quote:

ORIGINAL: MsDami

I have only had one very intense and "deep" D/s relationship which lasted 3 years and ended about 4 weeks ago. ..

In that relationship, I never "hid" my vulnerabilities any more than I did in my previous relationships.  BUT I naturally have this tendency to feel "weak" if I cried or felt deeply hurt by something. I don't know where I learned that but it is what it is.  I always, for instance, cried in a towel in the bathroom and then would make sure there were no signs of that vulnerable moment before I left the bathroom. But saying/typing that feels weak too! heh

In the last year, I felt somewhat comfortable allowing my boy to "know" that I had been emotional but I still wasn't comfortable actually showing it directly.  I always felt angry with myself though for letting him know even though he always did everything perfectly right to make me feel okay about it.  But that in itself made me feel weak and I regret it to this day.

The ONLY time I did show a true vulnerability directly, turned out to be a huge mistake.  It was the day he told me he would not be able to go through with our plans to move in together and go 24/7
... weeks before we were to move in together, (after talking about it and planning it for 2 years) he basically abandoned me.  My boxes are still packed in various rooms... I leave them so I can see them and to make sure I don't forget where I put myself in life.   So now looking back, I cringe at the memory of the times that I allowed myself to show my vulnerability. ... it was the weakest I have ever felt in my life and I feel he stomped on it, so now... I will never do that again and I no longer believe that you should.

I think, of course this is just me, that the type of submissives that I would chose are the type that admire you and feel proud being anywhere in public with you and get a quiet confidence just being in your presence, at least thats what I had before. And so he looks up to you so much, puts you on such a high pedestal that its impossible to be 100% yourself and show your vulnerablity, your humanity, AND him still see you in the same light. In that light that a submissive shines on you, you are always strong, always in control, always confident, always ready for anything.

I'm sure many will think I AM weak for how I felt that day and how I feel now about it but it is what it is.  Because of what I have experienced I do NOT think I, as a Femdom, could ever again allow myself to show that much vulnerability. It does show weakness and thats just doesn't sit well with me anymore.

I still would never say I'm a weak person because I'm not. I'm a strong person who had a weak moment.  Such is life. It is what it is.

Anyway, great question Nikko, I look forward to reading everyone else's answers.

Have a great weekend


-- edited to fix some of the worse spelling and gramatical errors I've ever posted. hehe

quote:

Is it important to you to show vulnerability to your sub?

quote:

If the vulnerability is shown, is it shown as part of the overall relationship, or do you show any vulnerability as a Domme? 

quote:

How long or what does it take before you feel comfortable showing this part of yourself?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nikko1962

To all the Dommes that speak with such respect and admiration about their subs strength combined with vulnerability. 

Great questions, Nikko, very insightful of you.

Is it important to you to show vulnerability to your sub?

No

If the vulnerability is shown, is it shown as part of the overall relationship, or do you show any vulnerability as a Domme?

I would be more likely to show vunerability within the overall relationship but not as the Domina.

How long or what does it take before you feel comfortable showing this part of yourself?

It is very rare for me to allow any type of vunerability at all within
a sexual relationship or with a D/S slave/sub relationship.
I am more likely to show my emotions with long term friends that have been in my life for several years.
Their loyalty and love is tested and proven.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nikko1962

To all the Dommes that speak with such respect and admiration about their subs strength combined with vulnerability. 

Is it important to you to show vulnerability to your sub?

If the vulnerability is shown, is it shown as part of the overall relationship, or do you show any vulnerability as a Domme?

How long or what does it take before you feel comfortable showing this part of yourself?

quote:

Is it important to you to show vulnerability to your sub?

quote:

If the vulnerability is shown, is it shown as part of the overall relationship, or do you show any vulnerability as a Domme?

quote:

How long or what does it take before you feel comfortable showing this part of yourself?

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsDami
I have only had one very intense and "deep" D/s relationship which lasted 3 years and ended about 4 weeks ago. ..

quote:


In the last year, I felt somewhat comfortable allowing my boy to "know" that I had been emotional but I still wasn't comfortable actually showing it directly.  I always felt angry with myself though for letting him know even though he always did everything perfectly right to make me feel okay about it.  But that in itself made me feel weak and I regret it to this day.

I hope you learned something from this.  There's no shame in feeling vulnerable whether Domme or sub.  It's part of being human.  To my way of thinking, it takes strength and trust to allow yourself to be vulnerable enough to share that with another.  In a relationship, I believe these things need to be shared and would want my Mistress to share them with me so I could be there to provide the support she needs.

quote:


The ONLY time I did show a true vulnerability directly, turned out to be a huge mistake.  It was the day he told me he would not be able to go through with our plans to move in together and go 24/7

I don't see why that was a mistake.  You were simply expressing your disappointment at failed plans in the what you saw as the next step in the progression of your relationship.

quote:


he basically abandoned me.  My boxes are still packed in various rooms... I leave them so I can see them and to make sure I don't forget where I put myself in life.   So now looking back, I cringe at the memory of the times that I allowed myself to show my vulnerability. ... it was the weakest I have ever felt in my life and I feel he stomped on it, so now... I will never do that again and I no longer believe that you should.

I believe your feelings about that too will change in time.  There's a saying "Nothing ventured, nothing gained."  In any relationship, one is always vulnerable to the other partner leaving or disappointing them.  Perhaps you chose poorly, perhaps he got cold feet, perhaps he was testing you, who knows as you've not told us enough to even guess with any degree of confidence that we'd be on-track.  I suggest you give yourself time to heal before you "get back on the horse" and decide to ride again.  It sounds like you need it.  I also suggest you begin to unpack your boxes as you can find the energy.  I believe that in doing so, you'll begin the process of freeing yourself from your past relationship and will be ready to move on when the time for you is right.
 

quote:


I think, of course this is just me, that the type of submissives that I would chose are the type that admire you and feel proud being anywhere in public with you and get a quiet confidence just being in your presence, at least thats what I had before. And so he looks up to you so much, puts you on such a high pedestal that its impossible to be 100% yourself and show your vulnerablity, your humanity, AND him still see you in the same light. In that light that a submissive shines on you, you are always strong, always in control, always confident, always ready for anything.

 
From your description above, it could very well be that the submissives you have chosen and the behavior/emotions you have limited yourself to showing them may have set-up an unrealistic dynamic where you didn't feel free to show that you're totally human; but instead were a "cardboard, sterotypical domme" instead.  The reality is, you're a real woman with a full range of feelings, ranging from the strong dominant to the person who has her disappointments & insecurities like the rest of the women I know; the woman who needs the support of a strong and loving submissive male who can provide that for her during particular moments or for extended periods of time as applies to the situation at hand.
 

quote:


I'm sure many will think I AM weak for how I felt that day and how I feel now about it but it is what it is.  Because of what I have experienced I do NOT think I, as a Femdom, could ever again allow myself to show that much vulnerability. It does show weakness and thats just doesn't sit well with me anymore.

I still would never say I'm a weak person because I'm not. I'm a strong person who had a weak moment.  Such is life. It is what it is.

 
Just sharing your experience on the board took strength and as you said, the event you described was a moment of weakness which does not at all mean you are a weak woman.  Perhaps it's time to gave yourself a break for it?
 
 - pixel
 
   Collared to Majik on 6-23-07
 

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I am going to reply before reading what everyone else has written so that I don't lose my train of thought so forgive me if I repeat something someone else has said.

Before I was a dominant woman I was a human being. With all the weaknesses and vulnerabilities of every human on this planet. I also have an endless capacity for love which also means, ability to be hurt. While it may always be "my way" I am aware that my way may not always prove to have been the right, or best, way.

My own personal style is uniquely me. It is one that may be perfect for a few and imperfect for a million others. I am okay with that. I was once told I am a "mother earth" dominant. She explained what she meant and I have to say I agree. There are many, some represented on this site, that really get off on fetish wear, having a huge arsenal of toys, love being the cold sadistic bitch from hell. There are some that enjoy a great number of things that don't really interest me. I don't think my way is better or worse, just different. I often come across very low key and laid back. Well, for the most part I am. I prefer to live a life of calm, peace, and joy. I prefer laughter over screaming and nastiness. I don't like strict structure or alot of protocol. That will steer alot of people away from me. I am okay with that.

My strengths and dominant traits are usually quiet and not in your face. Kinda like the mother earth concept the girl explained to me. Yet in my world it is my way. I will tell you I want you to do something and though it is with a smile on my face and without alot of fetish gear or fanfare, I still expect that it will be done. Try going against it and find out what happens. Tip the balance and harmony of my world and your going to get the volcano, wild fire and tsunami.

Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy some forms of sensation play, and love physical and mental bondage. I am just very realistic about life and the big picture. I know what works for me.

So yeah, I am comfortable with my human frailties but that is because I also know my strengths. They are pretty fucking amazing if I do say so myself.

quote:

In the last year, I felt somewhat comfortable allowing my boy to "know" that I had been emotional but I still wasn't comfortable actually showing it directly.  I always felt angry with myself though for letting him know even though he always did everything perfectly right to make me feel okay about it.  But that in itself made me feel weak and I regret it to this day.