RE: Stop shouting. Can't you see I'm not listening?

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RE: Stop shouting. Can't you see I'm not listening? - 6/26/2007 9:22:19 AM

jauntyone

Posts: 543
Joined: 2/27/2007
From: Anchorage Alaska
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Greetings

Master and I debate/disagree often. As long as I remain respectful; my voice never raises; and I keep myself in 'check', he is quite happy to let me debate and disagree all I want It does not mean that the final outcome will change; his decisions are still final; but he enjoys knowing that I have opinions that I am not afraid to voice. There have been very few instances that he has ever just 'laid down the law' and stated that my input was not wanted.

I will say though that during a discussion, the minute my voice raises or I become disrespectful, the conversation is over with no chance of being brought up again.

I wish you well

melissa

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RE: Stop shouting. Can't you see I'm not listening? - 6/26/2007 9:42:46 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jauntyone
I will say though that during a discussion, the minute my voice raises or I become disrespectful, the conversation is over with no chance of being brought up again.

Interesting. My method would be that because you got emotional over it would signify that it's something I should DEFINITELY discuss again.

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RE: Stop shouting. Can't you see I'm not listening? - 6/26/2007 12:06:35 PM

jauntyone

Posts: 543
Joined: 2/27/2007
From: Anchorage Alaska
Status: offline

Greetings LuckyAlbatross

quote:

Interesting. My method would be that because you got emotional over it would signify that it's something I should DEFINITELY discuss again.

I can not speak for Master or his reasons for doing things in this way, but I do know that I am a very emotional person, especially when I feel strongly about something. In the beginning of our relationship, we would often get into some very emotionally draining arguments because I would become angry, belligerent, and sarcastic if I felt that he was not listening to my opinion on things. It got so that we almost dreaded discussing anything. Over time, this method of discussion has helped me to keep the emotions under control so that when something serious DOES arise, we can discuss it rationally.

Keep the voice calm, and the words respectful...LOL, it makes for much nicer and much more lively discussions, even when we disagree; not to mention that like responds with like. If I am respectful and calm; Master remains respectful and calm.

I wish you well on this beautiful day

melissa

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RE: Stop shouting. Can't you see I'm not listening? - 6/26/2007 12:11:42 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
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From: NYS
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He's more likely to get riled up than I am, and usually it isn't over the issue at hand. Usually there's something else going on that annoys him and then the issue he loses it over is just the last straw.

My response is to shut down until he calms down. The problem we hit is he says that's fine, we'll discuss it in the morning, but then he keeps pushing to talk about it. That doesn't work because I can't talk calmly and explain myself thoroughly to someone who is royally mad. Then he only gets more angry because I manage to stumble through a sentence or two, but not the whole problem from my viewpoint, and he seizes on something I couldn't explain.

Just shut up about it and get back under control is what I ought to yell but I don't. If I could it might shock him enough to realize how his temper is fueling the argument. He won't let it drop, he won't sleep on it, he won't let me get any sleep and this exacerbates the problem turning what ought to have been a half hour conversation into a two day drama fest on both sides and finally after all the shouting (his) and tears (mine) are over then we sit down drained and solve the problem in half an hour. Thankfully it happens very rarely.

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RE: Stop shouting. Can't you see I'm not listening? - 6/26/2007 12:34:44 PM

flowered

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Joined: 4/3/2006
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Argue? I enjoy it...middle child with two brothers, it's a part of life.
But when he doesn't want to argue or discuss somethng further? Well there's this thing..I think it's called a gag...well he uses that. Then I glare at him...and there's this thing, I think it's called a blindfold....and well he uses that.
After that there's this thing....ooo and it's private ^^

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RE: Stop shouting. Can't you see I'm not listening? - 6/26/2007 1:34:36 PM

Ayanaev717

Posts: 72
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I just have to say this...but please note that although a submissive should be cautious in engaging in a arguement. Dominants are humans just as submissives. Everyone has to blow of stem but there should be a thin line of crossing over into abusiveness. Just because I am a Dominant woman doesn't mean I have the right to verbally/emotionally/ abuse my submissive because I know they will let me. People should know how to take time-outs. To walk away...or better yet shut the heck up and let things become quiet and then talk. However if a fight is going to happen...I would NEVER punish a submissive for what was said in the argument ESPECIALLY if I engaged in the arguing as well. Unless there was some sort of agreement beforehand about this particular engagement than I would think this should be considered abusive.

There has to be limits to everything.

Always,

Ayanaev

PS: Nothing wrong with a debate however.

< Message edited by Ayanaev717 -- 6/26/2007 1:36:40 PM >

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RE: Stop shouting. Can't you see I'm not listening? - 6/26/2007 3:12:27 PM

softness

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Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
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under previous ownership i was given a chair to sit in .. sitting in the chair was my free space i could say anything i needed to say without fear of consequence - for me this was hugely important. I dont have a temper really - i dont shout or stamp because in my job it just wouldn't work out. I am a thinking feeling person and I am young, i freely admit that I am not always old enough to always express myself with the maturity i should . I found having the chair very useful because i was able to communicate freely without worrying, it came about because i would often not say something important for fear of the come back. That is just what worked for me then ... perhaps now i wouldn't need it.

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RE: Stop shouting. Can't you see I'm not listening? - 6/26/2007 3:52:36 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
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quote:

ORIGINAL: spanklette
does your protocol allow for free speech and if not, how do you communicate your needs?

Hello spanklette,
I wouldn't use the term "protocol" really because that always conjures up images of rigid formality for me but Master does not only allow me to speak freely, He expects it. I've spoken often on the forums about how Master considers it one of the worst forms of disobedience to harbor negative thoughts/feelings without giving them voice to Him. As my Owner, He owns all of me and He states that this means that I am to be emotionally transparent. He doesn't only want my "happy"

thoughts, if anything is disturbing, troubling, worrying, or in any way upsetting me, He wants to discuss it. He can detect it in my voice and demeanor as capable as I may think I am of disguising it, and He will ask me what the matter is. If I say "nothing" when He fully knows better, He will ask again and insist that I speak truthfully. I always do and there has never been a time when, after we have talked, that I haven't felt better. I am still not perfectly obedient in such matters but I have come a long way so far. I don't know why I ever hesitate to tell Him all unless it's simply because I see it as preferable not to "burden" Him. He's made it clear that my burden is His burden and He wants to know all. It's not my choice to make to keep things hidden.....slave luci

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RE: Stop shouting. Can't you see I'm not listening? - 6/26/2007 5:48:13 PM

sambamanslilgirl

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Daddy and i argue (sometimes) when ideas and opinions collide - i hate the fact He's right most of the time. i don't like arguing with Him however there are times when i feel He's not understanding my pov so i push and push until He simply ignores me for awhile. it's not a punishment but it's His way of telling me that He doesn't like it when i let my temper get the best of me. and once i do calm down, apologies are said and things slowly return back to normal.

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RE: Stop shouting. Can't you see I'm not listening? - 6/26/2007 9:55:04 PM

wwwkevinww

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I really don't like yelling....both sides should be able to communicate without the anger....

not talking about how you feel isn't good either, so you have to discuss everything and anything to be true-ly intimate....with intimacy as the goal, you should if things get too heated agree to disagree....

if you wonder where your intimacy has gone in a relationship, question how much you really share feelings and thoughts with each other.....

That is one of the reasons I think a TPE relationship is better, with one person having the ultimate say, if no agreement can come, then by default it goes to whatever the dominant one in the relationship decides....

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RE: Stop shouting. Can't you see I'm not listening? - 6/26/2007 10:09:50 PM

FelinePersuasion

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we were in the car and I was fussing over something his brother proposed to do, regarding something to do with james., I don't like his brother James knows this, he said we're not having this conversation, do you understand we're not talking about my family any more unless we get married then we may talk about the issue of you not liking them.. I said whatever in an really icy pissy tone. I don't get punished for things or tones used in fights, We rarely fight though,

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