To train or not to train....?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

To train or not to train....?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> To train or not to train....?

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

To train or not to train....? - 6/27/2007 8:08:52 AM

Ayanaev717

Posts: 72
Status: offline

I met a potential and I figure the conversation is going well and we are definitely feeling each other. And so I begin to test to see if he is truly serious, by giving instructions from online. The thing it is, I am not sure if this is the right thing to do. Some leave the training just to real-time, but I often wonder, how do you know if he is truly going to submit if you don't test the waters? My problem is that I test and they do, and then they may not do what I instructed. Knowing they can get away with this on-line. Now I am in trouble because I have to correct or punish.

I am not sure if I am doing more damage than good. Should, I wait? Or should I simply test waters and if they fail and consistently fail move on? Or maybe I am setting things up for failure?

Thanks in advance for your responses.

A

Post #: 1

RE: To train or not to train....? - 6/27/2007 8:17:54 AM

DiannaVesta

Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
Status: offline

why don't you start off by just getting to know each other & seeing if you're compatiable. If you question his sincerity then give him a non-scene task and see how he acts. Maybe request an essay, ask him to meet with you, etc. whatever YOU feel comfortable with.

Don't play into thrill seekers and time wasters. Many of these guys get women to play online and talk on the phone with no intention of following through.

_____________________________

(in reply to Ayanaev717)

Post #: 2

RE: To train or not to train....? - 6/27/2007 8:44:47 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I think this issue of "how do you know" online is the major reason I don't do online anything with Ds. I tried it and frankly it was feel very hollow to me because there was no way I could ever know that I had been obeyed or not.

Someone might say "get a webcam" but I think Ds is more than obeying when you are watched and certainly more than just doing an action or an activity.

So if you want to test before you commit any face-to-face time, make it something you must be sent. One single time of not doing as told in the time given should be all you need to know to make a decision. Someone who is serious is going to get these things done.

Be fair though too and not use online as a substitute for meeting face-to-face. Make the tasks specific and limited before you make a decision to take things a step further. Otherwise it can feel like you aren't being serious or taking their interest seriously.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Ayanaev717)

Post #: 3

RE: To train or not to train....? - 6/27/2007 10:22:15 AM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

It's this same concept when involving long distance that has gotten me thinking quite a bit lately. I'm not really sure long distance can work, and I certainly don't believe in an online relationship.

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me

http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 4

RE: To train or not to train....? - 6/27/2007 10:29:28 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

as you know training takes a lot of focus and deep investment in to a person. training is also a way to create deeper bonding. i would not train on line for 3 reasons

1 why buy the cow when the milk is free...
2 all that effort can disappear in a *poof* as happens so often.
3. i dont believe in punishment but i do believe in course corrections, and course corrections are futile if you can be there to sense the shift to calm submissive.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 5

RE: To train or not to train....? - 6/27/2007 10:39:01 AM

Politesub53

Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

If both parties are honest with each other then online can be a good starting point.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 6

RE: To train or not to train....? - 6/27/2007 10:51:14 AM

Ayanaev717

Posts: 72
Status: offline

Thank you all for your suggestions and responses. I know I don't want to do online but just a simple test. So far this potential has done a lot of what I have requested. I guess I need to be fair because you never know what happens in the vanilla world to someone.

Again thanks,

A

(in reply to Politesub53)

Post #: 7

RE: To train or not to train....? - 6/27/2007 11:41:56 AM

DiannaVesta

Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

It's this same concept when involving long distance that has gotten me thinking quite a bit lately. I'm not really sure long distance can work, and I certainly don't believe in an online relationship.

I don't agree with this. I think that when you are so far into a sub-culture you really are not going to find your soul mate down the street. I know no limits when it comes to distance because I know that if I find that we are compatible, even if it means online, phone, etc. that I am willing to travel or have them travel to see if we have more. The best slaves I have ever had were people I met online, got to know and spent time with later after we established compatibility.

The most important hurdle is consistency and commitment. If I really want something then wild horses won’t keep me from it. You can stand on the sidelines expecting something to fall into your lap because you want it.

Too many people make excuses but they never really step up to the plate. If I had a dime for every male that said he wanted to serve me then I would be a millionaire three times over. In 20 years I have spend countless hours, magnitudes of energy and emotion on males that flee with the wind. You all want REAL female domination but the reality is that very few are strong enough to commit to it and the REAL REAL FUCKING REALITY is that they all want a woman to cater to their needs.

Now every now and then we’re lucky to find a gem amongst the dust and unfortunately they end up paying the dues of all the dick weeds that have OVER GROWN our beautiful gardens. So to get back on topic and address the REALITY, rather then piss moan and find excuses I’ll give you an example…

I have a slave in training right now to be one of my primary slaves. He lives in Texas. After careful research he contacts me. He IS truly submissive, however he is also strong, smart and knows what he wants. He made the decision it was me because in his heart he knew that I was the woman of his dreams. He stops at nothing to get my attention and keep it. Not once has an excuse come out of his mouth. I have given him task and each time he just does it without question. Each and every single day he finds ways to prove his devotion through his actions, not words and promises. As he proves his sincerity, step by step I open up and become more generous. He is honored by my calls and text messages.

So does the distance or obstacles stop him? Hell no. He just keeps on, doing the training, writing his journal, finding ways to make me happy. So in a few months I’ll fly there or he’ll fly to me. We’ll see how we get on and the rest will just happen.

BUT one thing is for sure is that we have to believe in our hearts that something is possible and that desire should know no boundries.

_____________________________

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 8

RE: To train or not to train....? - 6/27/2007 12:36:35 PM

Ayanaev717

Posts: 72
Status: offline

Dear DiannaVesta

This makes so much sense. If someone wants someone bad enough they will do anything to obtain that attention for that person. Anything. Very wise. Meaning the submissive will submit and the Domme will lead and go get who she wants. Excellent thoughts.

I have to think about this more.

Sincerely,

A

< Message edited by Ayanaev717 -- 6/27/2007 12:37:52 PM >

(in reply to DiannaVesta)

Post #: 9

RE: To train or not to train....? - 6/27/2007 1:26:36 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

Well, I'm glad you found what you were seeking.

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me

http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to DiannaVesta)

Post #: 10

RE: To train or not to train....? - 6/27/2007 1:34:37 PM

DiannaVesta

Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

Well, I'm glad you found what you were seeking.

So am I. Now I just need one more.

_____________________________

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 11

RE: To train or not to train....? - 6/27/2007 1:54:45 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

It's this same concept when involving long distance that has gotten me thinking quite a bit lately. I'm not really sure long distance can work, and I certainly don't believe in an online relationship.

I refuse to be involved with anyone who lives more than three hours drive from me. I have my program I follow and anyone living a greater distance cannot follow my program.

My best subs and slaves have always been found at local munches and in local BDSM organizations. Usually when I was not looking or was all ready in a relationship.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 12

RE: To train or not to train....? - 6/27/2007 2:30:46 PM

Bonafied

Posts: 16
Joined: 2/11/2007
Status: offline

Remember when you control the mind, the body readily follows.
On line is an excellent vehicle for developing time frames conducts behaviors and mind controls.
A mental emotional strategically implemented sequential series of conversations and events having nothing at all to do with D/s opens the door. You then wonder freely down the corridors of his or her mind and the proverbial mind fuck takes its own course. But you are controlling it in terms of time, in terms of expectation and how it unfolds.
On line evaluation is an art form with many varying crossroads but it is highly effective if innovation and creativity are the tools used.

(in reply to Ayanaev717)

Post #: 13

RE: To train or not to train....? - 6/27/2007 3:10:24 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DiannaVesta

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

It's this same concept when involving long distance that has gotten me thinking quite a bit lately. I'm not really sure long distance can work, and I certainly don't believe in an online relationship.

I don't agree with this. I think that when you are so far into a sub-culture you really are not going to find your soul mate down the street. I know no limits when it comes to distance because I know that if I find that we are compatible, even if it means online, phone, etc. that I am willing to travel or have them travel to see if we have more. The best slaves I have ever had were people I met online, got to know and spent time with later after we established compatibility.

Dianna you are on the money, as usual!

The most important hurdle is consistency and commitment. If I really want something then wild horses won’t keep me from it. You can stand on the sidelines expecting something to fall into your lap because you want it.

It is actually easier to see who is sincere or not, when they have to actually delay instant gratification and take the time to get to know you.

Too many people make excuses but they never really step up to the plate. If I had a dime for every male that said he wanted to serve me then I would be a millionaire three times over. In 20 years I have spend countless hours, magnitudes of energy and emotion on males that flee with the wind. You all want REAL female domination but the reality is that very few are strong enough to commit to it and the REAL REAL FUCKING REALITY is that they all want a woman to cater to their needs.

Preach it my pretty sister girl!

Now every now and then we’re lucky to find a gem amongst the dust and unfortunately they end up paying the dues of all the dick weeds that have OVER GROWN our beautiful gardens. So to get back on topic and address the REALITY, rather then piss moan and find excuses I’ll give you an example…

I have a slave in training right now to be one of my primary slaves. He lives in Texas. After careful research he contacts me. He IS truly submissive, however he is also strong, smart and knows what he wants. He made the decision it was me because in his heart he knew that I was the woman of his dreams. He stops at nothing to get my attention and keep it. Not once has an excuse come out of his mouth. I have given him task and each time he just does it without question. Each and every single day he finds ways to prove his devotion through his actions, not words and promises. As he proves his sincerity, step by step I open up and become more generous. He is honored by my calls and text messages.

So does the distance or obstacles stop him? Hell no. He just keeps on, doing the training, writing his journal, finding ways to make me happy. So in a few months I’ll fly there or he’ll fly to me. We’ll see how we get on and the rest will just happen.

He sounds serious, the majority around here would have been long gone by now.

BUT one thing is for sure is that we have to believe in our hearts that something is possible and that desire should know no boundries.

Another wonderful post dead on, Dianna!
Good luck to your very promising submissive and good luck to you Ayanaev!

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to DiannaVesta)

Post #: 14

RE: To train or not to train....? - 6/27/2007 3:15:54 PM

hereyesruponyou

Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline

Dianna,

You really hit the nail on the head in so many ways. Thank you for your insight and sharing your experience. It's made me rethink some things myself and i think because of that i may be giving someone a chance that i might have passed up due to my own weariness with the chase. Now i am thinking i will let him chase after all.

M

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 15

RE: To train or not to train....? - 6/27/2007 3:22:44 PM

Ayanaev717

Posts: 72
Status: offline

Bonafied

I do agree with your thoughts. I believe training must start from the mind first and one way to start is through the venue we are already using. It feels a lot better knowing that the person you're speaking too can to what they are told. As I think I grow and this is why I am here. To learn and to reflect as much as possible. The last thing I would ever want is to place harm on myself or anyone else. Or to let someone harm me.

Sincerely,

A

< Message edited by Ayanaev717 -- 6/27/2007 3:23:24 PM >

(in reply to hereyesruponyou)

Post #: 16

RE: To train or not to train....? - 6/27/2007 3:49:11 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hereyesruponyou

Dianna,

You really hit the nail on the head in so many ways. Thank you for your insight and sharing your experience. It's made me rethink some things myself and i think because of that i may be giving someone a chance that i might have passed up due to my own weariness with the chase. Now i am thinking i will let him chase after all.

M

Sounds worth looking into.
I am totally with Dianna on this, I don't like laid back and casual submissives.
ewww
The only person that should be totally laid back is ME.
I want someone that will chase me, run behind me, beg, crawl and do whatever he needs to do
to get me.
Then continue doing, what he needs to do, to KEEP ME.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 6/27/2007 3:50:42 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to hereyesruponyou)

Post #: 17

RE: To train or not to train....? - 6/27/2007 4:20:05 PM

SDFemDom4cuck

Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

quote:

ORIGINAL: hereyesruponyou

Dianna,

You really hit the nail on the head in so many ways. Thank you for your insight and sharing your experience. It's made me rethink some things myself and i think because of that i may be giving someone a chance that i might have passed up due to my own weariness with the chase. Now i am thinking i will let him chase after all.

M

Sounds worth looking into.
I am totally with Dianna on this, I don't like laid back and casual submissives.
ewww
The only person that should be totally laid back is ME.
I want someone that will chase me, run behind me, beg, crawl and do whatever he needs to do
to get me.
Then continue doing, what he needs to do, to KEEP ME.

I agree with both of you Dianna and Mia! Actions speak far louder than words. While I've always known it I've been unfortunately reminded of that recently. Sigh.

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 18

RE: To train or not to train....? - 6/27/2007 6:35:19 PM

Noah

Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ayanaev717

I met a potential and I figure the conversation is going well and we are definitely feeling each other. And so I begin to test to see if he is truly serious, by giving instructions from online. The thing it is, I am not sure if this is the right thing to do. Some leave the training just to real-time, but I often wonder, how do you know if he is truly going to submit if you don't test the waters? My problem is that I test and they do, and then they may not do what I instructed. Knowing they can get away with this on-line. Now I am in trouble because I have to correct or punish.

I am not sure if I am doing more damage than good. Should, I wait? Or should I simply test waters and if they fail and consistently fail move on? Or maybe I am setting things up for failure?

Thanks in advance for your responses.

A

I wouldn't undertake to train, or test, anyone who inspired me with feelings of suspicion.

As I moved away from the training dynamic with that person, and before I moved away from that person altogether, I hope I would forthrightly consider that the main ingredients of my suspicious responses might just as well lie in me as in her. I hope I would remain open to the possibility that these factors might be reliable and precious or they might be things I'd do well to evaluate critically.

(in reply to Ayanaev717)

Post #: 19

RE: To train or not to train....? - 6/27/2007 11:56:56 PM

ocilla

Posts: 1764
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline

Great thread - full of insights. My only issue with the online peice is that I am wildly creative and my imagination gets the better of me every time. And when my imagination gets triggered I start putting more and more energy into manifesting the scenario I've dreamed up in my mind. I think down the road after more in person experience I may be able to handle online "courting" and domination better but at this time it just feels either tedious or frustrating. Ultimately, I learn best experiencially - until I've had more real time experience and practice more than 3 weeks of hot and heavy online activity with a sub just gets me into trouble.

Too my first experiences were with the person who pulled back the BDSM femdom curtain for me and he shocked the hell out of me after about 5 weeks of constant almost daily communications, including orgasm control and some tasks - when I told him to call me and got an immediate response of "I don't do that"! He cannot move himself past IM and email. I felt a huge betrayal and suckered and still do to some extent - so I guess my aversion to online investment of time, heart and energy was confirmed in that experience. That expereince has served to make me really stubborn about staying within a realistic geographic range and meeting face to face sooner rather than later.

However, I do think that once you've met face to face, and you've actually looked into the eyes of the person, you've seen their mannerisms and how they present themselves to the world - I don't see any reason why email etc cannot be a very effective tool to contiunue getting to know each other, deepening your connection, further training or whatever it is you are after.

< Message edited by ocilla -- 6/28/2007 12:04:42 AM >

_____________________________

Ocilla

Nature is not a place to visit. It is home.
~ Gary Snyder

It takes a kinky village...

(in reply to Noah)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> To train or not to train....?

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094