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Angry with Master - 6/27/2007 4:51:25 PM

Sexyharleygirl

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My question is this: How do you deal with being angry with your dom.

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RE: Angry with Master - 6/27/2007 4:53:45 PM

IrishMist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sexyharleygirl

My question is this: How do you deal with being angry with your dom.

Let the anger go. When it's gone, sit down and respectfully let him know what angered you.

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

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RE: Angry with Master - 6/27/2007 4:58:38 PM

Sexyharleygirl

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Thank you, great advise, unfortunately, easier said than done

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RE: Angry with Master - 6/27/2007 5:03:20 PM

IrishMist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sexyharleygirl

Thank you, great advise, unfortunately, easier said than done

No, actually, it is very easy to do; of course, you have to want to let the anger go first...from your answer, it seems that you like the anger.

/shrug

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RE: Angry with Master - 6/27/2007 5:05:54 PM

pashun8flame

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i know sometimes it's hard to tell your Dom when something upsets us; what i have done on the one incident was to speak to another friend first to help build up the confidence or courage to help find the right words inorder to speak to my Master when i was upset. sometimes it helps to get a boost of confidence from an outsider first.
i wish you good luck with your dilema.

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RE: Angry with Master - 6/27/2007 5:06:07 PM

kittensmailbox

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From: Youngstown, Ohio
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i tell him... i say "out of the house" which gives me the freedom to say what i want and he has to listen....

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~kitten

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RE: Angry with Master - 6/27/2007 5:09:10 PM

slaveluci

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This has only happened on very few occasions but I have to say I've seen a pattern in how I've reacted. The first instinct I have is to almost "shut down." By this I mean that (at first) I don't say anything about it. I really don't have much to say at all. This is not like me (I know, I know - that's a shock

). Seriously, when I have very little to say in the way of conversation, Master knows that this generally means things are not as they should be with me. I mean, since I'm angry and I can't just come out and point blank express that anger (or at least I can't do it in a calm, acceptable manner), I just try not to say anything much at all so my anger won't seep through.

So, when He sees I'm not talking like I usually do, He asks. Even if I try to act like all is well or deny that anything is bothering me, it's only a matter of (a very short) time until He knows better and insists on knowing what is bothering me. I know, at that point, that I have permission to speak freely so I do. Once I've expressed my anger (and I am never disrespectful in doing so), then we talk about it. Now this does not necessarily mean that anything is going to change to suit me, of course, but that's His decision to make. It goes back to what I've said over and over here about Him considering it disobedient to not tell Him about anything that's bothering me. He would much rather me express anger about something and thereby be honest and open with Him than have me keep it bottled up and seem happy but thereby be dishonest. His philosophy is that He can deal with what He knows about but can't with something (even feelings of anger) that are kept hidden..........slave luci

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RE: Angry with Master - 6/27/2007 5:12:28 PM

sambamanslilgirl

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i've ranted ...even yelled at Daddy in anger without any second thought to what punishment i might receive. if the argument gets too heated, He simply walks away until i learn to calm down which usually take hours

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RE: Angry with Master - 6/27/2007 5:22:34 PM

kyraofMists

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On very rare occasions (I think it has only happened twice) I will ask to vent. If he gives permission then I am free to say what is on my mind without having to maintain appropriate behavior. This is rarely asked for.

Other times I will maintain appropriate behavior and express myself in the manner that he expects. If I am not able to maintain appropriate behavior and I do not wish to vent then I will ask to be excused until I am able to express myself constructively.

I have a very short temper but I am getting much better at letting it go. I don't like who I am when I am angry, so I am trying not to be angry anymore.

Knight's Kyra

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"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

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RE: Angry with Master - 6/27/2007 5:43:07 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sexyharleygirl

My question is this: How do you deal with being angry with your dom.

We don't view my being angry with him as anything special. It happens. He would rather have us fight than have me hide it. We trade a few remarks and then we sit down and talk after it. Afterwards we snuggle and I get him a sandwhich.

Valyraen says "And not just a sandwhich... the best sandwhich EVER MADE!"

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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RE: Angry with Master - 6/27/2007 5:47:20 PM

DiurnalVampire

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Kitten has never been angry with me, that I know of.
Angel, on the other hand. Has been. And it was admittedly my fault.
He stopped speaking to me, for about 3 days. It was the only way to gaurantee he would not say something completely innapropriate in the heat of anger. He simply emailed me that he was angry, why, and that as soon as he had cooled off, he would get back in touch. I apologized in my reply email and told him to get back to me whenever he was ready to tak.

We did not hold anything agianst one anotehr, and after the apologies and whatnot were done, life went back to normal. You get angry, it happens. And you'll usually get over it without much fuss.

DV

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I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

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RE: Angry with Master - 6/27/2007 5:50:49 PM

subinsouth

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It is important to know how to help you ~ knowing "why" you are angry at your Dom.

Back in the day, when I had a Dom, I would ask for permission to speak freely. Meaning I needed to talk to Him without 'fear' of repercussions.

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may it be for me as You will

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RE: Angry with Master - 6/27/2007 6:20:30 PM

sweetnurseBBW

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After I have cooled down I tell him he made me angry. I do not have restrictions on speech but I say it respectfully. There is a proper time and place for everything.

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RE: Angry with Master - 6/27/2007 6:31:45 PM

FelinePersuasion

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I am kind of in a not very traditional relationship I may say I am angry or chew him out, I am even encouraged to chew him up some, to a point, and he says he's sorry sooths any hurt feelings and I feel better he feels better and it's over.

One time I was angry cause he had all day to do nessisary chores, played video games all day then when I came home and was able to be online, he had to go, had things to do, I said ok even tho I was angry and hurt, decided to call him about it, and he thanked me for reminding him he had to manage his time better so he didn't have to go when it should be our time.

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RE: Angry with Master - 6/27/2007 7:26:57 PM

subitodolce

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My Sir and I have a very open speaking relationship (as he puts it, I'm the first person that he can sit with or lay next to or talk on the phone for hours on end about nothing in particular and nothing important), and he is very insistant on making sure that I am happy and healthy. Part of this is stemming from our prior friendship, part of it is the nature of our Dom/sub relationship, and part of it is his knowledge that I am still "rebounding" from breaking off an engagment. He wants to make sure that I am worry-free with our relationship.

While there are times I can speak to him as my best friend and partner, all I have to say is "Permission to speak freely?", and he has never denied me the chance to speak my mind. I don't want to lie to him if I am angry or upset, and he doesn't want me to hide these emotions from him. I find that by asking permission to speak freely, he knows that I come to him with my heart on my sleeve, and not yelling at him in the heat of the moment.

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RE: Angry with Master - 6/27/2007 7:39:47 PM

nearnyccouple

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like luci, i tend to shut down completely, which in turn brings on the question of what is bothering me. early in our relationship if i said "nothing" oftentimes Master would let it go. at this point, im not allowed to say "nothing", because that is the biggest indicator that something is really wrong.
now i usually count to 100 in a couple of different languages, sometimes backwards, and then ask permission to speak freely. at that point my anger has usually abated and i can rationally discuss whats on my mind, without losing it.

cassie

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RE: Angry with Master - 6/27/2007 7:48:20 PM

slaveluci

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
If I am not able to maintain appropriate behavior and I do not wish to vent then I will ask to be excused until I am able to express myself constructively

I've never had to do this yet but I have thought about it alot as an appropriate way to make sure I don't express myself in anger.

quote:

I have a very short temper but I am getting much better at letting it go. I don't like who I am when I am angry, so I am trying not to be angry anymore

Though I don't have a really short temper, I do have a tendency to be a bit high-strung and emotional on occasion. I raise my voice easily when I am upset. Not yelling or screaming, just a louder more forceful voice. I don't want to do that with Him so, like you, I am attempting to get that under control.....luci

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RE: Angry with Master - 6/27/2007 7:50:43 PM

slaveluci

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
Afterwards we snuggle and I get him a sandwhich. Valyraen says "And not just a sandwhich... the best sandwhich EVER MADE!"

Awwww, that's very sweet and brought a smile to my face. Snuggling and a great sandwich can fix most anything, I suppose

........luci

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RE: Angry with Master - 6/27/2007 7:55:07 PM

slaveluci

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quote:

ORIGINAL: nearnyccouple
like luci, i tend to shut down completely, which in turn brings on the question of what is bothering me. early in our relationship if i said "nothing" oftentimes Master would let it go. at this point, im not allowed to say "nothing", because that is the biggest indicator that something is really wrong

I'm still allowed to say it, it's just that He knows it's total BS when I do. I have grown alot in this regard and am saying it alot less these days. It's lying to say it and I've tried to reprogram myself to see it as such instead of seeing it as some "noble" attempt to "protect" Him from the negative thoughts on my mind. I've come a long way but still am not completely where I need to be

quote:

now i usually count to 100 in a couple of different languages, sometimes backwards, and then ask permission to speak freely

LOL....well, I don't know any other languages so maybe I'll just have to try counting higher, cassie...........luci

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To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

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RE: Angry with Master - 6/27/2007 9:09:08 PM

k8trix

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I think this is a really good question! Anger is a very natural emotion and any submissive is bound to feel it at some point or another. I once had a very wise person tell me that our emotions, our feelings, are never wrong because we can't help the way we feel, where we go either wrong or right is in how we decide to -act- on our feelings. With that in mind it seems like the best way to deal with being angry at your Master would be to be honest (in a respectful way) with him about it, and let him help you decide what is the right way to act in response to the anger.

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