; nor am i living in chaos, in need of rescue. But He is Someone i feel i can trust and respect; and from that foundation, W/we attempt a relationship. So far, all attempts have failed. Does this mean i should stop searching? Change my profile to "just here to make friends"; etc.? Is this supposed to be the magic words that brings such a Man to my doorstep? i'm terribly confused by this thread.

fillepink

my advice?
don't be confused by another's rants.
You put into the framework of your profile what you want.
i am often found saying it is my pet peeve when others dont respond to email by even 2 words..."not interested" how polite is that?????

Profiles are for what you need and want to say FRAMEWORKS/PICTURE FRAMES...... weed out the rest in email....You are an intelligent woman...this i know

...so go with your gut and dont be confused.

All "want" friendship" for 2 purposes..... to give or to get.
Good friendships are giving on both sides becasue of who you are not what lies between your legs.

{{hugs}}

~~just me

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RE: Finding someone or getting found - 6/25/2005 4:38:17 PM

lonewolf05

Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Oumae

I think many will find someone when they are not "looking" as they are more relaxed and show their true selves. If both are like this then there is a better chance of getting with someone who suits on many levels.

Some also take time to open up to people so can hide their light until you get to know them better.

Someone who is looking too hard can come across as desperate and that is unattractive.

Oumae

===============I think many will find someone when they are not "looking" as they are more relaxed and show their true selves.===

*******therein lies the problem. my natural aloofness scares people away. i have this feeling i am supposed to cling to their ankles and beg, so they feel needed, to be a Domme.
i talk to folks like i am standing next to you at kmart and people cannot seem to grasp this, like i am supposed to form a new language here online they understand better.
sighs.............
my 2 cents
sorry.

quote:

I think many will find someone when they are not "looking" as they are more relaxed and show their true selves.

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RE: Finding someone or getting found - 6/25/2005 9:15:05 PM

LdyAuburn

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Joined: 5/9/2004
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My current and I were introduced by friends, admittedly we knew of each because we were both fairly social in our local scenes. An acquataince I had in my area moved south and shared a place with him. When I mentioned that I was looking for a new play partner, someone not local and who didnt want major commitment, she suggested him to me.. and me to him. So now over four years on still rather happy, and kinda blew the no major commitment bit. We got married

regards

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RE: Finding someone or getting found - 6/26/2005 4:58:20 AM

allybear

Posts: 14
Joined: 4/4/2005
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I think part of the problem is, there are a lot of judgmental players. Some people look down on people who aren't looking for their One True Master. I've met people who yell at casual players or who make fun of people who are just into BDSM part time.

Personally, I'm looking for friends more than lovers. And if someone is a friend, I could careless about their involvement in BDSM as long as I find them interesting as a person. Everyone isn't a potential mate so we should stop knocking how they choose to play.

IMO of course.

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