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What do you look for on a physical spin? - 6/29/2007 1:28:39 PM   
DominantJim


Posts: 43
Joined: 6/28/2007
Status: offline 		I'm curious, how does physicality fit into the decision of a sub finding a master. If it does fit into the equation at all. I mean most relationships are based on emotional and physical attraction but do all subs feel this way to, or are you just looking for a man that can treat you the way you want to or feel you should be treated behind closed doors. Also does size matter? (Note: I'm not making any general statements about my physique or cock size with this question haha)
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RE: What do you look for on a physical spin? - 6/29/2007 1:33:58 PM   
countrygirl69


Posts: 36
Joined: 12/1/2006
Status: offline 		I can only answer for myself of course .i think the attraction may start from looks if you meet for the first time in real life ,but if its online first i think you build a relationship and looks arent all that important and i think the bond is there before size comes into play at all

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RE: What do you look for on a physical spin? - 6/29/2007 1:43:16 PM   
DominantJim


Posts: 43
Joined: 6/28/2007
Status: offline 		Haha are you offering country girl

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RE: What do you look for on a physical spin? - 6/29/2007 1:44:36 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		It works pretty much exactly the same as it has in the vanilla relationships you've known about.

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RE: What do you look for on a physical spin? - 6/29/2007 1:47:49 PM   
DominantJim


Posts: 43
Joined: 6/28/2007
Status: offline 		Well I was considering the fact that seeing as a S&M relationship is more based on trust and the emotional connection between a master/mistress and slave, I figured that maybe physique may not be a big player in the game of it all. 

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RE: What do you look for on a physical spin? - 6/29/2007 1:48:33 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DominantJim
Well I was considering the fact that seeing as a S&M relationship is more based on trust and the emotional connection between a master/mistress and slave

No, it's not.
quote:

 I figured that maybe physique may not be a big player in the game of it all. 

No, it isn't.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: What do you look for on a physical spin? - 6/29/2007 1:51:36 PM   
DominantJim


Posts: 43
Joined: 6/28/2007
Status: offline 		I understand that that is YOUR opinion LA, but as I mentioned before you have a different look towards how your relationship with your Male counterpart works. I respect your opinion and how you feel it should work but some people have different ideas. Saying no it isn't...is not a feasible arguement. Saying in my opinion no it isn't, makes more sense.

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RE: What do you look for on a physical spin? - 6/29/2007 1:59:50 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		You made a generalization about what bdsm is.  That generalization is false.

You may feel that YOUR relationship in a bdsm context is more trusting and emotional than you vanilla relationships. 

But that does not mean that bdsm relationships ARE more trusting and emotional than vanilla relationships.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: What do you look for on a physical spin? - 6/29/2007 2:04:38 PM   
DominantJim


Posts: 43
Joined: 6/28/2007
Status: offline 		I made an opinionated remark on what I felt that the relationship was. Alright I agree as I even stated, there is a WIDE spectrum of how the BDSM world works. But I think that in SOME cases a BDSM relationship is more about trust and emotion, and less about physical attraction. Maybe not for you LA, maybe you're completely 50/50 on this, but I'm not. I'm really not looking to start an arguement with you LA, I'm simply generalizing my opinions as well as you. And while I appreciate and respect your opinions as I said I don't want to be picked on constantly for an opinion that I've made. I wouldn't do the same to you. Besides I agree with you on many points and I have an open mind to all of this, I'm only looking to learn because my belief is we are always learning more, and we can't learn with closed minds.

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RE: What do you look for on a physical spin? - 6/29/2007 2:06:05 PM   
DominantJim


Posts: 43
Joined: 6/28/2007
Status: offline 		On a side note Tommy was an awesome musical, I did a school rendition of it and played Cptn Walker....excellent choice in music LA

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RE: What do you look for on a physical spin? - 6/29/2007 2:38:45 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DominantJim

Well I was considering the fact that seeing as a S&M relationship is more based on trust and the emotional connection between a master/mistress and slave, I figured that maybe physique may not be a big player in the game of it all. 


Actually, how my partner looks matters just as much as it did for any vanilla relationship. Now, if I am just playing a scene at a party and I won't be having sex with them... I don't care that much. I just can't be repulsed by the person.

I have to be attracted to a person otherwise there just isn't a point. I've tried dating people, thinking the attraction would magically appear. Well... it doesn't. We were just good friends who had sex. Attraction can get, and I find it usually does, a lot stronger as a relationship progresses, but... if there isn't something there to start with then it's simply a waste of time.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

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RE: What do you look for on a physical spin? - 6/29/2007 3:52:40 PM   
daddysblondie


Posts: 181
Joined: 3/17/2007
Status: offline 		Yeah...what she said.

In all seriousness, so far I've found physical attraction plays just as much of a part in my choices of partners in this world as it did in my vanilla world. It's a part of the whole.

And I think I'm starting to see and even agree with LA's point. So many people seem to talk about how BDSM relationships are better in some way shape or form than vanilla relationships, but I don't think so. I think perhaps they seem better because you've got that unifying interest to build from. Meeting people you know are into the same kinks as you automatically gives you at least one thing to talk about. But at the end of the day, we're all still human. I am who I am and I like what I like whether I'm talking to a Dom or a "vanilla" boy.

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RE: What do you look for on a physical spin? - 6/29/2007 4:01:08 PM   
imthatacheyouhav


Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline 		Hmmm...i've always been pretty NON-picky when it comes to looks and weight. i think personality is the biggest turn on for me personally...that being said... of course like what has been already mentioned...i also couldnt go with someone i'm totally repulsed by either...

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RE: What do you look for on a physical spin? - 6/29/2007 5:29:50 PM   
Lewcifer


Posts: 126
Joined: 5/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
Actually, how my partner looks matters just as much as it did for any vanilla relationship. Now, if I am just playing a scene at a party and I won't be having sex with them... I don't care that much. I just can't be repulsed by the person.

I have to be attracted to a person otherwise there just isn't a point. I've tried dating people, thinking the attraction would magically appear. Well... it doesn't. We were just good friends who had sex. Attraction can get, and I find it usually does, a lot stronger as a relationship progresses, but... if there isn't something there to start with then it's simply a waste of time.


Touche`!  Thank you for being frank and honest.  I personally don't understand why so many people say "looks don't matter."  Unless the person is legally blind, looks matter whether they want to admit it or not!  Show Me someone who says "looks don't matter" and I can find someone who's repulsive to them.

In an effort to add something useful and substantive to My post, I'd also like to say that I've found it takes Me several dates to figure out if I like the person or not.  I've been on dates where the first one went horrible... I thought W/we had nothing in common, etc... but when W/we tried again, all of a sudden it was a whole new world and the lights were shining bright!  I'm married now, so I no longer date... but I still apply the lesson learned when getting to know others.


< Message edited by Lewcifer -- 6/29/2007 5:35:15 PM >

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RE: What do you look for on a physical spin? - 6/29/2007 8:52:13 PM   
slaverosebeauty


Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DominantJim
....how does physicality fit into the decision of a sub finding a master. .....or are you just looking for a man that can treat you the way you want to or feel you should be treated behind closed doors. Also does size matter?


For me it defiantly matters. I am in decent shape, and getting more fit, so I am attracted to men who are on the fit side. If they are heavy or unhealthy, we won't get along. I need and desire someone who will help me to stay eating healthy and where we can encourage eachother to stay healthy and to get healthier.
 
MJ runs on a regular basis, He even runs marathons on occassion, so He is defiantly fit {purrrrrrrrrrrr} and He is helping to encourage me to get in better shape, because its something that I want, He is not forcing anything on me; He offers tips and is very supportive. My goal is to be up to 125 miles a week, bike riding by Labour Day; I have a lot of work ahead of me.
 
MJ treates me the way that He treates me based on our relationship; Him being bigger than me physically and being fit and sexxxy as hell does help; I am emotionally attracted to Him as well, but then again, we have been friends for years, so we have a history and that plays into things. He is fit, Dominant, Stronger, Handsome, a Great Man, and a terrific Friend.  

IF MJ was not as handsome and as fit as He is, and the emotional attraction and how He treates me was still there, would we be a couple, I don't know. Health is VERY important to me. I am just now getting my health back and to the point where my nurse has said I am 'healther' than I have been in years, so I am attracted to someone who is healthy, being fit helps with that.
 
Before MJ an I took our friendship to this level; most of the men I dated were fit and healthy; that's the kinda man I am attracted too, a few guys lied through their teeth about being 'fit' and when we met, well, let me say, one guy was as big as I was, when I was 9 1/2 months pregnant. I never saw him again, lol. Beign lied to about someone being fit or about them livign a healthy lifestyle is disgusting. I don't want to be around someone who would try to sabatogue my workouts or getting healthy and fit.    

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RE: What do you look for on a physical spin? - 6/29/2007 9:04:45 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		For me, choosing a slave has a lot to do with physicality. My preference is for tall thin boys is very well known.
According to both my boys, the physical draw to me is my ability to physicaly control them. I can lift them both. I can carry them around.
D/s is not more trusting, or less trusting than any other relationship.  Without the physical attraction and interest, you arent going to have the draw to be controlled. Especially when a good deal of the control interactions in D/s are sexually based, or erotically based. You are not goingto have that sort of interest in someone you aret physically attracted to.

My 2 cents
DV


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I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

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VampiresLair

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RE: What do you look for on a physical spin? - 6/29/2007 10:56:55 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Whether vanilla or BDSM my tastes don't change. I like tall men with muscles, heavier rather than skinny. I want to know that if I sink my nails or teeth into him that he has enough padding that it won't be intensely painful.

And I also think that belief that just because a relationship includes kinky sex it is automatically more deep and intense is a piece of horse manure.

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RE: What do you look for on a physical spin? - 6/29/2007 11:27:36 PM   
slaveish


Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline 		I can get fixated on certain features, and it varies from man to man.

With Master, it's his eyes and lips and hair and hands and physical strength and voice. There are the non-physical things like his sense of humor and the way his eyes can go flat when, suddenly, he is no longer joking with me and make it clear that we's not "just pals." I like his arrogance, the way he can go from stern to unbelievably gentle, his facial expressions, his stubbly face, and his no-bullshit attitude. It all combines to make him extremely attractive. He's a handsome man anyway, my dark-eyed, dark-haired brute, but if he were wishy wash or jerky, I wouldn't find him attractive in the least.

The line for me blurs. Without all the other stuff, the non-physical stuff, would people be as attractive? Of course there are people who just give me the willies, and it wouldn't matter if they were King Ultimate Incredi-Doms, but I think a lot of that is non-physical too.

You know that guy on CSI Miami? The older one, forget his name, his character's name is Horatio. I put off watching that show for a long time because his looks give me the willies. I watched it the other day and now I'm hooked. His character's attitude, his voice, his posture, etc., little things that are physical and non-physical, made me reassess his attractiveness. I find him extremely desirable.

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You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

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RE: What do you look for on a physical spin? - 6/29/2007 11:39:53 PM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		I think there are many forms of attraction.  I can see a guy out someplace and think he is very hot, but that doesn't hold much substance.  I can get to know a guy that I might not look twice at in public and find he is my prince charming....leading to finding him physically attractive.

As far as cock size goes...it seems to be overrated.  If you can turn my mind on..the rest of my body can adapt either way.

edited because it's too dang early to be up...and my fingers keep reminding me of it.

< Message edited by sleazybutterfly -- 6/29/2007 11:41:24 PM >

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RE: What do you look for on a physical spin? - 6/30/2007 5:33:06 AM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		Why would I submit to someone that I wasn't physically attracted to?  If I'm searching then I'm going to only pick someone that has the looks and personality that I like.

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