Quick tips for New Dom/mes....

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Quick tips for New Dom/mes....

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Quick tips for New Dom/mes....

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Quick tips for New Dom/mes.... - 6/14/2005 3:21:57 PM

Davesgirl

Posts: 89
Joined: 5/13/2005
Status: offline

I saw the post about tips for new subs, and was thinking about new Dom/mes. Specifically for the male portion, as my own Master and I learning together. So...Any suggestions or advice or pointers would be muchly apprecciated

Thanks everyone!

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Quick tips for New Dom/mes.... - 6/14/2005 5:13:31 PM

MemphisDsCouple

Posts: 146
Joined: 11/1/2004
From: Memphis, TN, USA
Status: offline

Hiya Davesgirl

I think you're better off following nature and exploring together rather than having someone tell you what to do and how to do it. For example, did you need an outside third person to help you become proficient in sex in general? (Assuming for the moment that you are.)

What I'm saying is..... my suggestion is that you not spoil the magic of exploring this new ground together. Sure, you'll step on each other's toes. But hey that's just part of learning to dance. Yanno? Keep a sense of humor. Laughter is good!

I mean..... do you two have what's called "common sense"? You know you don't want to hang each other, right? Restrict breathing, right? Cut off circulation, right? Common sense, right?

Sure.

Then just start slowly, go slowly and enjoy the journey. Talk a lot. (Talking is hot!) Talk about what you liked, what you were feeling, what you were thinking, what you dream about....... and so on. Nature will lead you.

If you want some reference material, I strongly suggest you look more to the printed word than to the online word. Even though cm enjoys an exceptionally high quality of contributions to its forums, still I think the printed word is a better reference for beginners. "Different Loving", for example, is a very good, factual, nonjudgemental reference. For fiction, "The Story of O" is the classic. Remember though, fiction is fiction. It is not a how-to. There are plenty more books. Ask around or do a search of the message boards here.

I think nature and common sense are your best guides. Enjoy!

_____________________________

B. (the male half of MemphisDsCouple)

(in reply to Davesgirl)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Quick tips for New Dom/mes.... - 6/16/2005 5:31:45 AM

LadyKim

Posts: 191
Joined: 11/11/2004
Status: offline

Advice:

1. Be natural and don't force a preconceived 'image' to be a reality if it isn't.
2. Always follow the moto "Safe, sane, and consentual...... it must always be all three."
3. Remember that being Dominant does not equate to being domineering.
4. Think safety, safety, safety, safety.
5. Have your own sh!t together before trying to tell someone else how to organize theirs.
6. Be someone you would respect rather than pushing your need to be respected off on others.
7. Keep in mind that the dominant is not the only one in the Dom/sub equation worthy of respect.
8. Treat a submissive as a valuable addition to your life. Our roles are dependant upon each other.
9. Remember that the label of Dominant is not a license to be selfish, lazy, or abusive.
10. Watch other HAPPY D/s couples, talk with them, and don't believe everything you read in a book or on the internet as the end all be all of bdsm.

And most important.......... enjoy each other.

How's that for generic tips?

MzKim

< Message edited by LadyKim -- 6/16/2005 5:32:19 AM >

(in reply to Davesgirl)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Quick tips for New Dom/mes.... - 6/16/2005 6:45:14 AM

asissyforher

Posts: 228
Joined: 5/20/2005
From: iowa now..maybe move soon.
Status: offline

8. Treat a submissive as a valuable addition to your life. Our roles are dependant upon each other.
9. Remember that the label of Dominant is not a license to be selfish, lazy, or abusive
=====
oh jeez........don't get me going.......i don't wanna go there today.
i have too many bad deals already just since january.

a slave

_____________________________

"still looking for a real life domme..no more plastic wannabes for me"

(in reply to LadyKim)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Quick tips for New Dom/mes.... - 6/16/2005 9:31:15 AM

Domin81

Posts: 66
Joined: 5/18/2005
Status: offline

Gather knowledge. Read all the applicable books and reputable websites you can. I believe the fast track to learning is to get involved with your local bdsm community, talk to people sharing knowledge and experience, go to events/munches and especially go to workshops. If you are fortunate, you may find a good mentor.

There is no accreditation for bdsm….everything is someone’s opinion. You have to consider the sources and then how you might use what you have learned in your life.

_____________________________

El Gordo
http://www.bound2please.com
Quality Toys & Restraints Made in Canada

(in reply to asissyforher)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: Quick tips for New Dom/mes.... - 6/16/2005 10:22:44 AM

FuriousAngel

Posts: 102
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline

I am so glad you began this thread! I was just posing similar questions to friends this week!

(in reply to MemphisDsCouple)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Quick tips for New Dom/mes.... - 6/16/2005 12:33:05 PM

Davesgirl

Posts: 89
Joined: 5/13/2005
Status: offline

Thanks everyone for all the suggestions!!! Please, keep them coming, we're both open to hearing others suggestions and advice

Thanks again

(in reply to FuriousAngel)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: Quick tips for New Dom/mes.... - 6/16/2005 12:52:14 PM

nonuts4thshoney

Posts: 550
Joined: 6/12/2005
From: Southern California
Status: offline

I found this website to be pretty interesting.

http://www.fetishalliance.net/Stories/stories.htm

(in reply to Davesgirl)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: Quick tips for New Dom/mes.... - 6/16/2005 2:00:12 PM

RexLongBeach

Posts: 58
Joined: 10/30/2004
Status: offline

Here's my $.02: know yourself; accept yourself.

Being Dom has its own set of circumstances attached to it, and the questions we demand from ourselves at the outset can lead us to many a false start.

What gives us the authority to Dominate? Why should she obey? Is this normal? What would mother say?

Knowing what you want makes it easier to express what you want, and be consistent in your expectations. It's ok to change your mind about what you like/want/need, just be sure to let your partner know.

There are many ways and places to start. But you can't go far until you know what you want and need, and accept yourself for who and what you are.

Enjoy!
Rex

< Message edited by RexLongBeach -- 6/16/2005 4:53:05 PM >

(in reply to Davesgirl)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: Quick tips for New Dom/mes.... - 6/16/2005 6:55:05 PM

FangsNfeet

Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline

Watch HBO's Sex Down and Dirty to start comming up with a few ideas together. Also go to a few sex shops and buy a few things of interest.

It never hurts to read a few dirty novels now and then as well. When it comes to bondage, rope may not be all the great at first. I recomend cuffs (leather may be perferd), syran wrap, and bandage tape. When trying out bondage, it's always a good idea to have a pair of scissors near by.
Blind folds are free when it comes to cloth and are fairly cheap at wally world. When it comes to spanking, the hand, belt, and paddle get the job done very well.

There that's enough to get you started. Best of luck and may you live corrupted ever after.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to Davesgirl)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: Quick tips for New Dom/mes.... - 6/16/2005 8:02:04 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I saw the post about tips for new subs, and was thinking about new Dom/mes. Specifically for the male portion, as my own Master and I learning together. So...Any suggestions or advice or pointers would be muchly apprecciated

You might find helpful information on a thread entitled What are the signs. For the record, I don't see why your request needs to be gender specific. A good Dominant is a good Dominant whether they are a woman, a man or other.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Davesgirl)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: Quick tips for New Dom/mes.... - 6/17/2005 9:16:06 AM

Davesgirl

Posts: 89
Joined: 5/13/2005
Status: offline

Thanks again for the suggestions everyone...very appreciated.

The only reason I mentioned asking for male-specific is only because that is the dynamic we live in...male dom, female slave. And, yes, I am quite new still, and unaware if things can work regardless of gender. So, my apologies if I offended anyone by asking for male specific questions. Just chalk it up to a newbie still learning.

Thanks again ya'll

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Profile

Post #: 12

RE: Quick tips for New Dom/mes.... - 6/17/2005 4:13:12 PM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Don't be a jerk.

(in reply to MemphisDsCouple)

Profile

Post #: 13

RE: Quick tips for New Dom/mes.... - 6/17/2005 7:41:54 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Davesgirl

Thanks again for the suggestions everyone...very appreciated.

The only reason I mentioned asking for male-specific is only because that is the dynamic we live in...male dom, female slave. And, yes, I am quite new still, and unaware if things can work regardless of gender. So, my apologies if I offended anyone by asking for male specific questions. Just chalk it up to a newbie still learning.

Thanks again ya'll

You didn't offend me. It is simply my opinion that Dominance is dominance, regardless off gender.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Davesgirl)

Profile

Post #: 14

RE: Quick tips for New Dom/mes.... - 6/23/2005 3:35:06 PM

subexpose170

Posts: 6
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline

Hmmm...this maybe contreversial but here goes

He should sub himself

I can't think of a better way to learn to value and use your submissive partner's gift then to have sincerly submitted to someone else. I think this is doubly applicable to men. If you can't walk in your sub's shoes how can she respect you?

...not time spent in the military
...not being raised in a strict household
...not switching as it always has an element of one up man ship

All of these have elements of top down imposition. The well done books preach a more holistic approach of bringing the sub out of your partner but if you never have can you really know what it is as you draw it out?

Sincere, private, away from partner...find a domme and ask to serve her. While you are there give yourself over and actually do it with your heart.

Wade

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Profile

Post #: 15

RE: Quick tips for New Dom/mes.... - 6/23/2005 4:07:31 PM

WyckedGryn

Posts: 5
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

The best advice I've seen here so far is communication. Talk to each other openly and honestly about your needs, wants and desires. And be sure to listen too. This will bring you closer together than you can possibly imagine. Feelings and minds change often, so talk often.
There are several places online you can get a BDSM "checklist", print one out and discuss each point, find out how you feel about things. Plus, it makes for good erotic conversation to get your mind going. >:)
Good luck on your journey...

Wycked

(in reply to subexpose170)

Profile

Post #: 16

RE: Quick tips for New Dom/mes.... - 6/23/2005 6:01:38 PM

Davesgirl

Posts: 89
Joined: 5/13/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subexpose170

Hmmm...this maybe contreversial but here goes

He should sub himself

I can't think of a better way to learn to value and use your submissive partner's gift then to have sincerly submitted to someone else. I think this is doubly applicable to men. If you can't walk in your sub's shoes how can she respect you?

...not time spent in the military
...not being raised in a strict household
...not switching as it always has an element of one up man ship

All of these have elements of top down imposition. The well done books preach a more holistic approach of bringing the sub out of your partner but if you never have can you really know what it is as you draw it out?

Sincere, private, away from partner...find a domme and ask to serve her. While you are there give yourself over and actually do it with your heart.

Wade

MY Master has been in the military(Navy to be specific) and was raised in a pretty strict home. So, he does have a good idea about being under others control. As for him going outside our relationship and submitting to another person.......I dont know about that. He doesnt really have a submissive bone in his body. Not meaning that he isnt willing to compormise and be compassionate. But, him giving up that much control to someone...I just doubt he would be willing or able to do it, and still be a happy person. Not to mention my feelings on that, either.

We do talk...Constantly. He has a real desire to know how I feel and what I think and what things I am needing or wanting. Communication has always been a big factor in our relationship from the very beginning. That was the biggest reason I felt comfortable enough with him to broach this entire subject.

Thanks again everyone, for all your suggestions and advice!

(in reply to subexpose170)

Profile

Post #: 17

RE: Quick tips for New Dom/mes.... - 6/25/2005 1:15:01 AM

Reiter

Posts: 2
Joined: 6/25/2005
From: Around
Status: offline

Be yourself.

There is nothing more important than not wearing a mask, of sorts. A sub comes to someone looking for a new(er) experience and you should try to be as original as possible. Yes, something you think of may have been tried before or they may have experienced it, but just like a fingerprint, no matter how similar it is between people it may be just different enough to make or break as little as an orgasm or as big as a good relationship.

_____________________________

There is no point in seeing another fiery sunrise if your own flame for living has died.

(in reply to Davesgirl)

Profile

Post #: 18