Submissive ping pong balls

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WhiplashSmile -> Submissive ping pong balls (7/2/2007 3:54:06 AM)
Hey Gang... I'm going through a bit of a transiition right now. Let me explain. I look for somebody to submit to me through actions as well as words before I even think about trying to Dom thier ass. At least this is the way, I've always been with submissives. Anyways, along comes sub/slave girl. She actually pushes with submission and it brings out the Master side in me. Music to my ears, my heart and my soul. In short the "I want you to want me" thing I'm looking for. Now, here's the problem.. she goes poof on me from time to time, and is somewhat contemptuous little girl. Enough that I makes me want to spank her ass for mishavin, and all the other BDSM aspects. Mentally, it's bright the Master/Dom side of me out of hybernation and into really really wanting more. Wanting more control, expecting more, and a deep burning desire. Mine Mine Mine all mine. Here's the problem, she seems to go back and fourth between wanting and not wanting this?? Does this make any sense? At times she wanting me to put my foot down more, and when I do, she seems to flake out on me. Testing perhaps? All I know is that her actions do not match up with words at times. Regardless I've been trying to get to the root of this behavior, the other day when I confronted her about it, she asked if I had ever thought she was doing this intentionally? Yes, eluding to her doing this intentionally. However, comes back to what can I really do about it? LOL... we are long distance right now, and frankly it's driving me nutz because If I was there in the real time, I know how I would handle things. I'm not used to the Long Di aspects of dealing with this. I wonder if she is doing this on purpose to get me to come there in person? Just a thought. Along with being lured into one big game of cyber bullshit. I tend to question things like this, because we have not met for real. She has expressed at times being concerned with letting me know what is going on with her. I have told her, I expect for her be honest with me and let me know what is going on, what problems or issues she is having. I feel like she's still holding something back from me. Perhaps I'm just spoiled. Between my lifestyle and Vanilla based relationships, I've always known that the other person the other person wanted to be with me. Hell, my Ex from my last was still trying to keep an open line of commmunication open with me. I had to finally kill that a few weeks ago, because it was literally fucking with me. However, my Ex was all the time leaving me message such as I miss you, I'm thinking about you and etc.. Hell, I'm still on good terms with my Ex previous to my last one. In fact she's not even been with anybody else since things ended between her and I. I even spent a few days around Christmas time at my previous Ex's house, catching up with how her and her kids were doing. I'm simply not used to trying to pull submissive teeth and wanting to bust ass like I am feeling now. However, I'm totally capable of hauling somebody over my lap, and spanking their ass.. and getting them to say "Thank you Daddy".. you know, I'm gonna keep doing this until I hear 20 "Thank you Daddy's" from your lips. I also make it clear what I'm punishing for. If I have to, I can even dish out corner time and other things. Mind you these are things done for Discpline and not as play time. I some regards I get in the impression she is craving for such things, but is also somewhat Squicked out by it at the same time? I want to know if other Daddy's and Girls go through this same routine? I find myself going through a bit of a transisition of sorts. If I have to spank ass and do things like this to keep a M/s relationship in check I will. This seems to be a bit of an area that I've have not had to do a lot of in the past. Perhaps I'm spoiled by too many Good girl submissives that want to please me too much? Anything you guys have to shoot at me from the peanut Gallery would be helpful. I've already punished her once for being a bad girl. However, it really excieted and turned her on to no end. I have a bit of a raised eyebrow if this is a healthy or not so healthy relationship effect? For her to get exceited about punishment like this? I'm hitting some new uncharted BDSM territory here... My last M/s relationship, the girl went and worked so hard at trying to please me it was not funny. If she did anything wrong she took it really hard upon herself, if anything I had to stop her from going off the deep end. This is a complete contrast to that. Dare I admit to it, this actually is making me want this submissive more and more at the same time. Kind of like why climb hills when there is a moutain there in front of me. Hope this makes sense...

Rover -> RE: Submissive ping pong balls (7/2/2007 4:32:33 AM)
Just a few thoughts (not criticisms) that come to mind as I read this... quote: Anyways, along comes sub/slave girl. She actually pushes with submission and it brings out the Master side in me. Music to my ears, my heart and my soul. In short the "I want you to want me" thing I'm looking for. Is this intentional manipulation? I don't know, I'm not there. But the question comes to mind. quote: Now, here's the problem.. she goes poof on me from time to time, and is somewhat contemptuous little girl. quote: Here's the problem, she seems to go back and fourth between wanting and not wanting this?? Does this make any sense? At times she wanting me to put my foot down more, and when I do, she seems to flake out on me. Testing perhaps? All I know is that her actions do not match up with words at times. Several thoughts here... 1. It's impossible to meet the needs of someone who does not know what they need, or whose needs are in constant flux. 2. Some people are in love with the theory of submission, but not the reality of it. 3. Perhaps she's more of a bottom in need of occasional scenes, rather than an ongoing relationship dynamic. 4. Maybe you need to seriously re-evaluate your own needs, and if she's unable to fulfill them, suck it up and move on. quote: I wonder if she is doing this on purpose to get me to come there in person? Even if that were the case, do you allow such manipulation? quote: I'm simply not used to trying to pull submissive teeth and wanting to bust ass like I am feeling now. However, I'm totally capable of hauling somebody over my lap, and spanking their ass.. and getting them to say "Thank you Daddy".. you know, I'm gonna keep doing this until I hear 20 "Thank you Daddy's" from your lips. I also make it clear what I'm punishing for. If I have to, I can even dish out corner time and other things. Mind you these are things done for Discpline and not as play time. That's all fine and dandy, but are you ready to walk away if it's not right for you? If not, get yourself a nice collar... she's in charge. Look, I don't want to be perceived as overly harsh (well, not any more than my existing reputation) but I'd say the same things and ask the same questions of my real time friends (and hope they would do the same for me). And I don't want to overlook that building a relationship takes time and effort, and I don't know the people or situation first-hand. But I do know that I have more questions about why you seem so persistent with a relationship that is obviously causing you lots of anguish, than I am about her behavior. Not saying it's easy... been there and done that. But by continuing to complain about her bad behavior, without her abiding by your standards of acceptable behavior, your actions are telling her that you'll put up with no matter what you may be saying. Just my opinion, of course. John

MissOchistic -> RE: Submissive ping pong balls (7/2/2007 5:10:45 AM)
I saw sub and ping pong balls and thought this would be a totally different thread [&o]

RCdc -> RE: Submissive ping pong balls (7/2/2007 5:15:42 AM)
quote: She has expressed at times being concerned with letting me know what is going on with her. I have told her, I expect for her be honest with me and let me know what is going on, what problems or issues she is having. I feel like she's still holding something back from me. Now, the post was making sense until I hit this statement. Depending what you mean by this statement, could completely alter my perception and response. Up until I read this, I am completely with Rover. With this statement, I need to know what you means by 'letting you know what is going on with here' - do you mean from a submissive standpoint - a scening one - or in life and everything in general? Peace the.dark.

RCdc -> RE: Submissive ping pong balls (7/2/2007 5:16:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissOchistic I saw sub and ping pong balls and thought this would be a totally different thread [&o] Miss' I am soooo glad I was not the only one...[;)] Peace the.dark.

WhiplashSmile -> RE: Submissive ping pong balls (7/2/2007 5:20:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissOchistic I saw sub and ping pong balls and thought this would be a totally different thread [&o] actually ping pong palls and paddles sounds a lot more fun to me anyways.. LOL...

sublimelysensual -> RE: Submissive ping pong balls (7/2/2007 5:30:20 AM)
I have to say for the most part, I agree with what Rover is saying. It does sound like she's being manipulative, and that's something You have to decide whether You want to deal with or not. The other thing that struck me was this.. quote: I've already punished her once for being a bad girl. However, it really excieted and turned her on to no end. I have a bit of a raised eyebrow if this is a healthy or not so healthy relationship effect? For her to get exceited about punishment like this? I'm hitting some new uncharted BDSM territory here... My general thought is that if the punishment You're using is exciting her, You need to find a new type of punishment. You didn't say whether it was physical or something else, I'm kind of going under the assumption it was. Someone who likes physical punishment, and knows they're going to receive if they act out..I'm sure You can see where I'm going with this. Try switching it up on her..make her write a nice long report or essay for You, and see how much that excites her. I do love physical play, and frankly, it's a lot more humiliating for me to beg for it, or have to ask for it, then to act out knowing that's what will happen. The occasional brattiness in fun is a lot different than the manipulation she seems to be using. At any rate, just my two cents, for whatever it's worth.. I wish You luck in figuring things out.... -a

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Submissive ping pong balls (7/2/2007 5:46:49 AM)
you're all over the place - don't where to begin. quote: ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile Let me explain. I look for somebody to submit to me through actions as well as words before I even think about trying to Dom thier ass. At least this is the way, I've always been with submissives. manipulator - major red flag for me and i would block you off my profile automatically. i was taught the submissive/slave holds the control of the relationship UNTIL we decide to transfer it to the one WE choose as our "dom" and "master". quote: Now, here's the problem.. she goes poof on me from time to time, and is somewhat contemptuous little girl. Enough that I makes me want to spank her ass for mishavin, and all the other BDSM aspects. Mentally, it's bright the Master/Dom side of me out of hybernation and into really really wanting more. Wanting more control, expecting more, and a deep burning desire. Mine Mine Mine all mine. how do you know if she's actually misbehaving? maybe she has ...oh i don't know that thing we call a life ...yeah that's it. perhaps she works, has family obligations - who knows but you certainly don't and it's wrong for you to make that assumption. quote: Here's the problem, she seems to go back and fourth between wanting and not wanting this?? Does this make any sense? At times she wanting me to put my foot down more, and when I do, she seems to flake out on me. Testing perhaps? All I know is that her actions do not match up with words at times. Regardless I've been trying to get to the root of this behavior, the other day when I confronted her about it, she asked if I had ever thought she was doing this intentionally? you just answered your own question - she's trying to figure you out ...learn more about you and probably isn't sure about a relationship with you skipping the bit about you and your ex quote: I want to know if other Daddy's and Girls go through this same routine? thank goodness, Daddy and i meet as friends instead of rushing into a D/s dynamic when we first met ...so we don't go through the same routine that you speak of. spankings aren't a punishment but a reward for being a good girl. i can see that you're going to have problems because you're in such a rush to "dom someone's ass" before actually building a relationship with the person - my honest opinion quote: Perhaps I'm spoiled by too many Good girl submissives that want to please me too much? perhaps and that's your opinion. i don't spoil Daddy with just being a good girl ...i spoil Him with my other gifts, talents and my submission which He appreciated the most.

WhiplashSmile -> RE: Submissive ping pong balls (7/2/2007 5:47:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sublimelysensual I have to say for the most part, I agree with what Rover is saying. It does sound like she's being manipulative, and that's something You have to decide whether You want to deal with or not. The other thing that struck me was this.. quote: I've already punished her once for being a bad girl. However, it really excieted and turned her on to no end. I have a bit of a raised eyebrow if this is a healthy or not so healthy relationship effect? For her to get exceited about punishment like this? I'm hitting some new uncharted BDSM territory here... My general thought is that if the punishment You're using is exciting her, You need to find a new type of punishment. You didn't say whether it was physical or something else, I'm kind of going under the assumption it was. Someone who likes physical punishment, and knows they're going to receive if they act out..I'm sure You can see where I'm going with this. Try switching it up on her..make her write a nice long report or essay for You, and see how much that excites her. I do love physical play, and frankly, it's a lot more humiliating for me to beg for it, or have to ask for it, then to act out knowing that's what will happen. The occasional brattiness in fun is a lot different than the manipulation she seems to be using. At any rate, just my two cents, for whatever it's worth.. I wish You luck in figuring things out.... -a It was physical punishment

sublimelysensual -> RE: Submissive ping pong balls (7/2/2007 6:00:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile quote: ORIGINAL: sublimelysensual I have to say for the most part, I agree with what Rover is saying. It does sound like she's being manipulative, and that's something You have to decide whether You want to deal with or not. The other thing that struck me was this.. quote: I've already punished her once for being a bad girl. However, it really excieted and turned her on to no end. I have a bit of a raised eyebrow if this is a healthy or not so healthy relationship effect? For her to get exceited about punishment like this? I'm hitting some new uncharted BDSM territory here... My general thought is that if the punishment You're using is exciting her, You need to find a new type of punishment. You didn't say whether it was physical or something else, I'm kind of going under the assumption it was. Someone who likes physical punishment, and knows they're going to receive if they act out..I'm sure You can see where I'm going with this. Try switching it up on her..make her write a nice long report or essay for You, and see how much that excites her. I do love physical play, and frankly, it's a lot more humiliating for me to beg for it, or have to ask for it, then to act out knowing that's what will happen. The occasional brattiness in fun is a lot different than the manipulation she seems to be using. At any rate, just my two cents, for whatever it's worth.. I wish You luck in figuring things out.... -a It was physical punishment Then I would definitely try switching it up and using some other form of punishment, otherwise You're going to get involved in a vicious cycle. Not to mention the fact it's giving her control of when You give her that pleasure. You don't seem to be one to deal with someone being manipulative..I think if You want this to work, You need to put Your foot down ie, punishment, and also sit down and have a long talk with her about Your expectations, her expectations, and whether the two are compatible... -a

purepleasure -> RE: Submissive ping pong balls (7/2/2007 6:03:21 AM)
You mention this as a long distance relationship, then express a concern over it being a bit of cyberbullshit, as well as not having met for real. The physical punishment you dealt her... are you sure she was actually punished or did she deal you a dose of cyber bullshit? There are SO many red flags here. Personally, I would re-evaluate MY personal needs and expectations before investing too much more time or emotion into this "relationship".

MaamJay -> RE: Submissive ping pong balls (7/2/2007 6:20:26 AM)
If there's any chance at all that a sub likes anything physical ... then it's not suitable for punishment. Generally I use 2 options - addition of an extra task or withdrawal of privileges or My presence. Preferably I try to make the punishment fit the crime. Corner time might be effective with this one, but I get the feeling that a quick 10 minutes isn't going to do it ... she's going to need a good long think time. Time to process the whole thing from "this isn't fair!" to "i hope He's going to relent soon" to "shit, maybe He's not going to!" to "dammit, this really isn't fair!" to "i'm uncomfortable in this position (whatever it is eg standing to attention)" to "i don't want this punishment again!" to "hey i'm really sorry!" Don't give in until You see some genuine repentance ... and then have a serious discussion afterwards. OK I just reread the OP and the follow-up post ... and now I'm confused. How could it have been physical punishment if You've not met her in real yet?? Perhaps some of the testing and manipulation is coming about because You are trying to assume too much power too soon for a LDR? Either way, if she gets excited at the mere prospect of physical punishment then You have Your answer ... that's no punishment for her! Find alternatives! Good luck ... with Your decision whichever way it goes. Maam Jay aka violet[A]

mistresszariah1 -> RE: Submissive ping pong balls (7/2/2007 6:26:45 AM)
Yeah Me to lol wanted to hear BOUT PING PONG BALLS

catize -> RE: Submissive ping pong balls (7/2/2007 6:54:51 AM)
The word ‘brat’ comes to mind as I read your post. Do you really want someone who wants you to make her submit? I get the sense that you see it as a challenge at the moment, but I wonder if that excitement will pall for you if it continues long term.

WhiplashSmile -> RE: Submissive ping pong balls (7/2/2007 7:03:32 AM)
I am thinking I'm going to end up as another one of the Dom/Masters that could not deal with her so called walls that she admitted to throwing up. In terms of this being a Master/slave relationship. I asked her a couple of times, if she was sure that this is what she wanted. Instead of just feeling things out with each other. Just wanted to clear up any confusion here because I don't play control with anybody who has not submitted to it. She even expressed that I needed to enforce things a little more with her too. So, I honestly don't know what to make of all this... right now, I'm just gonna sit back and wait for her to come to me, if she does at all. Who the hell knows what the real deal is here. Thanks for the input and thoughts so far.. I'm contemplating about simply taking one big break from this website for awhile. I suspose I could have started up a fake, phony thread. I'm positive this girl is real, everything else is just speculation. Something is wrong with the dynamics going on, either on my end or her end. perhaps just not a good mix. Think I just need a complete break away from everything right now for my own sanity.

OsideGirl -> RE: Submissive ping pong balls (7/2/2007 7:09:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile Here's the problem, she seems to go back and fourth between wanting and not wanting this?? Does this make any sense? At times she wanting me to put my foot down more, and when I do, she seems to flake out on me. Well, I've read the response telling you she's manipulative, but I actually think it's not. Most likely, she's dealing with her own grasp of D/s. For some people getting into D/s BDSM is like falling off a step. It's natural and lets gravity take over. Others (like me) struggle with it, because we've been programmed for our entire lives that things like this are wrong. I fluctuated between being a happy pervert and not being comfortable for a couple of years. Part two: I tended to keep my problems to myself and not bring them into my relationships. Because A: I was used to solving my problems. B: It was my problem, not his C: Men tend to be "fixers" and having someone try to "fix" an issue that they haven't seen in person, while over the phone, just doesn't work. Until I viewed that relationship as permanent, my problems were mine, not ours. So, my feeling is, no, she's not doing this to you on purpose. She's dealing with her life. Now, I could be wrong because I don't know you or her. But, many people assume that just because they had an easy time with this, it means that everyone has an easy time with this.

slaveish -> RE: Submissive ping pong balls (7/2/2007 7:20:20 AM)
Whiplash, perhaps she is new to her submission and needs a strong guide. It doesn't mean you have to be nasty and harsh, it means you have to be strong and confident in your leadership. When she misbehaves, don't fly off the handle - let her have her head - and when she comes back to your side again, calmly tell her which behavior was not acceptable, and ask her if she wants to continue. If she wants to continue, tell her that if she does X again, the relationship will cease. Just a different take on things for you to consider.

CreativeDominant -> RE: Submissive ping pong balls (7/2/2007 7:36:47 AM)
Oh mannnnnnnnnnnnn....the thoughts I am having about ping pong balls and how to use them with submissives. [&:] Seriously, given everything you have described, a lot of it sounds like normal back and forth of a budding D/s relationship but there are some red flags...for me, anyway. I don't do brats...and some of her behavior does sound brat-like. The disappearing for a few days and then, not giving you even a bare explanation of why she has been gone. Seems to me that you are going to need patience here with this one and in the long run, if the bratty aspect appeals to her but you know it will not to you over the long term, you should find out now.

taintedgypsy -> RE: Submissive ping pong balls (7/2/2007 7:41:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark quote: ORIGINAL: MissOchistic I saw sub and ping pong balls and thought this would be a totally different thread [&o] Miss' I am soooo glad I was not the only one...[;)] Peace the.dark. oh we have a group of evil minds going ... you know the number will fit where type thing I was thinking lol ... make nice pics if you draw a smiley face on the ball first lol

hmmmmnbird -> RE: Submissive ping pong balls (7/2/2007 7:41:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile Here's the problem, she seems to go back and fourth between wanting and not wanting this?? Does this make any sense? At times she wanting me to put my foot down more, and when I do, she seems to flake out on me. Well, I've read the response telling you she's manipulative, but I actually think it's not. Most likely, she's dealing with her own grasp of D/s. For some people getting into D/s BDSM is like falling off a step. It's natural and lets gravity take over. Others (like me) struggle with it, because we've been programmed for our entire lives that things like this are wrong. I fluctuated between being a happy pervert and not being comfortable for a couple of years. Part two: I tended to keep my problems to myself and not bring them into my relationships. Because A: I was used to solving my problems. B: It was my problem, not his C: Men tend to be "fixers" and having someone try to "fix" an issue that they haven't seen in person, while over the phone, just doesn't work. Until I viewed that relationship as permanent, my problems were mine, not ours. So, my feeling is, no, she's not doing this to you on purpose. She's dealing with her life. Now, I could be wrong because I don't know you or her. But, many people assume that just because they had an easy time with this, it means that everyone has an easy time with this. I agree with this totally. As I was reading the OP, I kept thinking of my first M/s relationship. It was very similar, although we were not long distance, but real life from the get go. I DO NOT like physical punishment at all, so I wasn't being manipulataive to get spanked. I was not ready to let down my walls, and let this man in totally, although he probably did get in farther than anyone else had before him. I agree with others that you need to meet with her face to face and have a good long talk about expectations. It may be that you both need to move on. Good luck. edited to add : I, too, would like to hear more about ping pong balls, but I guess that's another thread.

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