Are you sub because of a guilty conscience? (Full Version)

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MiladyElaine -> Are you sub because of a guilty conscience? (7/3/2007 7:38:05 PM)

I have often wondered through conversing with various subs - male and female- if they like being submissive and punishment because they themselves feel unworthy from past transgressions.  Like they "did their spouses wrong" by cheating and feel the need to cleanse themselves?



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Are you sub because of a guilty conscience? (7/3/2007 7:40:24 PM)

Kitten is submissive becasue he was Dominant in a previous relationship and was disgusted with himself. He felt as if h were abusing the power that a clueless girl game him, rather thna honestly enjoying the relationship, and now he has gone the complete other direction.

Angel is just submissive becasue that is how he is wired. Even in his real life vanilla stuff he tends to be a follower and not a leader, so being submissive with me is second nature. At least with me, he can do so comfortably and without having t put on a front of being more than he is.

DV





MagiksSlave -> RE: Are you sub because of a guilty conscience? (7/3/2007 7:41:05 PM)

Um no!!

This theary is about as good as the "all submissives have had past abuse and that is why they are submissive" theary


Magik's slave



mistoferin -> RE: Are you sub because of a guilty conscience? (7/3/2007 7:42:49 PM)

I would suggest that it would seem a rather unhealthy motivator and a rather unhealthy way to work it out.



AquaticSub -> RE: Are you sub because of a guilty conscience? (7/3/2007 7:45:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MiladyElaine

I have often wondered through conversing with various subs - male and female- if they like being submissive and punishment because they themselves feel unworthy from past transgressions.  Like they "did their spouses wrong" by cheating and feel the need to cleanse themselves?


Oh god no. I'm submissive because I like making Valyraen's life easier. As far as the kinky stuff goes... I've been thinking about that since I first had sexual thoughts and that was a long long time ago... way before I ever had my first kiss let alone ever cheated or had anything to feel guilty over.



MiladyElaine -> RE: Are you sub because of a guilty conscience? (7/3/2007 7:52:01 PM)

DV - that's two very good examples of both kinds of submission.  I'm just saying that their ARE subs like that out there.  Is it unhealthy?  Perhaps W/we need a psychologist to tell U/us for sure.



earthycouple -> RE: Are you sub because of a guilty conscience? (7/3/2007 7:56:49 PM)

I met a "sub" like that.  I don't believe he was a sub but simply wanted to feel like he was cleansed.  I cut him away rather quickly as I have no patience or want to be that person for him or anyone. 

Robert is wonderfully submissive to me because he feels a need to serve.  He is retired military, he is a nurse (both service oriented professions) and he is my slave because we fill needs for each other.  His primary need is to serve someone who gives a damn about him, will care for his needs, and love him his life long (that's me).

In my submissive days (which I now know I was really more of a bottom), I did it because it felt right to do things that were beyond missionary sex or occasional hand cuffs.  I loved my time as a collared submissive and wouldn't trade it for anything.  I didn't repent for transgressions...I grew and learned what was fun for me.  I still bottom on occasion and love it.



AquaticSub -> RE: Are you sub because of a guilty conscience? (7/3/2007 8:03:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MiladyElaine

DV - that's two very good examples of both kinds of submission.  I'm just saying that their ARE subs like that out there.  Is it unhealthy?  Perhaps W/we need a psychologist to tell U/us for sure.


I wouldn't think it would be healthy. Regardless of if it is or not, I know that if I were a dominant, I wouldn't go near it with a ten foot pole. I don't want to be someone's whipping post for their past rage and I don't think I would want to be someone's act of atonement either.



Celeste43 -> RE: Are you sub because of a guilty conscience? (7/3/2007 8:05:03 PM)

I love bondage. I don't go for punishment and we don't have a punishment dynamic so there goes that idea. Why am I submissive? God only knows. My therapist says it's because I have huge responsibilities in day to day life and therefore it's like a mini vacation to turn problems over to him and just follow along. She's got all the fancy degrees so I'll assume she's right!



MistressNoName -> RE: Are you sub because of a guilty conscience? (7/3/2007 8:06:11 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MiladyElaine

I have often wondered through conversing with various subs - male and female- if they like being submissive and punishment because they themselves feel unworthy from past transgressions. Like they "did their spouses wrong" by cheating and feel the need to cleanse themselves?



Not again....[&o]



MagiksSlave -> RE: Are you sub because of a guilty conscience? (7/3/2007 8:06:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: MiladyElaine

I have often wondered through conversing with various subs - male and female- if they like being submissive and punishment because they themselves feel unworthy from past transgressions.  Like they "did their spouses wrong" by cheating and feel the need to cleanse themselves?


Oh god no. I'm submissive because I like making Valyraen's life easier. As far as the kinky stuff goes... I've been thinking about that since I first had sexual thoughts and that was a long long time ago... way before I ever had my first kiss let alone ever cheated or had anything to feel guilty over.


Ditto!!

Magik's slave



IrishMist -> RE: Are you sub because of a guilty conscience? (7/3/2007 8:13:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MiladyElaine

I have often wondered through conversing with various subs - male and female- if they like being submissive and punishment because they themselves feel unworthy from past transgressions.  Like they "did their spouses wrong" by cheating and feel the need to cleanse themselves?

Not in my case.

I have never heard this to tell the truth.



LaMspeach -> RE: Are you sub because of a guilty conscience? (7/3/2007 8:17:04 PM)

Not me... I am submissive because it is part of who I am.



subitodolce -> RE: Are you sub because of a guilty conscience? (7/3/2007 8:19:07 PM)

My job (and past employment) requires that I be a leader, and in charge of a very large amount of people. I am very much a natural-born leader, a problem-solver, and "management material".

But frankly, when I come home, I don't /want/ to be in charge. It is so relieving to have somebody in my life that makes some of the executive decisions. Yes, I enjoy taking care of my Sir, but when it comes down to it, I think he winds up doing more to take care of me. :-p He sees his job as my protector and caretaker above any caring I do for him.

Just because we are submissives doesn't necessarily mean that we are passive...some of us just prefer to relinquish control of one part of our lives. :-)



becca333 -> RE: Are you sub because of a guilty conscience? (7/3/2007 8:27:35 PM)

Never been abused, never had huge problems like that, don't feel the need to atone for anything.

I'm a sub because I love it, I've always been wired that way (bossy and dominant in my outside life, but even then I like to organise things so people feel good), total sub in sex and scening, proud of it and intend to stay that way.

To me, it seems that you need a fairly strong self-image to cope well with BDSM, or maybe a Dom who's able to deal with a very clingy, high-maintenance sub.  But I'm sure there's someone out there for everyone, their kink matches your kink, if you search long enough.



litleone8620 -> RE: Are you sub because of a guilty conscience? (7/3/2007 8:29:00 PM)

In a way, I think it makes sense. Like this type of submissive is atoning for their sins.  They don't like the punishment (punishment isn't supposed be something you like, of course), but they feel like they deserve it.

I myself have never met anyone like that. But who am I to judge whether or not it's unhealthy. I'm sure there are those out there that think my relationships, in which I engage in impact play, get called names, etc on a regular basis unhealthy. It's just a matter of opinion.

There isn't a hidden meaning, a deeper story to my situation. I do what I do because I like it.



slaverosebeauty -> RE: Are you sub because of a guilty conscience? (7/3/2007 8:31:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MiladyElaine
... if they like being submissive and punishment because they themselves feel unworthy from past transgressions.  Like they "did their spouses wrong" by cheating and feel the need to cleanse themselves?


I am submissive because its who I am, its in my soul. Why would I cheat on my partner?? I don't cheat, thats not healthy nor is it honest. If I ever felt the desire to cheat, I am a big girl, an I would talk to my partner and say WHY I felt the need or desire and we would discuss things.  
 
As for punishment, I have yet to be punished [not to be confused with discipline], I may mentally do it for whatever reason, but from a top, not so far. In a healthy relationship punishment should be rare.
 
If I need to emotionally or mentally 'cleanse' myself, I go into as deep meditation as I can for hours on end, no cell phone, just a few candles and silence or nature sounds, clear my mind and refocus.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Are you sub because of a guilty conscience? (7/3/2007 8:36:58 PM)

Sweeping generalities are rarely true for the entire group. Sweeping generalities are often not true for even most of the group. It will be true for some of the group.

I'm sure that there are people who are masochistic for these reasons. Whether or not is makes them submissive is debatable.

Master Fire



slaveish -> RE: Are you sub because of a guilty conscience? (7/3/2007 8:38:40 PM)

I am in a demanding career field, over-educated, and I have a high need for cognition. I am dominant and in control of myself, situations, and other people and their situations on a daily basis because my job demands it.

At my core, however, I am submissive and always have been. The problem was not recognizing it and once I did recognize it, having a solid and reliable and safe outlet for it. Like Celeste and subitodolce, my GOD I don't want to be in charge. I want to just DO and not think. There is a great deal of freedom and comfort in it.



sublimelysensual -> RE: Are you sub because of a guilty conscience? (7/3/2007 8:40:27 PM)

This one kind of confused me as well. Though I can see the logic behind the thinking, I don't think I've ever met an s-type that identified with it. I would think if someone was looking for atonement, they'd look for it from the person they wronged, not a completely unrelated person, but stranger things have happened, I'm sure. Looking for love in all the wrong places and all that happy stuff.
 
-a



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