Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome Page: <<   < prev  3 4 [5] 6 7   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome - 6/29/2007 3:31:52 PM   
Ayanaev717


Posts: 72
Status: offline
quote:


 
To be honest, posting a potentially personal thread is very nervewracking. You never know if responders will be empathetic or judgemental and maybe My walls were a bit higher than I meant them to be. I am thankful that this thread has maintained dignity in discussing a subject that's apparently bigger than I ever imagined. ~smiles~ 


Calandra

I want to applaud you for bringing up a very personal and difficult topic. There are plenty of people not in the D/s life who are not willing to talk about it. I am always concerned about not harming someone emotionally or mentally. Especially in D/s, where vulnerabilities are sure to come on fluently and at times in a very scary and anxious fashion.

I think there should be more threads or at least a board topic or so forth on the mental and emotional health of Dom/Dommes and subs.

Kudos

Sincerely,

A

(in reply to Calandra)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome - 6/29/2007 3:52:47 PM   
Najakcharmer


Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ayanaev717
I think there should be more threads or at least a board topic or so forth on the mental and emotional health of Dom/Dommes and subs.


So start some.  :)

And I'm glad that at least some folks are able to recognize that it's possible to be happy, healthy, functional, well adjusted and 100% capable of assuming your own risks and giving or withholding consent, and also non neurotypically brain wired. 

It's been suggested that AS is the next logical step in human evolution, freeing the intellect we have evolved from the now mostly useless and arbitrary constraints and compulsions of primate social behavior.  I don't know as I'd accept that as being completely true, since AS is too closely linked to real and severe functional disabilities in many individuals.  But autism does have sufficient eufunctionality and inherent advantage also linked to it that the trait has been successfully retained in the human genome.

I wonder if autism is something like sickle cell anemia in Africa.  Get a double dose and you're severely impaired or dead.  Get a mild (heterozygous) dose and you have a huge advantage; you're resistant to malaria.  So the trait doesn't quite take over in the whole population, but it is successfully retained to a significant degree and it will keep right on popping up in the gene pool to the benefit of some but the detriment of their children when they pair.   Someone with a severe expression of autism is effectively nonfunctional and probably dead in a hunter-gatherer society, but someone with a mild expression is not only functional but potentially a creative or problem solving genius whose innovations come in handy to the entire tribe.   It's worth pondering. 

(in reply to Ayanaev717)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome - 6/29/2007 4:09:28 PM   
LittleWolvenOne


Posts: 42
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline 		In general, a submissive (or dominant) who as Aspergers Syndrome would need very clear VERBAL communication. They seem to need the "bottom line" as some people say. They frequently don't use/understand slang or sarcasm. This is because of the lack of ability to interpret non verbal cues. They can be very shy or have social anxiety. They can some times feel overwelmed by stimulus, such as back ground noise, crowds, etc. This some times results in a "disconnect" where they become easily confused. Usually this would be a good time to have them "center" and "focus" on thier submission and have come back when they can think clearly. They will usually need a place of stillness and they can go to to recollect them selves. They can also have a strong need for routine or structure. It is common for people with Aspergers syndrome to be perfectionist who feel the need for approval and a verbal verification that what they are doing is correct. When in groups, there will some times where they may not understand some thing that others take for granted or learn by observing. It can also be a really good idea to have them look for a service that can become specialisation as people who have asperger's syndrom have a tendency towards a specialised interest that very few other's share. This can also also be a downside because they can also become obsessive over a fetish or activity such as leather or shoes, if that is thier thing.

What is Asperger Syndrome?

Individuals with Asperger Syndrome have average to above average cognitive abilities, yet are challenged by a wide array of social, sensory, and communication issues. They may exhibit some of these typical characteristics:

Socialization

Few if any peer relationships, often despite a genuine desire to fit in
Poor use and appreciation of body language
Lack of ability to interpret the non-verbal "cues" that are so much a part of conversation and social interaction
Difficulty comprehending feelings of others, but appropriate level of compassion when made aware

Communication

Overly literal, difficulty with sarcasm and idioms
Exceptional verbal abilities that often mislead others into assuming more competence than actually exists

Associated characteristics

Physical clumsiness or lack of spatial awareness
Organizational skills deficits
Co-occurrence of attention, anxiety, and/or mood problems
Poor academic performance, despite demonstrated cognitive
skills Poor daily living skills, in spite of obvious intellectual abilities
Isolated and/or overly dependent adulthood

On the other hand, people with Asperger Syndrome can be…
Extremely honest, trustworthy, and committed to their principles
Straightforward and logical
Detail-oriented, with an exceptional memory for facts and figures
Willing and able to devote extraordinary amounts of time and energy to unique and sometimes very important areas of knowledge and effort
Loyal friends and employees


< Message edited by LittleWolvenOne -- 6/29/2007 4:16:41 PM >

(in reply to Calandra)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome - 6/29/2007 4:56:05 PM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline 		Najackcharmer,

thank you for sharing how your mind processes the world....the monkey analogy makes a LOT of sense to me.  its also helped me understand a couple of people i've known a lot better.

blessings, kitten

(in reply to LittleWolvenOne)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome - 6/29/2007 5:11:10 PM   
Calandra


Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline 		God I am learning so much on this thread. Some of your comments make so much sense and I wonder why I hadn't thought of them myself... Probably because the need was never there. I am constantly amazed that this forum can be such a source for information on one thread, and a force for destruction on others.
 
You know, I always secretly envied Dr. Spock on Star Trek simply because he was so much freer to just "be" without all the restraints that we grow up with in society.  I love ettiquette and protocol in many respects, because I see it as "lubrication" in the friction of life, but I also dread them sometimes because when they are misunderstood or misused, things get very uncomfortable very fast.
 
I'm excited that we are getting a better understanding of the many ways this syndrome affects "sufferers" and their loved ones.
 
Note: I used the word "sufferers" not in any negative sense, but didn't know what other word to use.

_____________________________

Lady Kathryn
Athens, Ga.
House of Phoenix

"Nothing is ever final until you're dead - and even then I'm sure God negotiates" Anjelica Huston in Everafter

(in reply to Najakcharmer)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome - 6/29/2007 5:40:08 PM   
Najakcharmer


Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Calandra

God I am learning so much on this thread. Some of your comments make so much sense and I wonder why I hadn't thought of them myself... Probably because the need was never there. I am constantly amazed that this forum can be such a source for information on one thread, and a force for destruction on others.


Other people's words on the Internet have, generally speaking, only as much power as you are personally willing to invest in them.  I enjoy socializing online in this fashion primarily because I can turn it off when I've had enough and I can ignore anyone who is not making sense.  Or laugh at them if they're sufficiently amusing.

quote:

You know, I always secretly envied Dr. Spock on Star Trek simply because he was so much freer to just "be" without all the restraints that we grow up with in society.  I love ettiquette and protocol in many respects, because I see it as "lubrication" in the friction of life, but I also dread them sometimes because when they are misunderstood or misused, things get very uncomfortable very fast.


Lube is good.  But it's privilege, not a right. 

Dr. Spock is the baby dude.  Mr. Spock is the Vulcan scientist dude.  When I was a kid I got compared to him now and then.   These days people are more likely to say I remind them of Commander Data.  I find far too much enjoyment and humor in the human condition to be Vulcan.


quote:

Note: I used the word "sufferers" not in any negative sense, but didn't know what other word to use.


Well, I'm not particularly suffering.  Folks who are frustrated because their attempts at making me bow to monkey peer pressure are met with amusement are probably suffering, but that's their problem. 

(in reply to Calandra)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome - 6/29/2007 6:49:14 PM   
petdave


Posts: 2479
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: adoracat

thank you for sharing how your mind processes the world....the monkey analogy makes a LOT of sense to me.  its also helped me understand a couple of people i've known a lot better.



Unfortunately, it's also given me a powerful urge to fling poo at some of the people i work with to see if that will finally get through to them.

(in reply to adoracat)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome - 6/29/2007 6:53:29 PM   
CitizenCane


Posts: 349
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		Najakcharmer, I've really enjoyed reading your posts on this topic.  I share quite a few of your sensibilities, though I happen to be (apparently) a little better able to comprehend NT behaviors without an interpreter. It gives me insight into my own perspectives and behaviors to recieve such a clear account from someone with a more pronounced manifestation. 
On the subject of genetics and AS, however, we part. Clearly there is a genetic component to AS and other forms of autism, but the evidence is strong that environmental factors are at least as, and probably vastly more, significant in the majority of cases. The instances of the more severe forms of autism (which are easier to track) have been increasing exponentially and cannot be due to purely genetic factors.  AS is only recently becoming well recognized, so it's difficult to determine to what degree that population is increasing or whether it's simply a matter of better reporting, but my interpretation of trends is that it, to, is rising sharply at a rate not explainable by random pairings of existing alleles.
In addition, there is a growing body of evidence regarding pre-natal brain development and the growth (and shrinkage) of the brain in the period shortly after birth that again points to the significance of environment in autism and AS. NT humans experience a massive die-off of neurons shortly after birth that seems to be tied to developing basic motor and perceptual codings in the brain. Aspies experience much less of this die-off, which contributes to their hyper-sensitivity to sensory inputs and often leads to delays in developing motor skills. 'Too much information' is a real problem for AS people, especially early on when they have not developed strategies for coping with it.
Exactly what factors in the pre-natal environment combine with genetic predispositions to create AS is not yet clear, but it's apparent that they exist.  That being the case, it's not clear that AS really qualifies as an evolutionary advance, rather than a simple variation, unless these environmental factors are in fact a long-term part of the environment. It is also far from clear that the trade off of empathy for intellect carries significant survival benefits. Personally, I hope that there is an AS-like condition in which both intellect AND empathy are enhanced, neither is in sufficient supply in our world, IMHO.



(in reply to Najakcharmer)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome - 6/29/2007 7:14:49 PM   
Griswold


Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Calandra

I have only recently learned about Asperger's syndrome. If I explain it correctly, Aspergers is a form of high functioning autism that can be undiagnosed even into adulthood. It has only been formally recognized since around 1994.
 
It's only recently (in the last 5 years) been known to be diagnosed in adults.
 
As it happens, one of My slaves shows the signs of having it and I am having a difficult time finding out much information about it (It's all over the net...study). It appears that this disorder has been studied and recognized in children, with successful behavior modification strategies, but I haven't found much information to help adult sufferers to cope.
 
Indeed...it's only recently been discussed as an adult disorder.....many Aspergers children, grown to adulthood have fully functioning lives...but they have obvious disorders.  They rattle on and on...they question things that seem incredible to you and I.
 
They are often seen as "idiot savants".  They are quite often CEO's...
 
They are incredible people.
 
(They are as often people on the Forbes 500).
 
Of course it goes without saying that there aren't any resources for those in the D/s lifestyle who face this challenge.
 
Of course there are.
 
Is anyone on CollarMe familiar with this syndrome? Yes.
 
If so, what can I expect with this disorder? Everything.
 
What coping techniques have worked for you and your loved ones? 
 
Listen. 
 
A lot. 
 
Be patient.

I want to be fair and balanced as a Mistress, and I don't want to attribute My slave's behavior to "attitude" when it might be Aspergers. I also don't want to give him a "free walk" and allow the discipline of My entire household to fall apart just to cater to his disorder.
 
If he has Aspergers...your job is to be patient...as well as be consistent.
 
Consistency is the key.

Thank you for your time,
 
(Of course).

Calandra 


< Message edited by Griswold -- 6/29/2007 7:18:25 PM >

(in reply to Calandra)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome - 6/29/2007 7:48:33 PM   
PairOfDimes


Posts: 324
Joined: 7/20/2006
Status: offline 		What's my general "coping" strategy as a partner with health problems, and as a partner (and past partner) of people with health problems? Evaluate, appreciate, or change the behavior--don't worry too much about whether it's due to the health issue, just fix things you don't like (or decide that you can live with those things) and encourage things you do like. I realize this may sound unfeeling--I'm not unsympathetic to mental and physical disabilities. I just think it's not conducive to relational satisfaction to tolerate a behavior when it's linked to a health issue and to not do so when it's a mere quirk. (If I don't really do well with a lot of melancholy in a partner, it doesn't really matter whether she's a brooding poet or his serotonin and dopamine levels are wacky, does it?) Base decisions on observed patterns of behavior, not on their deep physiological causes.

Also, yes, many people with Asperger Syndrome can consent to sex and alternative sexual practices, and can have healthy relationships. I know someone with it who is happily married--I can't tell you whether or how they have sex, because we're not on those sorts of terms, but the pair certainly express fondness for one another. As someone has invariably written already, they're very high-functioning, and often extremely successful in academe and other idea-driven fields. They just aren't terribly good at social niceties and courtesies--they often miss jokes, and they tend to lack the "filter" or "self-censorship" that keeps most people from saying everything they're thinking.

I don't think BDSM relationships need special ways of dealing with depression, or bipolar disorder, or diabetes, or Asperger syndrome. Yes, these things complicate relationships, but I don't see how they complicate BDSM relationships differently from non-BDSM relationships. If you run your relationship more like a boss/employee relationship, think and read about your particular health issue as it functions in that relationship. If it's more like parent/child, look for that model. If it's more like lovers, or spouses, again, look for that.

(in reply to Calandra)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome - 6/29/2007 7:52:20 PM   
hereyesruponyou


Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you everyone for your insight! I work with people from all over the spectrum but my main interest is in those with AS who are 16-22. These seem to be the years that make or break alot of people. The school system around here is alot better at dealing with those teens as long as they are in school and they get them through, but unfortunately it is handled with more intense accommodations than can be had in college or on a job. These are the folkes that i see really struggling and i would like to develop a program to work specifically with them. It's a hot topic right now, so grant money may be available. I have also been the friend of a male submissive who strives so hard to fit into a virtual world because he feels he will never fit into the real world. It's a sad situation to me. I feel there must be ways to help.

Najakcharmer, you seem to have really made an excellent transition to adulthood, do you have any suggestions, insights that would help me and others dealing with young adults making this journey?

Geekygirl, knowing you have AS does actually help in understanding your perspective on some previous posts. Thank you for sharing. I applaud you for seeming to realize your limitations, but while i do feel some things may never change for you, i do think you are young enough to have a great opportunity to find the right person to help give you the organization and support you need to be content.

(in reply to Griswold)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome - 6/29/2007 8:05:57 PM   
Najakcharmer


Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hereyesruponyou
Najakcharmer, you seem to have really made an excellent transition to adulthood, do you have any suggestions, insights that would help me and others dealing with young adults making this journey?


What worked for me very well was studying human customs, culture, emotions and social expectations like an "anthropologist from Mars", so that I might more accurately mimic them when I needed to.   Mostly I spent my time aiming for the goal of getting to a place in my adult life where I would mostly not need to.

(in reply to hereyesruponyou)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome - 6/29/2007 10:35:34 PM   
Najakcharmer


Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CitizenCane
On the subject of genetics and AS, however, we part. Clearly there is a genetic component to AS and other forms of autism, but the evidence is strong that environmental factors are at least as, and probably vastly more, significant in the majority of cases. The instances of the more severe forms of autism (which are easier to track) have been increasing exponentially and cannot be due to purely genetic factors.  AS is only recently becoming well recognized, so it's difficult to determine to what degree that population is increasing or whether it's simply a matter of better reporting, but my interpretation of trends is that it, to, is rising sharply at a rate not explainable by random pairings of existing alleles.


A published hypothesis that I can definitely agree with goes like this: geeks are not only reproducing more successfully in an era where they are often rewarded with huge financial success for their geekiness, but they're finding each other more successfully and consequently reproducing more often with other geeks. 


quote:

Exactly what factors in the pre-natal environment combine with genetic predispositions to create AS is not yet clear, but it's apparent that they exist.  That being the case, it's not clear that AS really qualifies as an evolutionary advance, rather than a simple variation, unless these environmental factors are in fact a long-term part of the environment. It is also far from clear that the trade off of empathy for intellect carries significant survival benefits. Personally, I hope that there is an AS-like condition in which both intellect AND empathy are enhanced, neither is in sufficient supply in our world, IMHO.


Oh, I agree that AS is not necessarily an evolutionary advance, since it's genetically tied too closely to non-advantageous traits.  That's just a suggestion that is heard repeatedly in the AS community from folks of the mindset that we're the more highly evolved and logical ones, and the monkeys are running around doing all these amazingly stupid primitive things that look compulsive and dysfunctional to AS people. 

There's a difference between empathy and compassion.  I may not easily or automatically feel empathy, but I do have a strong sense of fairness, honor and ethics. Once I clearly understand how to act in a manner that is helpful rather than hurtful to another person, I am just likely to do so as an NT.  Possibly more likely in some cases.  On the other hand, I don't have a lot of sympathy for people who are merely offended or uncomfortable because I'm not conforming to some bizzare ritual taboo that I think is dysfunctional, and I'm not automatically going to know that they're offended or uncomfortable if they don't actually tell me.  Nor might I particularly care even if they do tell me, though I may respond politely when I explain that we're going to have to agree to disagree on the subject.

Essentially a lack of true empathy makes me immune to peer pressure, but it doesn't make me a monster, a bad person, or even a particularly rude person for the most part.  Though in my own space, on my own time, I refuse to keep faking "polite" monkey noises and gestures.  Folks who think that I am rude for not wanting to keep an alien monkey mask glued to my face 24 hours a day are cordially invited to spend their personal time in other company.  I will spend professional time and public time with those kinds of people behind the mask that they compulsively insist on, but not my own personal time.  Perhaps that does make me a bit of a curmudgeon.  

(in reply to CitizenCane)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome - 6/30/2007 12:05:34 AM   
Tatshua


Posts: 31
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline 		I also like this thread and admire the curage it might have taken to start it and to talk about your syndrome. You can read alot of it online and in books. But with many things, especialy those that affect how you think and work, I think you have to talk with the person who is in the middle of it to understand it. A doctor might understand that you don't think like everybody else. But only someone who realy has AS can tell you exactly how it is. Thats my thoughts anyway.

I also have a syndrome, though it's not very similar at all to AS, and whouldn't affect a sub/dom situation in the same way as AS. Once, a doctor had told my mum that it whould probably be best for me to get a different kind of hearing-aid than what I have now. I didn't get mad that she hadn't contacted me, that wasn't a that big problem. The thing I got mad at was thiat this doctor had never met me! She had only heard about me and already she had the nerves to deside how I best live my life and how I cope with the problems I might have. There was absolutely no need for a new hearing-aid and mum was smart enough to say no, she knew I whouldn't agree on it.

I have met quiet a few people with different syndromes in my life and I have gotten interested in these things.

When I was younger I always spilled milk outside of the glass. It was more frequent than with other kids. But my mum noticed how I also found ways to deal with this. For example, I often try to put the glass in a possition so that I can be sure the water or juice or whatever it is, gets in the glass. And when I can't hear what people are saying I often turn my head so that my left ear gets closer as I hear better on that one. When I'm with people I know and in a conversation with several people I can sometimes even skip the eyecontact to fucus on what the person is saying. This is only with people who are close to me though, and never with strangers.

I think syndromes are intresting in that way, you can never look in a book to say exactly how a person with a sertain syndrome is, you have to be prepared for anything, because you can get anything more or less.

< Message edited by Tatshua -- 6/30/2007 12:08:15 AM >

(in reply to Najakcharmer)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome - 6/30/2007 5:54:27 AM   
BBBTBW


Posts: 836
Joined: 5/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Calandra

I have only recently learned about Asperger's syndrome. If I explain it correctly, Aspergers is a form of high functioning autism that can be undiagnosed even into adulthood. It has only been formally recognized since around 1994.
 
As it happens, one of My slaves shows the signs of having it and I am having a difficult time finding out much information about it. It appears that this disorder has been studied and recognized in children, with successful behavior modification strategies, but I haven't found much information to help adult sufferers to cope.
 
Of course it goes without saying that there aren't any resources for those in the D/s lifestyle who face this challenge.
 
Is anyone on CollarMe familiar with this syndrome? If so, what can I expect with this disorder? What coping techniques have worked for you and your loved ones?
 
I want to be fair and balanced as a Mistress, and I don't want to attribute My slave's behavior to "attitude" when it might be Aspergers. I also don't want to give him a "free walk" and allow the discipline of My entire household to fall apart just to cater to his disorder.
 
Thank you for your time,
Calandra 


You may just have to restructure your discipline to cater to his disorder.  When he behaves inappropriately, give him some space and time to correct his behavior.  If he doesn't, then go forward with punishment.   If you want to keep this person as a slave, you are in for a lot of work, patience and sometimes compromise. The other members of your household will have to do the same.  It's not easy but it is doable if you have people willing to work together for the good of all.

_____________________________

"You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means" -- Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

(in reply to Calandra)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome - 6/30/2007 7:03:07 AM   
amiciaN


Posts: 228
Joined: 1/20/2007
Status: offline 		I would like to add my name to the list of admirers of those who have posted very personal parts of their lives here.  I particularly like Najakcharmer's monkey analogy, as I often watched the monkeys at the zoo watching us and wondered what they thought of their strange cousins.  For what it's worth, I see more and more of today's society being driven by emotion and "monkey rituals" and long to hear people speak with reason and logic.  While tradition and emotion definitely have their place in a healthy society, without the balance of logic and reason, social disaster is almost certain.

Thank you to those of you who have AS for your unique view of our world and your contributions to it.  Even your social bluntness has its place, for it has been a human trait for centuries that the jarring, sometimes even cacophonic, sound means danger.  In my opinion, a society driven solely by emotion and 'monkey rituals' is certainly a dangerous thing.




_____________________________

NChaka's amicia

I have never been lifted so high as when I kneel at His feet.

(in reply to BBBTBW)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome - 6/30/2007 7:06:39 AM   
petdave


Posts: 2479
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Najakcharmer

quote:

ORIGINAL: Calandra
We say things like "I would like a glass of tea." rather than "Would you get me a glass of tea?"
One is simply a statement while the other is a request for the person to do something.


That one's easy enough that even a middle-functioning AS could probably figure it out.  The logic here is this: I have been clearly informed that I am expected to behave in accordance with my domme's desires.  She has just informed me that she desires tea.  Therefore I should go and get tea.   Some rote words and phrases are very possible to recognize situationally.  I'm quite aware that no one is likely to announce their enjoyment of a beverage for any reason other than requesting that beverage. 


This is actually one case where a D/s relationship makes things somewhat simpler, because it's very easy to internalize "If Mistress says She wants something, i should get it", whereas a vanilla spouse with AS might wonder "Why are you complaining about wanting something instead of going to get it?" What i sometimes end up having trouble with, though, is when my wife says she wants something that it is not practical for me to provide, for example, ice cream at 2 AM when there's nothing in the freezer. i would respond with "Do you think the Super Walmart is still open?", even though it would take me an hour to get there and back. Or, "I wish we had a pool". Okay, well here's the cost of purchasing one, and here's the amount of labor that would be required to prep the site, and here are the potential problems that we might encounter...

The problem comes when you use the same phrase with significantly different meanings. It may sound completely different to you, because you use a different inflecton, or you're talking about immediate instead of long term, or practical vs. impractical, but someone with AS can be unable to detect this.

Anecdote: There are some younger (20-25 y.o.) women in a theater group that we were involved in at one time who always felt the need to announce to the room when they needed to pee. This would stop me dead in my tracks. What do you want me to DO about it? If nothing, why tell everyone? It made no sense)

It's hard to give a lot of examples, but my advice always comes down to: be specific, be clear. Command rather than suggesting. If he misbehaves or fails you in a service, make certain that he's aware of exactly what was expected of him and what he did wrong, because there will be more disconnects than usual with regards to things that "should be obvious".


...dave

< Message edited by petdave -- 6/30/2007 7:07:38 AM >

(in reply to Najakcharmer)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome - 6/30/2007 7:34:14 AM   
CitizenCane


Posts: 349
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		Najakcharmer, I certainly did not mean to imply that you are a monster. I'm well aware that aspies are capable of compassion and tend to have, if anything, an intense sensitivity to issues of justice (or, more frequently, injustice). My observation is, however, that especially among the young, mixing a passion for 'fairness' with a low level of empathy tends to create problems more than solutions. I'm sure you've had experiences with people that are considerably less intelligent and observant than yourself, and who are completely unable to fathom any 'real' (to them) utility or value in being brighter. They assume that you are just like them, but are able to do some parlour tricks that they aren't interested in.  They have a blindness to the real nature of hieghtened intellect, and are apt to focus on 'negative side effects' that may or may not be directly related to intelligence (geekiness, for instance).  By the same token, people with a low level of natural empathy tend not to understand it except in the most superficial sense, and have a blind spot about it's deeper utility and value.  This does not make them monsters, any more than people of average intelligence are more monstrous than mensans.  I could wish, however, that more people were smarter AND more empathetic, as I perceive a host of societal problems that grow out of people having one or the other without much of the other. Of course, those with neither are problematic as well...
I do, however, believe that empathy can be learned, especially by aspies. (That is, I recognize that there are some conditions of empathy deficit that can't be remedied, but AS isn't one of them).  Because AS people tend to be bright, logical and observant, and because they have a high sensitivity to injustice, they have the tools to 'build their own radio' to receive the empathy signal.  That more of them don't has to do, IMO, with the mistreatment and misunderstanding they tend to receive from NT's, as well the fact that the nature of AS makes it less likely to occur to them to do it.  And of course, many, having once thought of it,  fail to see any reason to.  I'd suggest to you that there are, indeed, good reasons to, that unfortunately can't be perceived until you've done it. It's not all about flinging poop.

(in reply to Najakcharmer)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome - 6/30/2007 7:41:42 AM   
petdave


Posts: 2479
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CitizenCane
I could wish, however, that more people were smarter AND more empathetic, as I perceive a host of societal problems that grow out of people having one or the other without much of the other. Of course, those with neither are problematic as well...


Only because society as a whole has too much empathy. Otherwise, they'd make a fine source of protein.

(in reply to CitizenCane)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome - 6/30/2007 7:45:44 AM   
CitizenCane


Posts: 349
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: petdave

quote:

ORIGINAL: CitizenCane
I could wish, however, that more people were smarter AND more empathetic, as I perceive a host of societal problems that grow out of people having one or the other without much of the other. Of course, those with neither are problematic as well...


Only because society as a whole has too much empathy. Otherwise, they'd make a fine source of protein.



How uninformed. Ever hear of Kuru?

(in reply to petdave)
Profile   Post #: 100
Page:   <<   < prev  3 4 [5] 6 7   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome Page: <<   < prev  3 4 [5] 6 7   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094