RE: Stop shouting. Can't you see I'm not listening?

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RE: Stop shouting. Can't you see I'm not listening? - 6/25/2007 2:15:48 PM

HornyToadsMI

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Oh, and i am starting to discover i have been a bit of a SAM......so maybe have of the time i am asking for it.....

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RE: Stop shouting. Can't you see I'm not listening? - 6/25/2007 2:52:55 PM

daddysprop247

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

re: the topic line...
i wish i could be that rational with someone yelling at me to say something like that...due to nearly 24 years of living with someone who yells, and picks and won't let you leave the room when he's mad, i don't do people yelling at me...in fact thats a hard limit...if someone yells at me, i shut down, i dissasociate faster than greased owl shit...and they're probably not ready for the person that comes out...
that being said, i try never to be the cause of the fight and use techniques i learned at mental hospitals for diffusing situations lol...i spent way to many years living with this person (my father) to want any kind of relationship that even resembles that...arguments are calm rational oppossing opinions...fights are not...i love arguing, hate fighting...so i wouldn't put myself in a position where having an opinion not of my Master's was against any rules causing reason for punishment....
chelle

you and i share a similar definition of arguing. i love passionate, respectful debate, learning about other viewpoints and teaching someone else about mine. however as i said for my Master it is a bit different. also i am never punished for having an opinion that differs from his, and have never been punished due to an argument. however dissenting opinions, especially from his slave, irritate him, so it's a good idea to avoid going there altogether. when he asks for my opinion, i am free to express it. when he shares his own opinion or thoughts and i don't agree, keep my mouth shut. if he's made a final decision about something, don't question, keep my mouth shut and mind him.

i can understand not wanting to be with someone with a bad temper, it took me some getting used to as well, after the initial new slave fascination of "oooh he's so passionate! so aggressive!" wore off, lol. however i think with our temperaments being so different we are good complements to one another, and that i help calm him down and that he helps pump me up when needed.

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RE: Stop shouting. Can't you see I'm not listening? - 6/25/2007 2:58:44 PM

SlND3R3LLA

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quote:

ORIGINAL: spanklette

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlND3R3LLA

I usually back off of it whenever there is something we don't agree on. I know that my Master has a temper, and I prefer not to be at the receiving end of it. It doesn't really have so much to do with him being the dominant, it has more to do with the fact I hate to argue or fight. Things always get said that neither person really means, then you both end up feeling like crap.

I have more of a tendency to just clam up, or let it drop and walk away a while. When you live with anyone every single day, there are going to be times of tension, it's just like in any other relationship, you learn to get through it the best you can.

So, you're talking about not liking confrontation rather than protocol?

My Master gets frustrated when we disagree, he doesn't really want to hear anything I have to say on the subject. I have learned it's best to bite my tongue (literally) and walk away. There is protocol in our home, but not to the point that a lot of slaves have. I don't think there is too much we have really argued about up to this point, I am not sure if that is because we get along so well, or because I keep my mouth shut for the most part.

I don't like others mad at me, I don't like tension, I hate fighting, I feel bad afterward...etc. It usually doesn't seem worth the bother to take it to the next level. If it is something I do feel very strongly about, I can be very vocal, but I save that for when it matters most.

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RE: Stop shouting. Can't you see I'm not listening? - 6/25/2007 3:22:08 PM

earthycouple

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I would never punish Robert for speaking how he feels as long as he is communicating and not trying to hurt during a discussion. I don't believe in hurting people with comments like "well you bitch" or "I hate you" in the heat of even the most heated arguments.

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RE: Stop shouting. Can't you see I'm not listening? - 6/25/2007 3:24:12 PM

Joseff

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I'm probably not the best person to ask, seeing as how our relationship is more marriage than D/s. Not being full time gives us a lot of freedom to express ourselves, and boy do we. I usually don't let those times effect what occurs when we are, well, for want of a better term, playing. I did, however, recently repeat the phrase: "hold my purse!" during one particularly vigorous flogging.
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RE: Stop shouting. Can't you see I'm not listening? - 6/25/2007 3:45:32 PM

Trampler

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Well have yet to be in a D/s relationship, (unless you count the very brief one I had with my last bf.) But I don't think I would punish my sub for something they said in a argument. (or at the very least wait until both of us had calmed down. Then make him/her write a couple thousand lines and stand in a corner for a few hours. hehehe. Considering I want my subs to be pain sluts, I think that spanking and stuff like that wouldn't help the situation.

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RE: Stop shouting. Can't you see I'm not listening? - 6/25/2007 3:49:06 PM

spanklette

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HornyToadsMI

If Toad took that out of my arsenal, i would be lost! lol Since i am a "newbie", not sure if you are full time? We had the marriage first, then moved this direction. So, i tend to look at things a little different.

We live together in what I would describe as TPE. We've been together for aout 3 years now...I think. I'm so terrible with dates. Anyway, we met based on the dynamic, however marriage and a black picket fence are somewhere in the future, I'm sure.

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RE: Stop shouting. Can't you see I'm not listening? - 6/25/2007 3:52:51 PM

spanklette

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Trampler

Well have yet to be in a D/s relationship, (unless you count the very brief one I had with my last bf.) But I don't think I would punish my sub for something they said in a argument. (or at the very least wait until both of us had calmed down. Then make him/her write a couple thousand lines and stand in a corner for a few hours. hehehe. Considering I want my subs to be pain sluts, I think that spanking and stuff like that wouldn't help the situation.

I can count on one hand how many times I've been punished...none of them involved anything fun such as spanking.

If he punished me for arguing, I'd have to use everybody's hands to count the punishments.

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RE: Stop shouting. Can't you see I'm not listening? - 6/25/2007 3:58:05 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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I never raise my voice,,however I can and do speak in a calm, cutting manner when especially angered, and admittedly can be one sarcastic bitch..with all that said..it takes a lot for me to get to that point..I wonder though if any submissives find themselves punished for a certain look upon the face??..Tempting

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RE: Stop shouting. Can't you see I'm not listening? - 6/25/2007 4:03:00 PM

LotusSong

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quote:

ORIGINAL: spanklette

Anyway, it just made me curious about how Dominants and submissives communicate.

When I stop talking.... he'd better be listening.

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RE: Stop shouting. Can't you see I'm not listening? - 6/25/2007 4:07:40 PM

spanklette

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

quote:

ORIGINAL: spanklette

Anyway, it just made me curious about how Dominants and submissives communicate.

When I stop talking.... he'd better be listening.

Gonna take me a few minutes to digest that one. Sounds like something Daddy would say...or He's probably already said it...

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RE: Stop shouting. Can't you see I'm not listening? - 6/25/2007 4:12:52 PM

spanklette

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quote:

ORIGINAL: earthycouple

I would never punish Robert for speaking how he feels as long as he is communicating and not trying to hurt during a discussion. I don't believe in hurting people with comments like "well you bitch" or "I hate you" in the heat of even the most heated arguments.

I agree...name calling has no place in our home. Well, at least during a serious argument...

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RE: Stop shouting. Can't you see I'm not listening? - 6/25/2007 4:14:58 PM

spanklette

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

I never raise my voice,,however I can and do speak in a calm, cutting manner when especially angered, and admittedly can be one sarcastic bitch..with all that said..it takes a lot for me to get to that point..I wonder though if any submissives find themselves punished for a certain look upon the face??..Tempting

I know submissives who have been punished for rolling their eyes and other non verbal cues...but not a "look" per se.

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RE: Stop shouting. Can't you see I'm not listening? - 6/25/2007 8:27:20 PM

Eldritchdancer

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Having read the Thread, I must say that I am... appalled at some of the Dom behaviors listed.

I was raised that everyone has the right to an opinion. Being Lifestyle doesn't change that, though it does change the acceptable delivery options. A differing opinion is not argument.

If a sub under me has a differing opinion of something, I listen. Ya never know when you might learn something new, or see things in a different light. As I believe opinions are malleable, mine can change.

Master Darkmoon

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RE: Stop shouting. Can't you see I'm not listening? - 6/25/2007 9:41:37 PM

rmanrr

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Greetings all....
I happen to agree with Darkmoon but will add some of My own thoughts. 1. I never punish when angry....and an argument (fight)...would make Me angry or occur when I was. So then...after I calm down...I think...and realize...that I may have been wrong...and to punish someone else when I was wrong is the height of not being rational. 2. I demand that My girl is completley open and honest...be it good or bad....else how can I know what she is thinking. I do not read minds...although My girl and I are on the same page even the same line at times. 3. I can learn as well from her as she can from Me. I call it being balanced in our dynamic. 4. Argument...is not yelling and screaming but polite discourse with varying viewpoints some of which disagree. In a calm setting argument is a vehicle for growth on both sides of the kneel. If each come away with insight and such to inspire thought and reflection...then argument is a good thing.
Make no mistake...I have been the target of a tirade or two on her part....and calmly took it all...then asked if she was done. I let her calm down and then discussed things with her. As such, we both grew in our relationship. I have not yelled at her yet...I might yet at some future point....but not yet.
Wishing all of you a pleasant (insert time of day here).

< Message edited by rmanrr -- 6/25/2007 9:43:16 PM >

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RE: Stop shouting. Can't you see I'm not listening? - 6/25/2007 9:50:44 PM

DiurnalVampire

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quote:

ORIGINAL: spanklette

So, for all of those in favor of open communication...what happens when there is an argument or *gasp* a fight?

We've never had a real fight. Angel and I fight over video games, Kitten and I fight over the remote... but we have never had real fights.
If I were angry, which i have been, I know not to punish until I have cooled down. And I cant imagine an argument where we would get heaed enough for em to want to punish and where he would breka the tension and just succumb to whatever I wanted to deal out. If we have been pushed to the point where we are actualy fighting about something, I am willing to guess that the D/s part of what we are is thrown by the wayside.
But thats just us.
I do not get upset when my boys are being boys, being difficult children and being stressed out students. I acept and move on, and know it will blow over.

DV

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RE: Stop shouting. Can't you see I'm not listening? - 6/25/2007 10:51:39 PM

TennesseeRain

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Thank you for this thread. I have enjoyed reading the responses. I try to hold my tongue and sit quietly until the anger passes. Unfortunately, I am not always successful...lol. We do discuss the issue later when we are both calm. I have been punished for being disrespectful, but never physically.

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RE: Stop shouting. Can't you see I'm not listening? - 6/26/2007 3:16:35 AM

MaamJay

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Master and i only argue in a non-productive debate meaning of the word when W/we are tired or HUNGRY LOL! W/we have recognised this, so if a disagreement starts rearing its head W/we now tend to say ... do W/we need bed or food before W/we discuss this? i'm more inclined to get snappy than actually shout, He gives me a stern look or says "And just WHO do you think you're talking to?" which tends to get me off my high horse in a hurry! W/we are both remarkably good at calming down within 30 mins max and talking it through very calmly and clearly, more often than not it's a difference in perception of the meaning of words spoken or looks exchanged rather than a major disagreement. If it's a factual difference of opinion (eg politics, something about the environment or whatever) W/we debate away keenly but politely and are able to agree to disagree if neither of U/us has succeeded in winning over the other!

I have lived with a drama queen who takes everything personally, sulks for days, has tantrums etc ... NEVER AGAIN! I want someone who is mature enough to realise he's not infallible, who loves to learn and listen to the opinions of others, who puts the relationship first above his own wants and who gets the most angry at himself if he's stuffed up! I've found all that in Master ... which is why W/we are very very happy after 3 years 24/7!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: Stop shouting. Can't you see I'm not listening? - 6/26/2007 3:36:25 AM

Dane

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Interesting posts from everyone.
I am an extremely controlling man, whether you want to call it TPE or Gor is up to you. At the same time, though, I have no specific problem with my slave getting angry or arguing. There's a learning opportunity in releasing one's inner demons, so long as your partner is able to safely contain them. If my girl is deliberately becoming sarcastic, "nasty" and aggressive, I would stop the original conversation that was causing it and directly address her on why she was attacking me. Although she might continue to vent for a few minutes, this is almost always enough to get her to stop and think about how she's feeling and why it's so important for her to be on the attack. Quite often, I get a lot of insight about what's really on her mind during these less-than-polite moments. If she lashed out physically, then of course I'd have to gently sit on her until she became rational *S*.

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RE: Stop shouting. Can't you see I'm not listening? - 6/26/2007 8:18:18 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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I've never thought to punish things during an argument- after all, if you're having an argument, it means both of you are actively involved in it and you're telling the slave "This is an OK thing to do" If I were to then punish them for it, that would just cause more problems.

However, I might stop them, correct a habit in them, or change how I treat them afterwards based on the argument.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_978126/mpage_1/key_argue/tm.htm#978415
do you argue?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_700068/mpage_2/key_argue/tm.htm#700517
Arguments and the Ds relationship

http://www.collarchat.com/m_947097/mpage_1/key_fighting/tm.htm#947336
Saying "I hate you" name calling and fighting

http://www.collarchat.com/m_353075/mpage_1/key_fighting/tm.htm#353872
Fighting

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