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Are you sub because of a guilty conscience? - 7/3/2007 7:38:05 PM   
MiladyElaine


Posts: 1086
Joined: 10/10/2004
Status: offline 		I have often wondered through conversing with various subs - male and female- if they like being submissive and punishment because they themselves feel unworthy from past transgressions.  Like they "did their spouses wrong" by cheating and feel the need to cleanse themselves?

_____________________________

A crazy quilt is warm but oddly put together.

Milady
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RE: Are you sub because of a guilty conscience? - 7/3/2007 7:40:24 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Kitten is submissive becasue he was Dominant in a previous relationship and was disgusted with himself. He felt as if h were abusing the power that a clueless girl game him, rather thna honestly enjoying the relationship, and now he has gone the complete other direction.

Angel is just submissive becasue that is how he is wired. Even in his real life vanilla stuff he tends to be a follower and not a leader, so being submissive with me is second nature. At least with me, he can do so comfortably and without having t put on a front of being more than he is.

DV




_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to MiladyElaine)
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RE: Are you sub because of a guilty conscience? - 7/3/2007 7:41:05 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		Um no!!

This theary is about as good as the "all submissives have had past abuse and that is why they are submissive" theary


Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to MiladyElaine)
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RE: Are you sub because of a guilty conscience? - 7/3/2007 7:42:49 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		I would suggest that it would seem a rather unhealthy motivator and a rather unhealthy way to work it out.

< Message edited by mistoferin -- 7/3/2007 7:56:24 PM >

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to MiladyElaine)
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RE: Are you sub because of a guilty conscience? - 7/3/2007 7:45:40 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MiladyElaine

I have often wondered through conversing with various subs - male and female- if they like being submissive and punishment because they themselves feel unworthy from past transgressions.  Like they "did their spouses wrong" by cheating and feel the need to cleanse themselves?


Oh god no. I'm submissive because I like making Valyraen's life easier. As far as the kinky stuff goes... I've been thinking about that since I first had sexual thoughts and that was a long long time ago... way before I ever had my first kiss let alone ever cheated or had anything to feel guilty over.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to MiladyElaine)
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RE: Are you sub because of a guilty conscience? - 7/3/2007 7:52:01 PM   
MiladyElaine


Posts: 1086
Joined: 10/10/2004
Status: offline 		DV - that's two very good examples of both kinds of submission.  I'm just saying that their ARE subs like that out there.  Is it unhealthy?  Perhaps W/we need a psychologist to tell U/us for sure.

_____________________________

A crazy quilt is warm but oddly put together.

Milady

(in reply to AquaticSub)
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RE: Are you sub because of a guilty conscience? - 7/3/2007 7:56:49 PM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		I met a "sub" like that.  I don't believe he was a sub but simply wanted to feel like he was cleansed.  I cut him away rather quickly as I have no patience or want to be that person for him or anyone. 

Robert is wonderfully submissive to me because he feels a need to serve.  He is retired military, he is a nurse (both service oriented professions) and he is my slave because we fill needs for each other.  His primary need is to serve someone who gives a damn about him, will care for his needs, and love him his life long (that's me).

In my submissive days (which I now know I was really more of a bottom), I did it because it felt right to do things that were beyond missionary sex or occasional hand cuffs.  I loved my time as a collared submissive and wouldn't trade it for anything.  I didn't repent for transgressions...I grew and learned what was fun for me.  I still bottom on occasion and love it.

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to MiladyElaine)
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RE: Are you sub because of a guilty conscience? - 7/3/2007 8:03:03 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MiladyElaine

DV - that's two very good examples of both kinds of submission.  I'm just saying that their ARE subs like that out there.  Is it unhealthy?  Perhaps W/we need a psychologist to tell U/us for sure.


I wouldn't think it would be healthy. Regardless of if it is or not, I know that if I were a dominant, I wouldn't go near it with a ten foot pole. I don't want to be someone's whipping post for their past rage and I don't think I would want to be someone's act of atonement either.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to MiladyElaine)
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RE: Are you sub because of a guilty conscience? - 7/3/2007 8:05:03 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		I love bondage. I don't go for punishment and we don't have a punishment dynamic so there goes that idea. Why am I submissive? God only knows. My therapist says it's because I have huge responsibilities in day to day life and therefore it's like a mini vacation to turn problems over to him and just follow along. She's got all the fancy degrees so I'll assume she's right!

(in reply to earthycouple)
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RE: Are you sub because of a guilty conscience? - 7/3/2007 8:06:11 PM   
MistressNoName


Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MiladyElaine

I have often wondered through conversing with various subs - male and female- if they like being submissive and punishment because they themselves feel unworthy from past transgressions. Like they "did their spouses wrong" by cheating and feel the need to cleanse themselves?



Not again....

(in reply to MiladyElaine)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Are you sub because of a guilty conscience? - 7/3/2007 8:06:27 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: MiladyElaine

I have often wondered through conversing with various subs - male and female- if they like being submissive and punishment because they themselves feel unworthy from past transgressions.  Like they "did their spouses wrong" by cheating and feel the need to cleanse themselves?


Oh god no. I'm submissive because I like making Valyraen's life easier. As far as the kinky stuff goes... I've been thinking about that since I first had sexual thoughts and that was a long long time ago... way before I ever had my first kiss let alone ever cheated or had anything to feel guilty over.


Ditto!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Are you sub because of a guilty conscience? - 7/3/2007 8:13:21 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MiladyElaine

I have often wondered through conversing with various subs - male and female- if they like being submissive and punishment because they themselves feel unworthy from past transgressions.  Like they "did their spouses wrong" by cheating and feel the need to cleanse themselves?

Not in my case.

I have never heard this to tell the truth.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to MiladyElaine)
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RE: Are you sub because of a guilty conscience? - 7/3/2007 8:17:04 PM   
LaMspeach


Posts: 794
Joined: 12/4/2004
From: Philadelphia area, PA
Status: offline 		Not me... I am submissive because it is part of who I am.

_____________________________

peach ~ LordandMasters devoted alpha slave
"Only when the year has grown cold does one know that the pine and cypress are the last to wither"



(in reply to MiladyElaine)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Are you sub because of a guilty conscience? - 7/3/2007 8:19:07 PM   
subitodolce


Posts: 39
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline 		My job (and past employment) requires that I be a leader, and in charge of a very large amount of people. I am very much a natural-born leader, a problem-solver, and "management material".

But frankly, when I come home, I don't /want/ to be in charge. It is so relieving to have somebody in my life that makes some of the executive decisions. Yes, I enjoy taking care of my Sir, but when it comes down to it, I think he winds up doing more to take care of me. :-p He sees his job as my protector and caretaker above any caring I do for him.

Just because we are submissives doesn't necessarily mean that we are passive...some of us just prefer to relinquish control of one part of our lives. :-)

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
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RE: Are you sub because of a guilty conscience? - 7/3/2007 8:27:35 PM   
becca333


Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline 		Never been abused, never had huge problems like that, don't feel the need to atone for anything.

I'm a sub because I love it, I've always been wired that way (bossy and dominant in my outside life, but even then I like to organise things so people feel good), total sub in sex and scening, proud of it and intend to stay that way.

To me, it seems that you need a fairly strong self-image to cope well with BDSM, or maybe a Dom who's able to deal with a very clingy, high-maintenance sub.  But I'm sure there's someone out there for everyone, their kink matches your kink, if you search long enough.

(in reply to subitodolce)
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RE: Are you sub because of a guilty conscience? - 7/3/2007 8:29:00 PM   
litleone8620


Posts: 3669
Joined: 6/12/2006
Status: offline 		In a way, I think it makes sense. Like this type of submissive is atoning for their sins.  They don't like the punishment (punishment isn't supposed be something you like, of course), but they feel like they deserve it.

I myself have never met anyone like that. But who am I to judge whether or not it's unhealthy. I'm sure there are those out there that think my relationships, in which I engage in impact play, get called names, etc on a regular basis unhealthy. It's just a matter of opinion.

There isn't a hidden meaning, a deeper story to my situation. I do what I do because I like it.


_____________________________

He who laughs last didn't get the joke


We have enough youth. How about a fountain of smart?

(in reply to MiladyElaine)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Are you sub because of a guilty conscience? - 7/3/2007 8:31:05 PM   
slaverosebeauty


Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MiladyElaine
... if they like being submissive and punishment because they themselves feel unworthy from past transgressions.  Like they "did their spouses wrong" by cheating and feel the need to cleanse themselves?


I am submissive because its who I am, its in my soul. Why would I cheat on my partner?? I don't cheat, thats not healthy nor is it honest. If I ever felt the desire to cheat, I am a big girl, an I would talk to my partner and say WHY I felt the need or desire and we would discuss things.  
 
As for punishment, I have yet to be punished [not to be confused with discipline], I may mentally do it for whatever reason, but from a top, not so far. In a healthy relationship punishment should be rare.
 
If I need to emotionally or mentally 'cleanse' myself, I go into as deep meditation as I can for hours on end, no cell phone, just a few candles and silence or nature sounds, clear my mind and refocus.

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to MiladyElaine)
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RE: Are you sub because of a guilty conscience? - 7/3/2007 8:36:58 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Sweeping generalities are rarely true for the entire group. Sweeping generalities are often not true for even most of the group. It will be true for some of the group.

I'm sure that there are people who are masochistic for these reasons. Whether or not is makes them submissive is debatable.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to MiladyElaine)
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RE: Are you sub because of a guilty conscience? - 7/3/2007 8:38:40 PM   
slaveish


Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline 		I am in a demanding career field, over-educated, and I have a high need for cognition. I am dominant and in control of myself, situations, and other people and their situations on a daily basis because my job demands it.

At my core, however, I am submissive and always have been. The problem was not recognizing it and once I did recognize it, having a solid and reliable and safe outlet for it. Like Celeste and subitodolce, my GOD I don't want to be in charge. I want to just DO and not think. There is a great deal of freedom and comfort in it.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Are you sub because of a guilty conscience? - 7/3/2007 8:40:27 PM   
sublimelysensual


Posts: 298
Joined: 7/25/2005
Status: offline 		This one kind of confused me as well. Though I can see the logic behind the thinking, I don't think I've ever met an s-type that identified with it. I would think if someone was looking for atonement, they'd look for it from the person they wronged, not a completely unrelated person, but stranger things have happened, I'm sure. Looking for love in all the wrong places and all that happy stuff.
 
-a

_____________________________

"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." -Simone De Beauvoir -'The Second Sex'

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)
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